LLL

Thanks for your advice all of you. It's encouraging, in a weird sort of way, that I've thought pretty much the same as all of you from one time to another.

Regarding the body shape thing, yeah it's true that you can't do a great deal about that (I'm slim and will never be especially muscular, but that doesn't bother me), but the fact is she has a really large waist, a high percent body fat and doesn't do enough exercise and that equals bad health (probably). Saying "I'm ok with your shape" feels like I'm condoning her bad lifestyle and encouraging her ill health and I just can't do that.

Still, it definitely makes sense to follow up the depression angle; I'll see how that goes.

@acetylene - 100% with you on that. Feels like sound advice to me.

ShaniFaye

Im probably going to regret replying here cause this whole thread is ticking me off but...I do have a few questions.

How tall is she? How much does she weigh? Is she on ANY medications? Was she heavy when you started dating her? (if this has been answered I missed it, all I saw was you say that you saw pictures of her when she was younger). If she was heavy and this is such a big deal for you, why did you start dating her?

Has she been to a doctor to get an extensive check up? There are many reasons we women gain weight and then cant get it off again, I know of what I speak. 3 months for me of working out 6 days a week, making more healthy choices on what I eat...grilling instead of frying, steaming veggies etc and I have managed to lose a whopping 12 pounds.

I'd love to hear her side of this

__________________
I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

Shauk

thats actually not that bad. thats still 48 pounds in a year.

keep at it. It's hard, I'm not saying this as a hoity toity weight loss expert either, but thinking long term is the best way to go.

and I don't wanna speak for the OP but i'm pretty sure he specified that she had gained the weight over the course of the relationship, which is actually kind of normal in relationships. People get comfortble, stop feeling the ned to impress thier partner, and let themselves go, which leaves them in a bad place.

the other thing is, in the short term you'll actually be "trading weight" instead of losing weight if you're working out. Muscle in place of fat, muscle is denser, weighs more, but also burns more.

you can't measure in pounds what true "success" looks like, you can measure it in how you feel and look.

little_tippler

Self-discipline. Mutual Respect. Trying Harder.

We all like to point the finger but we should look at ourselves first.

And people may change....but only so much. This goes for both of you.

I'd say if you feel this way now, after only 4 years (it may seem like a lot but...)...

I have to really be blunt, from personal experience, about it: it probably won't work out in the long-term.

Not if she's happy as is, and you're not. You can both try...but resentment will grow on both sides, almost surely.

And this doesn't mean to say I think you're shallow. People should have what they think they need or want. Just make sure you really do know what you need.

If it's not mostly rosy in the beginning, it probably will never straighten itself out. Sorry to be negative.

But good luck all the same. There are always exceptions...and we can all hope for that.

__________________
Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

Martian

First off, ditch the self-flagellation. It's not doing you any good and there's no point to it. You have your standards, and that's okay. See, this is one of those personal responsibility things. Your girlfriend is fat. Bottom line, no mincing words, that's the issue here. And barring any ongoing medical issues, being fat is her choice. A very small portion of the population has no control over this; for everyone else, it's a matter of not being willing to make the necessary changes because 'it's too haaaaard!'

Which is bullshit.

I mean, I'm all about personal liberty. She's free to live like that if she wants to. But the flip-side of the coin is personal responsibility. In other words, you can choose to do or be whatever you want, but you've gotta lie in the bed you've made. You deal with the consequences. One of the many consequences of being fat is that most guys aren't attracted to it, and that apparently includes you. If she's willing to accept that then good on her, but it raises the question of why you should have to accept her 'flaw' because she can't be arsed?

What I'd be getting from this if I were you is that your relationship just isn't worth the effort from her. She doesn't deem it important enough to get off the couch and go for a walk every day, or to cut the sweets out of her diet. That would be sending a pretty poor message to me about her opinion of me, and instead of all this crap about 'oooh, my girlfriend is fat and unattractive and I'm a bad person for noticing this' I would've been out the door a while ago.

You're not going to wake up one morning and magically discover that fat is sexy. Some people do think fat is sexy, and some people are just totally indifferent to it; clearly you don't fit into either category and you're not doing yourselves any favours trying to in order to be politically correct. See, because the other side is she's not terribly likely to wake up one morning and decide she's going to run a marathon either. It's clear at this point that she's made her choice on how she wants to live her life. Maybe she'll change someday or maybe she won't, but if you feel like gambling you'd do better to buy a few scratch tickets. They're more fun and you won't be staking your future happiness on them.

You can try telling her it's the weight or you, but don't be surprised when she doesn't pick you. If it were me I'd just skip that step.

__________________
I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

abaya

Agreed. I actually think 12 pounds is damn impressive, Shani! Whenever we started a new rowing season in college, a lot of the "openweight" women (as opposed to "lightweight," which are official categories in competitive rowing--based on a very strict weight line) usually took at least 2-3 months to BEGIN losing weight... SERIOUSLY. And they were hitting the gym hardcore, in addition to rowing 2 hours every morning. It just takes that long for the body to change fat to muscle in a way that shows up on a scale.

/threadjack, sorry... but hey, 12 pounds is nothing to sneeze at!

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

ASU2003

Birth control may effect weight or a bunch or other drugs do.

12 pounds is 42000 calories and I would agree that is a perfect maintainable and healthy weight-loss plan. You aren't doing something that you couldn't stick with.

For the OP, I would agree that you both need to give up beer (I'm not sure if you said you drank or not). It isn't fair for her to have to give up something if you keep doing it in front of her. Give up soda and high-fructose corn syrup as well, artificial sweeteners too. It will be tough for the first week to drink just water, but you will save money. You can blame the high-fructose corn syrup for most of the massive increase in obesity

Two, think of this as an engineering/physical training problem. She may not need to know your plan just now, but do physical activities 7 days a week (just start slow). Whether it is talking a walk around the neighborhood, exercising, anything that isn't sitting or sleeping. If she doesn't want to go, you have to go without her. After a week, if she doesn't go with you, it is time to say "I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who won't do stuff with me." Look up a lot more info on exercise plans on-line.

What you eat and drink will have the biggest effect on it. Drink a lot more water and natural foods. If it grows in the wild, you can eat it in it's natural state.

*(you don't just change fat into muscle, your body uses the energy stored in the fat when it doesn't have fuel readily available in the bloodstream. You body has to need to build muscle by stressing your muscles to the breaking point.)

lotsofmagnets

here´s a thought. given several members´ recent talk about their weight loss and given how damn fine they are lookin´ now i strongly suggest you get your g/f onto tfp in the next 10 minutes or less. the only conclusion i can draw is that regardless of whether you are male or female, tfp makes you hot

__________________
mother nature made the aeroplane, and the submarine sandwich, with the steady hands and dead eye of a remarkable sculptor.
she shed her mountain turning training wheels, for the convenience of the moving sidewalk, that delivers the magnetic monkey children through the mouth of impossible calendar clock, into the devil's manhole cauldron.
physics of a bicycle, isn't it remarkable?

LLL

Update:

We had a "long talk" last night and it's pretty clear she is really depressed... Her depression seems to be the cause of quite a lot of things, now we've had chance to reflect on it, so hopefully once that's sorted everything will be good again. I think it's going to be a long process, but at least we went to the gym together this morning for the first time in months.

Thanks for all your thoughts - you've all been a great help.

That's actually pretty awesome! That's a fast but healthy rate to lose weight I think.

Cynthetiq

that's great... that is ultimately the part that was missing from all this mix.

communication with the other person.

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

Martian

I object to this -- I was absolutely no help at all and damn proud of it.

If she is depressed she needs to seek treatment for that. I'm curious as to how this conclusion was arrived at, but I suppose I'll have to trust that you know how to spot the signs of clinical depression.

I still have a sneaking suspicion that It'll All End In Tears. I've been wrong before though, so who knows?

Mosquitoes never bite me, because I'm so bitter.

__________________
I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

LLL

You're right about communication, but to be more specific what I needed was insight - and that's where you lot have been so helpful. It's hard to ask someone something without knowing what the question is.

Sorry to tell you, but you were nowhere near as unhelpful as you were hoping

never1before

Okay, I have to chime in on this one, as it hits close to home in a way. When my husband and I met, I was a single mother of one that wore a size 4/6. I was in good shape, (partially courtesy of a quite physically demanding job as a pastry chef-if you think all chefs are fat like on the Food Network, you are wrong!!!), and we made a deal-I told him on our first date that I would put up with no cheating, no lying, and no drugs. His deal-breaker was...if I got fat for any reason other than medical illness. So, fast-forward to today, 6 1/2 years and almost 3 kids later. I did indeed develop a thyroid disorder that went untreated for about 6 months after our 2nd child and I did indeed gain weight. We had 2 children 11 months and 3 days apart and I stopped working and just didn't care for myself the way that I should have. Things went okay for awhile, but I noticed my husband just wasn't as "into" my body as before. After 2 years we finally had it out and he stated that I had "sorta let myself go" and it was a turn-off to him. WHOA-what a wake-up call. It hurt to hear, it still stings almost 9 months later, but, boy did I need that kick in the ass. The only downside was that I happened to be about 6 weeks pregnant at the time and really couldn't do much about weight. However, it has helped me keep my weight in check thru-out this pregnancy and in a funny way reminded me how much my wonderful husband really loves me. Would a person who didn't truly love and care for me go out on a limb and say something that they knew would hurt me and could possibly ruin a loving relationship, but that I needed to hear? I don't think so!!! So, to make a long post short, I believe that it will hurt your girlfriend to hear it, I believe it will hurt you to say it, but I believe that you both need this issue out in the open. Those who posit that "true love" isn't based on looks are crazy. Looks and attraction, while being VERY personal, are very important to any intimate relationship. Denying that is foolish. If you do truly love her and care about HER well-being and health and quality of life, then by all means tell her your feelings, but do it in a gentle, loving, kind, direct way.

__________________
As the French are fond of saying, "Il faut souffrir pour etre belle".

LLL

Hmm... I think we should've had a deal like that! :-D

This story is good. I think I'll use it as an anecdote if you don't mind.

cmc

I hope I'm NOT sent to hell - but I just can't get Weird Al's Song out of my head -- hope this helps - but how ?

Artist: WEIRD AL YANKOVIC Song:
Fat Album: EVEN WORSE(1988)

Your butt is wide, well mine is too
Just watch your mouth or I'll sit on you
The word is out, better treat me right
'Cause I'm the king of cellulite
Ham on, ham on, ham on whole wheat, all right

My zippers bust, my buckles break
I'm too much man for you to take
The pavement cracks when I fall down
I've got more chins than Chinatown

Well, I've never used a phone booth
And I've never seen my toes
When I'm goin' to the movies
I take up seven rows

Because I'm fat, I'm fat, come on
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, come on you know
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
Don'tcha call me pudgy, portly or stout ..

Just now tell me once again who's fat

When I walk out to get my mail
It measures on the Richter scale
Down at the beach I'm a lucky man
I'm the only one who gets a tan
If I have one more pie a la mode
I'm gonna need my own zip code

When you're only having seconds
I'm having twenty-thirds
When I go to get my shoes shined
I gotta take their word

Because I'm fat, I'm fat, sha mone
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it you know
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
And my shadow weighs forty-two pounds
Lemme tell you once again who's fat

If you see me comin' your way
Better give me plenty space
If I tell you that I'm hungry
Then won't you feed my face

Because I'm fat, I'm fat, come on
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it, you know
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
Woo woo woo, when I sit around the house
I really sit around the house

You know I'm fat, I'm fat, come on
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it, you know it
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know, you know, you know, come on
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
And you know all by myself I'm a crowd
Lemme tell you once again

You know I'm huge, I'm fat, you know it
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, you know, hoo
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it, you know
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
And the whole world knows I'm fat and I'm proud
Just tell me once again who's fat ...

Jinn

To the OP, keep in mind that this is an issue you will get completely different advice from men and women on. It is an incredibly sensitive issue for women.

I've had the pleasant surprise of talking to a few women about weight who didn't it personally, but they were by far the exception rather than the rule. I appreciate that the TFP women who have posted thus far have managed to keep it civil.

For my advice? You absolutely have to tell her or leave. Those are the only two feasible options.

The flip side, of course, if that you have to be willing to held to the same standard as her.

__________________
"I'm typing on a computer of science, which is being sent by science wires to a little science server where you can access it. I'm not typing on a computer of philosophy or religion or whatever other thing you think can be used to understand the universe because they're a poor substitute in the role of understanding the universe which exists independent from ourselves." - Willravel

high_jinx

One thing i haven't seen brought up in this thread is male/female tendencies in relationships... what fullfills them and what their needs are.

for most girls it's about attention.... feeling valued, listened to, and appreciated. of course a girl can get turned on by a hot guy, but especially in a longterm relatioship, it's most about their emotional fullfillment, and they just don't need that physical visual attraction quite as much as guys do.

what guys tend to want most is affection. this can be attained from emotional things like being appreciated and listened to.... but even more its source comes from sexuality and physical contact... and there's a very strong visual element to this, so they're much more driven by physical appearance when it comes to being turned on.

so every guy has to draw the line somewhere personal for themselves, and if she's crossed yours, don't feel guilty demanding she get back on the other side of the line, and don't feel guilty moving on if you have to.

__________________
-my phobia drowned while i was gettin down.

Morel

boink

I think it'd help to have some numbers here....

say, she's 5'5" tall and 160lbs...I'd tend to think it's your problem
but if she's 5'5" and 250-300lbs it's a health issue.

don't mean to be crass about it. my gf has gained about 20 lbs since we met. my problem w/ her is she's batshit crazy.

__________________
when you believe in things that you don't understand, then you suffer. Superstition ain't the way.

ShaniFaye

boink I already asked for the numbers and unless I missed it, I never got a reply

__________________
I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

Makia

Interesting coincidence--I came across this article the other day:
http://msn.match.com/msn/article.asp...id=6&GT1=26000

What's even funnier is that just about all of the advice in it was the same stuff that people here said.

Gabbyness

Touche, touche.

__________________
One, two, three, four, fiiiiiiiifth.

Jinn

Unless she's a rather muscular 5'5" woman, 160 is still overweight.

__________________
"I'm typing on a computer of science, which is being sent by science wires to a little science server where you can access it. I'm not typing on a computer of philosophy or religion or whatever other thing you think can be used to understand the universe because they're a poor substitute in the role of understanding the universe which exists independent from ourselves." - Willravel

Shaindra

Actually 160 is only a few pounds outside of the normal range for a woman that height.

__________________
"Never regret something that once made you smile."

LoganSnake

I knew a girl in high school who was 5'7 and 170 lbs. She was built like a brick shithouse, but not muscular. Soft in spots, but my jaw hit the floor when she told me her weight. I wouldn't have given her anything over 120.

__________________
Maturity is knowing you were an idiot in the past. Wisdom is knowing that you'll be an idiot in the future. Common sense is knowing that you should try not to be an idiot now. - J. Jacques

Destrox

While I don't have a ton to add to this, but I do feel that those who say things along the lines of "Looks shouldn't matter in a relationship" are so full of shit.

I'd be willing to bet 90% or more relationships are started due to a initial physical attraction. That attraction that led you to that individual just does not disappear when you fall in love. If it goes away, so does part of the love.

But the love is what helps you try to bring that attraction back.

Being fat is *most* of the time a choice. A choice that is unfair to the other person.

Talking solves problems, actions solves problems, being nice and holding your tongue because you should love them no matter what does jack shit.

I'm glad you've worked into the next step of many for your solution. Just don't give up until you've tried everything, or worst cheat on her.

__________________
You bore me.... next.

Makia

That's the thing--some people weigh a lot more than they look, and some a lot less, due to bone structure, muscle structure, body types, etc., not to mention that everyone's perception of what "looks" or "sounds" overweight is different.

So it's not as cut-and-dry as only knowing someone's height and weight. (of course, there are extreme cases where it would be obvious, but I'm just pointing out that it's not as simple as some people think).

Kurant

My situation is slightly different, but close enough I suppose.

My current wife was absolutely drop dead hot when I met her, she put on a few pounds after we got married, but was still just as beautiful, and frankly, I like thicker women, curvier hips that sort of this. After our baby was born we both put on a little bit of weight, to the point where I was unhealthy, and I was having back problems. We agreed to both help each other, and work at it together. After about 2 months, we had both lost about 20 pounds, and she just stopped. But I kept going and this was almost 2 years ago. I lost a total of 88 pounds, and have a flat stomach, in the best shape of my life at 30. I had the extra skin removed from my stomach and chest.. I continue to work hard to stay that way. But she didn't, she's done nothing, and she put back on everything she lost, and even gained some more.

Well, I'm a firm believer that just because you get married, you should never get comfortable, and take your partner for granted. You shouldn't just assume because your married, he finds you attractive. I'm sorry, but a huge part of any relationship is being attracted to your mate. On a mental level, that's never been a problem but physically, she just doesn't do it for me anymore.

Call me shallow, whatever you want, but 80% of these people who say that shouldn't matter, are completely full of shit. Most relationships start on a basis of looks anyway, why did it matter then, and it shouldn't now? Why did you ALWAYS try to look your best for that person, and now that doesn't matter?

It should matter, and it does matter.

Now, we are separated, and I've met the most incredible woman I've ever met in my life - and while I absolutely adore this woman, I can't commit myself to her. She's become my absolute best friend in the world. But, my heart still lies at home with my wife - I miss her everyday, I miss my family everyday, I've cried myself to sleep like a baby, but she has no interest in improving herself, for herself, or for me, and as much as it pains me, our papers are in the courts as we speak.

Gabbyness

Wow Kurant, that is a terribly sad story, but it goes to show you that you really can't change how you feel. I'm very sorry to see that it had to end that way for you!

__________________
One, two, three, four, fiiiiiiiifth.

Starshine

I second that statement, I take it and it's a terrific motivator and I did lose weight.

__________________
I fly like paper, get high like planes

Self

I'll say up front that I haven't read through the thread, but I am in the exact same predicament as the OP, except we've been together for almost ten years, not five.

What I've done up to this point is reconfigure what I find attractive. I would prefer she lose weight, but I've been fairly successful at programming myself to find heavier women attractive, even to the point where I find myself giving hot, skinny chicks dirty looks, like, "ugh, way too skinny."

I've moved from being a breasts man to being an ass man; and just in general my taste in women's bodies has dramatically shifted toward "thick." A women that weighs less than 140 pounds just doesn't do it for me anymore (unless she's 5-6 or shorter).

Point being, I suppose, is that it is possible to control and manipulate what you find physically appealing. I'd still prefer if my gf lost weight (some 20-30 pounds would be nice), but I don't find her repulsive in the least - I've literally cultivated a preference for heavy girls that I never had before.

LLL

UPDATE

So, it's been a couple of weeks since I posted here and you lot gave your awesome and varied responses.

I can't remember the circumstances exactly, but we ended up having a "big discussion" about stuff. We covered all sorts of things, but mainly how she was depressed and how that wasn't helping her be motivated about anything - including losing weight.

That conversation was definitely a watershed moment; not only has it made us a lot closer, but also we've both been going to the gym (willingly!) almost every day. There's still a lot of issues to resolve, but we're both very motivated to solve them and - most importantly - solve them together. We are a lot happier now, and things are looking good; I'll keep you posted.

--- About the "fat" issue ---

Quite a few of you wanted to know how heavy she is and what her dimensions are. I chose not to reveal them because I didn't want a debate about what is "fat" and what isn't; in terms of % body fat, she is "obese" and that's all you need to know. It turns out hiding that this information was probably a good idea, as some of you have a radically different idea of what is overweight and what isn't, e.g.:

In the UK, 160lbs for someone who's 5'5" is classed as "morbidly obese"... I can't even imagine what you'd call 300lbs (about 150kg); that's about ¼ the weight of my first car!!! I mean no offense by this, it's just that I cannot comprehend how you could think it's my problem when you quote those figures.
Furthermore, it's not just her weight that was the issue; her body tends to concentrate extra weight at her waist (she's "apple" shaped) and that has been proven to be associated with long-term health problems.

Self

Much rather have apple than pear.

boink

hey, no offense intended by what I said...I was only trying to get an idea of what your talking about...and honestly since I'm no Dr. and have no experience judging peoples weight if you had posted some sort of ballpark figures I'm not too shure that'd mean anything to me anyway.

but it may have been useful info for somebody else replying who does have some knowledge about it.

either way it's great bolth of you have been able to get your feelings out on the table and take some positive action about it. good luck with it !

__________________
when you believe in things that you don't understand, then you suffer. Superstition ain't the way.

Jinn

You're wrong. I'm no longer on your side if you think someone 5'5" and 160 lbs is morbidly obese. Overweight, sure, but not even close to obese. Perhaps you're thinking kilos?

__________________
"I'm typing on a computer of science, which is being sent by science wires to a little science server where you can access it. I'm not typing on a computer of philosophy or religion or whatever other thing you think can be used to understand the universe because they're a poor substitute in the role of understanding the universe which exists independent from ourselves." - Willravel

LLL

@boink - no offense taken; sorry for singling you out

Lesson of this story: a) communicate b) work out what to communicate about by asking the people of this forum!

160lbs is approx 80kg, in my girlf's case her body shape (most fat in the middle, less on the bum and thighs) would give her a percent body fat of between 35 and 40% (linear guess from her real dimensions). Is that healthy? Not according to every source I've checked on the web it's not. 160kg would be unimaginable on someone that size. In fairness I did exaggerate a bit by using the word "morbid". More info here and elsewhere:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_fat_percentage

These figures vary by about 5% from country to country - in the UK, 30% and 32% seem to be the upper limits.

Didn't I mention body shape already? You can't possibly go by weight only, and since she's had both IR and caliper methods I put some authority on those numbers (i.e. doctor and gym trainer) rather than guessing across the web.

Also, if you look above you'll see that my main problem was not how she looked (although that does matter, for sure) but rather than she wasn't motivated to do anything about it despite knowing it's unhealthy for her.

Not sure this adds anything to the main issues of the post, but I think it's good to try to get my case across if we're going to start debating what's healthy and what isn't.

lotsofmagnets

nice to hear things are getting on track

keep us posted

__________________
mother nature made the aeroplane, and the submarine sandwich, with the steady hands and dead eye of a remarkable sculptor.
she shed her mountain turning training wheels, for the convenience of the moving sidewalk, that delivers the magnetic monkey children through the mouth of impossible calendar clock, into the devil's manhole cauldron.
physics of a bicycle, isn't it remarkable?

savmesom11

I agree: it is very important to emphasize that she will feel better about herself mentally and physically when making healthy choices about her body. Be careful that you don't insinuate that you are turned off by her; it could back fire in horrible ways. I have known woman who loose the weight and stay the same "incredible girlfriend" only to dump the current boyfriend and move on with their new found self esteem. It's very important to let her know you are walking this path with her.

Congrats!

__________________
* I do not believe that struggles are a sign of life falling apart, but rather a step of life falling into place. *

mixedmedia

__________________
Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus
PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

vladtess

There is one great diet that you can get her on. You can also try it. I want to talk a bit about bio first: the foods that we eat today may have lots of adverse chemicals in them that may cause your gf to be fat: she has slower metabolism that you do and that makes her gain weight. Here's the diet:

1. Make her eat organic only!
2. Make her eat 5+ times a day, small portions.
3. Make her NOT eat after 6 PM until morning.

1 Month and you will start to see the difference.