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-   -   Reveal the previous poster's deepest, darkest secret... (https://thetfp.com/tfp/tilted-fun-zone/1289-reveal-previous-posters-deepest-darkest-secret.html)

Dawson70 08-21-2004 07:31 PM

Pan secretly controls the underworld porn industry and goes by the alias Peter-Pan

pan6467 08-21-2004 08:02 PM

The secret Dawson doesn't want released on here is..... Dawson is a closet nudist...

That's right Dawson likes to hide in the closet nude.

uncle phil 08-23-2004 12:29 PM

pan is still in the closet...

paddyjoe 08-23-2004 04:23 PM

uncle phil would be in the closet as well, but it's stuffed so full of sleeper jammies he can't fit.

Fly 08-23-2004 04:33 PM

joe is actually a closet gnome....


he skulks in the shadows of other peoples closet......and when they enter to get their sleeper jammies (phil).....he grabs his willie and screams "BANZAIIIIIIIIII"............



....scares the hell outta the freaks that hang out in their closets.......




you're messed up joe!!!!!!

paddyjoe 08-23-2004 04:43 PM

For all his other weird-ass problems, flyman actually does at times speak the truth.

pan6467 08-23-2004 07:52 PM

It makes me feel all warm when that closet gnome grabs my willie...... shows someone will....

ooo sorry these aren't self confessions....

When Paddy grows up for some reason he dreams of being in a 3some with Patty and Selma, Marge Simpson's sisters. Everyone tells him they are just cartoons. To which Paddy just drools and says," Mmmmmmmm cartoon sex.... mmmmmm"

uncle phil 08-24-2004 04:45 PM

pan drools on his pillow...with no prompting...

Fremen 08-24-2004 09:12 PM

uncle phil likes drooling men to dream of him in his Summer-weight sleeper jammies.

paddyjoe 08-25-2004 03:34 AM

Fremen happiest moments were spent drooling on the pillow next to uncle phil. How romantic!




Oooo, doubleheader baby!

Fly 08-25-2004 03:41 AM

paddyjoe seems to be rather interested in double header....dildos i guess.........


too bad for that.......don't worry joe....we still love ya'....



(keep that fuckin double header away from me though)



weirdo

ShaniFaye 08-25-2004 04:30 AM

flyman loves paddyjoe....but obviously wants the "real" thing....no fake dildo's for him!

Fremen 08-25-2004 08:51 AM

ShaniFaye uses fake dildos as nunchukas.

http://store6.yimg.com/I/firstrateknives_1769_157848

Averett 08-25-2004 09:27 AM

Fremen uses numchuks as dildos

unoaman 08-25-2004 10:43 AM

So does Averett, only she orders hers by the gross...

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v4...man/1a1211.jpg

uncle phil 08-25-2004 04:44 PM

(jeebus, that's a gross...)

uno loves that kind of stuff...

paddyjoe 08-25-2004 05:15 PM

uncle phil got caught singing love songs outside flyman's window last week.

Damn lucky he left the numchucks home.

uncle phil 08-26-2004 04:24 PM

pj hates bbq...

Fremen 08-26-2004 05:23 PM

uncle phil is really a gangsta-rapper from Bedford-Stuyvesant called uncle p-funk.
Watch it, or he'll throw down on ya!

Giant Hamburger 08-26-2004 07:31 PM

Fremen has poisonous vestigial claws on the backs of his knees.

Fly 08-26-2004 07:55 PM

the reason GH is able to levitate like that,is because he was a major player in the "Canada Arm".........he's out there as we speak....


can you hear it?

bernadette 08-26-2004 09:23 PM

flyman really hates maryjane.
he can't stand that bitch.
yet he bakes her some brownies every morning...

...go figure.

bundy 08-27-2004 01:05 AM

bernadettie spaghetti had a brief, but passionate affair with Elton John back in the late eighties.
she broke his little sequined heart when she left him for Burt Bacharach.

he went on to pen the classic song, I guess thats why they call it the blues...

bernie once told me that it was his darling little sequin yankee baseball outfit that made her go forth and seduce him... but she swears she wasn't to blame for bringing him out of the closet.

Fly 08-27-2004 04:26 AM

bundy got sir elton to come outta the closet......see elton and bundy would usually hang with paddyjoe, the closet gnome'.....over at phil's house,they'd all wait to see the newest line of sleeper jammies that phil would prance around his bedroom in.




(tell me that ain't a freakin' TRiple Whammy baby......go ahead...tell me)

paddyjoe 08-27-2004 04:32 AM

flyman's anti-hallucination treatment program down at the clinic has thus far proven unsuccesful.

uncle phil 08-27-2004 12:27 PM

only because pj keeps smuggling in those mushroom-laced GCAs...

Fremen 08-27-2004 01:50 PM

Which phil smuggles in from his across-the-sea sweatshops that are staffed and run by overly enthusiastic pygmies that like to play hide the salami with their vienna sausages. ;)

paddyjoe 08-27-2004 02:20 PM

Yes, those same Vienna sausages that were finally canned and shipped to Fremens favorite Piggly-Wiggly.

Snack time was never quite so delicious, was it Fre?

Fremen 08-27-2004 02:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by paddyjoe

Snack time was never quite so delicious, was it Fre?

Hmm-mmmm, boy howdy! ;) :D


pj likes to make a broth with his weiner and sell it at the Y.

Fly 08-29-2004 05:57 AM

Fremen likes to collect different types of wiener broths.

he makes really good soups for his buddies,and snickers the whole time they eat it.


he especially likes it when they blow on it.........to cool it down.

paddyjoe 08-29-2004 08:39 AM

Why does flyman always think photos like this:

http://img16.exs.cx/img16/2483/flys_assnewcopy1.jpg

gain him cool points.

Maybe Fremen can explain............................eh?

Fly 08-29-2004 08:41 AM

joe likes my ass so much.....that he posts it often just to see it...........




freak

uncle phil 08-30-2004 12:32 PM

in actuality, fly has two butt-cracks, but pj would never post that pic...

ngdawg 08-30-2004 05:25 PM

When Flyman posted a pic of himself with large zucchini, Unclephil had flashbacks to his days as a child on the farm. Seems his particular chore was to measure the circumference of each zucchini harvested-by dropping his trousers and....oh my, must I go on?

Fly 08-30-2004 07:21 PM

ng likes to stalk poor 'ol phil and fly here..........i'm thinkin' she's actually the chick that sits at the petro canada gas station every morning at 5 am,and tries to bum a smoke or a ride offa me......


the gall eh!!!

ngdawg 08-30-2004 08:04 PM

Fly stops at 5am every morning at the petro canada station to flash his double-crack bum and yells, "Wanna ride this, Baby? I'm smokin!!!" Unfortunately, after nights of weed and rock'n'roll, he thinks that 75 year-old man in the rocking chair is me...

Fly 08-30-2004 08:16 PM

damn..........you even got the freakin' rockin' chair right...........pretty freaky!!!!


ng,unfortunately is quite delusional.........she figures we (as in phil and I)...don't see the game that has been put forth.........we (as in phil and I).....know that she is either here(my place) or there (phil's place) with videocams,digicams,audio,....and full blow recording of our whole lives.........


*damn dear,...........can i see the tapes too?*

Fremen 08-30-2004 09:50 PM

fly anticipates ng's taping sessions by greasing himself all over with cooking spray and then rolling in chocolate sprinkles.
You all know where he gets the whipped 'cream' from to put on top, right? ;)

uncle phil 08-31-2004 12:14 PM

and fre supplies the "cherry...", if ya know what i mean...

ngdawg 08-31-2004 12:35 PM

Phil supplies the spoon....if ya know what I mean.....

uncle phil 09-01-2004 01:28 PM

ng has been known to sleep in her "cruiser," if ya know what i mean...

Fly 09-01-2004 06:16 PM

phil's main obbsession is sewing (by hand) sleeper jammies in the passenger side of his corvette.

with three dog night on the radio...........a.m. radio too i might add.

SpoilSport 09-02-2004 06:53 AM

flyman is actually addicted to smoking Chinese Cabbage then watching taped episodes of the Jackie Chan cartoons and screaming sexual innuendoes at the television in an exceedingly poor Chinese accent...

paddyjoe 09-02-2004 10:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SpoilSport
flyman is actually addicted to smoking Chinese Cabbage then watching taped episodes of the Jackie Chan cartoons and screaming sexual innuendoes at the television in an exceedingly poor Chinese accent...

Jeez...that's no secret :lol:



Really though, the only thing SpoilSport has spoiled lately, were his new suede panties.

Spoiled or soiled, take your pick.

narf! 09-02-2004 11:01 AM

Paddyjoe: Enjoys writing erotic StarWars fiction. :thumbsup:

Fremen 09-02-2004 11:25 AM

Which narf! likes to act out the parts of while wearing Spoil's soiled suede panties that flyman just finished using for a seed sorter.

Triple play! *bam!*

uncle phil 09-02-2004 12:21 PM

fre really did model the sleeper jammies in my avatar before he dressed marilyn with them...

Fremen 09-02-2004 04:15 PM

What unc. p. doesn't know is, Marilyn slipped inside with me in those extremely stretchy pair of jammies.
Good manufacturing job, phil. ;)

bundy 09-02-2004 07:28 PM

PJ told me that Fremen is also a card carrying member of Uncle Phil's Good Gay Club. not only that, but he's the Clubs secretary.
interestingly, and once again from PJ, it was Fremen's veto vote that blocked Flyman, Bernie, Munky and ngdawg from joining the club earlier this year.

Crack 09-05-2004 05:53 AM

Bundy once spilt a cold beer.
Then cried for three solid hours.

Fremen 09-05-2004 01:49 PM

crack once did the splits for three solid hours while crying in his beer...

bparker805 09-05-2004 02:03 PM

Femen spills the water of his enemies with his crisknife upon the the Arakeen sand.

uncle phil 09-07-2004 02:05 PM

bp watches fre spill that water...

ngdawg 09-08-2004 08:32 AM

Unclephil spilled the wine
He did not, however, take that pearl....

maleficent 09-08-2004 08:40 AM

ngdawg is my evil, yet much more attractive twin :)

(spend some time with us in chat - you'll see)

Giant Hamburger 09-08-2004 08:56 AM

Maleficent has a fifth chamber in her oversized heart that pumps a rare, colorless, odorless, tasteless, unreactive Xenon based gas. At this date, I am still unsure why. It requires further study.

maleficent 09-08-2004 08:59 AM

many would doubt that I had a heart to begin with... :D

Jonsgirl 09-08-2004 10:02 AM

Come on! They said reveal a secret. Everyone knows you have don't have a heart:P

http://www.christmaslibrary.ca/grinch/clipart/heart.gif

uncle phil 09-08-2004 12:53 PM

Jg wears her heart on her sleeve...

fillips 09-08-2004 04:35 PM

uncle phil wears teletubbies underwear :(

Fremen 09-08-2004 05:19 PM

fillips knows this being he's a clothes-hamper lurker-er. :eek:

Fly 09-08-2004 05:22 PM

Fre used to work at a place near the old hospital on tenth street.

his job was too empty the old clothes hampers at the local Value Village.


he even put the price tags on the used items with a stapler.

Paradise Lost 09-08-2004 07:43 PM

Flyman crucified Jesus Christ -- AFTER he was resurrected.

uncle phil 09-09-2004 12:15 PM

Paradise has the extra nail...

Fremen 09-09-2004 03:44 PM

unca p. loses it when he gets behind the wheel of his car.
By "loses it", I mean he has an involuntary organism. ;)

Fly 09-09-2004 05:33 PM

Fremen specializes in biology........he likes learning about different orgasmisms.........



yes......... i said orgasmisms.

ngdawg 09-09-2004 05:53 PM

Flyman only has organic orgasmisms

uncle phil 09-10-2004 12:37 PM

ng keeps a box of donuts next to her keyboard...

ngdawg 09-10-2004 07:26 PM

Unclephil has a large mayonaise jar under his computer desk so that his chat discussions will not be interrupted by calls of nature

(chocolate donuts, of course)

shaggs_manoa 09-13-2004 01:51 AM

ngdawg likes to spread contents of said mayo jar on her morning toast.....

uncle phil 09-13-2004 12:20 PM

shaggs likes to lick the knife...

shaggs_manoa 09-13-2004 11:49 PM

but only becuase uncle phil beat me to the jar....

uncle phil 09-14-2004 12:27 PM

shaggs tripped over the knife that he dropped...

Amarth 09-14-2004 03:31 PM

Phil forgot to take the plunger out of the toilet before he used it.

Jonsgirl 09-14-2004 05:33 PM

Amarth got the plunger from Phil and used it to "retrieve" his hampster

JumpinJesus 09-14-2004 05:48 PM

Jonsgirl hides behind large shrubbery at the zoo until closing time and spends her evenings teaching the gorillas how to flip people off.

Fly 09-14-2004 06:16 PM

Jumpin' Jesus loves you..........

Paradise Lost 09-14-2004 09:35 PM

Flyman, instead of buying weed or playing his guitar, like we are all led to
believe, actually buys presents for the elderly, and then plays in a 20s-style
Swing band every Monday evening in front of Town Hall for all the WWII vets.

Fremen 09-15-2004 12:39 AM

Paradise seared his lips while trying to perform cunnilingus on Philip J. Fry's ex-girlfriend, Radiator Girl.

uncle phil 09-15-2004 01:00 PM

fre sucked the toes and feet right off MM before he put her in her sleeper jammies and made an avatar for me...

Fly 09-16-2004 06:06 AM

phil here...........super mod and all.............still can't make avatars for himself.

he hires dudes like Fremen,to make them for him.......then he suckers him into sewing decals on his sleeper jammie collection.........for $.07 a stitch.


oh yeah.....and he's a cheap bastard too.........


.07 cents phil......wtf?

uncle phil 09-16-2004 12:20 PM

'ckin' cost of thread went up due to ivan...

fly wants me to put up the calendar avatar...

Fremen 09-16-2004 02:06 PM

phil's obsession with marilyn gets more extreme everytime he channels her spirit.
What he doesn't know is he's been getting in touch with a deceased tranny named Harilyn/Harry.

Sorry to be the one to tell you, u.p.

uncle phil 09-17-2004 12:38 PM

speakin' of...fre is still obsessin' over deborah harry...

ngdawg 09-17-2004 05:37 PM

unclephil goes out 3 times a week or more and spends quality time with a man who shows him the proper way to position his balls......

Paradise Lost 09-17-2004 06:53 PM

ngdawg video tapes unclephils encounters with the man he meets

Nancy 09-18-2004 02:56 PM

Paradise Lost has got quite the collection of My Little Pony

welshbyte 09-18-2004 03:06 PM

Nancy gets an overwhelming urge to hug a lamp post every time she passes one.

shaggs_manoa 09-18-2004 07:25 PM

welshbyte is secretly planning the violent independence movement within wales! Down with the Queen!

LeviticusMky 09-19-2004 03:46 AM

shaggs_manoa cannot survive without gamma radiation being pumped into his chamber nightly...

uncle phil 09-20-2004 01:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ngdawg
unclephil goes out 3 times a week or more and spends quality time with a man who shows him the proper way to position his balls......

yup, position them right in that 4 1/2" hole...


meanwhile, leviticus grows marigolds in a windowbox...

pig 09-20-2004 06:07 PM

phil has a fetish for the sensation of chewing on tin foil

Fly 09-20-2004 06:07 PM

phil rather enjoys playin' with his marygolds.

and well whatta ya' know.......they just happen to be in a box.

good for you uncle mystro..........*and yes i fuckin' know mystro is spelled wrong.*




*edit*




damn....that bastard pigglet is way too fast...........so the ladies say!!!!!

ngdawg 09-20-2004 07:38 PM

uh, Flyman, gotta hit the 'refresh',eh? :lol:


Flyman......shit, i got nuthin.....carry on :hmm:

Fremen 09-20-2004 08:11 PM

n-dawg tutors fly on his deportment so he doesn't say 'eh' or beer too much.
You should've heard him before n-dawg joined, he was a walkin', talkin' Canadian beer commercial.

Thanks, n-dawg. :thumbsup:

JumpinJesus 09-20-2004 08:50 PM

fremen is actually holding a gun to the head of a prostate nun, and it's a cap gun.

shaggs_manoa 09-20-2004 10:53 PM

JumpinJesus secretly wishes it wasn't a cap gun.

feelgood 09-21-2004 06:02 AM

shagg_manoa damn well knew that it was something forbidden

uncle phil 09-21-2004 12:25 PM

feelgood feels that nothing is forbidden to him...except for the "good" stuff...

pig 09-21-2004 12:39 PM

phil is probably a little irritated by jesus' comments about the prostate nuns, as phil himself is an ordained priest in the ovarian order


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