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Why do I have to be thinking about anything in particular when I masturbate? I just look at a picture of a woman who I consider hot, and I just do it. Sometimes I imagine that I am sort of hugging her from behind, and kind of touching her breasts a bit. But the idea of sex does not excite me in the slightest. I have a great many pictures on my computer to make me happy. Something like 3300, and I like to arrange them into different folders in which there are girls/women with particular expressions on their faces, like some are girlish, some are moody, some are relaxing and just being carefree, some have that 'I am appreciating the naughtiness of stripping naked in a field' expression.
To be totally honest, the idea of penetration has at times felt ackward at best, and vaguely repulsive at other times, and THAT is what scares me. And yet I would really like to share my personal space with a girl, but a girl with whom I share a profound emotional and intellectual bond. I only hope that if that time ever comes, I will find that magic happens and I'll ride off into the sunset.
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