Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - Long distance boyfriend has a new female best friend

Martian · 08-08-2010, 11:10 AM

One of my very best friends is a woman whom I've never had any romantic interest in whatsoever. While we don't see each other as often these days, there was a time when she slept on my couch nearly every night. I'd cook her dinner and bring her coffee at work. We were as close as it's possible to be without doing the horizontal baby dance. I never felt a thing for her, and as far as I've ever been aware the feeling is entirely mutual. So yes, I can definitively say that it's possible at least for some men and some women to be friends with no sexual or romantic tension. You'd know better than any of us if your boyfriend is one of those men.

He's not going to slip and fall into her vagina. Either you trust him or you don't. If you do, there's no problem and you just need to get over it. If not, you at best need to have a Very Serious Talk about the future of your relationship.

In a more practical sense, there's always going to be other women. Female friends and co-workers and peers and acquaintances are always going to be a part of his life, and it's a bit unrealistic to say the least for you to expect that he'll curtail these relationships just to cater to your insecurities. Furthermore, I sincerely doubt that you want to be the kind of woman who forces her boyfriend to choose between her and his friends. Even if he were willing to snub this other woman for the sake of your issues, putting that kind of pressure on your relationship is not likely to end well. This goes double for a relationship that's already bearing the burden of long distance. You want to drive him away? Start telling him who he can and can't hang out with, I guarantee he'll get tired of it sooner or later.

This is not his problem. This is not the other girl's problem. This is your problem, and you're the one who needs to deal with it. If you want the relationship to work, you're just going to have to figure out how to be okay with this.

08-08-2010, 11:10 AM	#4 (permalink)
Martian Young Crumudgeon Location: Canada	One of my very best friends is a woman whom I've never had any romantic interest in whatsoever. While we don't see each other as often these days, there was a time when she slept on my couch nearly every night. I'd cook her dinner and bring her coffee at work. We were as close as it's possible to be without doing the horizontal baby dance. I never felt a thing for her, and as far as I've ever been aware the feeling is entirely mutual. So yes, I can definitively say that it's possible at least for some men and some women to be friends with no sexual or romantic tension. You'd know better than any of us if your boyfriend is one of those men. He's not going to slip and fall into her vagina. Either you trust him or you don't. If you do, there's no problem and you just need to get over it. If not, you at best need to have a Very Serious Talk about the future of your relationship. In a more practical sense, there's always going to be other women. Female friends and co-workers and peers and acquaintances are always going to be a part of his life, and it's a bit unrealistic to say the least for you to expect that he'll curtail these relationships just to cater to your insecurities. Furthermore, I sincerely doubt that you want to be the kind of woman who forces her boyfriend to choose between her and his friends. Even if he were willing to snub this other woman for the sake of your issues, putting that kind of pressure on your relationship is not likely to end well. This goes double for a relationship that's already bearing the burden of long distance. You want to drive him away? Start telling him who he can and can't hang out with, I guarantee he'll get tired of it sooner or later. This is not his problem. This is not the other girl's problem. This is your problem, and you're the one who needs to deal with it. If you want the relationship to work, you're just going to have to figure out how to be okay with this. __________________ I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said - Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame