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Originally Posted by ratbastid
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Originally Posted by abaya
To be honest with you Apolian, I would take offense to the tone in your responses, too. Here's what I would hear, given what you said:
"Do you think about that a lot?" translates into: "Why are you obsessing over that?... I was over it ages ago. You need to get over it."
"There must be a problem if you keep bringing it up" translates into: "You're such a problem, why do you have to keep bringing it up, since I want to forget about it?"
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Bingo. You're forgetting that you're interacting with an upset person--worse, an upset woman. You've got to understand that this worst-possible-meaning translation is happening in her head, and EVERYTHING you say will be taken wrong. It's not "as if" you had a fight. In her mind, YOU HAD A FIGHT. |
This is probably true, which is unfair. Nothing I say is with a negative tone and if she twists what I say, then I don't see how there will be
anything good I could say. I can try your suggestions, but I'm not confident the outcome will be any better.
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Originally Posted by balinksi
If you truly love this girl and feel she is the one for you, you need to initiate a talk about this by doing something subtle. Something like saying out of the blue "we would be parents" now or something to that effect. You need to somehow let her know your feelings, you need to have some remorse about it also (which I believe you do). You also need to build your relationship off of this. If as you say this girl is the one for you, you have to tell her that one day we will be married and at that point we can start a family. She is looking for hope right now and is also looking for a way to cope with this. By telling her she is the one and that everything is going to work out it will give her comfort. You need to let her know your feelings on this, I believe that is what she is looking for.
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I've done all of these things.
Also, because weddings & kids & the like require money before you can even think of going ahead with such things, I've suggested I take a 2nd job (night shift). That suggestion upset her too, because it would mean less time together. It's another thing that just makes me feel there's nothing I can do right.
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Originally Posted by sn33k
How often are you forced to play the guessing game? Is it only about the abortion or is she just the type to say something inciteful and then shut down?
I've been in a relationship where the other person wasn't communicative and it was hard for me because I wanted her to understand that some of the things she said, hurt me. It was a matter of respect and consideration. If the other person can't do those things, and since those things are necessary for someone like myself to feel loved, then I could only conclude that she wasn't the right person for me.
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Yeah our communication is definitely breaking down. It happens with other topics sometimes. It might be because of the abortion that it's becoming like this, it might be just her. It makes me wonder, but it's hard to make that call.