apolian

9 months ago my girlfriend had an abortion. The decision was the right one for us.
Anyway, since then she occassionally says things like "hey if I was still pregnant I'd be showing now", etc., and the most recent one - "our baby would've been born now"... to which I find it hard to respond to.

Do you think she's having trouble moving on?
Personally I would prefer never to mention the topic.
Everytime I attempt to get her to have a proper discussion on the topic I get "it's fine, I shouldn't have mentioned it"... and then of course she makes a simlar comment a month later. This could possibly last for eternity.
I also get comments suggesting that I don't respond the way she would like, but doesn't tell me what that exactly is.

Seems like we're playing a guessing game. How do you think I should react/respond to such comments?

tec-9-7

I would consider grief-counseling for both of you. Right decision or wrong, it's a traumatic one; if you get a decent counselor, I think it would help both of you.

anleja

The woman who is now my ex had an abortion, it was actually something I didn't want her to do... This was almost 2 years ago, and it still pops in my mind things like "oh, the kid would have turned 1 about this time," etc. I can only speak for myself, but those thoughts, while sad for me, are not really getting to me too much. I avoided assigning a would-be name to the kid... I think that is not healthy in coping with this. Does she ever mention what she would imagine the name to be?

Your gf may have trouble moving on, yet at the same time perhaps she is simply struck with the realization that her life would be much different had she chosen a different path, no different than "if I didn't change jobs I wonder how much I'd be making right now" kinda thing.

Maybe you could suggest to her counseling, as tec wrote. She has obviously not moved on completely, it may take a professional to sort out her feelings regarding this. It couldn't hurt.

ngdawg

Knowing it's the right decision doesn't negate the fact that it was a potential baby and maybe guilt comes up for her at times. I have a few women in my life that have had abortions and, while they don't regret the actual decision made at the time, they do lament and back-question with what-ifs, look at others having kids and ponder their past decision.
Perhaps asking her outright if she regrets it when next she says ' our baby would be.....' would open up an honest discussion. Her passing remarks are a way of trying to open up about it-we all do it, hoping for a discussion to ensue. Sometimes though, the response given is not the one we want so we shrug it off, so in a way, it is a guessing game.

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wisj2

My younger sister had an abortion in early 1974, just months after Roe V. Wade went into effect. Dad put her in his airplane and flew her to Kansas City for the procedure as nobody in Oklahoma was doing it yet.

I thought at the time, and still think, it was the right thing for her at the time. She was a Senior in highschool, 17 years old, and the guy that got her pregnant was the sacker at the grocery store she worked in and only a Junior in school. At that time SOP for pregnant teens was to send them off to a home for unwed mothers.

I feel like I'm somewhat responsible for her decision to have an abortion. During her first trimester I took her out for a day on a Saturday, first visiting a couple of young unwed mothers who were struggling with their new lives of diapers and baby shit. Trying to make ends meet on very little income, etc. Then I took her to visit a couple of girls I knew who had undergone abortions, the last one being a Registered Nurse. They talked untill well after midnight with me outside, leaving them to their women talks.

The subject still comes up once in a while, but on the whole I think she's still happy she didn't subject herself to the life of unwed mom at age 17.

I'm a lot older now, anybody who was around in 1974 will appreciate that fact, and I've come to the conclusion that the decision for or against abortion should be between a woman, her Doctor, and her God. As a male I can't give birth and really don't think I should have much say in the matter.

I did tell my Sister I thought she should have the abortion, but that ultimately the decision was hers. That was also the attitude our parents took, I'm glad she made the decision she did.

JumpinJesus

apolian,

It's understandable that you would prefer to not have to deal with the subject, but unfortunately that won't make the feelings she's having go away. I agree with ngdawg. As painful as it may be, I think you two really need to have an honest discussion about how it's affecting you, her, and your relationship. It's the only way for either of you to truly heal and be able to move on.

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Cynthetiq

for about a decade I would wonder what would happen during Father's day after my g/f got an abortion then as we broke up... i moved on... etc.

but no... here it is.. I still wonder every once in a while...

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Ustwo

Back in college I had a fuck buddy at another school. One time I went to visit her and in the middle of messing around she breaks down in tears. Long story short she had an abortion when she was 16 (not mine, I only met her a few months prior) and at 20 it would still haunt her.

This is one of the side effects of abortion they don't tell you about if you have a conscience. Its an easy decision to make from a selfish standpoint, and almost all abortions are selfish in nature. Add to it the powerful female instinct for having/raising children, and the fact that she ended it herself and she may never get over it. She may also realize that she could have put the child up for adoption which will only make the selfish nature of the abortion sting more.

I've never had to deal with this beyond my friend, and we stopped seeing each other a few months later (unrelated to the abortion issue) so I have no idea how she is about it now.

While I'm not a big fan of counseling, in this case it may be the best thing. She may start to get even more depressed about this and even think of herself as a murderer of her own child. I would also perhaps talk to the counselor prior to her seeing them. Not only for your direct benefit to help you deal with it, but because in this case you want to make sure you find a counselor who is pro-abortion. This is just a feeling on my part, but I'd rather have a counselor who approached it from it’s a 'no big deal' stand point then a 'You are hurting because what you did you know was wrong' stand point.

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leftyderek

"Do you think she's having trouble moving on?"

I think it is not something that anyone can get over within 9 months. And as ngdawg said, a discussion would be a good way.

"I also get comments suggesting that I don't respond the way she would like, but doesn't tell me what that exactly is."

I thought she might just be wondering if you feel the same as she did- wonder 'what if...' sometimes since you said you prefer not bringing it up at all...

But at least she has opened up a little bit and talked about it sometimes. I also notice the fact that you tried to have a proper discussion with her about this, but the timing can also be important- have you tried to start the discussion right after she made those comments (e.g. when she kind of feels like talking about it?) Like, get her sit down in the couch with you, make her a cup of tea and feel relaxed and comfortable- or you can try to open up also- tell her how you feel, or tell her what you are thinking about. Opening yourself up first is always a good way to get a person opened up for you. And I think it would be better to have a discussion with her alone before going to a consellor- unless if she really, really refuses to talk about it with you. Afterall, you are the person who understands her the most, at least more than a counsellor does...

Me and my partner had no such experiences but we have talked about it on several occasions about the 'what if...'s in a really serious manner... I know it's all different when it really happens, but I'm just trying to help out.

edit: I might really sound naïve but I am really, really just trying to help out-

ratbastid

I think you need to communicate with her. You're left guessing about where she's at because you're tolerating her (very understandable, if she's upset) evasiveness. Knock that off. Say, 'No, hon, we really need to talk about this," and stick to your guns about it. Be prepared for her to open the floodgates, and you'll know when she's said all there is for her to say.

Open and honest communication is YOUR JOB. It's also hers, but she's not the one posting on TFP for advice.

abaya

Yep. It sounds like you're kinda missing her signals. Open yourself up and be willing to talk about something difficult. It's really frustrating when only one person in a relationship/friendship is willing to bring up difficult topics... it's such a relief when the other person opens up and becomes vulnerable, instead of shutting down and ignoring (not addressing) the problem. Be as vulnerable as you can, both with yourself and her... that's true intimacy, and a situation as sensitive as this one demands nothing less than that.

Hear, hear... the man knows what he's talking about.

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Acetylene

Well, for starters, get your birth control working right. Double up so your risk is infinitesmally small--use condoms AND the pill, for example. DON'T LET THIS HAPPEN AGAIN. Regardless of the moral implications, she may not be willing to have another abortion after the trauma she's received. Ask yourself whether you're ready to have a baby, and if the answer is no, then make sure it doesn't happen.

This will also help her recover by making sure she doesn't feel stress or guilt over continuing to have sex when she's already had these consequences and she fears them happening again.

Finally, keep in mind that many women will "accidentally" (subconsciously) mess up their birth control pills when they are feeling guilt over an abortion--they want a chance to do it again and make a different choice. Doubling up on birth control using a barrier or IUD will make sure this doesn't happen.

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ShaniFaye

I had one 18 years ago in July. Had that child lived it would be 18 around february, I think about that every single year. I have no regret....I was a BAD cocaine junkie back then and it was the right decision for the time....but I still...18 years later have the "what ifs".

I have no suggestions, all women are different, just be easy on her about it, because even if she DID want to do it, its still terribly emotional

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pig

apolian,

Playing off some of the earlier comments - is it correct to state that when she makes a comment about the abortion, you clam up...and when you bring it up "formerly" she doesn't want to talk about it? I think that's the whole situation - y'all need to talk about it, and either you need to be insistent on it when you approach, or you need to be receptive to the conversation when she brings it up. If her emotions about it are essentially repressed, as far as sharing them with you in concerned, she won't be able to gain closure and it will keep festering. Sometimes you just need to talk about an issue with the other people intimately involved...and my guess is, similar to the previous posters, that she will continue thinking about this off and on for the rest of her life.

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Poppinjay

If you expect to continue this relationship "for eternity", you do need to talk about it, as everybody has said.

I have a bit of a different perspective. We likely will never have kids. We've tried everything within healthy reasonability. I think probably the wistfullness we experience when we try to jump that hurdle, only to have another visit fro Aunt Flo, would be similar. Maybe not, I don't know.

If I could just suggest one thing? Keeping in mind I got my psychiatry degree from a fortune cookie... take this opportunity to think about the future with this particular woman. Do you want to create a situation where having a child will be the right thing? I realize marriage isn't right for everybody - Lord knows I didn't sucuumb until I was 33, but your GF may be looking for some kind of feedback about what the future holds for this relationship, and it sounds like she wants babies.

So, talk, and use your brains. And double wrap it in the meantime.

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abaya

Well, I don't know how long you've been together, but most guys know that when a woman says something like this (dismissing her own feelings), she means EXACTLY the opposite. If she says "Fine..." about something that's obviously bothering her, CALL HER ON IT and don't let her do anything until she talks it all out. For women, this form of reply is BAIT for conversation, and if you don't bite, she's gonna internalize it and start to resent you. With comments like that, she's asking for recognition and wondering whether or not you even care to listen and ask questions about that topic.

How did she conceive in the first place? Do you think she wanted a child, even a little bit, originally? Was it a 100% mutual decision to terminate the pregnancy, or did she waver even a little bit? Let's say she'd had to make the decision completely on her own, without your input: would she have done the same thing?

And I second... third?... the double-prevention stuff. For me and ktspktsp, I'm on the Ring AND we use condoms. As a result, I have absolutely no worries about getting pregnant. I mean, there are very small chances, but taking these precautions has made both of us feel much more secure about having sex when we're not ready for a kid (and I would never be ready for an abortion, so I'm taking all steps short of abstinence to ensure that doesn't happen).

__________________
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for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

apolian

Trust me - I won't.
She was on the pill at the time (still is), so we were pretty surprised.
I now use condoms as well.

No, I never bring it up out of the blue. She just makes those random comments. When she does, I don't know what her point is or how she's feeling emotionally. I typically say something like "do you think about that alot?", to which she starts to weave her way out of the conversation (drop the topic). Some times I have tried to push for discussion saying "there must be a problem if you keep bringing it up" to which she denies, even becoming aggressive in tone, and it just ends up becoming depressing - like we had a fight.

I've had a few relationships (so has she) & I do honestly believe that she is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. I've indicated that, and I think she knows I mean it, however -
it can be incredibly difficult getting her to open up when something bothers her. The guessing game happens alot. It creates alot of strain, & I feel like it's the one thing that could destroy us... and to be honest, I doubt I'd try to have another relationship after this.

Yeah, as mentioned above in response to Pigglet, I've tried to get her to talk to no avail.

The pill failed (most likely) because one night she was ill & threw up, and unfortunately forgot to be cautious after that.
My stance on the abortion was that I'd support her decision either way, 100%. She, from the word go wanted the abortion. It simply was too early in our relationship & too much of a financial challenge (if a possibility at all)... to which I agreed. We were even living interstate from each other at the time. If we were filthy rich, I can almost gaurantee we would have moved in together (even though it was early in our relationship), and had the baby.

Hey, thanks everyone for your replies btw.

abaya

To be honest with you Apolian, I would take offense to the tone in your responses, too. Here's what I would hear, given what you said:

"Do you think about that a lot?" translates into: "Why are you obsessing over that?... I was over it ages ago. You need to get over it."

"There must be a problem if you keep bringing it up" translates into: "You're such a problem, why do you have to keep bringing it up, since I want to forget about it?"

You see what I mean? Both approaches aren't really inviting her to share her feelings. You're basically accusing her of having issues and then shutting down her emotional response. Even though you don't mean to sound that way, that's how she's gonna hear it (as far as I know, since I've never met her before).

The key is, you said that your biggest source of confusion is not knowing how she's feeling emotionally. Have you tried just plain asking, "How do you feel when you talk about that stuff, hon?" Ask her how she's felt since the abortion, if there have been any painful times or regrets... really probe all of the possible emotional outcomes with her until she starts to agree to some of them.

Or maybe ask, "Hon, when you bring up the abortion, I feel like you want me to respond, but I'm not sure how to. Can you help me figure out what you need me to do, in order for you to feel loved right now?" I can't imagine any woman responding in a hostile manner to that approach!!

Just my opinion.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

sn33k

How often are you forced to play the guessing game? Is it only about the abortion or is she just the type to say something inciteful and then shut down?

I've been in a relationship where the other person wasn't communicative and it was hard for me because I wanted her to understand that some of the things she said, hurt me. It was a matter of respect and consideration. If the other person can't do those things, and since those things are necessary for someone like myself to feel loved, then I could only conclude that she wasn't the right person for me. Everyone deserves to be loved in the way that makes them feel loved. Make sure you are not settling for something less than you deserve because it's better to be alone than in a horrible relationship. Horrible relationships scar for life.

Being alone just fills your computer with porn.

balinksi

Its very obvious to me that she regrets getting the abortion. I think without coming out and asking you she is trying to read if you feel the same way. She is hurting and is trying to feel if you are hurting too. If you truly love this girl and feel she is the one for you, you need to initiate a talk about this by doing something subtle. Something like saying out of the blue "we would be parents" now or something to that effect. You need to somehow let her know your feelings, you need to have some remorse about it also (which I believe you do). You also need to build your relationship off of this. If as you say this girl is the one for you, you have to tell her that one day we will be married and at that point we can start a family. She is looking for hope right now and is also looking for a way to cope with this. By telling her she is the one and that everything is going to work out it will give her comfort. You need to let her know your feelings on this, I believe that is what she is looking for.

Warning: When you did hit the right cord and she does open up, expect her to get real emotional about it, she should , she is bottling up the pain inside. But she needs to get it out and you need to find a way for her to get this out. Be prepared for this and be prepared to pick up the pieces but if she is the one, this will be worth it.

I have been through this, unfortunatley it didn't work out with my situation. Not because of the abortion just because we were both young and we grew apart.

ratbastid

Bingo. You're forgetting that you're interacting with an upset person--worse, an upset woman. You've got to understand that this worst-possible-meaning translation is happening in her head, and EVERYTHING you say will be taken wrong. It's not "as if" you had a fight. In her mind, YOU HAD A FIGHT.

You're going to have to give her something of yourself before she'll be able to hear what you're saying. Next time she brings it up, say something like, "You know, I think a lot about that too."

apolian

This is probably true, which is unfair. Nothing I say is with a negative tone and if she twists what I say, then I don't see how there will be anything good I could say. I can try your suggestions, but I'm not confident the outcome will be any better.

I've done all of these things.
Also, because weddings & kids & the like require money before you can even think of going ahead with such things, I've suggested I take a 2nd job (night shift). That suggestion upset her too, because it would mean less time together. It's another thing that just makes me feel there's nothing I can do right.

Yeah our communication is definitely breaking down. It happens with other topics sometimes. It might be because of the abortion that it's becoming like this, it might be just her. It makes me wonder, but it's hard to make that call.

ratbastid

Yeah, maybe. And it might be you.

Here's the no-bullshit bottom line, bubba. Communication in the relationship is YOUR JOB, and as far as I can tell, you're not doing your job. Instead you're blaming her for the lack of communication.

It only takes ONE PERSON to cause open communication in a relationship. ONE PERSON seeing a problem and being unwilling to tolerate it anymore. ONE PERSON opening themselves up to honestly say what they're going through. You don't need her to be any particular way for you to cause open communication. You'll have open communication with her if YOU say so, and it's really not up to her.

You're not going to create open, honest communication with her by demanding it from her; communication doesn't work like that, you just shut her down when you do that. You create open, honest communication by being open and honest in YOUR communication. And so far you've demonstrated zero willingness to do that. You've brought your gripes to US, for God's sake, instead of telling her honestly what you're concerned and afraid about. And then you're SURPRISED she won't talk to YOU!?

Here's something to consider: there's one person who has been there in every single relationship you've ever had that didn't work. Any guess who I'm talking about?

We sometimes think that relationships should be 50-50, right? I say, bullshit. I say it only works if it's 100-0. If I'm giving everything I've got to it, bringing every piece of myself and my honesty and my vulnerability, and if I expect nothing at all in return.

The reason there's no communication in your relationship has NOTHING to do with her. It's ALL you. That's the good news! That means that you have it completely in your hands to have it go a different way.

You're likely to say you don't know how, but I think that's a cop-out. How you do it is, you start to tell the truth about where you're at. And I know you really don't want to do that, but don't let your fear make you go numb or stupid about it. If you want this relationship to last, be a man and TALK to her.

(By the way, if she were here, I'd say basically the same stuff to her. But she's not. That makes it your job.)

Poppinjay

ratbastid is like Dr. Laura on steroids, but without the bad Dr. Laura baggage.

Christ, you made me even re-think my beliefs in my marriage and I think we do pretty well. But what you've said is the truth. I never thought of the 50/50 versus 100-0 thing. Interesting....

__________________
I think the Apocalypse is happening all around us. We go on eating desserts and watching TV. I know I do. I wish we were more capable of sustained passion and sustained resistance. We should be screaming and what we do is gossip. -Lydia Millet

AVoiceOfReason

Wow, you nailed every part of this. The conscience is there to tell us what we're doing at the time is wrong, or that we have made a mistake.

I've been anti-abortion for decades, but after we adopted in 1997, I became even more so. Everytime I looked at the little fellow and thought he could have wound up at the landfill (figuratively speaking, lest anyone try to correct this), I just got mad and sad. I do adoption work now, and love to have the chance to put a newborn with parents that can't have any of their own, or want more. I could place two a week if I had the supply.

But that's not convenient for those that created the life. Better to just wipe it away and act like it didn't happen. Well, it DID happen, and as you said, the aftermath of that decision is not talked about as much as it should be. Selfishness has consequences.

__________________
AVOR

A Voice Of Reason, not necessarily the ONLY one.

pig

I pretty much agree with everything yon bastid said, with trivial provisions that it's got to be 100-0 from both sides or it won't work, but I think his last line kind of covers it.

As a play off abaya's conversation openers, I'd suggest just sitting down with her, no TV etc - and lead off with what you're thinking. Take all the stuff you've been saying on this board, and tell her in sentence structures that possess the thoughts. Don't start with "you tell me what you're feeling" but start with "I feel / I've been thinking..." You might feel like the responsbility is all on you, but I'll pretty much promise you'll feel better if you're a little proactive in this.

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pig

Might I respectfully suggest another thread about the ethics of abortion if there's not already another open somewhere?

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Ustwo

I think ratbastid's last post is worth a new thread in itself.

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Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host

Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.

Bill O'Rights

/me bows down to "the bastid".
DUDE!! That was fuckin' awesome.

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apolian

errr... I've had a couple of relationships prior to this. They all ended due to those girlfriends being unfaithful.

Thanks for the generally insulting post.

tecoyah

"This "genuinely nice guy" sounds like nothing more than a robot designed to cater for her highness..."

ooops....how did that get in here

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ratbastid

A wake-up call can frequently sound insulting. I apologize for your hurt feelings, and request you ACTUALLY READ AND LISTEN TO my advice.

Edit: By the way, yes I know I'm being fairly harsh with you. In part that's because I've dealt with closely related communication issues myself, and I know it takes a pretty good slap across the face to wake us up to what's really going on, and to have us start to be responsible for all of it. I really DO apologize that your feelings are hurt, but I DON'T apologize for hurting them in service of something, and I really want you to know I'm coming from love. Your feelings are the whole problem here: I say, hurt them until they stop hurting you.

Poppinjay

I wasn't gong to post... but I'll go ahead against my better judgement. Because I am really not an expert in this, but I play one on the internets!

apolian, don't be hurt, don't be offended by what you read here. What people are telling you is that YOU are 100% responsible for what goes on in your relationship. Not 78%. Not 50%. Not 2.11% So sorry that you've dated "unfaithful" women.

Been there bro. Who hasn't? What I learned is that I don't share a whole lot with people who have a readily available escape clause. It sounds like this girl doesn't want that with you. She's ::gasp:: <I>concerned</I> about what you think and cares about and she's searching to learn that.

Listen to this: Congrats. This girl is probably REALLY into you. It takes some people years to match up. You may not like it, you may think it's great. To make it go beyond the here and now takes your mouth, talking to her. Man up, and figure out where you want this to go.

__________________
I think the Apocalypse is happening all around us. We go on eating desserts and watching TV. I know I do. I wish we were more capable of sustained passion and sustained resistance. We should be screaming and what we do is gossip. -Lydia Millet

Cynthetiq

your previous relationships all ended with them being unfaithful?

then you have to ask yourself... what were they looking for that you weren't giving or contributing? what was missing from the relationship that made them seek out someone else? could it be that the communication was frustrating and that they found a friend that they could talk with, and that lead to other feelings which then lead to infidelity?

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Martian

Just another voice in the crowd with a bit of a detatched observation.

You're getting fuckin' reamed here dude. Badly. And lest you want to sulk off and think 'bunch of pricks don't know what they're talking about!' I feel like pointing out that I can say without embellishment that the people here on the Tilted Forum Project are some of the most intelligent and experienced people I have ever met. These guys do know what they're talking about. Hell, I could go all Gunny Hartmann on you too if I thought it would contribute anything at this point, but it'd be a drop in the bucket after everyone else.

You came to us for advice. We're giving it to you. Think of this as a pre-emptive suggestion to drop the ego and take it. You're the only one who can fix this and you're gonna hate yourself if you don't.

__________________
I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

analog

Yeah. Or you could've miscarried it, it could've been born with horrible defects, monkeys could have flown out of its ass at 1 year, you keep the kid rather than aborting and she kills the baby in a fit of post-partum insanity....

The point is, anything could happen. There's no way of knowing exactly what "would have been", so it's stupid and pointless to question otherwise. For her, the person actually enduring the stress, it should signal an immediate need for counseling. If not corrected early, it could fester and destroy your relationship. As it is, you're getting the "you're not as upset as I am, and therefore you just don't care, or it bothers me that you're not as upset as i am" treatment from her. This is similar to the feeling that breaks apart couples when they lose an actual child.

Get her to counseling, or it will continue for a long time, and will likely directly contribute to the end of your relationship.

kangaeru

Apolian,

ratbastid isn't insulting you, he's just being very blunt. His advice is sound. I would recommend ratbastid take his own advice and talk to Apolian in the kind of non-abrasive tone he's recommending HE use. Practice what you preach right?

Basically, Apolian, you just need to open up and be compassionate with her. Don't ask her, 'what's wrong with you, you always talk about this', but instead try to word things so she isn't raising her guard about things. Abaya's examples are pretty much exactly what you want.

Also, I semi-agree with ratbastid's post...I don't believe in the 100-0 thing. You have to be willing to give 100 percent, but so does the other person. It can't be all about you expending your energy ALL the time. Sometimes you will have to give more than the other person but...it's yin and yang, it needs to equal out in the end. At least that's the truth for me, I know I would never want to be in a 100-0 relationship.

But rb, if you want to get your point accross to help this guy, like I said, you can't go smacking him down like that. Offended people aren't productive listeners, there's lots of ways to deliver the truth.

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uptown

Even with counseling most relationships end after an abortion decision.The reason ? because on some level the couple decided that they were not ready to commit to each other strongly enough to bring the child into the world.Any way you slice or dice it, or try to rationalize it
there it is in a nutshell.Pain,grief and guilt is usually what keeps such couples together for a few weeks or maybe months afterwards but the reality eventually sinks in to the point that it cannot be denied anymore.

motdakasha

All abortions, whether it was the right thing to do or not, is going to take an emotional/mental toll on the parties involved. That she keeps mentioning it, to me, is an indicator that things aren't settled and you should do what you can to cope.

I'd recommend both of you going in for counselling sessions, not because you're abnormal, but because it's a lot easier to cope with things when there is someone who knows where you are and that you're going through things that a lot of other people have gone through.

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=^-^= motdakasha =^-^=
Just Google It.
BA Psychology & Photography
(I'm not going psychoanalyze you nor will I let you cry on my shoulder. Have a nice day.)

cptgreedle

Personally, I can't agree with abortion. It always leaves a mental scar that will never heal on the mother. If you truly researched abortion (not just the pro-choice or pro-life side) you will find that it is not such a good or nice thing.
I am not going to go into politics on this since I hate politics. And I don't want hate mail or whatever. I am just saying that it is not going to be something she will just get over. You will both live with that choice for the rest of your lives.

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Once I stopped to think, and forgot to start up again.