VF19

whats the difference between a vagina and a penis?
a vagina is inside out

matthew330

how many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

it dosen't matter, their never going to change anything.

mojobojo

Why does a seagull only fly over the sea?


cause if it flew over the bay it'd be a bagel

mojobojo

Whats do walmart and michael jackson have in common?


Both have little boys pants half off....

heeh sorry a bad one but oh so good

tekaweni

A husband and wife are cooing over their new born baby.
"Look at the size of his todger," says the man. "It's massive!"
"Yes dear," says the woman. "But at least he's got your ears."

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If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten

gefax

Two jumper cables walk into a bar. The bartender says, "All right, I'll serve you, but don't start anything!"

edit, spelling

gefax

Why was Hellen Keller such a bad driver?

Because she was a woman!

Jeff

What did Helen Keller's mom make her do when she swore?

Wash her hands.

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For those who believe in God, most of the big questions are answered. But for those of us who can't readily accept the God formula, the big answers don't remain stone-written. We adjust to new conditions and discoveries. We are pliable. Love need not be a command or faith a dictum. I am my own God. We are here to unlearn the teachings of the church, state, and our educational system. We are here to drink beer. We are here to kill war. We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us.
--Charles Bukowski

hunnychile

Did you hear about the dyslexic, atheist, insomniac?

He stayed up all night wondering if there really was a Dog.

<budda-bing>

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"I need compassion, understanding and chocolate." - NJB

madhatter

What did one lesbian vampire say to another after sex?









See you next month

Date the Banana

A fish is swimming along and bumps his head.









Dam, he says.

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all work and no play make Date something something

Seer666

Well, let me start by saying I'm sorry for these.....

Why isn't there a white history month?
They have Presidents Day.

Why did god make shopping carts?
So woman could walk on there hind legs

What do you call a school bus full of white kids?
A Twinkie

Why do men have that little hole in the end of their dick?
So they can get oxygen to their brains.


Remember folks, I have a mind like a steel trap. Things wander in and get horrible mangled......

And with that, I will duck and cover now....

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Bad spellers of the world untie!!!

I am the one you warned me of

I seem to have misplaced the bullet with your name on it, but I have a whole box addressed to occupant.

bond007

good one!

assilem

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing. You already told her twice.

Please don't hate me. I'd never hit a woman. I heard the joke today though and I could not stop laughing.

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The mother of mankind, what time his pride
Had cast him out from Heaven, with all his host
Of rebel Angels

scotty

How many militant feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to change the light lightbulb, and one to suck my dick.




- borrowed from Drew Carey's "Dirty Jokes and Beer" - thought it was witty enough to include - made me laugh, anyway (apologies to all militant feminists or their supporters)

Slauncha Man

Awesome thread.

Q: How many cockroaches does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: No one will ever know. As soon as you turn the light on, they scatter.

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-Slauncha

eyeronic

Q. What did the distressed dyslexic rabbi say?

A. Yo.

__________________
I hold with those that favor fire.

Kllr Wolf

Did you hear about the two satillites that got married?


There wasnt much of a ceremony but the reception was great

__________________
Caffeine - the molecule of life.

omid

lol

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Kick butt buzz-cut dickheads who didn't like what I said.
The good times are killing me.
Jaws clenching tight we talked all night, oh but what the hell did we say?
The good times are killing me.

Grondar

I liked that one a lot..

Went in a totally different direction than I would have thought; nice.

__________________
"Yes, I rather like this God fellow. He's very theatrical, you know, a pestilence here, a plague there. Omnipotence. Gotta get me some of that." -Stewie

vector_1979

Two birds sitting on a perch.

One says to the other "smells of fish"!!!!

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Tip: Never do your shoe lace up in a revolving door

tekaweni

How do you know a stoner crashed at your house?

He's still there.

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If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten

Slauncha Man

Why do brides wear white?

So the dishwasher matches the fridge and the stove.

__________________
-Slauncha

Jynx

what do you find inside a clean nose?


fingerprints.

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Truth is independant of Belief.

tekaweni

Q: How does a man take a bubble bath?
A: He eats beans for dinner.

__________________
If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten

tekaweni

Clyde walks into the doctors office and sticks out his nine-inch tongue.
The nurse goes, "Ahhhhh..."

__________________
If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten

repeater

How long does it take an english woman to have a shit?

About nine months.

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When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.
-Raoul Duke

tosan

Hear about the blind seamstress?
She couldn't mend straight.

(post menopausal joke...sorry)

Kalnaur

What's the difference between a carp and a lawer?

One's a scum sucking bottom feeder. The other is a fish.

A man walks into a bar with crocodile on a leash. He asks the barkeep if they serve lawers, and the bartender say they most certainly do. So the guy orders a beer for himself, and a lawer for the croc.

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PC: Can you help me out here HK?
HK-47: I'm 98% percent sure this miniature organic meatbag wants you to help find his fellow miniature organic meatbags.
PC: And the other 2 percent?
HK-47: The other 2 percent is that he is just looking for trouble and needs to be blasted, but that might be wishful thinking on my part.

luder

why is beer better than women??


beer is ALWAYS wet !!

Mavric98

A proctologist needs to write something down and pulls out an anal thermometer, and says “Damn it!!! Some asshole has my pen.”

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"Hope is for people that don't stand a chance."

-=shikamaru=-

The head of the Log Cabin Republicans visited my school.

He told us this little anecdote (I know its not a one-liner but what the hell)...

Him: "ummmmm Dad, I'm gay."

*Pause*

Dad: "That's okay son, I still love you. Let's go watch the baseball game."

Next year...

Him: "ummmmm Dad, I'm a republican."

*Pause*

...and then he went on to say that his dad has been in therapy ever since.

__________________
DINANZI A ME NON FUOR COSE CREATE
SE NON ETTERNE, E IO ETTERNA DURO.
LASCIATE OGNE SPERANZA, VIO CH'INTRATE'.

Huang_Gai

Q: What did one tampon say to the other tampon?
A: Nothing, they were both stuck up bitches.

hosti|e

Did ya hear about the dyslexic Devil worshipper?

He sold his soul to Santa

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New Zealander and proud

eyeronic

-=shikamaru=- - Glad you got it. I hope you're not the only one. Funny story about the guy coming to your school


Huang_Gai - So wrong and yet so funny. I've been getting a lot of milage out of that one.

This is my favorite thread!!!!

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I hold with those that favor fire.

Zooksport2

Crikey.. this thread just keeps getting better, well longer anyways.

Why is the area between a womans breasts and her hips called a waist?
'Cause you could fit another pair of breasts in there....


and

whats the definition of an drunken Italian jet fighter pilot breaking the sound barrier?

"Hi, tiddly Eyetie, boom,boom.

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crovarba

Q. Why did the cat cross the road.

A. Because it was stapled to the chicken

__________________
my wibble wobble is broken

MageB420666

How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. But I've got no idea how they got in there.

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Apathy: The best outlook this side of I don't give a damn.

jimk

so a polack, a rabbi, a lesbian, a horse & 2 monkeys walk into a bar.

the bartender says, "what is this, some kinda joke?"

__________________
raw power is a guaranteed o.d.

raw power is a laughin' at you & me

-iggy

wnker85

A Flasher is walking in a park and sees two old women and exposes himself
one has a stroke the other can't reach it