Tophats idols are, in no particular order Charlie Pride, James K. Polk, and tennis great Michael Chang.

Daoust hates when his neighborhood watch keeps him from his nightly "tours".

Fre still plays w/ the penis bong.

and the funny thing is,he doesn't even smoke pot.

Flyman likes to sit out late at night and tell all his secrets to his horse. Sadly, the horse usually sleeps through it all.

Charlatan has a vast bug collection that he is obsessed with. His collection of thousands of insects, all have names and biographies where he keeps filed alphabetically. His favorite is a catepillar, named John Rasenback Jr., son of of the late John Rasenback Sr.

Johnny Pyro is a milkman, but not just any normal kind of milkman, nosiree!

Mr. Pyro sneaks into homes at night, steals the milk and puts it back in the cows. How he accomplishes this last act is something even too dastardly a secret to reveal.

JumpinJesus enjoys getting naked, slathering his body in milk of magnesia and then standing on his balcony screaming, "But I'm good for upset stomachs!"

Charlatan has chronic upset stomachs.

JumpinJesus tried to come to my place and do his Milk of Magnesia dance on the street outside my house... Thankfully they stopped him at the border.

the border...hehe...it shoulda been charlie...hehe...

Uncle Phil is a vegetarian. And he likes brussel sprouts.

Kramus claims he lives in an attic in Canada. It's the truth, I assure you, but besides just himself, he also keep the bodies of his victims next to him up there. Creepy, I know, but I mean look at that picture of him. Don't tell me that doesn't make your spine shiver.

shazbotus, from what i have come to understand, is one of the Gorillaz....

bettaa secretes a pheromone that attracts people with low IQ's and mullets.

Fremen still lives with his parents and at a special time every day his Mother turns the channel to his favourite TV show. When Fremen hears the theme music he drops what ever he is doing at the time and come running to the TV gleefully shouting, "Barney!!! I love you!!!"

Charlatan is actually Redlemon. He created the alter-ego to vent about politics and the government on this board without losing his job at CSIS.

Oh, and it was him that left those secret documents in the back of his car at the Leafs hockey game.

Oh, and he's a Leaf's fan.

You monster. :|

BigBen talks too much...

Expect the midnight knock on the door... CSIS takes care of its own.

Charlatan loves getting attention so much that he enoys driving like a fool and getting flipped off.

shesus is the failed experiment of 30 years worth of experimental plastic surgery.

You ever walk down the street in any city or town and see those really old smashed up blackened flattened wads of gum on the sidewalk?

bettaa does a lot of traveling and a lot of chewing.

JumpinJesus is real crazy uncle (that noone talks about) of rock 'n' roll.

Charlatan hasn't slept in over 3 months because of his addiction to TFP.

ohh_shesus is co-dependant... she has a fixation with spending all her cash on bottles of Milk of Magnesia and she can't avoid spending all her time on the TFP.

Charlatan is vigorously at work in his basement laboratory in search of the perfect recipe for Milk of Magnesia that will enable him to entice certain members of the TFP to voyage to Toronto for a private dance.

The border guards have already been bribed accordingly.

JumpinJ used to take his seat off his bicycle, grease the seat pole, and go to town.

Fremen dreams of a day when he will own all the noodz...

or maybe it was kramus...

phil hankers for the good old days of playing his 8-track tapes, while watching couples make out next to him at the drive-in.

Fremen dreams of being an 8-track in Phil's collection just so he can feel loved... is that so wrong?

Charlatan's home is filled with "Murder She Wrote" memorabilia. Its kinda creepy.

JP covets the slot that Phil sticks his 8 track into. The slot is bigger than the one that his CD player has.

Astro used his connection to Al Gore's cousin to get a free chocolate cake at KFC.

Fremen sneaks into the hershey factory at night and swims in the vats.

sirlance has to make it through each and every day being...sirlance...

phil has constant hankerin's for a hunk of cheese...

He hankers for a hunka
Slab or slice or chunka
He hankers for a hunka cheese!

Charlie likes to get on his "Bad Motor Scooter" and ride........



BAD MOTOR SCOOTER

If you get lonely on your daddy's farm
Just remember I don't live too far.
And there's a red bridge that arcs the bay, yeah
You'll be at my place in less that a day.

So get on your bad motor scooter and ride
Up over to my place and stay all night.
First thing in the morning we'll be feeling all right
Get on your bad motor scooter and ride.

Ooh, the last I seen your face
I swore that no one would take your place.
Now since you've been gone I've been feelin' bad, yeah
I'd come out to your place (but)
I'm afraid of your dad. So you...

So get on your bad motor scooter and ride
Up over to my place and stay all night.
First thing in the morning we'll be feeling all right
Get on your bad motor scooter and ride

Ride, ride, ride.
Come on baby, ooh yeah.
Crank it on up!

flyman eats a box of pink coconut snowballs every day

Lurkette has a vast collection of Furbys...

She drives Ratbastid crazy by asking him to wait in the living room while she strokes and pets them and teaches them how to evolve into loving, caring and sharing friends.

Charlatan sells his body to make money to buy himself a gold tooth with a diamond in it.

Lurkette memorizes the ingredients in Sugar Crisp cereal and tries to use those words in every day conversations...

Daoust has a family of mexicans living in his underpants drawer because he believes it will somehow keep them fresh

Fremen is a spare Mexican.

Zephyr66 is into pilfering underwear drawers to find out how fresh they are.
He keeps any spare Mexicans he finds.

charlie wiped his hands on joe's shirt after eating all those greasy, gooey ribs in the roch...

shhhhhh....

phil doesn't know what he's talking about.

Charlatan has caused a warp in the space-time continuum.

Giant Hamburger wishes he were an oscar meyer wiener

cj2112 IS an oscar meyer weiner...or is it wiener...either way, cj2112 is also a whiner...

Shazbotus sleeps with his remote controls because he is afraid space aliens will modify them so they only tune PBS.

SirLance entertains senior citizens with his off the cuff, irreverent versions of "Down By The Bay"

Daoust likes to get naked and dream of the provincial leaders of Canada accidentaly walking in on him... "Oops," he'd say. And then a pillow fight would breakout until it devolved into everyone tickling Ralph Klien until he puked...

Ah good times.

Charlatan likes to pretend he's a pillow being used in said pillow fight.

JJ once had a pillow fight with Sally Jessy Raphael. He won 2 out of 3 bouts.

Fremen is the founder of the very first, growing by the minute, and still going strong, " Pauly Shore Fan Club." Some refer to it as the PSFC. Thank you. :thumbsup:

Johnny Pyro is Pauly Shore.

Charlie don't know shit




.....so don't ask him.

Flyman likes to get baked and watch "Punky Brewster" season one on dvd. Punky power!

Johnny Pyro likes to go downtown and ask people for directions. He likes the human contact.

Charlie seasons his meat with porcupine droppings and cumin.
That's his big grilling secret. :eek:

Fremen is always willing to supply the 'cumin'.

internet porn star freaky joe here likes to wrap himself in toilet paper and have his boyfriends undue him ticket by ticket............he likes it slow eh.

Flyman is neither a fly nor a man.

Zephyr, however, is actually a fly.

shazbotus likes to double-bag it on Wednesdays, if you know what I mean.

Fremen hopes somebody does know what he means, because he sure doesn't.

Johnny Pyro regularly posts letters to the Easter Bunny.

Zephyr66 still thinks Santa Claus is real. I just don't have the heart to tell him. *SIGH*

sirlance is willing to pay REAL dollars for a pair of designer sleeper jammies...

...but only if they have the trap door...

Uncle Phil has a vast collection of "Dorothy" shoes from the Wizard of Oz. He dresses up as the Cowardly Lion and tap dances in them...

SirLance recently purloined the original pair of Ruby Slippers so phil couldn't get his mitts on them.

/me thinks fre had a "hand" in that "purloining..."

UnclePhil likes to take long walks in the forest dressed up like Hansel... He dreams that one day he will find his Gretel and they will discover the joy of getting lost and living in a house made of candy.

Sadly, all he ever gets is a cold.

Charlie often abuses himself to the tune of $50 a pop. ($150 CDN)
That's right, folks, he charges himself.

Fremen really is a moist bint...



Ok maybe that isn't such a deep, dark secret...

Charlie likes to dress up in a long gown with a tiara and sceptre and go about acting graciously towards his furniture.

this morning, sirlance couldn't get the flap unbuttoned in time...

...because Uncle Phil kept getting in the way...

Sir Lance is a really great singer. If you like Falco.

Toppy spends time at the drugstore hoping embarrassed boyfriends ask for his help picking out feminine healthcare products.

Fremen has a pet zit on his butt. He named it after Astrocloud.

Bernadette carries our love child in a grease-stained paper bag.

GH fried his kitty one Sunday morning while trying to duplicate Ben Franklin's kite/lightning experiment.
Instead of a key, he used el gatito.

tsk-tsk

yeah, and fre was right there waking him up, on his way to church...

The last time phil approached a church he heard a voice from above that said, "And ye shall sink a hole in one..."
He left right away for his nearest links, eager to do the Lord's work.

Turns out, it was his buddy, a Scottish church-sign letterer, talking to himself. :p

Fremen buys candy cigarettes and pretends to smoke.

johnny pyro is scared to light a match.

the sulphur bothers his nostrils

fly sleeps with a Raggedy Ann doll gone Goth.

Fremen likes to go into tall buildings just before lunch time, call each elevator in turn, break wind in it, and step out and send it to the top floor.

Matches? We doan need no steenking Matches!

Top likes to hang out in the subway wearing his Armani suit and his Italian shoes and ask strangers to lend him trainfare.

SirLance has a penchant for fresh boogers... only not his own. That would be gross.

charlie...i'm at a loss for freakin' words...just, just...charlie...

Uncle Phil likes to hear the horror over and over again. No sense to it.

kramus likes to put a banana in his pocket and tease the monkeys in his local zoo with the line, "I've got a banana in my pocket, and I'm not afraid to use it!"
(Or some such line.)

Fre here likes to bathe in ketchup.........

And all the while fly dips in his fries.....

And Paddyjoe films it and puts it on his website, "Ketchupfetish.com"

And J. Pyro buys a full year's subscription to it, all the while keeping his monkey poo fetish site going full jungle-boogie tilt. ;)

Funded by Fre's subscription to J's monkey poo fetish site, which he funds by tap dancing in the street outside of baseball games.

SirLance has a deep, abiding fear of bobblehead dolls.