All your one liners and Q&A's go here - Page 16 - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

bjambjam · 11-26-2007, 03:22 PM

Q: What do you call a midgit fortuneteller who just escaped from prison?
A: A Small Medium at Large

bjambjam · 11-30-2007, 10:41 AM

So these two cannibals are eating a clown and one says,
“Does this taste funny to you?”

abccrazy123 · 12-01-2007, 11:10 AM

Q: What is brown and sticky?

A: A stick.

Mantus · 12-11-2007, 10:06 PM

When I see a woman with a tatoo I think to myself, "there is a girl who can make dicisons she will regret for the rest of her life!"

Kaimi · 01-26-2008, 01:39 PM

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

echo5delta · 02-21-2008, 11:04 PM

How do you piss off Winnie the Pooh?

Stick two fingers in his hunny.

KellyC · 03-04-2008, 09:08 PM

Q: How do you know a joke's punch line is bad?

A: When you get a black eye from it.

RetroGunslinger · 03-26-2008, 09:49 AM

Q: What happens when you fuck a magician?
A: It disappears.

monokrome · 05-12-2008, 03:18 PM

I was chillin' in the local waffle house one day, and was rather bothered about losing my job. Discussion that subject, I spewed out this hilariously offensive phrase...

"Life's kind of a downer. It's like one day you're superman; next thing ya know you're in a wheelchair."

At least a dozen heads turned angrily. We laughed hysterically, of course.

Spiritinthesky · 07-14-2008, 11:27 AM

During their recent divorce case, the judge mentioned that Heather Mills was unstable.

Sir Paul McCartney told the court that a beer mat under the left leg usually did the trick.

Spiritinthesky · 07-30-2008, 11:49 AM

A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road."

Angelkiss · 09-22-2008, 09:57 AM

A few favorite one-liners and one full joke:

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around, do the other trees make fun of it?

A blonde had dyed her hair brown because she was tired of all the blonde jokes she got. One day she was driving down a country road when she came upon a sheep-herder guiding his flock across the road. She stopped the car and got out to speak to the sheep-herder while she waited for them to pass. The blonde asked if she could have one of the sheep and the sheep-herder said, "If you can tell me exactly how many sheep I have, you may have one." The blonde looked over the group and said, "There are 482 sheep here." The sheep-herder was amazed, "That's exactly right! Okay, I'm a man of my word, you may pick any sheep you'd like and take it." The blonde looked over the group again and carefully chose the one she liked best, then began taking it to her car. The sheep-herder stopped her and asked, "If I can guess your natural hair color, can I have my dog back?"

fresnelly · 10-01-2008, 05:09 PM

What does a woman do to her asshole 20 minutes before having spectacular sex?

Drop him off at the Golf course.

*Originally told by comedian Jeff Wayne.

tood_88 · 11-26-2008, 03:47 AM

There is only one difference between I and You, dat widout you I am incomplete.

Tully Mars · 12-20-2008, 10:27 AM

The one liner to guaranteed not to get you laid-

Why do women wear perfume and make-up?...

Because they're ugly and they stink.

QuasiMojo · 12-20-2008, 02:32 PM

A naked man wrapped from head to toe in plastic shrink wrap goes to his psychiatrist. The Dr. looks at him and says, bemused, " I can clearly see you're nuts"

pan6467 · 02-10-2009, 10:30 PM

Sex is like golf after 70 strokes on the same hole you're ready to smoke a cigar and talk politics.

Tophat665 · 02-27-2009, 02:39 PM

Q: Why does a chicken coop only have two doors?

A: If it had four, it would be a Chicken Sedan

demotivational · 03-02-2009, 02:54 PM

"Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
--Paul Rodriguez

jimk · 03-26-2009, 01:04 PM

Q. why is shit tapered?

A. so your ass doesn't slam shut!

---------- Post added at 04:04 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:50 PM ----------

Quote:

Originally Posted by rmarshall

Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a hole?

A: Doug

Any more?

Q: what do you call a man with no arms & legs lying in a field?

A: 2nd base

Polar · 05-17-2009, 08:01 PM

Two cannibals were eating a clown.

One leans over to the other and says, "Does this taste funny to you?"

Pa-dum-pum

11-30-2007, 10:41 AM	#602 (permalink)
bjambjam Upright	Two Cannibals So these two cannibals are eating a clown and one says, “Does this taste funny to you?” __________________ "Be the change you want to see in the world"

12-01-2007, 11:10 AM	#603 (permalink)
abccrazy123 Upright	Q: What is brown and sticky? Q: What is brown and sticky? A: A stick.

02-21-2008, 11:04 PM	#606 (permalink)
echo5delta Crazy Location: Swamp Lagoon, North Cackalacky	How do you piss off Winnie the Pooh? Stick two fingers in his hunny. __________________ "Peace" is when nobody's shooting. A "Just Peace" is when we get what we want. - Bill Mauldin

03-04-2008, 09:08 PM	#607 (permalink)
KellyC Comment or else!! Location: Home sweet home	Q: How do you know a joke's punch line is bad? A: When you get a black eye from it. __________________ Him: Ok, I have to ask, what do you believe? Me: Shit happens.

03-26-2008, 09:49 AM	#608 (permalink)
RetroGunslinger eats puppies and shits rainbows Location: An Area of Space Occupied by a Population, SC, USA	Q: What happens when you fuck a magician? A: It disappears. __________________ It's a rare pleasure in this world to get your mind fucked. Usually it's just foreplay. M.B. Keene

11-26-2007, 03:22 PM	#601 (permalink)
bjambjam Upright	Q: What do you call a midgit fortuneteller who just escaped from prison? A: A Small Medium at Large

12-11-2007, 10:06 PM	#604 (permalink)
Mantus lascivious	When I see a woman with a tatoo I think to myself, "there is a girl who can make dicisons she will regret for the rest of her life!"

01-26-2008, 01:39 PM	#605 (permalink)
Kaimi Crazy	Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

05-12-2008, 03:18 PM	#609 (permalink)
monokrome Upright Location: Salt Lake City, UT, USA	I was chillin' in the local waffle house one day, and was rather bothered about losing my job. Discussion that subject, I spewed out this hilariously offensive phrase... "Life's kind of a downer. It's like one day you're superman; next thing ya know you're in a wheelchair." At least a dozen heads turned angrily. We laughed hysterically, of course.

07-14-2008, 11:27 AM	#610 (permalink)
Spiritinthesky Upright	During their recent divorce case, the judge mentioned that Heather Mills was unstable. Sir Paul McCartney told the court that a beer mat under the left leg usually did the trick.

07-30-2008, 11:49 AM	#611 (permalink)
Spiritinthesky Upright	A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road."

09-22-2008, 09:57 AM	#612 (permalink)
Angelkiss Upright	A few favorite one-liners and one full joke: Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways? If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around, do the other trees make fun of it? A blonde had dyed her hair brown because she was tired of all the blonde jokes she got. One day she was driving down a country road when she came upon a sheep-herder guiding his flock across the road. She stopped the car and got out to speak to the sheep-herder while she waited for them to pass. The blonde asked if she could have one of the sheep and the sheep-herder said, "If you can tell me exactly how many sheep I have, you may have one." The blonde looked over the group and said, "There are 482 sheep here." The sheep-herder was amazed, "That's exactly right! Okay, I'm a man of my word, you may pick any sheep you'd like and take it." The blonde looked over the group again and carefully chose the one she liked best, then began taking it to her car. The sheep-herder stopped her and asked, "If I can guess your natural hair color, can I have my dog back?"

10-01-2008, 05:09 PM	#613 (permalink)
fresnelly Functionally Appropriate Location: Toronto	What does a woman do to her asshole 20 minutes before having spectacular sex? Drop him off at the Golf course. Originally told by comedian Jeff Wayne. __________________ Building an artificial intelligence that appreciates Mozart is easy. Building an A.I. that appreciates a theme restaurant is the real challenge* - Kit Roebuck - Nine Planets Without Intelligent Life

11-26-2008, 03:47 AM	#614 (permalink)
tood_88 Upright	There is only one difference between I and You, dat widout you I am incomplete.

12-20-2008, 10:27 AM	#615 (permalink)
Tully Mars Living in a Warmer Insanity Super Moderator Location: Yucatan, Mexico	The one liner to guaranteed not to get you laid- Why do women wear perfume and make-up?... Because they're ugly and they stink. __________________ I used to drink to drown my sorrows, but the damned things have learned how to swim- Frida Kahlo Vice President Starkizzer Fan Club

12-20-2008, 02:32 PM	#616 (permalink)
QuasiMojo King Knave Location: Lancaster	A naked man wrapped from head to toe in plastic shrink wrap goes to his psychiatrist. The Dr. looks at him and says, bemused, " I can clearly see you're nuts" __________________ AzAbOv ZoBeLoE

02-10-2009, 10:30 PM	#617 (permalink)
pan6467 Lennonite Priest Location: Mansfield, Ohio USA	Sex is like golf after 70 strokes on the same hole you're ready to smoke a cigar and talk politics. __________________ I just love people who use the excuse "I use/do this because I LOVE the feeling/joy/happiness it brings me" and expect you to be ok with that as you watch them destroy their life blindly following. My response is, "I like to put forks in an eletrical socket, just LOVE that feeling, can't ever get enough of it, so will you let me put this copper fork in that electric socket?"

02-27-2009, 02:39 PM	#618 (permalink)
Tophat665 Minion of the scaléd ones Location: Northeast Jesusland	Q: Why does a chicken coop only have two doors? A: If it had four, it would be a Chicken Sedan __________________ Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

03-02-2009, 02:54 PM	#619 (permalink)
demotivational Upright	"Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography." --Paul Rodriguez __________________ demotivational posters

05-17-2009, 08:01 PM	#621 (permalink)
Polar Upright	Two cannibals were eating a clown. One leans over to the other and says, "Does this taste funny to you?" Pa-dum-pum