prefect

I've been dating my gf for a little over a year, and I've become really attached. We started in high school, and we both just finished our freshman year (lucky enough to go to the same college) together. Our sex life had gone down the tubes months ago. She said she just wasnt in the mood anymore. I always do things for her, compliment her, help her whenever I can, but she just sorta stopped reciprocating it so much. For instance I always rub her head, scratch her back ,rub her legs, give her massages etc. Nothing in return.

But anyway, I'm not here to complain. Heres what happened. The other day she says shes going to the movies with her friend. Then she says "I'm gonna tell you something I dont want you to be mad, just trust me" I say ok and she says "I'm going with my friend, her bf, and her bfs friend" her bfs friend being another male. I'm not going because we had recently decided that our decline might be due to spending too much time together (seeing eachother every single day in a tense school situation can do that). Then the next day were in the car and she says "yeah.. so theres something I have to tell you" i say ok.. and well, it turns out she kissed this other guy. twice. with tongue. so she wants to take a break because she likes this guy and she loves me, she just wants to be able to enjoy a bit of time alone and be able to do whatever she wants to do. I can understand this because both of us have been from one relationship right into another for the last 4-5 years of our lives.

Sorry for all the crap to read, but the base of this is I'm having trouble coping. She tells me to do the same she is doing, enjoy time to myself, but my problem is I get very lonely, and now that I'm home from school for the summer I dont have any friends except her and her friends.

I cant stop crying, I cant eat, I just generally feel horrible and I want it all to end.

I'm hoping somebody out there has a "success after break" story.

If your going to tell me it wont work and my girlfriend is a horrible person, please dont bother replying at all.

Help

la petite moi

I'm not going to say your girlfriend is horrible person; however, I will say that people like this aren't worth your time. I know you want someone to tell you their success after break story, but from an experience I had, there is no success (at least, in my case).

The guy I was "dating" basically used me as his tutour and his smoke-out buddy. He led me on to think that we would start really dating and that he loved me. Turns out he was with another girl the entire time.

My point is, this girl is probably just using you for her self-esteem. She is also probably doing the same with that other guy.

If I were you, I would wean myself off her. Seriously, try to find new friends. Get new hobbies. Yeah, easy said than done, but after awhile, things will look up. For example, after being horribly heartbroken by both of my ex-boyfriends break ups, I finally ended becoming friends with them both again.

Good luck.

scott_p_1

Yeah, I had pretty much the exact same thing happen a few years ago. It wrecked me pretty bad for a while too. I was really depressed for a while, started eating a lot less, etc., kinda like you.

I did move on though, I dated a couple other people and had some fun. I had a lot of experiences that I probably wouldn't have had otherwise. If I had stayed with her, I probably would have gone a lot fewer trips; never do a couple of work terms up here in Ottawa (was living in Halifax at the time) and then never have moved up here and met all the cool people and had all the cool experiences that I did.

It'll take a while, and it sounds hard to do right now, but attempt to stay positive. You're probably gonna feel pretty bad for a while, but when you start to move on, with a positive attitude, things will turn out great.

For now, to get your frustrations out, try to excercise. It's a great release, and then when you're back in the game, ladies love a man who's physically fit!

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<Insert witty and profound statements here>

Lead543

Gimme her address, I'll egg her house.

I have a *sorta* success after break story.

I dated a boy for 9 months, we went on a break for reasons I don't know. Got back together. He dumped me a month later, got back together and then he dumped me again a month later. The problem was, we kept breaking up because we didn't wanna be together and getting back together because it was a habit, I'd miss doing things with him, I didn't miss him.

I don't think that she should go on a break with you and hook up with another guy however. If she wants some "single" time, that's understandable, that's the best way to grow as an individual. But basically she's jumping onside with another guy.

My advice is to take this time to learn more about yourself. Bla bla bla. Cliché I know. I was single for 11 months with no friends at all. Best thing that ever happened to me hands down. I have hobbies now! Haha, I have interests, goals, desires and now that I have a boyfriend, I can enjoy his company in a way I never thought possible.

Hang in there, don't let her string you along and hopefully this made some sense.

chickentribs

Hang in there - Obviously there isn't going to be anybody that knows enough about you and your girlfriend to predict anything meaningful. Time will tell...

What's cool though, is that you have a lot of people here willing to spend time and hear your stories and share thiers. A lot of us have felt what your feeling although that may be hard for you to believe right now... I would encourage you listen to anybody's success story who puts it forward, not just specific stories that apply to you. Isn't it cool just to know that people want to listen to you and are hoping the best for your situation?

__________________
Oft expectation fails...
and most oft there Where most it promises
- Shakespeare, W.

Seaver

It's happened to us all before. All I can say is drop her fast. She'll want to come back to you because she'll say it was a mistake.. while what it will really mean is he dropped her.

The killer part is if you give her more than 8 months... she'll start to justify it. My ex turned the story into a made up fact of we were broken up... just so she could tell my friend (who she apparently liked) that she had never cheated before.

I know how hard it is. Just turn whatever you're feeling into something positive. Work out, it'll get your mind off her, it'll give you more confidence.. and your body will look better for the next girl.

cellophanedeity

I'd say that you need to try to get over her prefect. I'm very sorry, but sometimes this happens. If she had wanted to just open the relationship, and see both of you, then I could understand.

Just because your relationship has changed doesn't necissarily mean that you can't stay friends with the same people. If she intends on this to be friendly, and you want to keep things a bit cooler, then try to act relatively normal. You can still hang out if it doesn't hurt too much, and you can still see the same group of people.

Best of luck Prefect. If you ever need anything, you know that we'll all try our best to help.

ronan

yeah man, i have had basically the exact same fucking situation... i couldn't handle it man, we just broke up after seeing each other every fucking day for ages.. the thing was, for months beforehand, i knew we had to end it(no sex, etc.), even though i had no one to goto... but.. i was weak, and whenever i tried to break it off, she would just cry, so i'd say "okay, we don't have to break up"...

then, all of a sudden, she finds a guy that shes interested in, and she just fully breaks it off(ignores me, doesn't talk to me, tells me shes going to the zoo with some other guy etc.)... i couldn't take it man... i even drove past her house like 3 weeks later, saw the guys car there.. did a massive burnout.. woke everybody up and shit... but anyway.. damn that pissed me off.. i was just starting some college, the first day i had to stop before i got there, to cry my fucking eyes out.. talked about feeling fucked up.. the TRUTH is, its probably not meant to be anyway.. you're just feeling lonely and depressed.. and its fucking hard... but YOU gotta keep positive buddy.. in time, you will realise how good it was for you to actually break up... you get, SO MUCH MORE shit accomplished when you're not in a relationship like that... you get a chance to live your life.. and, as for success after something like this.. the chick that done this to me, is currently one of my best friends.. i'd never fuck her again.. but we talk whenever.. she has her guys, and i have my girls... its good.

give it time, you'll be able to see what was really happening from a different perspective.

time is painful, but it heals.

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i am enlightened

MoJoPokeyBlue

This may be a bit strange, but she sounds like a wonderful person. Your relationship has drifted apart, but she's obviously still worried about you and doesn't want to hurt you.

There are many times in our lives that we "know" the world isn't ending...but it sure feels that way. You need to surround yourself with your family and friends and let them know what's going on. It is possible to get through this yourself, but trust me...it's a lot easier with other people there to help. Chances are they've been through something similar in the past and will know exactly what you're going through. They'll be understanding and will help you through this difficult time in your life.

Continue to post is this forum about what you're feeling; I'm sure you'll continue to get some positive responses and feedback.

MoJo

Vincentt

I dunno, I am not going to say she is a shitty person.

But you need to get over her and move on. She cheated on you!! she went on DATES with him while you were going out. I wouldn't be suprised if she has done more and that was the cause of the decline.

She is dead to you now, go find someone else.

Study abroad, it rocks, and you prob didn't think about it before beccause you didn't want to leave your girl friend. Now you are unattached and can do something great.

I hate your girlfriend (ex-girlfriend) so it is easy for me to say this, you unfortuantely love her so it might not be as easy.

"Get over it" is easy advice. But you can't just follow it so easy right?

I say study abroad, it isn't going to solve all your problems but it is a great thing to do, and will make you a better person.

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hossified

uhhh...dude.....it isn't going to work (for now at least). She is basically breaking up with you, in the easiest, nicest way she can. If she wants to go out and makeout with other guys...than its over. Everyone has gone thru this with their 'first love'....and its tough at the start...but there is soo much better out there. Why kill yourself, and do all the work for nothing in return. I suggest you stop hanging out with her and talking to her (yes it willbe hard)....and you will eventually move on to bigger and better things. And when she just screwed around by the next guy and wants to fall back onto you like a safety net....DO NOT take her back...if you do you are only setting yourself up for heartache all over again.

2sheds

first off, i'm sorry you're having to go through all this.

it sounds to me like she wants to break up with you but can't bring herself to up and do it proper like. my ex-wife was the same way. she still loves you and doesn't want to hurt you, but wants to move on.

it sucks when a couple gets out of synch like that.

she did have the courage and honesty to tell you about the other guy, which to me says good things about her character. that's infinitely better than finding out she's been lying and cheating.

the good news is you're still young and have three more years (at least ) of college to meet new people and have fun. same basic thing happened to me - high school gf and i went to the same college and broke up midway thru the second year. i ended up meeting the "girl of my dreams" after her and marrying her. those dreams may have became nightmares eventually, but that's another story

hang in there dude, time heals.

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Depression is just anger without enthusiasm. It’s having an empty beer bottle but no one to throw it at.

Seaver

Hate to sound like a dick... but she isn't nice. If she was nice she would not have gone on dates with him while she had a bf. If she was nice she would never had cheated on her bf with this guy.

She's wrong, she knows she's wrong, and this is her way of pretending she IS nice. She's going through half measures trying to break it to him gently but what it does it make it worse.

prefect

To be perfectly honest, I had cheated on her before, in the very beginning (first month) of our relationship with my ex. It wasnt a clean break, and things got messy.

I know I'm crazy (its part of this love nonsense) but I do believe in her. We are still supposed to get an apartment together for the fall semester, and carry out the rest of our plans we had made out together, she just wants time off. If you understood her situation better, maybe you would understand my position. She has always been under the close eye of her parents. Specifically her mother, is completely paranoid. When we went to college her mom wanted her to put her laptop in a safe when she wasnt using it. The woman is a psycho. Its my personal belief that that has something to do with her wanting to have freedom, because she has also been blowing off her parents too (not in an agressive way, but in the expected way).

At the moment I dont have much of a choice but to ride it out. In my heart and in my head I beleive things will be ok, and hopefully by the end of the summer this will all be over.

the_marq

A scenario to consider:


Girl: Hi honey. I know we have been dating for a while now and I really really love you, but... well I kinda want to fuck this other dude.
Boy: Uhh, well I suppose that would be OK. So long as you still love me... and once you get bored with him you'll come back to me right? How long will that take?
Girl:Ummm, I dunno a month maybe.
Boy:Sounds good to me. I just got a new game for my X-box anyway. Have fun! Love you...

Call me a pessimist, but I just don't see it working. I understand that you are afraid of losing her if you make a big noise over her starting to see other people .. however. Once she starts seeing other people I don't see it ending.

You don't own her and can't tell her what to do, nevertheless you can make your position clear. While putting your foot down might very well push her away if it was me, I'd rather be able to say "I tried" as opposed to "I shoulda done something."

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The Truth:

Johnny Cash could have kicked Bruce Lee's ass if he wanted to.

#3 in a series

Vincentt

I think she was screwing this guy the past few months.

You should forget about her, but if you have already decided, what do you need us for?

I'm sure she will use you as a safty for years to come.

All I can say is if you let her go fuck some guy for a while then take her back she will do it again. And.. you would be a big pussy whiped man.

shit... IF i was trying to do this to some girl
and this girl let me go off and screw around and come back to her
I would dumb her all over just because she let me do it.... I couldn't be with someone who would be okay with that...

IT IS OVER

you should just be glad this was done NOW and not after you moved in together.

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Powderedmaggot

If the two of you are taking a break make sure you don't sit and pine for her. Take full advantage of the break to see others.

la petite moi

Dude, lay off a bit. This guy is obviously hurting right now, and calling him names will do absolutely nothing.

Charlatan

I'd say make a clean break.

You are young and in University. Get out there and sample what life has to offer.


There are few times more maleable than your University years... at this age you will do a lot of changing and will so will she... Don't fight this change. Embrace it. It will hurt to let her go but so be it.

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"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars."
- Old Man Luedecke

c172g

Your girlfriend is going to go out with other guys. IF you get back together you will constantly be thinking about her blowing another guy/sleeping with them/etc. Make a clean break, go through the lull that follows, you'll lose a few pounds & can take some time to get in shape or whatever. Begin looking elsewhere, you owe it to yourself. As I said, it will not work out with your ex once she starts dating other guys. Sorry for the bad news but it's reality.

MEAD

Its gone. It would be unhealthy to go back to it. It will hurt you every single time, and you will never trust her. Do whatever you can to stay away from her. It doesnt matter how good a person you think she is, or really is. She mishandled your emotions and you deserve better. If she wasnt right, which she isnt for what she did, then someone else is right, take solice in the fact that you arnt trapped with this girl, and missing out on finding the right person for you. Its going to feel like shit, it will be long and painful. Think of your life before herand how you were happy without her ever in your life, and dont coneren yourself with being her friend or even considering her thoughts at all, it will not work so there is no point in worrying about what she thinks. The fact is that this relationship is over and will not be put back together if you know whats good for you. Let it suck. Evertime you entertain ideas about being back with her, do your best to tell yourself it wont and cant happen, you wont believe it for a long time, but it will help condition your midn and get you over her faster, you'll never move on if you secretly hold fantasies of it working out, you will miss out on so much happiness.

__________________
Here are some phrases I'd like to be able to say, in all honesty, before I die.
"That's it, send out the ninjas!"
"So then I had to kill my way to the second floor."

tooth

If she truly cared for you, she wouldn't be with him.


MOVE ON!

Daniel_

When I was at college my GF (after three years together) screwed my flatmate.

For three months.

Behind my back.

We split. I got depressed, got laid, cheered up.

She split from my flatmate and we got back together. Another 5 years later we married, and after 5 years of mariage had a daughter.

So that's my success story.

Sadly just after our eighth wedding anniversary my wife gave me a case of thrush and told me that she was screwing a guy she met online.

So it wasn't that perfect a success.

This time I did what I should have done when we were 20. I kicked her out, and met the woman I wish I'd been with for all those years.

I guess the point of my post is that nobody can tell you how to be, but you. In the end every life ends in death and failure, but it's the JOURNEY that matters. Live your own life in the best way you can, and if your own pride requires you to take her back after she's fucked another guy for kicks, then do it, and be happy that you did.

If you really want to be cynical, call her up and tell her about the great chick you met at a night club. If she freaks, then you'll know that she wanted to screw another guy, but didn't want you to get laid.

It's got to work both ways or it's not equitable.

tooth

There is a lesson in here kids. Hope it sinks in.

Cimarron29414

You are deceiving yourself in order to comfort yourself during a time of pain. Start looking for another roommate for the fall semester. It will be a terrible mistake not to. Take ownership of your own fate, don't place it in the hands of a silly little girl. You are better than this and you know it.

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Gives a man a halo, does mead.

"Here lies The_Jazz: Killed by an ambitious, sparkly, pink butterfly."

Fett56

I'm in a similar situation. Recently the girl I've been with for the past 2 months told me this whole time shes been trying to decide between me and her ex... I thought long and hard about leaving her... it just annoyed me that the whole time that had been hanging over it all. Shes told me I shouldnt try to kiss her again until she has sorted some things out... So far I've been patient, too patient I think, but I really care about her... just hearing that she hasnt decided between me and her ex really hurt though, and she didnt even realize how it could affect me. I can sort of imagine what you are going through, but to have it happen after so long would tear me apart. Think long and hard about whether or not she is worth it, then decide.

rival

I've been there and done that. You're just getting done with your first year in college, both of your lives are changing. The two of you are going to grow apart sooner or later. Make a clean break now or you'll end up regretting the wasted time later.

prefect

She hasnt been doing anything behind my back aside from this night, I can guarantee that.

shrubbery

It seems to situation is a bit more complicated than I first thought when I read your post. Clearly you don't want to leave her for good, but the same time you realize that's the right thing to do. So, what about giving her an ultimatum? As just about everyone above me said; to be put on hold barely works in telephone conversations, so it definatly doesn't work in relationships.

I would also confront her with the fact that she really hurt you. Either she doesn't know how much she hurt you by cheating on you or she's extremely self-centered. Probably a mix of the two. Even if you're hurt, be mad at her. You've got a right too. Don't do the big mistake that so many people do and blame yourself for her treating you badly.

Relationship or not, it seems that you're a bit too attached to this girl. College has tons of social activities, so join up and make some new friends. If you're not the "type", pretend that you are and you'll be the type before you know what the hell happend.

Willravel

Please excuse the disection method of response, but I feel it is necessary:
Have you noticed a lot of sad posts start really happy and positive? I wonder if that is to help the reader understand the contrast between before and after things went horribly wrong. Well, the story sounds like the end of a Disney movie so far...
I hate being right. Seriously.
It sounds as if her interest is leaving you. You might consider a direct question that puts her in control like, "What do you want to do tonight?" or "Where do you want me to kiss you?". Often the loss of interest is symptomatic of boredom and her interests falling elsewhere (sometimes, unfortunatally, with other guys).
This is never a good sign. As much as I hate to admit it, often it is when people ask you to trust them that they don't deserve the trust. Hopefully this isn't one of those times.
Wow. I'm so sorry. Perspective: she has been less and less effectionate over the last few months, and then goes on a double date with her friend and ends up cheating on you, then procedes to brake up with you. Sound about right? She treated you like crap, and you clearly didn't deserve it. I'm not telling you to go and feel sorry for yourself, but you are justified in being down. You need to let yourself greive. Talk to someone about how you feel, and let it all come out. It's more healthy to sort it all out in order to have closure later. I'm not saying it's over for you two forever, but it seems like she wants to go out and act like a kid for a while, but you want more commitment. Those are two very different directions.
Certianally no need to apologize. This is tough as hell, and you have some stuff to work threough. It's important for you to have some friends of your own to lean on right now. I don't reccomend leaning on any of her friends. If it gets bad, don't be afraid to talk it out with a psychologist (we're really good listeners).
Um...please eat. Actually, don't just eat, eat good. A good way to battle being depressed is diet and exercise. Eat a lot of fresh fruits and veggies and try to get out and exercise. I can pretty much assure you that it'll help you feel better. Also, consider what you wmant when you said "I want it all to end." Be sure you know you mean you want to feel better, and not something worse.
One order of experiwece coming right up. Warning, it's a bit long.

I was a big nerd in highschool, and I loved it. I wasn't able to do sports because of a heart condition, so I went the music route. I was in band and had a blast. A friend asked if I could help her with her senior project, a musical, and I figured why not. I sang the part of the Phantom in the Phantom of the Opera. By the way, I really don't like the Phantom of the Opera, I just like performing. That night when I was getting ready, I met a lot of the choir members who had come to support my friend. Neways, I was playing the piano in one of the practice rooms to chase away to butterflies when a few people came in to listen. One of them was particularly interested (and quite beautiful). She introduced herself and I did the same and I asked her if she wanted to get married. I guess she thought my awkward attempt at humor and flirting was endeering, so she said sure. We went out to a Japanese tea garden on our first date and really hit it off. I decided to join choir to spend more time with her. We spent a ton of time together for the next year. The choir went on a cruise to Mexico and I popped the ""L" word. She popped it right back.

Then fate stepped in. My dad cot a call to another church and we had to move really quickly. Suddenly we went from 4 miles apart to over 300. She (being a year ahead of me in school) went off to college 400 miles from me. I went to visit her every weekend for maybe 6 or 7 months. It got to be very tiring, so the visits were less frequent, but we were still hanging in there. Then another problem. As we were together less and less we each got more lonely, and it became easier to look elsewhere for an end to the lonlyness. Eventually she met someone at her school and wanted to brake up before she was tempted more. I was heart broken. She said that if we were closer, we wouldn't have a problem (I'm not so sure). We stayed in touch, but grew apart. Eventually we were only speaking every few months.

I decided to just get on with my life after I had finished mourning the relationship. I contacted an old friend who was an expert nutritionist and get into shape (something I'd not been in since I was a freshman in highschool). It took me some time and a lot of effort, but I really got my life on track. I got into a great school and into good shape. I met the most beautiful woman in the world and fell in love. This love was much different than my first. It was broader (I couldn't think of the right word, I hope you understand) and more grand. It was intense in a way I can't describe. It wasn't better per say then the first, but it was deeper.

Guess what? I married her and we have a beautiful little girl now. I ran into my highschool sweetheart a few months ago, and she was doing pretty well. None of the terrible feelings came back. Her and her husband are good friends with my wife and me.

There is definatally life after a breakup. Please don't give up hope, perfect.
There are very few truely orrible people in this world. A lot of what people do boils down to intentions and selfishness versus selflessness. Good people can do selfish things from time to time, and I think that's the case here. She was not wrong to grow apart from you, as that was outside of her control. She was wrong for cheating. It's that simple.
The best help for you will come from yourself over time. You will heal and grow.

Seaver

I'm sorry if I came accross as abrasive.

This has happened to me, and has happened to almost all of my best friends. I know the reasons why they do it (usually I'm friends with the girl and the guy.. so I know exactly what's going on), and I know how it ends.

It never ends well, the "taking a break" is their language for losing interest in you. It's usually coupled with the "I love you but not in love with you" speech... be glad she didnt drop that on you. She lost interest in you a couple months ago when she stopped getting in the mood. Either she got bored, or you did something wrong that she didnt tell you and sulked about it till it grew so big she couldnt deal. Then this was coupled with Mr. New walking in. She's interested in him, not you. Anyone who drops their longterm boyfriend with someone who just walks in... then expects you to understand does not deserve you.

As I said, this is her way of dropping you while pretending she's still nice, and she convinced you of it. DO NOT move in together, my best friend from HS did this after graduation... he thought they'd get back together... she ended up screwing this new guy in his own bed while he slept on a futon in the living room. I know she means a lot to you but you need to realize this is not your fault, and you dnot need to be with a girl who pulls something like this.

Buk

Bang her best friend, that always helps...

Vincentt

Excuse me, but since I have already declared myself the asshole of this thread.
Let me say

You are 18 or 19; you don’t know shit about shit. Next year you will look back to now and say “why was I such a bitch.” What you have come to is a milestone that everyone in this thread has reached. You are thinking “oh no I lost my love” but really, you just lost the only thing holding you back. Did you plan on going to the same college? I sure hope you didn’t go to a lesser college just to be with her. Have you set your classes based on her schedule? Do you know how many parties you have missed because you didn’t bother looking for them, because you ‘had a great girl?’

What she did was break up with you, going on a break line is just to make it softer on you. And even if it wasn’t, once she sees you acting weak like this she will lose even more interest. She will screw this new guy, and talk to her friends like she is the victim of your relationship.

“I really loved him, but I love new guy more, ooooooh pooor me.”

Once new guy screws her over, she will come back to you for rebound sex. But afterwards she will move on to a new guy. If you want to be her safety through college, go ahead.

I find many people I talk to, in my club or whatever, that have this same thing happen (happens to everyone who tries to date someone from high school while in college) end up later admitting a lot of it was about feeling they can’t find someone else.

I think that is what really has you upset; maybe you don’t feel you can get someone new as easy as your ex did. It also typically has to do with sex too, you had sex with her and you felt you loved her, but maybe you just really liked sex. Maybe I am wrong, but you should at least consider it. When you are remembering her, do you think about watching a walk in the park or does it turn into a sex memory?

Now if you haven’t been neglecting your male friends for this girl the whole time, you should try to go party with them. If you have, and I assume you did, you get to go make those friends. Join clubs on campus, even if you don’t really like what the club does, try it. Think about things you want to do in life, if you have trouble with this well… it could be part of the reason you are having trouble with girls.

You might think Buk was joking, but you should be hitting on her friends. But don’t stop there; start moving around, once she notices that she will try to come back. When that happens, smack her down and move on. Let her know it was all her fault too for being a cheating slut.

Sorry to be so harsh, well actually I’m not sorry for that.
Sorry your girl friend cheated on you, and manipulated you into thinking she was the victim.

I know when people told me this stuff after my first break up I didn’t want to hear it. But in the end it was better that I did. You don’t have to listen to me, you really don’t. But you see others opinions can help you. If I didn’t think this was good for you I wouldn’t have posted it.

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streak_56

The only success story that I have is that I never talk to any of my ex's anymore. Too much pain, lies.... etc.

Well... the first good thing you have done is get by yourself. Next you would as la petit moi said was to go out by yourself, get some new friends... etc. Have fun with someone other than her. Make new friends. As said before it won't be easy but try to have fun. The best thing you could do for yourself is let her be. If she wants to take a break, then theres something thats driving her from you.

la petite moi

Once again, Vincentt, tone it down, seriously. Just because he's "18 or 19" doesn't mean he knows shit.

I'm 19, and personally, I think I know quite a bit.

Prefect, when are you going to update us on the situation?

Sweetpea

Vincentt, this is not something to be proud of.

Giving other people and yourself RESPECT does not mean being an asshole just to prove a point.

You can get your point across without flaring, i should hope you have that capacity, if not, you must have a difficult time with every person you meet in life.


To Perfect:

I know it's hard. But let her go, allot.
You Date other people too.
Give yourselves the freedom to explore, you're young, you need time to do that.
Then if you want, come back together in 4 months and see the people you've grown into and if you are even still suited to each other and want to take another crack at a committed relationship. If you do so at that time . . . start fresh.

But i think you will outgrow each other.

good luck. Getting your heart broken hurts . . . but with time, it heals and it makes you stronger, you learn from it.

Sweet Pea

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HalcyonDaze

I have a success story, of sorts. Not the "get back together" kind, though.

I dated a girl for 15 months at the start of college, neglected making other friends, had her lose interest, watched her make out with another guy, got the "take a break" line, had the break turn into a breakup, and was miserable.

So after the grieving period I joined several new clubs, started playing tennis hardcore again, called up all those friends I had neglected for 15 months, went to some GREAT parties, went on a makeout scavenger hunt with my roommate, kissed more girls in a couple weeks than I had in my entire life before then, and eventually met someone much cooler than the original idiot girl and am now dating her. Success!

Point is, I didn't realize how much my life really did suck with that old girl until I went out and started doing all that stuff I never did before.

Times are rough for ya, I know. You may think your girl is wonderful, but there are girls out there that are wonderful and WON'T want to make out with other guys. Take this as an opportunity to go have a lot of fun, and in a few months she'll be an unfortunate blip on your history.

anti fishstick

halcyon has some real good advice. couldn't have said it better myself. reminds me of a zen story about how ones misfortunes can turn into fortunes if you change a little bit of perspective and just go with it.

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Vincentt

I don't think I am that out of line, I wouldn't even say I was being an asshole here.

"I'm 19, and personally, I think I know quite a bit." of course you do, everyone does.

When I was 18 I thought I knew quite a bit, now I have 4 years of College down and I know how littel I knew then. When I am 30 I will laugh at how little I knew when I was 21. But college ages people fast, the diffrence between first and second year students is HUGE.

I maybe saying things a bit harsh, but that is how they are, sugar coding and making a pity party aren't going to help anyone.

Just saying "move on" with a smile.. doesn't help. The best thing is to hear many types of advice and get a idea of how people think. In this case I gave him the harder advice no one else did.

I think HalcyonDaze is right on the money, and I kind of hinted to that in my post.

Prefect you don't know how much your life sucks with that girl now, but you will see soon. And say "thank god we broke up, I didn't know how it was."

You should take this time to do things for you. Don't just get a new girl to replace the old one, and end up with this all happening again later.

Do stuff for you, martial arts, sports, photography club, whatever. You will find when you have plenty of friends, you will not be so dependent on a girlfriend.

I have a feeling that is part of the problem you and her had. Maybe you saw each other so much, it made her tired.

Anyway, you are home from school for the summer... that is the worst time for this to happen. Get a job, start hitting the gym, and get ready for next semester.

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SaltPork

I don't want to crawl down the road that Vincentt went down, but I don't totally disagree with him either.

Let me soften the blow somewhat...it happened once, it will happen again. Things don't get better and smooth out. That is of course a generalization, there are always exceptions to the rule.

You'll be much better off letting this one go. She doesn't sound like the type of person worth pursuing if she is willing to do that so overtly. I say, "Sayonara!".

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