Reese

Maybe there aren't too many repeats

Q. What does an old woman have between her breasts that a young woman doesn't?
A. A navel.

Q. Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condoms?
A. They hang around after the man leaves and talks to the woman.

Q. What's worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper?
A. Getting fingered by Captain Hook.

Q. What's the difference between love and herpes?
A. Love doesn't last forever.

Q. How do you make your girlfriend scream while having sex?
A. Call her and tell her.

Q. Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
A. He worked it out with a pencil.

Q. What is the cheapest meat?
A. Deer balls, there under a buck.

Q. What's in the toilet of the star ship enterprise?
A. The captains log.

Q. Why is air a lot like sex?
A. Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

Q. Did you hear that the new and politically correct name for "lesbian".
A. It has been changed to "vagitarian".

Q. Why does a dog lick its penis?
A. Because it can't make a fist.

Grimlok

What's the Difference Between a Woman and a Refrigerator?

The Refrigerator doesn't Fart when you take the meat out!

__________________
Your future looks very very grim!

FishKing

A skelaton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop.

A baby seal walks into a club.


Think about it for a minute

triad

Whats the difference between a woman and a computer?

A woman won't accept a 3 1/2 inch floppy...

onionmon

There are 2 cookies in a oven

cookie 1 says to cookie 2, "Do u smell something burning?"

cookie 2 says to cookie 1, "HOLY SHIT! A TALKING COOKIE!"

--------

How many ADD kids does it take to screw in a lite bulb?

wanna ride bikes?

__________________
Simmons! I want you to poison Grif's next meal!
Yes sir!

I'm Dutch-Irish...
...I'm from Iowa!

triad

This one seems sorta relivent to the latest new:

Q: Whats the diference between PMS and MCD (Mad Cow)?

A: Trick question, there is none...

FoolThemAll

Dude, you did it wrong.

How many ADHD kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

LET'S GO RIDE BIKES!!!

I like the fssssssssh one quite a bit.

I bet these are new.

Q: How many electricians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One.

Q: What's worse than finding a maggot in your apple?
A: Getting raped.

Either you love 'em or you hate 'em.

__________________
I wonder if we're stuck in Rome.

mr_mcrafe

Q: Why did the plane crash?
A: Because the pilot was a banana.

madhatter

heres a few i like...

Q: What do you call 9 parachuting lawyers?
A: Skeet!

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a mosquitto?
A: Mosquittos stop sucking when you slap them.

chemistry joke...
Q: Whats new in chemistry?
A: c over lambda

one liner
If you are not part of the solution, then you are part of the precipitate.

(sorry for anyone that took offense)

cornerpiece

Life's Rules and Observations

Gardening Rule: When weeding,
the best way to make sure you are removing a weed
and not a valuable plant is to pull on it.
If it comes out of the ground easily,
it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house
is to buy a replacement.

Never take life seriously.
Nobody gets out alive anyway.

There are two kinds of pedestrians
the quick and the dead.

Life is sexually transmitted.

An unbreakable toy is useful
for breaking other toys.

If quitters never win,
and winners never quit,
then who is the fool who said,
"Quit while you're ahead?"

Health is merely the slowest possible rate
at which one can die.

The only difference between a rut and a grave
is the depth.

Get the last word in:
Apologize.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather.
It pays no attention to criticism.

Why does a slight tax increase cost you twenty pounds
and a substantial tax cut saves you forty pence?

In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird.
Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession.
I have come to realize
that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

goateebird

Q: What's green, and is on wheels?
A: Grass. I lied about the wheels.


1-"Man, this place is covered with updawg!"
2-"What's 'updawg'?"
1-"What's up, dawg?!"


Yeah, they're really bad. But I have friends that can't stop laughing when they hear those, haha.
Yeah, I need new friends.

RenaissanceII

You know why Eskimos wash their mukluks in Tide?

'cuz it's too code out tide.

__________________
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
Anais Nin


I Wish You Well.

The_Dude

**Edited for being overly offensive.**

__________________
"Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity." - Darrel K Royal

eyeronic

**Quote edited out due to reference to offensive joke**

That's the best tasteless one on here in a long time. Truly offensive.

__________________
I hold with those that favor fire.

datroyenschwart

What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?


Neil Armstrong was the first man to WALK on the MOON...







Michael Jackson has sex with children.

__________________
Every day that I am alive is a great day. Life is filled with potential and love is everywhere.

tecoyah

what do an airplane, and a woman have in common?
cockpit

__________________
Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha

HFrankenstein

Great pickup line:

Hey baby, are you German? 'Cause I can see you attacking my Pole.

__________________
When in doubt, sauerkraut.

TerresqueÜ

Heh, these are so great.

Why don't sharks eat lawyers?

Professional courtesy

__________________
Say yes to the 'Tilted Roleplaying' Forum

http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?s=&threadid=1932&highlight=petition

FoolThemAll

That's awesome.

__________________
I wonder if we're stuck in Rome.

xim

**edited for "baby joke" content**

__________________
If I could be anyone in the world I would be Britney Spears. Shes in so many commercials about pepsi... www.ximcity.com

Latch

Stolen from Robin Williams:

A drunk guy walks up to a girl in the bar and says "Hey baby, where you from?"

She turns and yells at him "Fuck off!"

He sits there for a second.. thinks.. and says "Oh really, you're Russian?"

(hint, say "Fuck Off" fairly quickly.. it sounds russian hehe)
hehe.

datroyenschwart

Two blonds walk into a building...

You'd think one of them would have seen it.

__________________
Every day that I am alive is a great day. Life is filled with potential and love is everywhere.

uv7piy

Build a man a fire and you'll keep him warm for a night,
set a man on fire and you'll keep him warm for the rest of his life.

KellyC

Some Micheal Jackson jokes

Q: Whats the difference between Micheal Jackson and a grocery bag?
A: One is white, made of plastic and is harmful to children, the other is used to carry grocery.

Q: Did you hear what the Pope says this morning?
A: "If Micheal Jackson keep on molesting children, he'll (the Pope) have no choice but to make him (M.J) a priest!"

bada-bing!

__________________
Him: Ok, I have to ask, what do you believe?
Me: Shit happens.

monody

A three year old boy in his bath examined his testicles and asked,
"Mommy, are these my brains?"
Mom said, "Not yet, honey.

__________________
Wickedness is a myth invented by good people to explain the curious attractiveness of others.
-Oscar Wilde.

runawayfetus

have you heard the legend about the cave... i dont want to go into it

have u heard the joke about the pencil.... im not sharp on the details

have you heard the story about the rock... its too hard to tell

hah tons of ones like that.. not funny but they always make people laugh

__________________
im a huge movie goer....

bacon_masta

this guy walks into a bar....ouch

twilightfoix

what's the difference between Skittles ands men?
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skittles come in different colors.

bacon_masta

why do women like 92 yr old gynecologists?

shaky hands

bacon_masta

did you hear they caught ronald mcdonald masturbating in public?

they had to change his name to ronald mcfondled

Hellcattx

Did ya'll here the one about the plastic surgon that "hung" himself?

HYEHORSE

some good material people.

Regziever

"Hurt me," said the masochist. "No," said the sadist.

__________________
Life is shit,
Death is even worse,
So what's the point of killing yourself?
/Ignatius Camryn Paladine

GraveTaker

i got a blonde joke here:

A blonde went to bring a skirt to the drycleaners, the drycleaner said "thank you, come again" the blonde said "nope, it's juice this time."

__________________
GraveTaker

BoomTruck

What's the difference between a cow and a hamster?

Cows usually survive the branding.

__________________
Judge me all you want, but keep the verdict to yourself.

bacon_masta

how do you know it's bedtime at the neverland ranch?

the big hand is on the little one.

**michael jackson joke, if you're clueless**

GraveTaker

how do you get a nun pregnant?

Dress her up as an alter boy.

HAHAHAHAHAAHAH!!!!!!

__________________
GraveTaker

KellyC

Q:When is a "asian" girl happy to get an 'F' ?

A:When its her bra size.


(I deserve to go to hell, making fun of my own people like that..... )

__________________
Him: Ok, I have to ask, what do you believe?
Me: Shit happens.

eyeronic

The only gay rights I don't support at all...
...are the log cabin republicans.

__________________
I hold with those that favor fire.

bacon_masta

how do you get a nun pregnant?
you fuck her, how else?