agoodbadhabit

Khym and I shagged like minks for the first two years, averaging a bit over 7 times per week (even though at times we didn't get to see each other every day). Then various life things (back injury, moving cross-country and getting new jobs, acquiring children, et cetera) knocked us down to 1-3 times per week.

This frequency went on for about ten years. It turned out that neither of us was happy with the drop, but both of us were too busy keeping the household going to take the necessary time to think it over and communicate effectively. Once we quantified what was going on, and how it was affecting our quality of life (sex being one of the activities we both enjoy immensely), we made the effort to bring it back into the forefront.

Since then (for the past 7 years), we're back up to over 7 times per week; if we miss a day here and there we definitely make up for it. We're both still as enslaved to our libidos as we were when we first got together.

We've seen the more common phenomenon (lots in the beginning, a tapering off, then the dissolution of the sexual relationship and often the whole relationship) many times amongst our friends. Seems that candid conversations about sex, and sexual needs, is a very hard topic for most folks to master.

cheers,
Matt (and Khym)

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"The only real blasphemy is the refusal of joy."

air45

i have some sex all the days, but it is not always with a lady.

uptown

1-2 per week, always roughly at the same times of day, always pretty much the same positions and activities.

After a few years of going for it whenever he offered because I like sex and figured if I don't take it when I can get it I'll go without, I've grown tired of feeling like I've had to beg for it or like he's performing some sort of obligatory chore.


I initiate a lot less now, I also find that I say thanks but no thanks when he does decide to offer.I hate feeling like some sort of needy beggar. I quietly just masterbate and take care of my own needs most of the time.

I love the man,he's got a lot of good qualities but most of my sexual drive
and passion has basically been wrung out of me at this point.

SugahBritches

Married over 26 yrs and the average is 3 to 4 times a week. RIGHT, the children are grown and gone.

DEI37

I know full well that after being married for 8 years, the bean theory would be toast by now! We get it on about 5-6 times a week. We're in a funk right now, though...haven't had much of it lately. It's annoying. We are both horny people, and no sex kills us both! In the last three weeks, I think we've had more sex with other people than each other.

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Generally speaking, if you were to get what you really deserve, you might be unpleasantly surprised.

robot_parade

I love the 'with her' qualifier on this story. Those old dudes got around, I bet! ;-)

And, for the record, less than once a week... :-( Though it tends to be 'sporadic' - once a day for a few days, then nothing for a couple of weeks. Very disheartening.

hrandani

Seriously this is the most depressing thing I've ever read.

Schindler's list was one thing. But this. Jesus Christ. I'm referencing this thread in the footnotes of my suicide note.

Paq

right there with ya, hrandani...

ok, what if you never marry the girl, but you two are together for 50-60 yrs.

__________________
Live.

Chris

Vindicated0411

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 2 years now and we pretty much live together. We are both in college and both have apartments so we sleep in the same bed every night. I say the average for us is about 3-4 times a week. I would say we are about the same as a married couple. We both have classes and homework, so we know what its like to go to bed exhausted. Which when your tired your sex drive is dead as well. Some weeks we have sex more than others, it just depends. I must say I think my sexual appetite is bigger or moreso than his. Which I have researched and I am younger than him and supposedly still in my "horny age." Which leads me to a question, as you get older does your sex drive minify?

__________________
Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far.~ Teddy Roosevelt

Jozrael

Thanks for some of the tips on here - though I'm years away from where I want a sexual relationship, it's nice just reading about some of the techniques you guys go through to keep a healthful physicality in a relationship. Communication, it seems, is key (as I would expect for any aspect of a relationship).

When the time comes for it, I think I'll be very happy with the frequency my gf and I will have. Previous to knowing her and coming to this forum, I was under the impression that all women were like some of the 'horror stories' on this forum - once a month if you're lucky and you behave perfectly for that time.

I'm sorta glad I won't have to worry about that in the future . Her drive is comparable to mine, which while nowhere near some of yours, is quite healthy. I mean, 20 times a week would be pretty rad for a bit but I think I just lack the endurance to do that for an extended period of time.

SugahBritches

LOL! Not to mention repetitious! It kinda takes the fun out of it, I would think. Especially if it's done randomly. What is it that they say? Quality instead of quanity?

Things that come up as a complete surprise or out of the blue are much more fun, IMO. And then you appreciate those times. I personally think when you don't have family (meaning kids) you can tune in better to your mate. Not to mean you can't while you have a family, just saying that things are more focused on the just you and your partner.

But, you and others here are right about the communication part, without some small contact (outside of the bedroom), how do you expect to relate well in the bedroom? After talking and hearing some couples, even the bedroom light goes out completely without other outside activities.

MichaelFarker

I have been married for 7 years. I'm 30, she's 28. No kids born yet.

We have averaged once a week. That includes holidays where it's twice daily and those frequent times where it's less than twice monthly. I just don't understand the dry spells.

I think we've been in love for 6 of the past 8 years, and we're more in love today than ever. I try to make sure we get caught up each day on what has happened. She seems to believe my love for her. We trust each other. We go out on a date almost every week and get away together 2-3 times a year.

We engage in foreplay almost daily. When we do get together in bed her pleasure comes first. But that's not very often. And somehow she manages not to miss it.

No matter what we only have sex occasionally.

It makes an otherwise wonderful life pretty frustrating.

SugahBritches

Have you mentioned to her that you would like to have sex more?

The one thing that I have found (in our early years) was the fact that we didn't see each other much. The boss worked out of town alot so when he came home, it seemed that we really stayed in tune with each other. I don't know if it made a difference in staying together so long (over 26 yrs), but it seemed like it helped IMO.

But, it's easy to let life kinda pass you by. I think that as long as you stay in communication and are able to read (or stay in tune) your spouse's/partner's moods then you know what they are thinking without guessing. I personally know when the boss is .........well, "in the mood" and I try and meet that need, even if I might at the time....not be in that mood. But, once in the throws..........well....I ain't complainin' and I'm pretty much in the mood he is in!

Sometimes women need more of the romancing method Micheal. I know it seems like a little bit more "work", but if you love her.... and it's worth it, you won't really regret it.

MichaelFarker

That is awesome. I admire you for that. It sounds like you are both really lucky.

To answer your question my wife and I have talked about it. She knows that I want more sex.

I'm not sure what you mean by romance.
Some aspects of it seem natural and important to me. Weekly dates, flowers, frequent love notes, the daily "I love you" & "You look beautiful because...." I enjoy it.
I think we stay caught up and can read each other well. I know I enjoy knowing my wife and how she sees things most of the time.

Maybe I need to wash the dishes and wash her car more often. Is that what it takes for some women to be ready to open up generously?

Is it possible a lot of wives put sex on the back burner while their career or children consume their attention? Their focus would be on things that come naturally and are emotionally easier than sex.

Anyway, I appreciate the advice. I didn't even know this was on my mind until I read the excellent posts here.

SugahBritches

Buy her a dishwasher! LMAO! I'm sorry, but I grew up as a young teenage girl with a dishwasher, I marry the boss and wash dishes for over 20 yrs! Move to a new home with a dishwasher and now we have sex at least 3/4 times a week!

NO! HA! Sorry, that is not really the whole truth, however, it sure gave me more TIME to do other stuff! LOL!

Okay....I'll be serious. Actually I never thought much about sex until I hit my late 30's really. I think it was because I no longer had "other things" to really focus my time on. Other than work, that is.

But, you are right, I think some women, if they don't have children, tend to devote their time on other things...such as careers. I think most women just have a lot of clutter in their minds.

It personally sounds like you two are solid Michael. I think you both need to do a few things together that you wouldn't ordinarily do. Like go to an amusement park and ride the merry-go-round, drive bumper cars, race go-carts or play putt putt golf. But, do something fun and relaxing that you wouldn't normally do.

Flowers and going out to dinner are nice, but I think being spontaneous can bring out a "renewal" of sorts. I'll never forget the simplicity of the boss coming home with a grin and said, "Hey! Pack us some sandwiches dear! We are going to the river fishing!" His excitement, made me pause and then laugh. For that is how he asked me out on our first date!!!

genuinegirly

It has been 4 months since Turbotom and I have lived in the same city, so our average is pretty lousy these days. Since we haven't seen one another more than 2 times in the past 4 months, we tend to try to cram as much in as possible when we can. Before I moved, we had issues with finding a place of our own, so it was only a couple of times a month at best. We've always seemed to have a binge mentality about it. Only get it so often, so go overboard when we can.

Tt is moving out here next week. It should be fairly difficult to adjust to a normal schedule. I wonder what it will do to realize that we can do it whenever we want. Does that decrease the frequency? I expect our average to improve. But considering that I'm working 2 jobs, and going to school full-time...

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surferlove007

With my guy now its about 5 times a week, I'd like more but it's hard (pardon the pun) to find a place to be alone without roommates interruopting. Very happy with it so far.

Warlock!

I'm 39, been married for 16 years, and have 3 kids. Twice/month or a little less is the norm for me.

Thankfully, my computer is filled with porn.

soldsoul4foos

37, married almost 11 years. 2 great kids (boys..whew). 3-7 times a week. I couldn't imagine not having sex AT least every other day when i'm busy. More when there's not much going on. Kids need their own house

Clare

me and my boyfriend are long distance, but when i see him we do it enough to work out as about once a day maybe a little bit more. we've been togeter for 5 months .....i cant see it being less then that in the future as apparently im insatiable and he as a very high sex drive i woudnt have it any other way...........infact id have it more if i could haha

rufius

My girlfriend and I have been together around a year and we probably started having sex about 5 months ago (she was a virgin before that). Fortunately for me I seem to have unleashed the beast.

When we first starting having the privacy to have sex as often as we liked, it was up to 4 or 5 times a day till we figured out that we were doing too much and were giving her UTI's. I understand completely (which is rare) what a UTI feels like since I'm one of the few guys that I know thats had one. So now we cut it down to about 1 or 2 times a day. We almost always have it daily unless she's on the rag.

(Though if she's on the rag and I beg and wimper a little she'll usually taunt me for a while then give me a blowjob.)

abaya

We manage about 2-3 times per week now... hmm, about the same as when we were long-distance.

However, I could have it every day and be happy as a (stuffed) clam.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Racnad

Um... what's a UTI?

Push-Pull

God, we used to have G R E A T and plentiful sex, 4~5 times (sessions) a week. Saturday night was "our" night, and Sunday morning always included a slow, lazy session. It really tapered off a couple years ago when she hit menopause early and her libido dropped. Then she had back troubles, and now most recently major surgery. So lately, it's been about zero. Thankfully she realizes I have needs and doesn't shut me out, so every so often, if I whine/beg just right, she provides me with some much needed stimulation of various sorts.

She has agreed to discuss with her doctor different treatments/therapies once her back is healed enough. (Push-Pull keeps fingers crossed and prays for a restored libido.)

__________________
"No laws, no matter how rigidly enforced, can protect a person from their own stupidity." -Me-

"Some people are like Slinkies..... They are not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs." -Unknown-

DAMMIT! -Jack Bauer-

Leto

lol... Most of us come in spurts....


before we got married, it seemed like we were trying it everytime we saw each other. I say trying, because there was never any privacy. 26 years (21 yrs of marriage) later it's still very healthy with the typical peaks and valleys. Yes there is hope after marriage.

There seems to be a rythm developed over the years which is very directly tied to the female hormonal cycle. We can go for 10 days with out sex, yet when she is ovulating, it can happen several times a night for a week. One thing I've found to be interesting though, is that it seems to be tied to her hormonal cycle. I have very little say in the matter.

Plan9

When I was having it... it was twice or three times a day.

The joys of being young. The joys of a girlfriend with more sex drive than a teenage boy.

urinary tract infection... means her pee-hole gets cheesy

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

abaya

Umm, do you mean a yeast infection? The "cheesy" thing (if you are talking about when discharge looks like cottage cheese) happens when there's a yeast infection in the vagina.

A UTI happens when bacteria gets into the urinary tract and, well, infects it... most often happens when women don't get up and pee immediately after sex (to wash out any bacteria that got pushed into the urethra during intercourse), but sometimes it just happens for no reason, too. But there isn't usually any "cottage cheese" going on with the UTI... just painful, bloody, and frequent urination. Oh, ain't it fun to be a woman...

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Leto

Ya but you don't get boners all the time. Try living with that!

Midnight

been years since I was married, but dating thru marriage would average 2-3 times a day, aunt flo visiting or not. work didnt matter, stress didnt matter, fighting didnt matter, kids didnt matter. I was very fortunate that that was one thing we NEVER fought about. *grin* we both enjoyed sex to much to NOT be constantly messing around.

surferlove007

Well since the LD thing started...none

Willravel

3-12 times a week.

Hyacinthe

I start getting antsy on less then 2 - 3 times a week though ofcourse my toys do help with that some.

Unfortunately with my last relationship that was the major issue, he just didn't seem interested in sex. Nothing more depressing then practically begging a guy in his mid 20's for sex, talk about role reversal. Think we had sex 4 times in the year and 1/2 we were together.

__________________
"I want to be remembered as the girl who always smiles even when her heart is broken... and the one that could brighten up your day even if she couldnt brighten her own"

"Her emotions were clear waters. You could see the scarring and pockmarks at the bottom of the pool, but it was just a part of her landscape – the consequences of others’ actions in which she claimed no part."

Infinite_Loser

0.

Though, I'm not really complaining. Oddly enough, I'm much happier nowadays

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I believe in equality; Everyone is equally inferior to me.

Grasshopper Green

After nearly 12 years together...hubby and I average once a week. With our conflicting schedules, we rarely see each other M-F. Toss an inquisitive 5 year old into the mix...and time alone is very limited. I can't wait until school is over.

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Formerly Medusa

JumpinJesus

0-128...depending....

__________________
"I can normally tell how intelligent a man is by how stupid he thinks I am" - Cormac McCarthy, All The Pretty Horses

TC70

Married for 6 years, together for 15, no kids; averaging 1-2 times a week these days, except on vacations when it goes up to 1-2 times a day (at least early in the vacation -- then my old man self gets tired).

Jenna

I've been with my guy for nearly 3 years, just dating.

It kind of depends. When life's not hectic, once to twice a day.

When we're stressed and really busy with life, it tends to be around 4 - 5 times a week. Maybe a little less. I don't think we've ever gone a week without sex though.

Plan9

No, but do I mean that taking me seriously on this board causes cancer.

Of course I know the difference between a yeast infection and a UTI... I have cats AND I was married to a hippie-type who insisted on sharing all her anatomy with me by essentially sitting on my face and going, "Ooh, look!" whenever something weird came up... and sometimes even without anything remarkable going on in her girl-hole.

...

(tries to imagine people from the TFP having sex like 3 times a day)

Sex takes a lot of time out of your day. Between foreplay, oral, pumping action, bondage knots, hot wax, and recovery... easily an hour. I used to kill the weekends with neverending sexfests before I was 20... then I got all wise and decided that I wanted to do other things on the weekends than try to burnout my urethra like a M60 barrel in a Vietnam firefight by using it as a pump action yogurt slinger in a hungry vagina that was tight enough to bend a fork in...

But I digress.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

noodle

Between 2 and 10 times a week. Depending on our work schedules, which new video games are out, etc.
It's funny though, the week before my period its at leat once a day if not three. Tell me men can't sense those things....

__________________

Plan9

The decaying wetworks don't stop real men.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."