Long distance boyfriend has a new female best friend - Page 2 - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

snowy · 09-25-2010, 08:46 AM

Personally, I think the idea of "emotional cheating" is bullshit. In my life, there have been lots of people I have been emotionally intimate with--and in some cases, as intimate as I am with my husband. Does he think it's emotional cheating? No, I just think I have really good friends. The same is true for him.

Also, the concept is not one I EVER came across in ANY of my classes on family studies/marriage/interpersonal relationships.

A romantic relationship is two parts: emotional intimacy and sexual intimacy.

Further, most people around here will tell you that the partners in a relationship define what cheating is, so it's kind of an issue you'll have to bring up with your partner, not with us, if you really want to know how he sees cheating and establish some groundrules for your relationship.

G5_Todd · 10-02-2010, 01:54 PM

here is the deal, personally I am not attracted to females in the army for the most part....especially if they have the same job as me...now if they have a more femine job such as a nurse that slightly changes it...

when I was deployed every guy who hung out mainly with a chick was banging her....and all of them were in relationships or married...once they got back home none of them are banging anymore...

we just basically said on the airplane when we landed back in the states "ATTENTION FEMALES, YOU ARE ALL UGLY AGAIN, OUT"

dlish · 10-02-2010, 09:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chelle21689

... Because I used to have guy friends I confided in that I wasn't even attracted to but apparently confiding in them about your relationship problems is part of emotional cheating.

i call bullshit emotional cheating. confiding in people is not cheating.

by your standards, a woman confiding intimate details of her personal issues to her female friend is emotional lesbianism. im down with that.

Plan9 · 10-02-2010, 09:54 PM

Oh-ho-ho... emotional cheating isn't bullshit. Women are all about emotional infidelity. They have feelings. It's the type of cheating they do before they get down to gargling balls. It's the type of cheating where they've already moved out with me in their mind and are thinking about how awesome their exboyfriend was despite the fact they broke up with him last year. It isn't necessarily about the sex, that's just part of the romantic glitterpoof.

Women mostly like to cheat with their heads. Men mostly like to cheat with their crotches. That's my view and I'm sticking to it. This view was formed based on what I witnessed, the post-breakup after action review (angry emails), and their final admission of this process as true months later.

If you think I'm full of shit on this please feel free to explain to me why my last few partners became distant, started up a romantic dialogue with their former lovers and then decided to act. I'm not talking fantasy or venting, I'm talking "Suddenly I still love him!" Somebody help me out here.

Plan9 · 10-02-2010, 10:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by G5_Todd

I was a 88M so all we did was drink NA beer and fuck shovel-faced E4 females.

dlish · 10-02-2010, 10:02 PM

read her definition and my response again bro. chelle's definition of emotional cheating is bullshit. confiding in the other sex for the sake of confiding alone isnt cheating.

your definition is different to hers. divulging personal information in the hope that you're going to get laid is cheating.

Plan9 · 10-02-2010, 10:04 PM

Just checking, Dlish. I did read the thread but I got confused regarding some the other TFPer responses and wanted some clarification.

I'm not a genius.

dlish · 10-02-2010, 10:11 PM

you never did visit me here..

clubs close at 3am. they turn off the lights and kick everyone out at 3:01am. all you're left with all the ukrainian, kazaki, chinese and djibouti girls roaming the streets.

maybe chelle's boyfriend will pass by and say hello if he's ever in the area. i'll try keep him away from those girls. god bless his eyes.

Plan9 · 10-02-2010, 10:20 PM

Sorry I didn't visit. I was only there for like 18 hours. Maybe on the way back. I'll need some type of contact info, obviously.

Lady Bear Cub · 10-03-2010, 07:12 AM

5 years and you haven't move with him? What's stopping you?

chelle21689 · 10-03-2010, 11:24 PM

5 years but 2 years long distance. I'm 21, he's 22. I'm in school for a couple more years...By the time I'm done he should be coming back from a deployment. It'd suck to move there and be alone when he's gone for a loooong time

linsdzee · 04-18-2011, 01:33 PM

Wow i just found this forum looking for advice articles, and its scary how much we are in the same situation. This conversation really helped me but I wanted to share some stuff Ive learned from my relationship. You stated at one point how you didn't understand why he wasn't attracted to her because you thought she had all these great qualities. Well I was like you at one point, always jealous, and I never thought I could shake it, but over time and believe me it's still not perfect, but over time it does get better. One thing that I always tell myself whenever I am jealous of some girl that my boyfriend is hanging out with is that he loves me for these reasons, and she doesnt have those qualities. So instead of focusing on the all these qualities that some other girl has, focus on the qualities that YOU have and think about those. Not only will it make you feel better about yourself, but over time all those jealousy issues will fade away and you and your boy can be happy. I hope all is well with you two and wish you the best of luck!

EventHorizon · 04-18-2011, 05:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by snowy

I think the idea of "emotional cheating" is bullshit.

...

A romantic relationship is two parts: emotional intimacy and sexual intimacy.

to your first statement i say shenanigans. to you second i question: does that mean that a relationship is a close friend that you have sex with? are friends just SOs that you don't have sex with? there is definitely an aspect of this you're missing: romance. My SO had a really good friend; i didn't care. she started hanging out with him a lot at night, still don't care. She starts going on dates and stargazing and shit during time we're supposed to be hanging out, i draw the line. Maybe Baraka can help me out with the right diction for the occurrence, but all i can think of right now is "romance". She wasn't dating him, she wasn't having sex with him, but they were definitely becoming romantically involved.

long story short: i stopped hanging out with her. she stopped hanging out with dude for me. he confesses that he loved her. emotional cheating? yup

chinese crested · 04-19-2011, 12:55 AM

'So NO ONE here thinks that what he's doing is a little disrespectful to me? I mean what about boundaries? He spends the night there almost every day and basically they do everything together from waking up, hanging out, work, and going to sleep. Doesn't anyone think that's excessive???'
I do think you are being disrespectfull to your boyfriends mate. She has welcomed you into her home and treated you with courtesy and consideration and kindness. She could have kept her bed and dumped the pair of you on the living room sofa with no privacy. I also think you are being disrespectfull to your boyfriend, who has not done anything erronious to your knowledge, by accusing him of having poor morals. I also think the problem is of your making.
You could always try the Hans Fritzel method of secure loving relationships - do you have a cellar?
Is your college women only? Do you ever sit near men in the library or the lecture room who share your interests? Are you constantly considering shagging them? What about girls you study with? How can he be sure you are not drinking from the hairy goblet? You are basing all this on an article you read on line somewhere - what was the proven reputation of its author? If I had slept with every man I met and worked with, I would be bow legged and unable to stop a pig in a passage. Why would this lady want a man who would screw around on his girlfriend - she would know if he would do it to you, he would do it to her - is she that stupid - doesnt sound like she is uncaring by her behaviour towards you. Sounds more like she is a loyal friend to him, and that she has tried to extend the hand of friendship to you. If you honestly think she is the slag you are painting her to be, you should certainly not accept her hospitality. To do so and then back stab her is very poor form dont you think.
Carry on with the suspicions and kill your relationship if you want to - if its worth so little.
Beware the dangers of becoming a bunny boiler.

---------- Post added at 12:55 AM ---------- Previous post was at 12:51 AM ----------

I have close friends who I love, like chosen family. Why would I want to sleep with someone I consider sister or brother - that would be like mental incest wouldnt it. Why would your boyfriend want to mess up his head sleeping with a fellow soldier? Are you not worried about all the men he has closer contact with - the ones who get naked with him. Maybe he confides in some of them, maybe he is close to them.

09-25-2010, 08:46 AM	#41 (permalink)
snowy Kick Ass Kunoichi Location: Oregon	Personally, I think the idea of "emotional cheating" is bullshit. In my life, there have been lots of people I have been emotionally intimate with--and in some cases, as intimate as I am with my husband. Does he think it's emotional cheating? No, I just think I have really good friends. The same is true for him. Also, the concept is not one I EVER came across in ANY of my classes on family studies/marriage/interpersonal relationships. A romantic relationship is two parts: emotional intimacy and sexual intimacy. Further, most people around here will tell you that the partners in a relationship define what cheating is, so it's kind of an issue you'll have to bring up with your partner, not with us, if you really want to know how he sees cheating and establish some groundrules for your relationship. __________________ If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

10-02-2010, 01:54 PM	#42 (permalink)
G5_Todd Junkie Location: Reichstag	here is the deal, personally I am not attracted to females in the army for the most part....especially if they have the same job as me...now if they have a more femine job such as a nurse that slightly changes it... when I was deployed every guy who hung out mainly with a chick was banging her....and all of them were in relationships or married...once they got back home none of them are banging anymore... we just basically said on the airplane when we landed back in the states "ATTENTION FEMALES, YOU ARE ALL UGLY AGAIN, OUT" __________________ "....and when you men get home and face an anti-war protester, look him in the eyes and shake his hand. Then, wink at his girlfriend, because she knows she's dating a pussy." -General Franks

10-02-2010, 09:54 PM	#44 (permalink)
Plan9 I Confess a Shiver	Oh-ho-ho... emotional cheating isn't bullshit. Women are all about emotional infidelity. They have feelings. It's the type of cheating they do before they get down to gargling balls. It's the type of cheating where they've already moved out with me in their mind and are thinking about how awesome their exboyfriend was despite the fact they broke up with him last year. It isn't necessarily about the sex, that's just part of the romantic glitterpoof. Women mostly like to cheat with their heads. Men mostly like to cheat with their crotches. That's my view and I'm sticking to it. This view was formed based on what I witnessed, the post-breakup after action review (angry emails), and their final admission of this process as true months later. If you think I'm full of shit on this please feel free to explain to me why my last few partners became distant, started up a romantic dialogue with their former lovers and then decided to act. I'm not talking fantasy or venting, I'm talking "Suddenly I still love him!" Somebody help me out here. Last edited by Plan9; 10-02-2010 at 10:01 PM..

10-02-2010, 10:02 PM	#46 (permalink)
dlish Currently sour but formerly Dlishs Super Moderator Location: Australia/UAE	read her definition and my response again bro. chelle's definition of emotional cheating is bullshit. confiding in the other sex for the sake of confiding alone isnt cheating. your definition is different to hers. divulging personal information in the hope that you're going to get laid is cheating. __________________ An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay? - Filthy

10-02-2010, 10:04 PM	#47 (permalink)
Plan9 I Confess a Shiver	Just checking, Dlish. I did read the thread but I got confused regarding some the other TFPer responses and wanted some clarification. I'm not a genius. Last edited by Plan9; 10-02-2010 at 10:08 PM..

10-02-2010, 10:11 PM	#48 (permalink)
dlish Currently sour but formerly Dlishs Super Moderator Location: Australia/UAE	you never did visit me here.. clubs close at 3am. they turn off the lights and kick everyone out at 3:01am. all you're left with all the ukrainian, kazaki, chinese and djibouti girls roaming the streets. maybe chelle's boyfriend will pass by and say hello if he's ever in the area. i'll try keep him away from those girls. god bless his eyes. __________________ An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay? - Filthy

10-02-2010, 10:20 PM	#49 (permalink)
Plan9 I Confess a Shiver	Sorry I didn't visit. I was only there for like 18 hours. Maybe on the way back. I'll need some type of contact info, obviously.

10-03-2010, 07:12 AM	#50 (permalink)
Lady Bear Cub Crazy Location: north carolina	5 years and you haven't move with him? What's stopping you? __________________ "I give myself very good advice, But I very seldom follow it, Will I ever learn to do the things I should?"

10-03-2010, 11:24 PM	#51 (permalink)
chelle21689 Tilted	5 years but 2 years long distance. I'm 21, he's 22. I'm in school for a couple more years...By the time I'm done he should be coming back from a deployment. It'd suck to move there and be alone when he's gone for a loooong time

04-18-2011, 01:33 PM	#52 (permalink)
linsdzee Upright	Wow i just found this forum looking for advice articles, and its scary how much we are in the same situation. This conversation really helped me but I wanted to share some stuff Ive learned from my relationship. You stated at one point how you didn't understand why he wasn't attracted to her because you thought she had all these great qualities. Well I was like you at one point, always jealous, and I never thought I could shake it, but over time and believe me it's still not perfect, but over time it does get better. One thing that I always tell myself whenever I am jealous of some girl that my boyfriend is hanging out with is that he loves me for these reasons, and she doesnt have those qualities. So instead of focusing on the all these qualities that some other girl has, focus on the qualities that YOU have and think about those. Not only will it make you feel better about yourself, but over time all those jealousy issues will fade away and you and your boy can be happy. I hope all is well with you two and wish you the best of luck!

04-19-2011, 12:55 AM	#54 (permalink)
chinese crested Insane Location: hampshire	'So NO ONE here thinks that what he's doing is a little disrespectful to me? I mean what about boundaries? He spends the night there almost every day and basically they do everything together from waking up, hanging out, work, and going to sleep. Doesn't anyone think that's excessive???' I do think you are being disrespectfull to your boyfriends mate. She has welcomed you into her home and treated you with courtesy and consideration and kindness. She could have kept her bed and dumped the pair of you on the living room sofa with no privacy. I also think you are being disrespectfull to your boyfriend, who has not done anything erronious to your knowledge, by accusing him of having poor morals. I also think the problem is of your making. You could always try the Hans Fritzel method of secure loving relationships - do you have a cellar? Is your college women only? Do you ever sit near men in the library or the lecture room who share your interests? Are you constantly considering shagging them? What about girls you study with? How can he be sure you are not drinking from the hairy goblet? You are basing all this on an article you read on line somewhere - what was the proven reputation of its author? If I had slept with every man I met and worked with, I would be bow legged and unable to stop a pig in a passage. Why would this lady want a man who would screw around on his girlfriend - she would know if he would do it to you, he would do it to her - is she that stupid - doesnt sound like she is uncaring by her behaviour towards you. Sounds more like she is a loyal friend to him, and that she has tried to extend the hand of friendship to you. If you honestly think she is the slag you are painting her to be, you should certainly not accept her hospitality. To do so and then back stab her is very poor form dont you think. Carry on with the suspicions and kill your relationship if you want to - if its worth so little. Beware the dangers of becoming a bunny boiler. ---------- Post added at 12:55 AM ---------- Previous post was at 12:51 AM ---------- I have close friends who I love, like chosen family. Why would I want to sleep with someone I consider sister or brother - that would be like mental incest wouldnt it. Why would your boyfriend want to mess up his head sleeping with a fellow soldier? Are you not worried about all the men he has closer contact with - the ones who get naked with him. Maybe he confides in some of them, maybe he is close to them.