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Apolian,
ratbastid isn't insulting you, he's just being very blunt. His advice is sound. I would recommend ratbastid take his own advice and talk to Apolian in the kind of non-abrasive tone he's recommending HE use. Practice what you preach right?
Basically, Apolian, you just need to open up and be compassionate with her. Don't ask her, 'what's wrong with you, you always talk about this', but instead try to word things so she isn't raising her guard about things. Abaya's examples are pretty much exactly what you want.
Also, I semi-agree with ratbastid's post...I don't believe in the 100-0 thing. You have to be willing to give 100 percent, but so does the other person. It can't be all about you expending your energy ALL the time. Sometimes you will have to give more than the other person but...it's yin and yang, it needs to equal out in the end. At least that's the truth for me, I know I would never want to be in a 100-0 relationship.
But rb, if you want to get your point accross to help this guy, like I said, you can't go smacking him down like that. Offended people aren't productive listeners, there's lots of ways to deliver the truth.
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Dont be afraid to change who you are for what you could become
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