Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - My girlfriend's too fat, but I love her (I'll go to hell for this post)

never1before · 06-02-2008, 04:38 AM

Okay, I have to chime in on this one, as it hits close to home in a way. When my husband and I met, I was a single mother of one that wore a size 4/6. I was in good shape, (partially courtesy of a quite physically demanding job as a pastry chef-if you think all chefs are fat like on the Food Network, you are wrong!!!), and we made a deal-I told him on our first date that I would put up with no cheating, no lying, and no drugs. His deal-breaker was...if I got fat for any reason other than medical illness. So, fast-forward to today, 6 1/2 years and almost 3 kids later. I did indeed develop a thyroid disorder that went untreated for about 6 months after our 2nd child and I did indeed gain weight. We had 2 children 11 months and 3 days apart and I stopped working and just didn't care for myself the way that I should have. Things went okay for awhile, but I noticed my husband just wasn't as "into" my body as before. After 2 years we finally had it out and he stated that I had "sorta let myself go" and it was a turn-off to him. WHOA-what a wake-up call. It hurt to hear, it still stings almost 9 months later, but, boy did I need that kick in the ass. The only downside was that I happened to be about 6 weeks pregnant at the time and really couldn't do much about weight. However, it has helped me keep my weight in check thru-out this pregnancy and in a funny way reminded me how much my wonderful husband really loves me. Would a person who didn't truly love and care for me go out on a limb and say something that they knew would hurt me and could possibly ruin a loving relationship, but that I needed to hear? I don't think so!!! So, to make a long post short, I believe that it will hurt your girlfriend to hear it, I believe it will hurt you to say it, but I believe that you both need this issue out in the open. Those who posit that "true love" isn't based on looks are crazy. Looks and attraction, while being VERY personal, are very important to any intimate relationship. Denying that is foolish. If you do truly love her and care about HER well-being and health and quality of life, then by all means tell her your feelings, but do it in a gentle, loving, kind, direct way.

06-02-2008, 04:38 AM	#53 (permalink)
never1before Upright Location: NC now but Germany, Alabama, Alaska, and Virginia previously	Okay, I have to chime in on this one, as it hits close to home in a way. When my husband and I met, I was a single mother of one that wore a size 4/6. I was in good shape, (partially courtesy of a quite physically demanding job as a pastry chef-if you think all chefs are fat like on the Food Network, you are wrong!!!), and we made a deal-I told him on our first date that I would put up with no cheating, no lying, and no drugs. His deal-breaker was...if I got fat for any reason other than medical illness. So, fast-forward to today, 6 1/2 years and almost 3 kids later. I did indeed develop a thyroid disorder that went untreated for about 6 months after our 2nd child and I did indeed gain weight. We had 2 children 11 months and 3 days apart and I stopped working and just didn't care for myself the way that I should have. Things went okay for awhile, but I noticed my husband just wasn't as "into" my body as before. After 2 years we finally had it out and he stated that I had "sorta let myself go" and it was a turn-off to him. WHOA-what a wake-up call. It hurt to hear, it still stings almost 9 months later, but, boy did I need that kick in the ass. The only downside was that I happened to be about 6 weeks pregnant at the time and really couldn't do much about weight. However, it has helped me keep my weight in check thru-out this pregnancy and in a funny way reminded me how much my wonderful husband really loves me. Would a person who didn't truly love and care for me go out on a limb and say something that they knew would hurt me and could possibly ruin a loving relationship, but that I needed to hear? I don't think so!!! So, to make a long post short, I believe that it will hurt your girlfriend to hear it, I believe it will hurt you to say it, but I believe that you both need this issue out in the open. Those who posit that "true love" isn't based on looks are crazy. Looks and attraction, while being VERY personal, are very important to any intimate relationship. Denying that is foolish. If you do truly love her and care about HER well-being and health and quality of life, then by all means tell her your feelings, but do it in a gentle, loving, kind, direct way. __________________ As the French are fond of saying, "Il faut souffrir pour etre belle".