Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community  

Go Back   Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community > The Academy > Tilted Sexuality


 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 10-13-2005, 08:03 AM   #1 (permalink)
Upright
 
Never have I desired sex

The absolute truth. Further to that, I never until recently contemplated this statistically (according to the media and the internet) freakish lack of desire.

In contrast, I have basically masturbated almost every single day since winter '97, when I was approaching the ripe, tender and Jewishly significant age of 13, and for the better part of this year I became thrice as libidinous. I am now almost 21, still no desire. I mean I have masturbated while visualising or watching oral sex, but that was only as a brief phase, and now I feel that I would never want to have that done to me.

Now I should mention that the situation is not necessarily as straightforward as I portray it, as for a little less than a year, I was feeling these insidious (bet very vague and intermittent) homosexual perceptions of various appealing guys at my highschool, and before that I briefly felt this vague but disconcerting perception of myself as being genderless. However since then I have felt as heterosexual as ever. Decidedly heterosexual. Heterosexual like Hef. Heferosexual. So I do not really consider the 'weird' phase as being anything more than exactly that.

I mean, I absolutely adore women, I am quite the perv (in a politically correct way though, I believe) and I will even state emphatically that my lust for the female form as become more refined and specific. I love everything about them, essentially every aspect of the female personality I appreciate as an integral piece in the beautiful tapestry that is feminity.

And yet I have simply never desired 'IT".

So I implore you all, 99.999999% of whom are sexually more experienced than I to at least some extent (only kissed 3 girls on 5 non-consecutive occasions total, FYI), could anyone describe a similar experience of their own? This would be an enormous reassurance.
toby19 is offline  
Old 10-13-2005, 08:13 AM   #2 (permalink)
On the lam
 
rsl12's Avatar
 
Location: northern va
Not me personally, but I know plenty of people like that! In fact, I'd say the majority of my bisexual friends would should be properly labeled 'asexual'--my guess is that their sex drives are so low that the typical laws of polar magnetic attraction don't quite apply.
__________________
oh baby oh baby, i like gravy.
rsl12 is offline  
Old 10-13-2005, 08:15 AM   #3 (permalink)
Non-Rookie
 
NoSoup's Avatar
 
Location: Green Bay, WI
I don't mean to jump the gun here, but the fact that you decided to mention it kinda brings to memory an article I once read...

In the article, it states that a fairly high percentage of people that are not interested in sex may be confused as to their sexuality actually is. They were unable to accept the fact that they were attracted to the same sex, but at the same time felt no interest in the opposite sex either. I'd suggest you do so deep soul searching and make sure that you know which team you play for, so to speak.

The reason I bring it up is because you don't seem to be all to accepting of homosexual behavior, and look at is as a bad thing.

Quote:
insidious (bet very vague and intermittent) homosexual perceptions of various appealing guys at my highschool
Just an observation - please don't take offence.

Also, a couple more of your comments are confusing.

Quote:
I absolutely adore women, I am quite the perv...
I will even state emphatically that my lust for the female form ...

I mean I have masturbated while visualising or watching oral sex, but that was only as a brief phase, and now I feel that I would never want to have that done to me.
Out of curiosity, what do you think about when you masterbate?

Also, is the reason behind you preferring that noone perform oral sex on you because you are not interested in it, or because you have possible self perception/self esteem issues?
__________________
I have an aura of reliability and good judgement.

Just in case you were wondering...
NoSoup is offline  
Old 10-13-2005, 08:19 AM   #4 (permalink)
Comedian
 
BigBen's Avatar
 
Location: Use the search button
Although I have to say that some of your points are contradictory in my frame of reference:

There is nothing wrong with you. You are talking about attraction and sexuality and physical acts and gender. These are not necessarily the same thing. To be attracted to women and love their personality is okay, and to not think about the sexual act and instead focus on other things is fine.

I would caution you to not compare yourself to others.

Especially Hugh Hefner. You are only setting yourself up for disappointment.

There is a ton of information out there about different gender types, and I would suggest you take a class in Women's and Gender studies. It will probably open your eyes to different ways to look at sexuality and your instincts.

Quote:
Originally Posted by toby19
...every aspect of the female personality I appreciate as an integral piece in the beautiful tapestry that is feminity.
Ummm, okay. Integral tapestries of feminity? You have officially stumped me. Help me out on this one.
__________________
3.141592654
Hey, if you are impressed with my memorizing pi to 10 digits, you should see the size of my penis.
BigBen is offline  
Old 10-13-2005, 08:23 AM   #5 (permalink)
Non-Rookie
 
NoSoup's Avatar
 
Location: Green Bay, WI
Quote:
Originally Posted by BigBen931
Ummm, okay. Integral tapestries of feminity? You have officially stumped me. Help me out on this one.
He means he likes their ass
__________________
I have an aura of reliability and good judgement.

Just in case you were wondering...
NoSoup is offline  
Old 10-13-2005, 08:26 AM   #6 (permalink)
You had me at hello
 
Poppinjay's Avatar
 
Location: DC/Coastal VA
I would guess that there's a good amount of scattered fear. Fear of the first time, fear of trying to develop a romantic situation, fear of rejection. rsl12's response would apply, if you had little desire or didn't masturbate so much. You obviously want a girl. Is there some denial going on here?
__________________
I think the Apocalypse is happening all around us. We go on eating desserts and watching TV. I know I do. I wish we were more capable of sustained passion and sustained resistance. We should be screaming and what we do is gossip. -Lydia Millet
Poppinjay is offline  
Old 10-13-2005, 10:37 AM   #7 (permalink)
kel
WARNING: FLAMMABLE
 
Location: Ask Acetylene
I was not even remotely interested in sex until I had tried it. After that I knew it was fun so I was interested. It might be that as long as you stay a virgin you will not have your interest in sex kindled.

EDIT: This is Acetylene. Kel knew he wanted sex plenty far in advance :P
__________________
"It better be funny"
kel is offline  
Old 10-13-2005, 12:07 PM   #8 (permalink)
Insane
 
fightnight's Avatar
 
Location: The lovely Northeast
Are you saying you don't desire it? Or that you have no interest in trying it? You masturbate to women constantly, would you do it with them in the same room if you were able and allowed to? If one were to suddenly come on to you and you enjoyed this girl, and she demanded sex, would you not try it? I guess I'm sort of confused as to where you're concerned that sex just isn't really on your radar of things you feel like you need, or whether you actually don't want to have sex to the point where you'd turn it down if offered. Those would be two different problems in my mind. If its the former i'd say you just simply have not experienced it yet, so that desire isn't there yet. If it's the latter, i'd be more concerned that it's some sort of overarching intneral sexual thing that would require searching yourself for what you really are interested in.
fightnight is offline  
Old 10-13-2005, 12:12 PM   #9 (permalink)
Comedian
 
BigBen's Avatar
 
Location: Use the search button
How long do you think this thread will last before Air45 comes in and gives us his view?

I am waiting for it.

Some good replies here, By The Way... To the collective TFP, not anyone in particular.
__________________
3.141592654
Hey, if you are impressed with my memorizing pi to 10 digits, you should see the size of my penis.
BigBen is offline  
Old 10-13-2005, 12:15 PM   #10 (permalink)
Registered User
 
I say stop masturbating completely then see if you still have no desire..
Glory's Sun is offline  
Old 10-13-2005, 12:22 PM   #11 (permalink)
You had me at hello
 
Poppinjay's Avatar
 
Location: DC/Coastal VA
Since he's 21, he'd have a wet dream every few days anyways. Although that might ramp up the disire to bury the weasel.
__________________
I think the Apocalypse is happening all around us. We go on eating desserts and watching TV. I know I do. I wish we were more capable of sustained passion and sustained resistance. We should be screaming and what we do is gossip. -Lydia Millet
Poppinjay is offline  
Old 10-13-2005, 09:08 PM   #12 (permalink)
Banned
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by toby19
Now I should mention that the situation is not necessarily as straightforward as I portray it, as for a little less than a year, I was feeling these insidious (bet very vague and intermittent) homosexual perceptions of various appealing guys at my highschool, and before that I briefly felt this vague but disconcerting perception of myself as being genderless. However since then I have felt as heterosexual as ever. Decidedly heterosexual. Heterosexual like Hef. Heferosexual. So I do not really consider the 'weird' phase as being anything more than exactly that.
Actually, considering your questionable homophobia and the statements made above about feeling "decidedly heterosexual", and how emphatically you insist you have all this lust and appreciation for the female form, I'd have to cast a vote for "you might be gay".

You sound confused, and you even admit to a "phase". You may just not be comfortable with the truth of your sexuality. Not everyone who "comes out" suddenly says, "i'm gay". Sometimes it takes a little personal realization, a little "soul-searching", if you will.

Maybe step number one is being a lot more open-minded and not bashing homosexuality so much. Past that, who knows where things will lead you?

Also, it's possible you have no sex drive because you haven't had sex yet. And, not everyone in the world has to have a sex drive. If you don't, it's not anything necessarily bad.
analog is offline  
Old 10-14-2005, 01:38 AM   #13 (permalink)
Young Crumudgeon
 
Martian's Avatar
 
Location: Canada
Just a point that I wouldn't want to get lost here - there is nothing wrong with your sexual orientation, regardless of what it is (and yes, asexual counts as an orientation). It's okay and absolutely normal to not have any interest in either sex, even if it's not exactly common. It's also fine to like men, women or both. Whatever your preference is, it's not something within your control and so long as you try to fight it you're going to be miserable.

Having said that, I'm also curious as to what you think about when you masturbate. What gets you hard, what makes you feel that urge, what pops to mind etc? Do you look at pornography or anything else? Asking these questions may help you to figure out where your heart really lies. And don't say nothing to this question, because that is a lie. You're always thinking about something and when you masturbate your thoughts are almost necessarily sexual (it's very difficult to maintain an erection without the thought behind it). So the next time you jerk the weasel, just let whatever comes naturally to you come and see what it is. You may be surprised or you may not, but at least you'll know. You don't even have to tell us; we don't know and frankly on my own behalf I can state that I don't really care whether the answer is men, women or pygmy marmosets. The point is for you to understand yourself.
__________________
I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame
Martian is offline  
Old 10-14-2005, 02:27 AM   #14 (permalink)
Upright
 
First of all, thanks for all the thoughtful replies.

I am hearing a lot of suggestions to the effect of 'you may be gay' or that I am not as heterosexual as I think I am. And yes incidentally I don't think ANYONE should compare themselves to Hef. Good point there.
I don't see it as productive to simply say 'are you mad? Gay?' because obviously I did describe that period of my life where things didn't seem very straightforward, and besides I already stated that I felt sure of my sexuality. I should make the point however, that I think a lot of people are prevented from realising unseen sides of their sexuality, or indeed their greater personality, as a result of environmental factors. So as a person who likes to distinguish between what he knows and what he must assume, I keep an open mind.

The point that interest in sexual acts may not arise until the opportunity does, is interesting, if anyone else has experiened that. I am hoping some more people will talk about their experiences. By the way, that reminds that I forgot to mention something which may not be such a big deal, but when I kissed the three (count 'em people, not two but three lovely ladies) I basically felt NOTHING. Except for the third girl, probably because she was the only one I really connected with, and probably because I have this problem where I am not really interested in people unless it is reciprocal. I guess that is part of 'chemistry'. But it really scared me the 3rd and 4th times (the first and second times I was drunk and tripping, respectively), I just was there thinking 'Jesus, I am all over the place, and I am not feeling anything AT ALL, this just feels ridiculous'. And all of a sudden I felt really distant from the girl, like I barely knew her. And that kind of sums up how I feel now, that I will never sort of coinhabit an emotional space with a girl, like just be in the same place as her. I feel that I could never have sex with girl like this.

I am awfully sorry about the long reply, but thanks for reading!
toby19 is offline  
Old 10-14-2005, 02:28 AM   #15 (permalink)
Upright
 
oh and by the way I am not homophobic and who is 'air45'?
toby19 is offline  
Old 10-14-2005, 02:47 AM   #16 (permalink)
On the lam
 
rsl12's Avatar
 
Location: northern va
Well, that still leaves the big question unanswered: what do you think about when you're masturbating? Or do you think of nothing but your own pleasure? And we are correct in thinking that you masturbate often, correct?
__________________
oh baby oh baby, i like gravy.
rsl12 is offline  
Old 10-14-2005, 03:19 AM   #17 (permalink)
Comedian
 
BigBen's Avatar
 
Location: Use the search button
Air45: Do a search under Members List and read some of his posts; He is an alter ego of someone, and I enjoy his grasp of the english language and outlook about sex. He is comic relief...

Quote:
Originally Posted by toby19
I am hoping some more people will talk about their experiences.
Well, you and I are about as far apart on the sexual spectrum as two people can get. I think about women and sex every 3 seconds, on average, and occasionally question if I am not normal because that IS ALL I EVER THINK ABOUT.

Now, you saying you have never have desired sex is like ripping your head off and showing me that you have a little super-intelligent alien piloting your body. It doesn't compute. Conversely, you should think I am a registered sex offender, and comparing my experiences to your own would not be beneficial.

You can probably appreciate the responses of people here when they are telling you to look deeper into your sexual orientation. We are saying that with kindness, and we pride ourselves here at TFP in being inclusive of all different genders.

I think, Toby, that your thread is harder for people to process than the hundred threads we read every day (where guys ask if the signals women send them mean anything or the women ask why the guy won't call her) because it is relatively rare. THAT IS NOT A BAD THING. We have lots of experience, and very often people who write the things like you did in your original post are avoiding the fact they are homosexual for religious or cultural reasons. They are in denial, and the only way to grow is to confront that.

If you know that is not the case, then congratulations! You are secure in your sexuality (or in this case, asexuality) and you are starting off in a good position for growth, mentally.

Can I ask, What DO you desire? I am looking for sexual things in nature, but not necessarily. If you really get very "satisfied" with solving multivariable calculus equations, that is an insight as well.
__________________
3.141592654
Hey, if you are impressed with my memorizing pi to 10 digits, you should see the size of my penis.
BigBen is offline  
Old 10-14-2005, 04:22 AM   #18 (permalink)
Evil Priest: The Devil Made Me Do It!
 
Daniel_'s Avatar
 
Location: Southern England
I suspect that if you let up the self-pleasurig for a while you may find that your head fills with thoughts of havig someone else involved.

But whatever - it doesn't really matter a great deal if you want it or not, does it?
__________________
╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗
Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine

╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝
Daniel_ is offline  
Old 10-14-2005, 04:35 AM   #19 (permalink)
Illusionary
 
tecoyah's Avatar
 
First off....You have my Pity, as sex is a most wonderful experience.
(not meant to be derogatory)

Second, and more importantly, You are not strange/abnormal/gay/or any number of labels someone may come up with for you. You are however....inexperienced. Fortunately there is a cure for this terrible affliction, and it is a natural remedy....almost Homeopathic.

Get Laid
__________________
Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha
tecoyah is offline  
Old 10-14-2005, 07:42 AM   #20 (permalink)
Upright
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Daniel_
I suspect that if you let up the self-pleasurig for a while you may find that your head fills with thoughts of havig someone else involved.
I have considered this, and I have tried to abstain (ironic use of the word) a number of times, but I could only ever get to 3 days without. Oh and once I got up to 6 days, but I do not recall thinking about sex at all.
toby19 is offline  
Old 10-14-2005, 09:03 AM   #21 (permalink)
On the lam
 
rsl12's Avatar
 
Location: northern va
So you're saying that you have no fantasies whatsoever while you're masturbating? That no thoughts of any sort are running through your head, other than what you're going to eat for lunch afterwards?
__________________
oh baby oh baby, i like gravy.
rsl12 is offline  
Old 10-14-2005, 09:27 AM   #22 (permalink)
You had me at hello
 
Poppinjay's Avatar
 
Location: DC/Coastal VA
And, presumably about the handwashing to take place in between. Hold the mayo.

I don't see how anybody could be asexual but still jack off everyday.

Seriously, toby19, what do you think about while you're jacking off?
__________________
I think the Apocalypse is happening all around us. We go on eating desserts and watching TV. I know I do. I wish we were more capable of sustained passion and sustained resistance. We should be screaming and what we do is gossip. -Lydia Millet
Poppinjay is offline  
Old 10-14-2005, 11:04 AM   #23 (permalink)
Upright
 
Why do I have to be thinking about anything in particular when I masturbate? I just look at a picture of a woman who I consider hot, and I just do it. Sometimes I imagine that I am sort of hugging her from behind, and kind of touching her breasts a bit. But the idea of sex does not excite me in the slightest. I have a great many pictures on my computer to make me happy. Something like 3300, and I like to arrange them into different folders in which there are girls/women with particular expressions on their faces, like some are girlish, some are moody, some are relaxing and just being carefree, some have that 'I am appreciating the naughtiness of stripping naked in a field' expression.
To be totally honest, the idea of penetration has at times felt ackward at best, and vaguely repulsive at other times, and THAT is what scares me. And yet I would really like to share my personal space with a girl, but a girl with whom I share a profound emotional and intellectual bond. I only hope that if that time ever comes, I will find that magic happens and I'll ride off into the sunset.
toby19 is offline  
Old 10-14-2005, 11:43 AM   #24 (permalink)
Comedian
 
BigBen's Avatar
 
Location: Use the search button
That's cool dude.

I am cool with that.

Now, may I ask again, what do you DESIRE? I think that you may have your emotional compass (the words and expressions you use to vocalize your feelings) set to a different star than me.

What gets you revved up?
What makes your heart pound so heavy that you can hear your own pulse?
What makes your hands sweat, but in a good way?
What gives you an adrenaline rush?

Use the Quote button beside this post and then insert your answers, for ease and completeness sake.

I am really interested and curious.
__________________
3.141592654
Hey, if you are impressed with my memorizing pi to 10 digits, you should see the size of my penis.
BigBen is offline  
Old 10-14-2005, 12:05 PM   #25 (permalink)
Pissing in the cornflakes
 
Ustwo's Avatar
 
You know I've heard of people turning down RL sex for porn and never really believed it.

I'm still not sure I do.

Something ain't right here. Its one thing to be asexual, its another to jerk off every day to pictures of women while fantasizing about it yet claim to not want sex.


Quote:
Originally Posted by toby19
To be totally honest, the idea of penetration has at times felt ackward at best, and vaguely repulsive at other times, and THAT is what scares me. And yet I would really like to share my personal space with a girl, but a girl with whom I share a profound emotional and intellectual bond. I only hope that if that time ever comes, I will find that magic happens and I'll ride off into the sunset.
The good ones get taken EARLY. I learned that lesson in college very quickly and 'jumped on mine' her second week down there at the tender age of 18. The longer you wait for the perfect woman the better chance you have of being really lonely.

And lets say you do find her. You will have the sexual skills of a virgin teenager and unless she was as sexually inexperianced as you (and please don't tell me you count on a virgin) you are not going to 'rock her world'.

Dump the porn, stop jerking off, and meet some women before you come that creepy guy who lives alone, with a giant porn stash and a 'real doll'.
__________________
Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host

Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.
Ustwo is offline  
Old 10-14-2005, 12:17 PM   #26 (permalink)
On the lam
 
rsl12's Avatar
 
Location: northern va
Quote:
Originally Posted by toby19
Why do I have to be thinking about anything in particular when I masturbate?
I'm with utswo--something's not right. You ask, 'why do i have to be thinking about anything,' but then talk about a pretty specific scenario that you think about, and the fact that you have a lot of pictures of women. And somehow rubbing yourself and thinking about touching breasts is fun for you, but not rubbing your penis all over those breasts??
__________________
oh baby oh baby, i like gravy.
rsl12 is offline  
Old 10-14-2005, 12:30 PM   #27 (permalink)
You had me at hello
 
Poppinjay's Avatar
 
Location: DC/Coastal VA
I'll add my vote to the something's not right here crowd. Not to say you're being dishonest, but maybe not getting through to us exactly what you desire.

You don't have a low sex drive. You think you do, but the frequent masturbating is a clue that it just isn't so. You've desired the tingly feelings of release. That is sex.
__________________
I think the Apocalypse is happening all around us. We go on eating desserts and watching TV. I know I do. I wish we were more capable of sustained passion and sustained resistance. We should be screaming and what we do is gossip. -Lydia Millet
Poppinjay is offline  
Old 10-14-2005, 03:33 PM   #28 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Kalnaur's Avatar
 
Location: Portland, Oregon
^
|
|
They're right, man. Somthing ain't adding up.
__________________
PC: Can you help me out here HK?
HK-47: I'm 98% percent sure this miniature organic meatbag wants you to help find his fellow miniature organic meatbags.
PC: And the other 2 percent?
HK-47: The other 2 percent is that he is just looking for trouble and needs to be blasted, but that might be wishful thinking on my part.
Kalnaur is offline  
Old 10-14-2005, 08:21 PM   #29 (permalink)
Upright
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by BigBen931
Now, may I ask again, what do you DESIRE? I think that you may have your emotional compass (the words and expressions you use to vocalize your feelings) set to a different star than me.

What gets you revved up?
What makes your heart pound so heavy that you can hear your own pulse?
What makes your hands sweat, but in a good way?
What gives you an adrenaline rush?
Well I don't really desire anything, that is what I have been trying to say. And in answer to what makes me have a bunch of cartoonish physiological responses, there is nothing, except when I kissed those girls my heart started beating really hard and fast, although I distinctively recall that being from nervousness, not sexual excitement.

Maybe there is something else that is important. I have this CRIPPLING, ABSOLUTELY DEBILITATING self-esteem problem, and I have never been able to imagine someone liking me as much as I like them, so sex seems very alien to me for that reason at least. I simply can't imagine being able to make a woman the least bit sexually satisfied. To give you an idea of the extent of it, I have systematically eliminated every potential for a good friendship with someone because I feel that they don't like me anymore, and also I basically can't walk around my university without feeling considerably uncomfortable, like I'm a lightening rod for contempt or something.
toby19 is offline  
Old 10-14-2005, 11:49 PM   #30 (permalink)
Insane
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by toby19
Maybe there is something else that is important. I have this CRIPPLING, ABSOLUTELY DEBILITATING self-esteem problem, and I have never been able to imagine someone liking me as much as I like them, so sex seems very alien to me for that reason at least. I simply can't imagine being able to make a woman the least bit sexually satisfied.
I can completely relate to believing that someone could never reciprocate an equal amount of interest. It is mostly an irrational thought, but it still manages to be incapacitating. The finer details of your mastubatory habits don't matter, but that it has become a vapid substitute for sex, does. The "beat-off shame spiral" (as Adam Carolla eloquently calls it) is undoubtedly linked to depression and it tends to gain a lot of momentum going unchecked. Although I have to preface this with "Do as I say, not as I do," it might be a good idea to start a regular exercise regimen and/or seek out therapy.
Quote:
To give you an idea of the extent of it, I have systematically eliminated every potential for a good friendship with someone because I feel that they don't like me anymore, and also I basically can't walk around my university without feeling considerably uncomfortable, like I'm a lightening rod for contempt or something.
This is also irrational, and I think that you'll eventually agree that it is also quite narcissistic. Random people are too concerned with their own lives to pay you any attention, much less negative attention--unless you take the initiative so that they would want to pay you any attention.
Anomaly_ is offline  
Old 10-15-2005, 12:42 AM   #31 (permalink)
Upright
 
Location: UK
Toby - A couple of things. First of all - I don't fantasize when I masturbate - I actually count (don't laugh, it's true). I've been sexually active for over twenty years now and enjoy sex tremendously, but in addition to that I've been masturbating since I was a child, and I have always counted. It's almost like a contest I have with myself- can I orgasm before I reach 100? But masturbation is just a means to an end for me, it's become one of the ways I comfort myself instead of an actual sexual experience, and I'm female, so this might make a difference in that I don't have to maintain an erection by any means, but what I'm saying is to each his own, you know-whatever works for you.

I don't have personal experience with gender confusion or lack of sexual desire, but I have a friend who just told me that she has lived with a guy for over a year, sleeping with him in the same bed, etc... but that she has never been penetrated, and not just by him, by anyone. She's 26 and has had several serious relationships, but is technically still a virgin. She said that she is the one who is wary of penetration, but I also am pretty amazed that there is a guy out there who would be so patient, unless he had some of his own issues around it. So you're not the only one- although I can't tell you what it means.

I think the key is the self-esteem issues you have. Sex is very intimate, and you are putting yourself in an extremely vulnerable position (in terms of rejection) when you engage. This might be be more than you can imagine yourself handling, so your brain is telling you you don't want it - at least not with another person -so you won't have to take that risk. I guess I would say wait until you know someone you're really comfortable talking with and have built some kind of trusting relationship with. Someone who you knows cares about you and your feelings beyond the sexual. And then you might feel safe enough to begin feeling desire toward that person. You're only 21, that's still young, and thinking that you're abnormal in some way is probably adding to the feelings you have that you're not worthy, and will be rejected, and is part of a vicious cycle around the whole issue.

In terms of "walking around your university without feeling like a lightening rod for contempt"- that sounds like a pretty sad and lonely way to live. Have you gotten counseling for your self-esteem issues? Do you know what their basis is? Do you have anyone you can talk to about this stuff who will give you their outside and maybe more objective and realistic perception? That might be a good place to start.
Anyway - I hope it all works out for you. Good luck.
josie is offline  
 

Tags
desired, sex

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 07:32 AM.

Tilted Forum Project

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
© 2002-2012 Tilted Forum Project

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360