Long distance boyfriend has a new female best friend - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

chelle21689 · 08-08-2010, 09:55 AM

I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and 2 years long distance. Our 5 year anniversary is this week. Anyways, when he moved across the country with his family, he had no friends, no job, no life basically so he joined the Army Reserve. In training, he met tons of guy friends and some girl friends...when it was time to go back home none of his guy friends were in his unit but this girl from training was. So now they're super close, they go to army drills, language school, airborne school, and they're going to be deployed together.

Also, it doesn't help that she lives near the Army unit and he doesn't so when he goes and does army duties he'll spend the night at her place. He says it's easier since he lives over an hour away from the Army unit. But sometimes he'll even extend his stay because she's his only friend and she has a lot of friends to hang out with and that he's lonely for friendship at his home. (She lives with her family still...and my bf lives with his mom still)

I've met the girl, I've stayed at her place with my boyfriend several days during my visit. She even gave up her bed for us to sleep in together. When I'm with them, I'm not jealous...but when I'm far away I'm so jealous because they're together all the time and my imagination runs wild. She is cool, but I hate that she is close to my boyfriend! She has a fiance whom is deployed in Iraq...I know she is in love with him but I'm afraid that she could also be in love with my boyfriend too.

How do I deal with this? I'm afraid they'll fall in love or that they have a growing attraction. It's been many months of me dealing with this and the jealousy never seems to stop unless I hang out with them. My boyfriend reassures me that he is not attracted to her, she is like a dude, and that it'd never work out between them. I don't know if she tries to make me feel better but she acts really disgusted if someone mentions my bf and her together jokingly.

Is it even possible to be super close friends without romantic interest?? I trust him not to cheat physically...but I feel like he should avoid "dangerous" situations!

amonkie · 08-08-2010, 10:44 AM

From what I have heard from my own family members in the service, the people in your units become your best friends because you are thrown together, and forced to trust your LIFE in someone else's hands. Wouldn't you want to be close to the person you were giving that kind of trust to?

Do you forsee the long distance ever ending?

chelle21689 · 08-08-2010, 10:57 AM

Okay, but there are plenty of other people to become friends with that are men. I honestly would feel better if he was good friends with men then women. Anyways, I'm finishing my bachelor's in 2 years and the plan was for me to move out there and finally end the distance. By then, he should be back from a deployment but I think we may have to extend the distance...it is uncertain because it depends on the Army and his circumstance.

He has a good chance of going to language school 6 hours away for about 10 months. He'll likely have to EARN phone privileges, visits, and off-post passes for the first several months. It'd be terrible if I moved to Los Angeles where he is now only to have him go away for a year in a different city and for me to try to move again. That's 2 years from now, so we'll see. Until then we keep visiting every 2-3 months and talking every day.

Martian · 08-08-2010, 11:10 AM

One of my very best friends is a woman whom I've never had any romantic interest in whatsoever. While we don't see each other as often these days, there was a time when she slept on my couch nearly every night. I'd cook her dinner and bring her coffee at work. We were as close as it's possible to be without doing the horizontal baby dance. I never felt a thing for her, and as far as I've ever been aware the feeling is entirely mutual. So yes, I can definitively say that it's possible at least for some men and some women to be friends with no sexual or romantic tension. You'd know better than any of us if your boyfriend is one of those men.

He's not going to slip and fall into her vagina. Either you trust him or you don't. If you do, there's no problem and you just need to get over it. If not, you at best need to have a Very Serious Talk about the future of your relationship.

In a more practical sense, there's always going to be other women. Female friends and co-workers and peers and acquaintances are always going to be a part of his life, and it's a bit unrealistic to say the least for you to expect that he'll curtail these relationships just to cater to your insecurities. Furthermore, I sincerely doubt that you want to be the kind of woman who forces her boyfriend to choose between her and his friends. Even if he were willing to snub this other woman for the sake of your issues, putting that kind of pressure on your relationship is not likely to end well. This goes double for a relationship that's already bearing the burden of long distance. You want to drive him away? Start telling him who he can and can't hang out with, I guarantee he'll get tired of it sooner or later.

This is not his problem. This is not the other girl's problem. This is your problem, and you're the one who needs to deal with it. If you want the relationship to work, you're just going to have to figure out how to be okay with this.

chelle21689 · 08-08-2010, 12:46 PM

Like I said, I'm not worried about sex. I'm worried about him falling in love with her or her falling in love with him. Putting themselves in situations that could be avoided...they are as close as possible without dating and it's something I've never had to deal with.

But honestly, put yourself in my shoes. It's very normal to feel jealousy when you're a couple thousand miles away and some girl comes into his life and they hang out and work together almost every day. It's something very new I'm dealing with...

Thank you so much for your response. I was hoping that it was possible to be close to someone without wanting them in that way. It's just that she's pretty attractive and they're a lot alike. Why wouldn't he want her? I'm so far and not there for him. But I know he loves me, he doesn't want to give up on us, and I need to continue to have faith.

Martian · 08-08-2010, 01:23 PM

Sex or love, it's the same issue. The bottom line is either he'll be faithful to you or he won't -- whether we're talking about physical or emotional fidelity, it's the same thing.

I'm not saying that it's wrong to feel a little jealousy. What I am saying is that it's up to you to rise above that, and that you're just going to have to figure out how to do so if you want things to work between you. You probably can't stop him from seeing this woman all the time -- from the sounds of it he doesn't have that much choice in the matter himself. But even if you could, it would be pretty much the definition of bitchy girlfriend if you forced him to abandon a close friendship because of your insecurities.

And really, let's be honest here. The problem isn't that he's friends with a woman per se, but rather that he's friends with a woman while living thousands of miles away. This isn't a jealousy thing, but rather a distance thing. It's one of the many obstacles that you'll have to surmount to make things work between you.

Like everything else when it comes to relationships, there's no manual for this. There's no step-by-step guide. You just have to find a way to set those feelings aside if you want your relationship to be successful. Nobody can tell you how to do that; you'll have to figure it out for yourself.

lurkette · 08-08-2010, 02:38 PM

Well, you have a couple of options:

- you can let the jealousy get the better of you, pitch a fit, and insist that he stop seeing her so often, or at least stop staying over at her house. Will that really accomplish what you want, which is to know that he is not tempted by a relationship with someone else? Or will you feel controlling and insecure and still wonder what he's doing and who he's with?

- you can continue to be jealous and seethe about it but not let on so you'll look all trusting while inside you're writhing with insecurity.

- you can look at the root of the jealousy and see if there's anything to be done about it. Speaking from experience, jealousy is something that can be conquered, but it takes a willingness to look unflinchingly at your insecurities and their roots, and then ruthlessly retrain your thinking. It also generally takes the support and cooperation of your partner. Which is hard to get when he's so far away.

The bottom line, as Martian says, is either he'll be faithful or he won't. What's up to you - what's always up to you - is how you react to whatever the situation happens to be.

I'm also going to point out the obvious, that it sounds like you are both pretty young, and that you started dating in high school. Nothing against that (my college roommate and her boyfriend from sophomore year have been married for 15 years now) but when you add to that the fact that you've spent almost half of your relationship living very far away from each other, well....that's a tough place to be. It must take a lot of commitment.

Pearl Trade · 08-08-2010, 04:22 PM

I share the same feelings on jealousy. I wouldn't want my girl to get close with any other guy, no matter who it is. That's my emotional side, my logical/rational side says everything is alright and my girl won't do anything. Trust your logical and rational side, Chelle. Jealousy will spread like a disease if you don't do something about it. Do something about what you're feeling and help yourself before you worry about anything.

chelle21689 · 08-08-2010, 05:06 PM

It sucks knowing that we're going to be distanced MORE than we've been TOGETHER. We've known each other for years before we dated and were friends. I'm 21 and he's 22...we're serious. We used to think we had the perfect relationship, at least better than others (lol) but now it's going through challenges. I want so badly to get over this jealousy, I don't know where to start or how...

I want to thank everyone so much for the advice and support. I think hearing positive advice helps. Often, I talk to a friend or my sisters and they automatically feed my thoughts with more negativity than I really need. Again, thanks so much.

remy1492 · 08-08-2010, 07:59 PM

Good points Martian, you always have a smooth sense of things.

Being in the military and pre-military training since I was 16, I have had issues from my (now ex) finacee. She was fanatically jealous of other girls in the unit and accused me often of doing something with them.
Honestly, there was ZERO attraction to those girls, I didnt even try to look down their shirt or at their ass when they turned around. It was more of a brotherhood and easy going friendship. Perhaps the jealousy was over the fact that those girls could joke and shoot the shit with the guys a lot easier than a suspicious girlfriend could.

In the end, after many years of accusing me of one thing or another, the relationship ended with her actually cheating.

While ironic, she fell ill to her own poison of the mind.

Martian is right, he either will find somebody else, or he wont. Thats logic. The moment you step in and try to force his life in a direction, things will get very ugly.

There are some things you share in a relationship, and some things better left UNSAID.
Leave your suspicions and jealousy unsaid as it will only make things worse.

Before you start any drama, always ask yourself "to what good would this serve?" then go from there.

chelle21689 · 08-08-2010, 10:28 PM

Honestly, I'm very surprised at the replies I'm getting that are on my boyfriend's "side". It's not a good thing I'm doing but I've been desperate for advice and opinions that I've posted on other discussion boards and question sites only to receive negative opinions saying I should leave him, he's cheating, doesn't love me, etc. etc.

It makes me feel better to hear what you guys are saying. I actually feel a lot better about it and it makes me definitely want to try to be better. I can't promise the jealousy will go away because it will be there. Few months ago I was okay with their friendship then recently I started feeling it again. It comes and goes.

remy1492 · 08-08-2010, 11:07 PM

Of course he could be cheating. But he would be doing that if he was staying over at her place or not.

If he were cheating, I am sure he'd lie about staying there though.

The bigger picture for your age is to ask how do you want to live your relationships?

-with suspicion and pessimism
or
-with trust and optimism?

Both will get you hurt and cause disappointment down the road, it happens to everybody even with good intentions. But remember, you reap what you sow.

Cimarron29414 · 08-09-2010, 06:58 AM

You have been in this relationship since you were an adolescent and you are viewing it through adolescent eyes, rather than adult eyes. This is ALL you have known your entire adult life. You protect it because it is familiar and you bind yourself to adolescent feelings about this relationship because you were an adolescent when it started. All of that is normal.

The fact is, he is now a grown man. It is far easier for him to leave you and start in his town than to remain committed to you and abstain from temptations (which do not exist in this woman you mention). The fact that he is still in this relationship with you, under these difficult circumstances, is a tribute to his character. Admittedly, he may be in this relationship for the same reasons I listed above for you, it binds him to a familiar, easier time. However, your feelings and discussions with him are not constructive in any way.

Personally, I believe him. Personally, I believe you are making his life harder than it needs to be. Personally, I believe a distracted soldier is a dead soldier.

"Control" is an illusion we create to make it through our lives. You have no control over his choices. He will cheat if he wants, and you will be powerless to stop that. He could live in the same house as you and still cheat. You can have a million conversations with him about your fears, and that won't change the fact that he can do what he wants - so leave it be. Be with him because he makes you happiest, and for no other reason. If your jealousy through distance is making you so unhappy, leave him. It's that simple.

chelle21689 · 08-09-2010, 09:01 AM

I don't mean to stray from our topic but what do you guys think about this? This has nothing to do with me but my friend told me about an issue. She was with her bf for 3 years and he moved to Las Vegas with a bunch of his friends but they'll be together within a year. Recently, he had a girl he met in Las Vegas several months ago he met on vacation that is flying out to Vegas to stay with him and his friends but soley to see him. Does that raise a red flag to you? What should she do about it?

Cimarron29414 · 08-09-2010, 09:23 AM

With all due respect, we've each spent some time responding to you trying to help YOU through your challenges.

Why don't we focus on that, resist projecting other people's challenges onto your situation, and encourage your friend to sign up and start a thread of her own.

chelle21689 · 08-09-2010, 11:15 AM

I'm not trying to take on her problem, I was just curious to have your opinion on it because you guys give good advice lol.

Martian · 08-09-2010, 04:23 PM

On the original topic, it's less about taking sides and more about identifying what the real problem is. This woman isn't the problem, nor is it the amount of time he spends with her. Going by what you've told us, I believe the real issue is that you're jealous because she gets to see him so much more than you do. And if we take that as given, there's no point in dumping on boyfriend or even speculating on what he might or might not be doing or feeling. Doing that is like trying to fix your car by replacing the wheels on your bicycle. You're not addressing the issue.

So address the issue. Learn to cope.

On your friend's issue, I don't think there's anything wrong with changing the subject if you feel we've addressed your original concerns, but at the same time I'd have to know a whole lot more about the situation before I'd be willing to comment. Without knowing the people and relationship dynamics involved it's impossible to say whether or not the situation is on the level.

chelle21689 · 08-09-2010, 10:42 PM

Yeah, I don't know too much about that situation so oh well.

Anyways, I know I need to work on the jealousy part. But I don't know what is keeping them from dating. I noticed she is like a female version of my bf and I even asked my bf if they're a lot alike and he said yeah. Why wouldn't he want to date a girl that is attractive, makes him laugh, great personality, understands him, has the same army job as him, etc.? He tells me he isn't attracted to her in that way (I didn't ask him, he just told me on his own) but how can he not be, ya know?

Pretty friend, great personality, what's not to want? Someone tell me :P

CinnamonGirl · 08-09-2010, 11:09 PM

Quote:

she is like a female version of my bf and I even asked my bf if they're a lot alike and he said yeah.

Well, there you go. No one wants to date a carbon copy of themselves. That's boring.

chelle21689 · 08-10-2010, 10:30 AM

Hm...I didn't think of it like that...but I can see another side to it to lol.

monkeysugar · 08-11-2010, 01:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chelle21689

Yeah, I don't know too much about that situation so oh well.

Anyways, I know I need to work on the jealousy part. But I don't know what is keeping them from dating. I noticed she is like a female version of my bf and I even asked my bf if they're a lot alike and he said yeah. Why wouldn't he want to date a girl that is attractive, makes him laugh, great personality, understands him, has the same army job as him, etc.? He tells me he isn't attracted to her in that way (I didn't ask him, he just told me on his own) but how can he not be, ya know?

Pretty friend, great personality, what's not to want? Someone tell me :P

Nobody wants to date a carbon copy of themselves. Best friends with someone just like you works out for the most part, but dating wise....ehhhh, not so much. It would be way too boring. Bottom line, he's with you, you're the one he wants to be with, over this person who you seem to find threatening in some way because he's such good friends with her. He's made the choice to be with you. That's it, and that's all. I'm male. The majority of my closest friends are female. Those friends are like sisters to me. If they needed a place to stay, they could crash at my place without any worries of anything ever happening. They know it, I know it, my girlfriend knows it. They'd get the bed, I'd crash on the floor or couch. If I were single we'd probably just share the bed...nothing more than that. Anyway around it, you've got nothing to worry about, especially with as much as he's communicating with you about what's going on. If there were something going on, he wouldn't be telling you about it. With as much as he's telling you, he has nothing to hide and isn't doing anything wrong. All in all, it's your problem and issues, not his. Sorry if that's a bit harsh, but men can be friends with women, and vice-versa without bumping uglies. When you know someone isn't right for you and that things would never work out romantically or sexually, there still remains the possibility for a valued friendship.

chelle21689 · 08-11-2010, 09:35 AM

When I first questioned her, he use to tell me everything and go along with what I needed to talk about. Apparently, I talk about her too much or bring her up in our conversations that he just gets annoyed now and it's just "end of discussion" kind of thing. So, I tried to get around to ask him about "Why aren't you with her if she's a lot like you and get along" so instead I asked what he thought about him being an extrovert with another extrovert and what he thought about us since I'm an introvert.

In his opinion he thinks extroverts are likely to butt heads especially if both have that "leader" mentality and that introvert with an extrovert is usually how it works. Surprised by his answer. I think I'm an introvert that tends to have an attraction towards extroverts, I notice my closest friends and him are extroverts haha.

chelle21689 · 08-13-2010, 09:54 AM

So NO ONE here thinks that what he's doing is a little disrespectful to me? I mean what about boundaries? He spends the night there almost every day and basically they do everything together from waking up, hanging out, work, and going to sleep. Doesn't anyone think that's excessive???
I already know what all of you guys above think, but I want to know if there's anyone else that thinks differently on here.

Jinn · 08-13-2010, 10:12 AM

I'm pretty sure that's how friendships go. Unless the conditions of your 'monogamous' relationship make it not OK to hang out with another female, I don't see anything particularly wrong. Most monogamy agreements draw the line at kissing, etc. If you're uncomfortable, you're welcome to tell him he shouldn't do that, but I'm not sure it'll be received well. It almost seems like you're saying if you were in his shoes you'd be gettin' it on with the friend, and so you don't see why he wouldn't. A bit unfair to project your self-control on him.

Cimarron29414 · 08-13-2010, 10:38 AM

If you have a ground rule, and he violates it then it is disrespectful. Doesn't sound to me like there is a rule.

chelle, I think you are well on your way to sabotaging this relationship. Consequently, it will not end on good terms or without hurt feelings. Seems to me you need to get over this and FORGET ABOUT IT or break up with him now. The way you are going, he's going to break up with you. Perhaps, that's what you want?

Spartanx9 · 08-13-2010, 01:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chelle21689

Is it even possible to be super close friends without romantic interest??

I'd like to answer this question in hopes of helping you face your jealousy.

Yes it is completely possible to be in this type of relationship. I do have a few very good female friends that I would really consider as sisters more than anything (not to mention they at least treat me better than my actual siblings do, but that's another story in it's entirety). I can't imagine actually dating nor having sex with them, as it would be more awkward than actually romantic. We just don't see each other in that point of light.

Another thing you could be missing that he actually has character and that these thoughts are just that, thoughts. They aren't what's actually going on, and you just need to learn to let it go. (I've been through something like this and I know how hard it can be to not be jealous).

Quote:

Originally Posted by chelle21689

But I don't know what is keeping them from dating.

They are just not interested in each other that way. It happens, I've been there. Very good close friends, just not interested in dating nor sex. Once you can wrap your brain around that, letting go of that jealousy is a lot easier.

chelle21689 · 08-13-2010, 02:42 PM

No, I'm not saying that if I were in his shoes that I'd be getting it on lol. I've had close guy friends, but never THAT close as he is with a girl. I don't really understand it. And yeah, I'll admit that if I spend allllll my time with a guy that has a great personality and is at least kinda cute I'd be having feelings for him. But I avoid those completely. I have some guy friends I hang out with but not as much as he does where its like an all day every day type of thing. I just think its very very rare for something to not develop between a guy and girl with so much time spent together. I don't want him having a deep and intimate connection with some other girl other than me...or at least even close.

Cynthetiq · 08-13-2010, 03:18 PM

I don't think it's disrespectful, if you are uncomfortable with it even a little, it's an issue. It can and probably will grow into a big green monster in the future.

LordEden · 08-13-2010, 06:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chelle21689

When I first questioned her, he use to tell me everything and go along with what I needed to talk about. Apparently, I talk about her too much or bring her up in our conversations that he just gets annoyed now and it's just "end of discussion" kind of thing. So, I tried to get around to ask him about "Why aren't you with her if she's a lot like you and get along" so instead I asked what he thought about him being an extrovert with another extrovert and what he thought about us since I'm an introvert.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cynthetiq

I don't think it's disrespectful, if you are uncomfortable with it even a little, it's an issue. It can and probably will grow into a big green monster in the future.

This to me already says they have problems as she has pushed her insecurities upon him to the point it's pissing him off.

My advice, Chill. BIG chill. Like many said before, if he is going to cheat, it's going to happen. There isn't a damn thing you can do to keep him from doing it (if he wants too at all). There is a way you can PUSH him into her arms, which is bug the everliving shit out of him and throw mounds of teenage drama his way about this girl. He's in the military, he's away from you, he needs friends. Seems like the worse possible thing you can do is be all "I KNOWS you be cheating on me with that HOOCHIE!" and drive 15 hours across the state wearing diapers so that you don't have to stop to pee just to catch him in the act of sitting on her couch.

If you want this to work, you need to trust him to do the right thing. There is really nothing else you can do.

chelle21689 · 08-17-2010, 05:46 PM

I did something bad today and didn't listen to your guys' advice as hard as I tried to. I just asked him to please not hang out with her every day and to make more guy friends if he can. To him, this was another one of my jealousies that I was bringing up AGAIN and he said he was burned out from always arguing with me. He thinks that us breaking up would probably even be good for the both of us but he doesn't want to lose me in his life. We're going to give it another chance even though he doesn't think my jealousy is going to go away. He told me that he's her only friend, she is a very good friend to him, and once again he is definitely not attracted. He said if he could make more friends he would and was like "Do you think I only want just one friend?" He claims he tried to make friends in his company in the Army but a lot of them for some reason don't want to hang out outside the unit.

Well, this was a huge wake up call. I'm starting to make him lose faith in our relationship. He told me he used to think our relationship was invincible and now it's being destroyed. I felt like I was losing him even though he was hanging on...I really felt like we were breaking up.

For months I did try to get over it, but I just couldn't...even though some days I did wake up and was okay with it...some days I weren't. I need to stay on that side of being okay with it and not letting it get to my relationship...I'm going to try my hardest because I feel like this is my last chance at making things okay because my bf says I'm always unhappy and that we argue too much. Sometimes, I think I'll need reassurance, and I'm hoping when I start to feel the insecurity, I would come here to re-read my posts and ask for more advice.

For those who are willing to help me, thank you.

dlish · 08-17-2010, 07:55 PM

ok, i dont think anyone here will argue when i say you screwed up.

you cant tell him what friends to choose and how to relate and interact with those friends. If you keep on keeping on, you can consider this the beginning of the end.

the only thing i can think of is thathe may or may not be in love with this girl and he's blowing up at you for no apparent reason. he may be using this as an excuse to break up with you so he can be with her.

either way, you cant control the relationship from long distance. your choice right now is to choose which priority you deem most important to you.

chelle21689 · 08-17-2010, 08:51 PM

No, I don't think thats it because she has a fiance she's devoted to and he really didn't want to break up with me even though things seemed like they were never going to get better. I'm going to just try and accept it and try to not let it get to me or ruin my relationship...I'm tired of arguing about it. I'm just looking for encouragement here when I start to feel a little insecure about something, whether it's re-reading the posts or whatever. I don't know. All I know is, that it's something I'm going to have to work on.

Cimarron29414 · 08-18-2010, 12:57 PM

I'm sorry, but "work on" is such a cop out. It's like, "Yes, I know I brought it up again, but I hadn't talked about it for two weeks, so that's something...right? I'm working on it, so you have to forgive my slip-ups."

In the immortal words of Yoda, "Do or don't do. There is no 'try'."

He's given you the last warning you can (or should) expect. Drop this silly shit or lose him. It's that simple. Don't EVER talk to him about it again.

Spartanx9 · 08-18-2010, 11:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chelle21689

I'm just looking for encouragement here when I start to feel a little insecure about something, whether it's re-reading the posts or whatever.

Don't be jealous. You have no reason to, unless you really want the relationship to not work. I hope this wake up call from him helped, cause I'm sure that it's the last one you'll be getting from him.

chelle21689 · 08-25-2010, 08:08 PM

So...I thought that I should write in here and give a lil update. Well, it's been a little over a week and we've been doing good. He's been skyping with me A LOT more since her family bought a router, so we'll just be hanging out a lot on there whenever he's online. We have less arguments since I've accepted his friendship with her and have a better relationship. It seems like things are still not strong but we're building on it again.

Honestly, I don't think I'll ever not be jealous. But even though I am jealous it's not as severe, I've learned to deal with it better, and not let it ruin my relationship. I don't have to like it but I've learned to deal with it. I still think what he's doing is unacceptable but he claims it's still his situation he's in. So we'll see once he gets his own apartment or goes to a place with plenty of opportunity to make new friends to see if he doesn't spend every waking moment with her. But yeah, as of right now for the past week I've been better than ever with this.

chelle21689 · 09-24-2010, 12:05 PM

Can I ask u guys somethin? When does it become emotionally cheating?

dlish · 09-24-2010, 07:51 PM

what's changed in a month chelle? i thought all was going swell...

chelle21689 · 09-24-2010, 08:49 PM

Things have been going really well. He visited a couple weeks ago and we had a great time. He's in Airborne school right now actually.

I was just questioning emotional affairs because I ran into some articles online that I've been reading. So I didn't know where the line was between close friends and emotional affairs lol.

CinnamonGirl · 09-24-2010, 09:40 PM

Sweetie....stop. Seriously. You're going to wreck your relationship. You either need to trust him, or break it off.

chelle21689 · 09-25-2010, 08:11 AM

No, it didn't have to do with him why I was reading it. I saw it on a site and I just read it and wondered what is the difference between close friends vs. emotional affairs. Because I used to have guy friends I confided in that I wasn't even attracted to but apparently confiding in them about your relationship problems is part of emotional cheating. That is why I'm asking lol

08-08-2010, 09:55 AM	#1 (permalink)
chelle21689 Tilted	Long distance boyfriend has a new female best friend I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and 2 years long distance. Our 5 year anniversary is this week. Anyways, when he moved across the country with his family, he had no friends, no job, no life basically so he joined the Army Reserve. In training, he met tons of guy friends and some girl friends...when it was time to go back home none of his guy friends were in his unit but this girl from training was. So now they're super close, they go to army drills, language school, airborne school, and they're going to be deployed together. Also, it doesn't help that she lives near the Army unit and he doesn't so when he goes and does army duties he'll spend the night at her place. He says it's easier since he lives over an hour away from the Army unit. But sometimes he'll even extend his stay because she's his only friend and she has a lot of friends to hang out with and that he's lonely for friendship at his home. (She lives with her family still...and my bf lives with his mom still) I've met the girl, I've stayed at her place with my boyfriend several days during my visit. She even gave up her bed for us to sleep in together. When I'm with them, I'm not jealous...but when I'm far away I'm so jealous because they're together all the time and my imagination runs wild. She is cool, but I hate that she is close to my boyfriend! She has a fiance whom is deployed in Iraq...I know she is in love with him but I'm afraid that she could also be in love with my boyfriend too. How do I deal with this? I'm afraid they'll fall in love or that they have a growing attraction. It's been many months of me dealing with this and the jealousy never seems to stop unless I hang out with them. My boyfriend reassures me that he is not attracted to her, she is like a dude, and that it'd never work out between them. I don't know if she tries to make me feel better but she acts really disgusted if someone mentions my bf and her together jokingly. Is it even possible to be super close friends without romantic interest?? I trust him not to cheat physically...but I feel like he should avoid "dangerous" situations!

08-08-2010, 10:44 AM	#2 (permalink)
amonkie Drifting Administrator Location: Windy City	From what I have heard from my own family members in the service, the people in your units become your best friends because you are thrown together, and forced to trust your LIFE in someone else's hands. Wouldn't you want to be close to the person you were giving that kind of trust to? Do you forsee the long distance ever ending? __________________ Calling from deep in the heart, from where the eyes can't see and the ears can't hear, from where the mountain trails end and only love can go... ~~~ Three Rivers Hare Krishna

08-08-2010, 11:10 AM	#4 (permalink)
Martian Young Crumudgeon Location: Canada	One of my very best friends is a woman whom I've never had any romantic interest in whatsoever. While we don't see each other as often these days, there was a time when she slept on my couch nearly every night. I'd cook her dinner and bring her coffee at work. We were as close as it's possible to be without doing the horizontal baby dance. I never felt a thing for her, and as far as I've ever been aware the feeling is entirely mutual. So yes, I can definitively say that it's possible at least for some men and some women to be friends with no sexual or romantic tension. You'd know better than any of us if your boyfriend is one of those men. He's not going to slip and fall into her vagina. Either you trust him or you don't. If you do, there's no problem and you just need to get over it. If not, you at best need to have a Very Serious Talk about the future of your relationship. In a more practical sense, there's always going to be other women. Female friends and co-workers and peers and acquaintances are always going to be a part of his life, and it's a bit unrealistic to say the least for you to expect that he'll curtail these relationships just to cater to your insecurities. Furthermore, I sincerely doubt that you want to be the kind of woman who forces her boyfriend to choose between her and his friends. Even if he were willing to snub this other woman for the sake of your issues, putting that kind of pressure on your relationship is not likely to end well. This goes double for a relationship that's already bearing the burden of long distance. You want to drive him away? Start telling him who he can and can't hang out with, I guarantee he'll get tired of it sooner or later. This is not his problem. This is not the other girl's problem. This is your problem, and you're the one who needs to deal with it. If you want the relationship to work, you're just going to have to figure out how to be okay with this. __________________ I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said - Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

08-08-2010, 01:23 PM	#6 (permalink)
Martian Young Crumudgeon Location: Canada	Sex or love, it's the same issue. The bottom line is either he'll be faithful to you or he won't -- whether we're talking about physical or emotional fidelity, it's the same thing. I'm not saying that it's wrong to feel a little jealousy. What I am saying is that it's up to you to rise above that, and that you're just going to have to figure out how to do so if you want things to work between you. You probably can't stop him from seeing this woman all the time -- from the sounds of it he doesn't have that much choice in the matter himself. But even if you could, it would be pretty much the definition of bitchy girlfriend if you forced him to abandon a close friendship because of your insecurities. And really, let's be honest here. The problem isn't that he's friends with a woman per se, but rather that he's friends with a woman while living thousands of miles away. This isn't a jealousy thing, but rather a distance thing. It's one of the many obstacles that you'll have to surmount to make things work between you. Like everything else when it comes to relationships, there's no manual for this. There's no step-by-step guide. You just have to find a way to set those feelings aside if you want your relationship to be successful. Nobody can tell you how to do that; you'll have to figure it out for yourself. __________________ I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said - Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

08-08-2010, 02:38 PM	#7 (permalink)
lurkette My future is coming on Moderator Emeritus Location: east of the sun and west of the moon	Well, you have a couple of options: - you can let the jealousy get the better of you, pitch a fit, and insist that he stop seeing her so often, or at least stop staying over at her house. Will that really accomplish what you want, which is to know that he is not tempted by a relationship with someone else? Or will you feel controlling and insecure and still wonder what he's doing and who he's with? - you can continue to be jealous and seethe about it but not let on so you'll look all trusting while inside you're writhing with insecurity. - you can look at the root of the jealousy and see if there's anything to be done about it. Speaking from experience, jealousy is something that can be conquered, but it takes a willingness to look unflinchingly at your insecurities and their roots, and then ruthlessly retrain your thinking. It also generally takes the support and cooperation of your partner. Which is hard to get when he's so far away. The bottom line, as Martian says, is either he'll be faithful or he won't. What's up to you - what's always up to you - is how you react to whatever the situation happens to be. I'm also going to point out the obvious, that it sounds like you are both pretty young, and that you started dating in high school. Nothing against that (my college roommate and her boyfriend from sophomore year have been married for 15 years now) but when you add to that the fact that you've spent almost half of your relationship living very far away from each other, well....that's a tough place to be. It must take a lot of commitment. __________________ "If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing." - Anatole France

08-08-2010, 10:57 AM	#3 (permalink)
chelle21689 Tilted	Okay, but there are plenty of other people to become friends with that are men. I honestly would feel better if he was good friends with men then women. Anyways, I'm finishing my bachelor's in 2 years and the plan was for me to move out there and finally end the distance. By then, he should be back from a deployment but I think we may have to extend the distance...it is uncertain because it depends on the Army and his circumstance. He has a good chance of going to language school 6 hours away for about 10 months. He'll likely have to EARN phone privileges, visits, and off-post passes for the first several months. It'd be terrible if I moved to Los Angeles where he is now only to have him go away for a year in a different city and for me to try to move again. That's 2 years from now, so we'll see. Until then we keep visiting every 2-3 months and talking every day.

08-08-2010, 12:46 PM	#5 (permalink)
chelle21689 Tilted	Like I said, I'm not worried about sex. I'm worried about him falling in love with her or her falling in love with him. Putting themselves in situations that could be avoided...they are as close as possible without dating and it's something I've never had to deal with. But honestly, put yourself in my shoes. It's very normal to feel jealousy when you're a couple thousand miles away and some girl comes into his life and they hang out and work together almost every day. It's something very new I'm dealing with... Thank you so much for your response. I was hoping that it was possible to be close to someone without wanting them in that way. It's just that she's pretty attractive and they're a lot alike. Why wouldn't he want her? I'm so far and not there for him. But I know he loves me, he doesn't want to give up on us, and I need to continue to have faith.

08-08-2010, 04:22 PM	#8 (permalink)
Pearl Trade Addict Location: Houston, Texas	I share the same feelings on jealousy. I wouldn't want my girl to get close with any other guy, no matter who it is. That's my emotional side, my logical/rational side says everything is alright and my girl won't do anything. Trust your logical and rational side, Chelle. Jealousy will spread like a disease if you don't do something about it. Do something about what you're feeling and help yourself before you worry about anything. __________________ Our revenge will be the laughter of our children. Give me convenience or give me death!

08-08-2010, 05:06 PM	#9 (permalink)
chelle21689 Tilted	It sucks knowing that we're going to be distanced MORE than we've been TOGETHER. We've known each other for years before we dated and were friends. I'm 21 and he's 22...we're serious. We used to think we had the perfect relationship, at least better than others (lol) but now it's going through challenges. I want so badly to get over this jealousy, I don't know where to start or how... I want to thank everyone so much for the advice and support. I think hearing positive advice helps. Often, I talk to a friend or my sisters and they automatically feed my thoughts with more negativity than I really need. Again, thanks so much.

08-08-2010, 07:59 PM	#10 (permalink)
remy1492 Crazy Location: CA TX LU	Good points Martian, you always have a smooth sense of things. Being in the military and pre-military training since I was 16, I have had issues from my (now ex) finacee. She was fanatically jealous of other girls in the unit and accused me often of doing something with them. Honestly, there was ZERO attraction to those girls, I didnt even try to look down their shirt or at their ass when they turned around. It was more of a brotherhood and easy going friendship. Perhaps the jealousy was over the fact that those girls could joke and shoot the shit with the guys a lot easier than a suspicious girlfriend could. In the end, after many years of accusing me of one thing or another, the relationship ended with her actually cheating. While ironic, she fell ill to her own poison of the mind. Martian is right, he either will find somebody else, or he wont. Thats logic. The moment you step in and try to force his life in a direction, things will get very ugly. There are some things you share in a relationship, and some things better left UNSAID. Leave your suspicions and jealousy unsaid as it will only make things worse. Before you start any drama, always ask yourself "to what good would this serve?" then go from there.

08-08-2010, 10:28 PM	#11 (permalink)
chelle21689 Tilted	Honestly, I'm very surprised at the replies I'm getting that are on my boyfriend's "side". It's not a good thing I'm doing but I've been desperate for advice and opinions that I've posted on other discussion boards and question sites only to receive negative opinions saying I should leave him, he's cheating, doesn't love me, etc. etc. It makes me feel better to hear what you guys are saying. I actually feel a lot better about it and it makes me definitely want to try to be better. I can't promise the jealousy will go away because it will be there. Few months ago I was okay with their friendship then recently I started feeling it again. It comes and goes.

08-08-2010, 11:07 PM	#12 (permalink)
remy1492 Crazy Location: CA TX LU	Of course he could be cheating. But he would be doing that if he was staying over at her place or not. If he were cheating, I am sure he'd lie about staying there though. The bigger picture for your age is to ask how do you want to live your relationships? -with suspicion and pessimism or -with trust and optimism? Both will get you hurt and cause disappointment down the road, it happens to everybody even with good intentions. But remember, you reap what you sow.

08-09-2010, 06:58 AM	#13 (permalink)
Cimarron29414 Still Free Location: comfortably perched at the top of the bell curve!	You have been in this relationship since you were an adolescent and you are viewing it through adolescent eyes, rather than adult eyes. This is ALL you have known your entire adult life. You protect it because it is familiar and you bind yourself to adolescent feelings about this relationship because you were an adolescent when it started. All of that is normal. The fact is, he is now a grown man. It is far easier for him to leave you and start in his town than to remain committed to you and abstain from temptations (which do not exist in this woman you mention). The fact that he is still in this relationship with you, under these difficult circumstances, is a tribute to his character. Admittedly, he may be in this relationship for the same reasons I listed above for you, it binds him to a familiar, easier time. However, your feelings and discussions with him are not constructive in any way. Personally, I believe him. Personally, I believe you are making his life harder than it needs to be. Personally, I believe a distracted soldier is a dead soldier. "Control" is an illusion we create to make it through our lives. You have no control over his choices. He will cheat if he wants, and you will be powerless to stop that. He could live in the same house as you and still cheat. You can have a million conversations with him about your fears, and that won't change the fact that he can do what he wants - so leave it be. Be with him because he makes you happiest, and for no other reason. If your jealousy through distance is making you so unhappy, leave him. It's that simple. __________________ Gives a man a halo, does mead. "Here lies The_Jazz: Killed by an ambitious, sparkly, pink butterfly."

08-09-2010, 09:01 AM	#14 (permalink)
chelle21689 Tilted	I don't mean to stray from our topic but what do you guys think about this? This has nothing to do with me but my friend told me about an issue. She was with her bf for 3 years and he moved to Las Vegas with a bunch of his friends but they'll be together within a year. Recently, he had a girl he met in Las Vegas several months ago he met on vacation that is flying out to Vegas to stay with him and his friends but soley to see him. Does that raise a red flag to you? What should she do about it?

08-09-2010, 09:23 AM	#15 (permalink)
Cimarron29414 Still Free Location: comfortably perched at the top of the bell curve!	With all due respect, we've each spent some time responding to you trying to help YOU through your challenges. Why don't we focus on that, resist projecting other people's challenges onto your situation, and encourage your friend to sign up and start a thread of her own. __________________ Gives a man a halo, does mead. "Here lies The_Jazz: Killed by an ambitious, sparkly, pink butterfly."

08-09-2010, 11:15 AM	#16 (permalink)
chelle21689 Tilted	I'm not trying to take on her problem, I was just curious to have your opinion on it because you guys give good advice lol.

08-09-2010, 04:23 PM	#17 (permalink)
Martian Young Crumudgeon Location: Canada	On the original topic, it's less about taking sides and more about identifying what the real problem is. This woman isn't the problem, nor is it the amount of time he spends with her. Going by what you've told us, I believe the real issue is that you're jealous because she gets to see him so much more than you do. And if we take that as given, there's no point in dumping on boyfriend or even speculating on what he might or might not be doing or feeling. Doing that is like trying to fix your car by replacing the wheels on your bicycle. You're not addressing the issue. So address the issue. Learn to cope. On your friend's issue, I don't think there's anything wrong with changing the subject if you feel we've addressed your original concerns, but at the same time I'd have to know a whole lot more about the situation before I'd be willing to comment. Without knowing the people and relationship dynamics involved it's impossible to say whether or not the situation is on the level. __________________ I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said - Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

08-09-2010, 10:42 PM	#18 (permalink)
chelle21689 Tilted	Yeah, I don't know too much about that situation so oh well. Anyways, I know I need to work on the jealousy part. But I don't know what is keeping them from dating. I noticed she is like a female version of my bf and I even asked my bf if they're a lot alike and he said yeah. Why wouldn't he want to date a girl that is attractive, makes him laugh, great personality, understands him, has the same army job as him, etc.? He tells me he isn't attracted to her in that way (I didn't ask him, he just told me on his own) but how can he not be, ya know? Pretty friend, great personality, what's not to want? Someone tell me :P

08-10-2010, 10:30 AM	#20 (permalink)
chelle21689 Tilted	Hm...I didn't think of it like that...but I can see another side to it to lol.

08-11-2010, 09:35 AM	#22 (permalink)
chelle21689 Tilted	When I first questioned her, he use to tell me everything and go along with what I needed to talk about. Apparently, I talk about her too much or bring her up in our conversations that he just gets annoyed now and it's just "end of discussion" kind of thing. So, I tried to get around to ask him about "Why aren't you with her if she's a lot like you and get along" so instead I asked what he thought about him being an extrovert with another extrovert and what he thought about us since I'm an introvert. In his opinion he thinks extroverts are likely to butt heads especially if both have that "leader" mentality and that introvert with an extrovert is usually how it works. Surprised by his answer. I think I'm an introvert that tends to have an attraction towards extroverts, I notice my closest friends and him are extroverts haha.

08-13-2010, 09:54 AM	#23 (permalink)
chelle21689 Tilted	So NO ONE here thinks that what he's doing is a little disrespectful to me? I mean what about boundaries? He spends the night there almost every day and basically they do everything together from waking up, hanging out, work, and going to sleep. Doesn't anyone think that's excessive??? I already know what all of you guys above think, but I want to know if there's anyone else that thinks differently on here. Last edited by chelle21689; 08-13-2010 at 10:16 AM..

08-13-2010, 10:12 AM	#24 (permalink)
Jinn Lover - Protector - Teacher Location: Seattle, WA	I'm pretty sure that's how friendships go. Unless the conditions of your 'monogamous' relationship make it not OK to hang out with another female, I don't see anything particularly wrong. Most monogamy agreements draw the line at kissing, etc. If you're uncomfortable, you're welcome to tell him he shouldn't do that, but I'm not sure it'll be received well. It almost seems like you're saying if you were in his shoes you'd be gettin' it on with the friend, and so you don't see why he wouldn't. A bit unfair to project your self-control on him. __________________ "I'm typing on a computer of science, which is being sent by science wires to a little science server where you can access it. I'm not typing on a computer of philosophy or religion or whatever other thing you think can be used to understand the universe because they're a poor substitute in the role of understanding the universe which exists independent from ourselves." - Willravel

08-13-2010, 10:38 AM	#25 (permalink)
Cimarron29414 Still Free Location: comfortably perched at the top of the bell curve!	If you have a ground rule, and he violates it then it is disrespectful. Doesn't sound to me like there is a rule. chelle, I think you are well on your way to sabotaging this relationship. Consequently, it will not end on good terms or without hurt feelings. Seems to me you need to get over this and FORGET ABOUT IT or break up with him now. The way you are going, he's going to break up with you. Perhaps, that's what you want? __________________ Gives a man a halo, does mead. "Here lies The_Jazz: Killed by an ambitious, sparkly, pink butterfly."

08-13-2010, 02:42 PM	#27 (permalink)
chelle21689 Tilted	No, I'm not saying that if I were in his shoes that I'd be getting it on lol. I've had close guy friends, but never THAT close as he is with a girl. I don't really understand it. And yeah, I'll admit that if I spend allllll my time with a guy that has a great personality and is at least kinda cute I'd be having feelings for him. But I avoid those completely. I have some guy friends I hang out with but not as much as he does where its like an all day every day type of thing. I just think its very very rare for something to not develop between a guy and girl with so much time spent together. I don't want him having a deep and intimate connection with some other girl other than me...or at least even close.

08-13-2010, 03:18 PM	#28 (permalink)
Cynthetiq Tilted Cat Head Administrator Location: Manhattan, NY	I don't think it's disrespectful, if you are uncomfortable with it even a little, it's an issue. It can and probably will grow into a big green monster in the future. __________________ I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not. What's the best nation in the world? DO-NATION!

08-17-2010, 05:46 PM	#30 (permalink)
chelle21689 Tilted	I did something bad today and didn't listen to your guys' advice as hard as I tried to. I just asked him to please not hang out with her every day and to make more guy friends if he can. To him, this was another one of my jealousies that I was bringing up AGAIN and he said he was burned out from always arguing with me. He thinks that us breaking up would probably even be good for the both of us but he doesn't want to lose me in his life. We're going to give it another chance even though he doesn't think my jealousy is going to go away. He told me that he's her only friend, she is a very good friend to him, and once again he is definitely not attracted. He said if he could make more friends he would and was like "Do you think I only want just one friend?" He claims he tried to make friends in his company in the Army but a lot of them for some reason don't want to hang out outside the unit. Well, this was a huge wake up call. I'm starting to make him lose faith in our relationship. He told me he used to think our relationship was invincible and now it's being destroyed. I felt like I was losing him even though he was hanging on...I really felt like we were breaking up. For months I did try to get over it, but I just couldn't...even though some days I did wake up and was okay with it...some days I weren't. I need to stay on that side of being okay with it and not letting it get to my relationship...I'm going to try my hardest because I feel like this is my last chance at making things okay because my bf says I'm always unhappy and that we argue too much. Sometimes, I think I'll need reassurance, and I'm hoping when I start to feel the insecurity, I would come here to re-read my posts and ask for more advice. For those who are willing to help me, thank you.

08-17-2010, 07:55 PM	#31 (permalink)
dlish Currently sour but formerly Dlishs Super Moderator Location: Australia/UAE	ok, i dont think anyone here will argue when i say you screwed up. you cant tell him what friends to choose and how to relate and interact with those friends. If you keep on keeping on, you can consider this the beginning of the end. the only thing i can think of is thathe may or may not be in love with this girl and he's blowing up at you for no apparent reason. he may be using this as an excuse to break up with you so he can be with her. either way, you cant control the relationship from long distance. your choice right now is to choose which priority you deem most important to you. __________________ An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay? - Filthy

08-17-2010, 08:51 PM	#32 (permalink)
chelle21689 Tilted	No, I don't think thats it because she has a fiance she's devoted to and he really didn't want to break up with me even though things seemed like they were never going to get better. I'm going to just try and accept it and try to not let it get to me or ruin my relationship...I'm tired of arguing about it. I'm just looking for encouragement here when I start to feel a little insecure about something, whether it's re-reading the posts or whatever. I don't know. All I know is, that it's something I'm going to have to work on.

08-18-2010, 12:57 PM	#33 (permalink)
Cimarron29414 Still Free Location: comfortably perched at the top of the bell curve!	I'm sorry, but "work on" is such a cop out. It's like, "Yes, I know I brought it up again, but I hadn't talked about it for two weeks, so that's something...right? I'm working on it, so you have to forgive my slip-ups." In the immortal words of Yoda, "Do or don't do. There is no 'try'." He's given you the last warning you can (or should) expect. Drop this silly shit or lose him. It's that simple. Don't EVER talk to him about it again. __________________ Gives a man a halo, does mead. "Here lies The_Jazz: Killed by an ambitious, sparkly, pink butterfly."

08-25-2010, 08:08 PM	#35 (permalink)
chelle21689 Tilted	So...I thought that I should write in here and give a lil update. Well, it's been a little over a week and we've been doing good. He's been skyping with me A LOT more since her family bought a router, so we'll just be hanging out a lot on there whenever he's online. We have less arguments since I've accepted his friendship with her and have a better relationship. It seems like things are still not strong but we're building on it again. Honestly, I don't think I'll ever not be jealous. But even though I am jealous it's not as severe, I've learned to deal with it better, and not let it ruin my relationship. I don't have to like it but I've learned to deal with it. I still think what he's doing is unacceptable but he claims it's still his situation he's in. So we'll see once he gets his own apartment or goes to a place with plenty of opportunity to make new friends to see if he doesn't spend every waking moment with her. But yeah, as of right now for the past week I've been better than ever with this.

09-24-2010, 12:05 PM	#36 (permalink)
chelle21689 Tilted	Can I ask u guys somethin? When does it become emotionally cheating?

09-24-2010, 07:51 PM	#37 (permalink)
dlish Currently sour but formerly Dlishs Super Moderator Location: Australia/UAE	what's changed in a month chelle? i thought all was going swell... __________________ An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay? - Filthy

09-24-2010, 08:49 PM	#38 (permalink)
chelle21689 Tilted	Things have been going really well. He visited a couple weeks ago and we had a great time. He's in Airborne school right now actually. I was just questioning emotional affairs because I ran into some articles online that I've been reading. So I didn't know where the line was between close friends and emotional affairs lol.

09-24-2010, 09:40 PM	#39 (permalink)
CinnamonGirl She's Actual Size Location: Central Republic of Where-in-the-Hell	Sweetie....stop. Seriously. You're going to wreck your relationship. You either need to trust him, or break it off. __________________ "...for though she was ordinary, she possessed health, wit, courage, charm, and cheerfulness. But because she was not beautiful, no one ever seemed to notice these other qualities, which is so often the way of the world." "Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"

09-25-2010, 08:11 AM	#40 (permalink)
chelle21689 Tilted	No, it didn't have to do with him why I was reading it. I saw it on a site and I just read it and wondered what is the difference between close friends vs. emotional affairs. Because I used to have guy friends I confided in that I wasn't even attracted to but apparently confiding in them about your relationship problems is part of emotional cheating. That is why I'm asking lol