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Originally Posted by BigBen931
Now, may I ask again, what do you DESIRE? I think that you may have your emotional compass (the words and expressions you use to vocalize your feelings) set to a different star than me.
What gets you revved up?
What makes your heart pound so heavy that you can hear your own pulse?
What makes your hands sweat, but in a good way?
What gives you an adrenaline rush?
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Well I don't really desire anything, that is what I have been trying to say. And in answer to what makes me have a bunch of cartoonish physiological responses, there is nothing, except when I kissed those girls my heart started beating really hard and fast, although I distinctively recall that being from nervousness, not sexual excitement.
Maybe there is something else that is important. I have this CRIPPLING, ABSOLUTELY DEBILITATING self-esteem problem, and I have never been able to imagine someone liking me as much as I like them, so sex seems very alien to me for that reason at least. I simply can't imagine being able to make a woman the least bit sexually satisfied. To give you an idea of the extent of it, I have systematically eliminated every potential for a good friendship with someone because I feel that they don't like me anymore, and also I basically can't walk around my university without feeling considerably uncomfortable, like I'm a lightening rod for contempt or something.