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Originally Posted by abaya
To be honest with you Apolian, I would take offense to the tone in your responses, too. Here's what I would hear, given what you said:
"Do you think about that a lot?" translates into: "Why are you obsessing over that?... I was over it ages ago. You need to get over it."
"There must be a problem if you keep bringing it up" translates into: "You're such a problem, why do you have to keep bringing it up, since I want to forget about it?"
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Bingo. You're forgetting that you're interacting with an upset person--worse, an upset woman. You've got to understand that this worst-possible-meaning translation is happening in her head, and EVERYTHING you say will be taken wrong. It's not "as if" you had a fight. In her mind, YOU HAD A FIGHT.
You're going to have to give her something of yourself before she'll be able to hear what you're saying. Next time she brings it up, say something like, "You know, I think a lot about that too."