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"Do you think she's having trouble moving on?"
I think it is not something that anyone can get over within 9 months. And as ngdawg said, a discussion would be a good way.
"I also get comments suggesting that I don't respond the way she would like, but doesn't tell me what that exactly is."
I thought she might just be wondering if you feel the same as she did- wonder 'what if...' sometimes since you said you prefer not bringing it up at all...
But at least she has opened up a little bit and talked about it sometimes. I also notice the fact that you tried to have a proper discussion with her about this, but the timing can also be important- have you tried to start the discussion right after she made those comments (e.g. when she kind of feels like talking about it?) Like, get her sit down in the couch with you, make her a cup of tea and feel relaxed and comfortable- or you can try to open up also- tell her how you feel, or tell her what you are thinking about. Opening yourself up first is always a good way to get a person opened up for you. And I think it would be better to have a discussion with her alone before going to a consellor- unless if she really, really refuses to talk about it with you. Afterall, you are the person who understands her the most, at least more than a counsellor does...
Me and my partner had no such experiences but we have talked about it on several occasions about the 'what if...'s in a really serious manner... I know it's all different when it really happens, but I'm just trying to help out.
edit: I might really sound naïve but I am really, really just trying to help out-
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