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Originally Posted by apolian
It might be because of the abortion that it's becoming like this, it might be just her.
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Yeah, maybe. And it might be you.
Here's the no-bullshit bottom line, bubba. Communication in the relationship is YOUR JOB, and as far as I can tell, you're not doing your job. Instead you're blaming her for the lack of communication.
It only takes ONE PERSON to cause open communication in a relationship. ONE PERSON seeing a problem and being unwilling to tolerate it anymore. ONE PERSON opening themselves up to honestly say what they're going through. You don't need her to be any particular way for you to cause open communication. You'll have open communication with her if YOU say so, and it's really not up to her.
You're not going to create open, honest communication with her by demanding it from her; communication doesn't work like that, you just shut her down when you do that. You create open, honest communication by being open and honest in YOUR communication. And so far you've demonstrated zero willingness to do that. You've brought your gripes to US, for God's sake, instead of telling her honestly what you're concerned and afraid about. And then you're SURPRISED she won't talk to YOU!?
Here's something to consider: there's one person who has been there in every single relationship you've ever had that didn't work. Any guess who I'm talking about?
We sometimes think that relationships should be 50-50, right? I say, bullshit. I say it only works if it's 100-0. If I'm giving everything I've got to it, bringing every piece of myself and my honesty and my vulnerability, and if I expect nothing at all in return.
The reason there's no communication in your relationship has NOTHING to do with her. It's ALL you. That's the good news! That means that you have it completely in your hands to have it go a different way.
You're likely to say you don't know how, but I think that's a cop-out. How you do it is, you start to tell the truth about where you're at. And I know you really don't want to do that, but don't let your fear make you go numb or stupid about it. If you want this relationship to last, be a man and TALK to her.
(By the way, if she were here, I'd say basically the same stuff to her. But she's not. That makes it your job.)