phyzix525

Ok this is some shit. We have been married for three years and have two kids and now all of sudden she wants to separate and try to figure herself out, she does not know what she wants, and by moving in with her sister she thinks that it will somehow put perspective on everything and she will be able to figure out what exactly she wants in life.

So that means that we have to split up the stuff and I will have to quit my job and get one that I won't have to work on weekends seeing as how I will have to watch them for 3 days fri sat and sun. She expects me to pay for the kids to go to day care and she can work on the weekends and go to school during the week days. As for me, I am going to have to move back in with my parents till I find a decent job and can get a place on my own.

So now that I am done ranting I want to know if anyone has ever separated and then got back together? Or does it always end in divorce?

I just can't beleive this, we hardly even fight.

Well if anyones got any suggestions.......thanks

__________________
It's hard to remember we're alive for the first time
It's hard to remember we're alive for the last time
It's hard to remember to live before you die
It's hard to remember that our lives are such a short time
It's hard to remember when it takes such a long time

Aladdin Sane

Man, you've got to give us more info. Why does she want to separate? What's been happening between you two?

__________________
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

maleficent

Sounds like you got married pretty young, and now she thinks she's missed out on all the "fun" of being single, when she was home being a mom and a wife. The grass isn't always greener, which, I am sure she will find out soon enough, but, it's probably something that she's got to figure out for herself.

Uprooting the kids is a tough situation, but kids are stronger than you think, they can take it, just don't stop loving them, and take care to not badmouth mom in front of them.

Seperation doesn't have to end in divorce, but it's best to prepare. I'd talk to a lawyer, about a custody agreement, and about child support.

Take a deep breath, and figure out what your options are right now... Why do you have to change jobs? If you have a job right now, why not work something out so that you aren't overly inconvenienced.

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doncalypso

You haven't provided too much background info concerning the status of your marriage prior to your wife dropping that bombshell on you. But assuming that everything was just fine prior to this I'd say that she's either been cheating on you with another man and can't bring herself to admit it to you or else she's found someone else that caught her attention and is trying to break things off in order to pursue something else with him.

I know my prognosis sounds extremely grim and pessimistic, but I don't see any other way someone could just one day wake up and tell you they want to separate when everything has been going relatively alright between the two of you.

__________________
Doncalypso... the one and only Haitian Sensation

CityOfAngels

Unfortunately I must agree. I have a friend, in his 40's, who was deeply in love with his wife. When she reached her sexual peak, she noticed men looking at her and she decided to act upon it. Thing is, before her hormonal revolution, she used to despise guys who looked at her like a piece of meat. Suddenly all that attention went from a con to a pro for her, but killed their relationship.

I for one cannot condone this act, but it's inevitable when it comes to women who feel deprived of a young, fun life. They reach their sexual peak and figure that they can go out and have all the sex that they missed out on when they were in high school and college. The hard thing for us guys is that it isn't hard at all for a woman to get laid; so if she's thinking of cheating on you, she probably already has.

I'm sorry, man. I'll be praying for you.

phyzix525

OK well I was hoping that I would not have to go through the long and boring story of my life so I will try and keep it short.

We met through a mutual friend and we hit it off right away, within a few months she was pregnant. She was seventeen and living with her sister who adopted her cause her mother died and her father went to jail on sexual abuse of her younger sister. So we thought about adoption first and we decided that we had a good support system and we had inherited her mother’s life insurance when she turned 18. It was about 40K we bought a car paid off another and bought a condo. We invested the rest into Williams communication stock and eventually lost it all. But that’s another story. So I had a decent job and we were both happy until I got laid off. I eventually found another job, but she had to start working. Then she gets pregnant again and I want to get a better job and I start working for a mortgage broker. I think I am going to make a killing so I bought a new house. So far so good. We move into our house and everything’s OK until the mortgage payments start taking a toll and my job which is based on commission is getting less and less stable. Things start to get worse between us. She is going to school full time and working full time and so am I, but we are barely getting things paid and we start having to use up our credit cards. Things start going from bad to worse when she stops having a sex drive after the second one was born. She gets on the shot and she dried up, we had sex maybe 10 times in a 6 month period. We have problems but we don't get into fights. She gets depressed sometimes but nothing to the point of breaking. So then comes winter when the slow time in the mortgage industry starts and I have no income for two months. We decide that the only thing that we can do is file for bankruptcy. Our condo and the house and all the credit cards were over 250K. But I though that starting over without all this debt would change things and she would be happier cause there would be less stress of having to pay the bills. But we start getting into more fights over stupid shit. She does not like the way I wash the kid’s juice cups or something like that. we hardly ever yelled before and now she is throwing shit all over the place (note: she is fillipino so they do have tempers) So I am thinking that if I take care of the house as much as possible she can concentrate on schoolwork. But she gets depressed and "unmotivated" to do anything and she says it’s my fault. I found a piece of paper that she was writing on that had some clues that she was planning on moving out. And I asked her about it and she said that she was seriously thinking about it. She wants to get away so she can do her school work and she thinks the only way she can do that is if she is not near me. As if I am some black hole that swallows all motivation and inspiration. So she thinks by doing this it will allow her to get to know herself and what she wants from life. She does not have many girlfriends and she wants to have more time to spend out with the friends that she does have. (By the way any time she ever wanted to go out I would have not problem with it and I would watch the kids. But if I ever wanted to do something like play basketball once a week she would give me all sorts of shit.) The only problem is that by moving in with her sister who also works full time and goes to school is that she is not going to have any time. I will have the kids from Thursday evening till Sunday evening, so I would have to get a job that did not work during the weekends; she won’t have them on the weekends because she is a server at a restaurant and cannot make any money by not working weekends. She is planning on paying rent and her car and insurance and utilities, but I have to pay for the day care. Which she wants to be every day M-F which I say ain't gonna happen. Just on Tues and Thurs when she is in school. But anyway no I do not think she is seeing anyone else. I don't think that she has the self confidence to do that. She is very self conscience about her breasts that deflated after pregnancy. (She wants implants) plus that fact that she has always said I was the best sex she has had. And without having much of a sex drive anymore I doubt that is the case. Although I do not rule it out.

So going through all of that and I never treated her poorly. I have tried to do my best to provide and unfortunately I have failed miserably. I just would to fail at this marriage too.

I have never been a jealous person and I keep my temper at bay most of the time, so when she laid this on me I just listen and make suggestions but did not get upset. I don't know if she was mad or relieved that I did not get enraged, but she did say "this is exactly how I thought you would respond" so I don't know what that ment. I would like to think that she is just saying this to get me to chase her or somehow show her that i will fight for her, but after today when she said she just does not like being around me and wants to get away and be herself, I have my doubts.

So again I would have to ask how much should I let her go? should it be ok if she wants to see someone else? should we continue to have sex? would we go out at all or do we just not see eachother unless she is dropping off the kids? She has said that she will go to a marriage councilour, but when I asked her today if she would fight to keep our marriage she said no, but that might change cause I really don't want to get a divorce, I just need so time.

So now I wonder just how much time is she talking. And why is it that she "does not like being around me"?

Just for the record no we did not use condoms cause she does not like them, and we tried counting days which does not really work all that well.

The funny thing is that I have sort or been expecting it and I have kinda kept myself from getting too attached, which did not work cause I know this is going to be very hard on me. I just did not think it would be so soon.

__________________
It's hard to remember we're alive for the first time
It's hard to remember we're alive for the last time
It's hard to remember to live before you die
It's hard to remember that our lives are such a short time
It's hard to remember when it takes such a long time

Flyguy

My opinion:

First of all, you shouldn't be quitting your job just so you can take care of the kids. You should keep your current job and make HER work it out (or at the very least, both of you keep your jobs and find a way to make it work) so that the kids are taken care of. It's no fair to drop this piece of shit bombshell on you and expect to have you take care of everything while she's at her sister’s house doing nothing and going out every other night after school while she knows that the kids are being conveniently taken care of. I think that she doesn't want to do the work. Maybe she really is burnt out too. I don't really have enough info to determine that. I kind of went through the same thing with my wife. She snapped in a very similar way like yours did. I really don't know what the fuck happened to make her snap like that but it all started when I hung up her clothes in the wrong direction in the closet (yes her clothes has to face a certain way when they're hung up in the closet or I'm not "respecting her needs." Women... ) after doing laundry before I went out of town for my job at the time. So I kind of know what you're going through, but without kids being involved.

I don't know about her fucking around on you, she might be, I'd just be on the lookout for warning signs. And not knowing your wife, I really can’t say what those are. Only you'd be able to determine that. Maybe she feels that she missed out on her "youth" and wasn't able to fuck everything in sight. Personally, sometimes I feel the same way your wife does. I didn't go out fucking everything in sight and I got married at 20. I'd be lying through my ass if I said it's been easy for the last 8 years we've been together. But I know one thing, her saying that she wouldn't fight for her marriage isn't a good sign. But you already knew that. Don't know if this helped you or not but at least know that you aren't alone.

The Phenomenon

Man this is a mess, but the on piece of advise I will give you is: DO NOT QUIT YOUR JOB.

Just don't. Work something out, have her also work something out. She can't just get up and leave and leave you with all the shit to sort out. Its her kids too.

DO NOT QUIT YOUR JOB!!!

phyzix525

Well get this, this morning I wake up and she is not here. She works till 2 at the bar, so I usually don't wait up for her. I woke up this morning and she is not here. I kinda freaked out thinking...well you know. I called her phone and no answer so I called her sister and she told me that she is proably with whoever it was she went out with on saturday. the day that this all started. Apperently she met someone she used to work with (a girl) and they went out on sat. then all of a sudden she realizes just how much she missed going out. So I think that has alot to do with this, she told me about all these people that hang out at this bar that she knows from school and past work. What makes me mad is that she knows I like to go out also and would like to go with. I am not a jealous person so its not like I would care if she talks to guys that are there as long as she, well you know, is not sitting in their lap or whatever.

As for her wanting to fuck anything that moves, well she was doing that before she met me, she has been sexually active since she was 13. so she has had a few more partners than I.

And my changing jobs is not that big of a deal, I want to get a job that I have been looking at for a while that does not work on weekends. Right now I am selling Homes for a new home builder here in Tulsa and its not paying what I need for as many hours that I am putting in.

Has anyone separated and then got back together, somehow worked things out? or should I just figure this is just preliminary divorce?

__________________
It's hard to remember we're alive for the first time
It's hard to remember we're alive for the last time
It's hard to remember to live before you die
It's hard to remember that our lives are such a short time
It's hard to remember when it takes such a long time

Averett

Huh?? You've been trying to keep yourself from getting too attached TO YOUR WIFE? That's just... fucked up to say it plainly.

You two both have real big problems. With yourselves and with eachother. What you need to do is sit down with her, either alone or with a counsler and have a frank and honest discussion on if you really want to make the marriage work.

__________________
Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

The Phenomenon

i cant believe I missed that in his post, and yes it is fucked up.

P -- She going out and not telling you is BS, as long as she is in this relationship with you she needs to tell when and where she is, especially since you two have children together, that need looking after.

This excuse of her "missing going out and how much fun it is" etc etc is a load of crap. A big load of crap.

The two of you are married, thats called commitment. Before she can break that commitment and start fucking all about as she wants she has to divorce you, and even then there is still the children.

Talk to your WIFE and get your shit sorted NOW, or get a divorce. Your kids don't need the vanishing mommy magic trick in their lives, it not funny, and its sure as hell not fun for them. At this point to me it looks like you need a divorce, but this is not something that I or anyone else can or should decide for you.

The two of you obvioudly, well to me, got married in less-than-ideal circumstances, ans thats looking for trouble right from the start, and something that you should never have done.

ajzdaee

Well I have been through this. Best thing is to keep your self very stable, for the kids sake. I she is wanting to party and have a good time this may not be the best thing for the children. I have one child and I have custody of him. The best thing I ever did. I was able to keep my job and life with him. I didn't do it to take him away from his mother but to keep him in a stabe home.

This will also help in the area of child support, and extra expenses such as daycare bills. So get the children in a stabe place. This can be done befor the divorce, and in just a seperation situation. Get a lawyer.

PDOUBLEOP

Dude, you're describing my ex exactly. She wants out. She wants to re-live those lost years. She doesn't want any responsibility. If she pulled an all-nighter the very same day that you talked about separating, she's had this on her mind for a while and hasn't had the guts to do anything about it. My ex did the exact same thing. I very seriously doubt that there is anything you can do about it. She wants to party but she's scared to dump you completely. I'd put her on the spot...stay or go. Either way, make it permanant. Don't let her string you along. You'll feel better in the end knowing you didn't let her fuck with you.

__________________
ef you-you effing ef

maleficent

She's an adult, you can't truly stop her from doing anything, she has to want to stay with you...

Should it be ok if she wants to see someone else? Open marriages work for some, and maybe it's something you want to explore, but, doesn't sound like it would fix the problem just further complicate it.

How you work the seperation is entirely up to you. Kids aren't stupid, they see things, I have seen what a bad breakup has done to a friends child, this little girl is going to be in therapy for a long time because the parents can't be civil to one another and they use the kid as a weapon.

Take time away from each other, then revisit hwo you both are feeling.


I'm not sure where I've heard you say that you truly do love her... How do you really feel about her? What's your heart tell you?

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phyzix525

Yeah that sounds worse then what I ment. I have had problems in the past where I get so attached that when the girl left I was so crushed I wanted to die. After that happened a couple times and I realized how big a pussy I was being I decided not to get so "attached" to someone. I don't want to get hurt like that again, and by bracing myself for something like this knowing that girls her age and in this type of situtation often tend to do things like this and I don't want it to destroy me. Which I think would happen anyway now.

UPDATE:

She got home a bit ago and was really upset. She was saying that this is not what she wanted and she was really sorry for what she was doing to me. Apparently she was out drinking with friends from work and was too drunk to drive home. so she crashed at someones house. But before she passed out she almost had sex with some new guy at work. she said they made out and she wanted to do something but could not bring herself to do it. So now I am going to have to figure out what we need, a separation? or just some marrage counciling and move back in with my parents till we get things sorted out. I hope that she is not just saying all this cause she feels bad. you know every time you get drunk you swear it the last time. I just hope that she will still want to work on us next week and the week after that and so on, ya know?

Thanks guys for listening and for your advice. Its nice to have some peeple out there that care and want to help.

__________________
It's hard to remember we're alive for the first time
It's hard to remember we're alive for the last time
It's hard to remember to live before you die
It's hard to remember that our lives are such a short time
It's hard to remember when it takes such a long time

Redlemon

If she is serious about keeping this relationship with you, I'd say she needs to quit working at that bar. It sounds like there's too much easy temptation for her there if things go even just a little bit wrong.

The Phenomenon

Man you two need to have a serious pow-wow. And yes get marriage counceling this very week and get talking in a neutral, arbitrated environment. Do it and do it now.

It would be great if the two of you and your kids can start spending the weekends together, I really think that its important that the lot of you get time together, as ewll as the two of you for alone time. Drop the kids with the grandparents or something and spend some time together.

The other thing would be some rules for the two of you like, don't go out drinking without letting the other know, don't make out with other people, don't fuck other people etc etc.

And make an ultimatum, if she makes out with another guy again, or sleeps with him, or anything like that, she's out. Then you get a divorce.

Draw the lines in the sand and stick to them for all that you are worth, and carry through the consequences.

The Phenomenon

No matter where she works, except maybe for a retirement home, there is going to be temptation. The problem in this case is not the environment, but the person. She needs to be able to resist temptation, whether she's drunk or sober.

If she can't stay faithful to him while working at that bar, she won't be able to anywhere else either. Not even in a retirement home.

phyzix525

eeeeww

__________________
It's hard to remember we're alive for the first time
It's hard to remember we're alive for the last time
It's hard to remember to live before you die
It's hard to remember that our lives are such a short time
It's hard to remember when it takes such a long time

Schwan

Strangely enough, this is exactly what happened to a couple I know. One day he moved out, saying he needs to figure things out, becasue he's not sure iof they even fit together, since they are so different. All this came after 4 years of a steady relationship. It turned out, as it usually does, that he found someone else. As grim as it may be, apparently this is what happens a lot.

KrazyKracka

I'd have to agree with what the other people are saying here... She is tempted by too much eye candy. I've seen many relationships like this (including two of my own) that all lead down the same road. She wants to see if there's "bigger and better" out there. Maybe not so much you, but it could be her life she feels as well. If she really loved you this wouldn't be an issue. I'm sorry if I sound mean, but from what you've told us, it really sounds like there isn't much hope for a happy relationship here.

Nailher

Drop her and find you someone else. She ain't worth your time and she is ho'ing around. You don't need that drama in your life...

Live life to the fullest and don't ever let anyone bring you down. Only you know what makes you happy...so be content in that and don't even think twice bout her.

Ambient1

You mentioned that after your second child, she got the shot... I'm assuming depo-provera?

Just from personal experience, that stuff is bad ju-ju. My Ex changed within a few months of getting it. She became incredibly moody, and arguments over the "small stuff" almost broke us up a few times. Her whole personality changed.

Combine that with the fact that she feels she is missing the best time of her life; tied down with 2 kids, a husband, and mounting debt.

You could salvage the relationship if you are both willing to make sacrifices. Whether or not it's worth it is up to you.

p.s. Don't quit your job until you have something better lined up.

Aladdin Sane

The kids, man! What about the kids?
Hardly a word has been said about the kids.
Your wife is not an adult. She is a child.
You two need serious counciling. If you want this marriage to last, run, don't walk, to the nearest marriage councilor.

__________________
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

pan6467

Phyzix,

I got married in Jan. we had been together exactly 1 year. After the marriage and honeymoon she was having trouble adjusting and moved out. She wanted us to work on us. I thought we were and then she decided she wanted a divorce.

That was 2 months ago. Now we date and are rekindling what we had before we got married. It's tough but from my situation I can say that the time apart has allowed both of us to see what went wrong and to work on the matters we needed to.

Now communication is so much better, the attraction has come back and the fun and love we shared is back, because we worked on our individual problems and our couple problems.

I can't say this will help you, but I am answering your question that YES, couples do get back together after seperating, as long as that is what both of them want.

When my wife moves back in will it work? Hopefully. One thing we both learned was when we lived together we had started taking each other for granted and had stopped listening to each other. So she bitched and I ignored and pushed her away.

Sometimes we need to step back see what the problem is and then tackle it. We have and we are doing quite well now.

__________________
I just love people who use the excuse "I use/do this because I LOVE the feeling/joy/happiness it brings me" and expect you to be ok with that as you watch them destroy their life blindly following. My response is, "I like to put forks in an eletrical socket, just LOVE that feeling, can't ever get enough of it, so will you let me put this copper fork in that electric socket?"

SecretMethod70

Not much advice I can give that hasn't been said, but my brother and his wife split up for a bit (more like he left her but that's another issue) and they got back together. Just another example that it can happen if both people want it and are willing to realistically assess the situation.

I strongly suggest marriage counseling.

__________________
Le temps détruit tout

"Musicians are the carriers and communicators of spirit in the most immediate sense." - Kurt Elling

Flyguy

Good for you that you were able to work it out between you two. My wife pulled shit like this on my a couple of years ago and it was stressful as fuck. If she pulled it again, I'd probably just say fuck it and let it end. I don't really want to go through that stress again.

Amarth

Sounds just like my parents. Take it easy on the kids.

pan6467

I hear ya Fly. Stress and anger were my Summer events, but we both grew.

Glad to hear you and your wife worked it out as well.

I definately agree if she ever leaves me again it is over. WE still have our ups and downs but instead of lasting days or weeks and building up, we get them out and work through them as they come up. May not be perfect, but as long as we work on it we'll be fine.

__________________
I just love people who use the excuse "I use/do this because I LOVE the feeling/joy/happiness it brings me" and expect you to be ok with that as you watch them destroy their life blindly following. My response is, "I like to put forks in an eletrical socket, just LOVE that feeling, can't ever get enough of it, so will you let me put this copper fork in that electric socket?"

ismark1

The most critical thing from my perspective is the kids, they need to be protected, as much as possible from all the games that their parents are playing which each others minds.

Can you send them away for a short time whilst you try and work it out. It can be really damaging to young minds to see the implosion of their worlds and they will take a long time to recover.

From my experience, I divorced ten years ago, constant contact and a genuine committment to them is critical regardless of how I feel about their mother (whom I hate for what she did to me). O and by the way, the kids shouldn't be a weapon that you use against your ex.

phyzix525

OK, today I think things are going a bit better. we had sex the other day and it was good. She told me that she masterbated with the vibrater that I bought her nearly a year ago and she hasn't used untill now. Which is cool, till I made the mistake of asking her what she was thinking about. And she admitted to thinking about some guy she met at work that drives a new RX8. So I am like OK well I can't be mad at her right cause I look at porn on the internet when I masterbate so no big deal right? Then later tonight I was able to get my mom to watch the kids and I went to her work to watch the Bengals game and to find out when she got off so we could do something. And she said that she was planning on going out with some friends and she acted like she did not want me to come with. so I asked what was up and she was just like "I just don't like hanging out with you at a bar, its weird. So I left and picked up the kids and went home. now I am pissed and just writing on here for some therapy. But really don't I have a right here to be a bit upset?

Also I am a bit drunk so sorry if its poorly written

__________________
It's hard to remember we're alive for the first time
It's hard to remember we're alive for the last time
It's hard to remember to live before you die
It's hard to remember that our lives are such a short time
It's hard to remember when it takes such a long time

doncalypso

No offense, man... but she's bullshitting you. She did have sex with that guy because there's no way a woman who's already considering leaving her husband and passed drunk in bed with a guy she's attracted to could say no to sex when she's been making out with him to begin with.

__________________
Doncalypso... the one and only Haitian Sensation

phyzix525

I should have made myself more clear, they were at a bar at the time. then she was taken to a freinds house cause nobody knew where she lived.

__________________
It's hard to remember we're alive for the first time
It's hard to remember we're alive for the last time
It's hard to remember to live before you die
It's hard to remember that our lives are such a short time
It's hard to remember when it takes such a long time

Flyguy

Man, I'm sorry but I gotta agree with doncal. I think she's bullshitting you too. That statement you wrote about her not wanting to hang out with you at a bar is complete bullshit in itself. A woman not wanting to go to a bar with her own husband?? Girls night out is one thing, but her shrugging you off like a bad habit is full of shit. I think she already fucked that guy that drives that RX8. She admitted to thinking about him when you two were having sex. And I'm sorry, if my wife admitted to me that she was thinking about some other guy who she has access to while we were fucking, I'd be pissed. So what if I masturbate to porn? Those girls don't work at my job and I sure as hell aint gonna have a chance to fuck their brains out. Porn is a fantasy. Real flesh and blood trying to fuck your wife behind your back isn't. Personally, she'd be out on her ass to go find her new boyfriend if I caught them doing shit like that and then lying to me about it. But that's just me.

Also you said:

"I should have made myself more clear, they were at a bar at the time. then she was taken to a freinds house cause nobody knew where she lived."

I don't think it matters whose house she went to. Did this RX8 guy end up there too? I think your wife has some growing up to do and that she doesn't know what she wants. And I know where you're coming from cause like I said before, my wife pulled the "I want to find myself" shit on me a couple of years ago.

I just read your last post again just in canse I missed something and I wonder, who are these "friends" she's going out with? Is she constantly fucking with this guy behind your back and claiming that she's going out with "friends" to keep you in the dark?

Keep an eye on her man.

Schwan

Well, you know... in a relationship both sides should have more good things coming out of it then the bad ones. What's the point of staying in a relationship, if your partner constantly makes you feel bad, or anxious? None.

Many people here have suggested marriage counselling, and to be extra carefull about the kids. All of this is very sound advice, but knowing the reality, and how some people can simply not give a fuck, I'm affraid that this relationship is done for. You should take steps right now so that you will be ready when the shit hits the fan (and I'm sure it will - soon).

PDOUBLEOP

This whole thing is like a flashback to me. 2 kids. wife worked at a bar n grill. Read my post above. Dejavu. She said she didn't sleep with him. It's weird hangin out with you at the bar. You're home with the kids. Man, everything you say is EXACTLY what happened to me. Has she started treating you more like a friend and confiding in you things that you don't really want to hear? She loves you but not sure that she's "in love" with you? Do you get the feeling that everyone at the bar thinks you're an asshole and they know something that you don't. I thought it was paranoia...turns out it wasn't.

I have to say...I'm very concerned for you.

__________________
ef you-you effing ef

phyzix525

I don't think that she has slept with the RX8 guy. His name is Joe I find out. Apparently he is just taller and older and hits on her alot. He was drunk one night and she was able to drive his car. Its her dream car and has always wanted one, so I heard all about her driveing it, but never really got good details as to how or why, just that he was too drunk to drive. As for the guy she kissed at the bar, well thats another guy altogether. She just has a thing for taller skinnier guys. I am like 5 10ish and 195, I am loosing some weight by dieting and excersizing, but I will never grow any taller. I just think that she is wanting something that she does not have.

The other day we were at the walmart and somehow we were talking about her kissing that guy and I said jokeingly "you know since you kissed that guy I should be able to kiss a girl, you know its only fair." She said that she would not care. Not cause she is sorry for doing it, but that she just wonldn't care. The biggest thing that pissed me off, is that it is near impossible to met any girls when you work selling houses all day and then come home to watch the gils, I never see anyone except for a few older people at work. So I could not cheat if i wanted to. I don't want to, but sometimes I think that if I did maybe it would wake her up a bit.

So as for last night, instead of comeing home to watch the movie that she wanted to watch, she went out with friends till all hours of the night. I was hoping that after I left the bar she would come right home.

As for her "friends" I really do think that she is going to bars, she comes home drunk and I have seen recipts from the debit card she used. I don't think that she has slept with anyone yet, she could hardly look at me when she kissed the guy the other day. I don't think that she would do it. At least I hope not.

I can't just give up on this relationship. there has to be some way of salvaging this, even just while the kids are still young.

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avhg1

I hate to say it, but you need to move on for your kids' sake! They should have a stable home with loving parents! Right now it sounds as though your wife is solely concentrating on herself. In turn, she is making you so upset that I'm sure you can't concentrate on the kids and give them the love they deserve!

I've been married for several years and we've had our ups and downs. Anytime that I feel like my love and attention is being wasted, I refocus it all on my boys. I end up spending more time with them and am much happier in the end. I think that a lot of times just being a joyful person will attract others to you. Those others could include your wife. Who knows, you could attract someone who appriciates you a lot more.

Flyguy

Man, read your last post again, preferably when sober so you can see what you're actually saying!!

She's talking about how she has a thing for other guys and talking about how she keeps kissing on one guy when she goes out to party while you're at home being responsible taking care of the kids? (That alone by the way is reason enough for me to boot her out on her ass in my opinion) Don't you see how royally fucked up that is !?!?! She want's to party all the time, party all the time, party alllllll the timmeeeeee!! Seriously, I’d be considering throwing in the towel on this one and chalk it up to experience. Either that or its ultimatum time. She's not 21 anymore, she has two children, it time to grow the fuck up!!!!

Dude, don't kid yourself, you need to confront her on this and find out what the fuck she wants. If she want's out the let her the fuck out. I wouldn't put up with shit like this especially if there's two kids involved.

She just needs to grow up.

toxic515

Woah Woah WOAH.... Serious red flags going up all over the place. Get counseling together, because you're both breaking your contract and trust with each other all over the place. Be prepared, counseling doesn't fix everything, and one person cannot repair a relationship if the other simply isn't interested. Be aware, she's NOT telling you everything. She PROBABLY doesn't want you at the bar, as it will cramp her "style". AND... if it's taller skinnier men that are an issue, losing weight on your part won't fix ANYTHING, because she has CHOSEN not to be in love with you.

Everthing that happens is the result of a CHOICE. You may choose to ignore it, or to act in any number of ways. but either way, it's a choice.

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like a banana.