Gilda

The physical stuff is going to be difficult, but that's a separate issue.

There are other things I've been thinking about in relation to the accident that I'm going to need time to process, mostly stuff that makes me angry.

1. For roughly the first day, they wouldn't let Grace make my medical decisions or do the next of kin stuff related to my situation, or visit me in ICU--it was "family only". She had to get a court order based on my living will to even get in to see me, and in the meantime Sissy had to relay her decisions. They tell me that it was like a sitcom. The doctor would talk to Sissy, Grace would tell them what she wanted, and Sissy would tell them, "Do what she says."

If I had died sometime in that first 24 hours after Grace and Sissy got there, and it was uncertain during that time, it would have been without Grace's being there with me. Without my living will and the court order, Grace wouldn't have been there to talk to me those days I was unconscious, to help me find myself again in those next few days when I, literally, wasn't myself.

A husband would have been assumed to have these rights. My wife wasn't; she had to prove that she was the one I wanted caring for my life and my welfare.

2. The hospital called my parents. Grace called them. My brother called them. They didn't care, even that first day when my survival was far less than assured. They didn't call to find out how I was, and didn't take Grace's calls when she tried to update them. Sissy was the only one who didn't make an attempt.

I know I should just . . . let it go, write them out of my life the way they have me and Sissy. I know this. But I can't. I am the product of their love, the joining of their essense. What spirit I posess, much of what makes me the person I am today, for good or bad, comes from them. They gave me life and a home and love and support for all of my formative years, they, more than any other person, helped to mold me into the person I've become.

And it doesn't matter how long it's been, how distant we are in miles and years, I still love them and I still desperately crave their love, and it still kills me to know that if it had been a few minutes earlier or later and the man who saw me hadn't been there to call 911 on his cell phone or if any number of factors had been different and I had died, they wouldn't have been there at my funeral.

Sissy has let it go, she's made peace with it. I wish I could, but I can't, and I don't know why, except that I am who and what I am in large part because of them, and I can't reject them completely without rejecting that part of myself.

3. Sissy withdrew from her classes to come be with me. She could have just taken a week off, until I was out of the woods, and with her brains and work ethic, it would have been work, but she'd have gone back without any serious complications. But she gave up a semester, four months of her life that she'll have to repeat, she gave that up to be here to make me feel better. She withdrew from her classes after I had recovered and it was known I'd survive.

4. Grace's parents were here when I woke up. According to Grace, they, and three of her brothers and sisters, were here from Hawaii 18 hours after Grace called them. My father in law hasn't left Hawaii in a decade, and my mother in law had never been to the mainland. And they were here for me, were at the airport within three hours after Grace's call. Grace told me that her dad was ready to charter a private jet if there hadn't been a flight available.

5. I am recovering as well as I am in large part because I have good insurance, a good job, and a father in law rich enough to say "I don't care what it costs" and actually mean it. I'm alive because a man stopped at a stoplight happened to be watching whe I drove into the ditch and called 911, and then pulled over where I had gone off the road, put on his emergency flashers, and set off a flare then stood there to show the paramedics where I was. The paramedics who took me out of the car momentarily debated amputating my arm to save time getting me out because I was slowly bleeding out.

After doing my level best to do myself in with my stupidity and panic, I'm here and relatively whole only because so many things that could have gone wrong went exactly right.

6. And finally, my arm. I say I'll be able to deal with the physical stuff, and I know that I came close to losing it entirely. But it's still frustrating all the little things I can't do myself. I can't even put on my clothes by myself yet. And I can't do the things I've always done to make myself feel better, cleaning, excercise. I feel helpless and unloved and unwanted, and at the same time like I'm the center of the universe, and I don't really like either place.

And I have Grace here, and Sissy, and sweetpea is here with me in spirit, and somehow, they manage to draw me back from the edge to keep me from that dark place inside that I always carry with me.

It's a confusing time.

Gilda

__________________
I'm against ending blackness. I believe that everyone has a right to be black, it's a choice, and I support that.

~Steven Colbert

Cynthetiq

I know it's not as easy as said, but the zen space is to be, one has to just let it go, from the physical pain to the emotional parental pain.

my wife who does not carry my last name has hit or miss with the hospitals so I can only understand somewhat...

I do wish you the speediest of recoveries.

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

Aladdin Sane

Gilda, I am sorry about all the pain you are going through. I am glad you have such wonderful in-laws to care for you.
If I may ask, why have your parents rejected you? How long have you been estranged from them?

__________________
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

abaya

Gilda,

I wish I could give you a hug right now, and sit in the room with you. I don't know you that well, but as I read your post I could really sense the pain and confusion you are in. These kinds of things really throw everything into the light... the bad relationships, and the best ones. I encourage you to hold on as tight as you can to the best ones, and let the rest go, as Cyn said. Believe me, I know how hard that is...

I wish I had practical answers for you. I wish you could be legally married to Grace. I wish your parents... were better people. I wish you could go to the infirmary in the Harry Potter books and have a magic wand waved over your arm to make it heal in a second.

I wish you peace in this time. Please keep posting and letting as much as you can out here on TFP. We are here.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Gilda

I'm gay, and I sided with Sissy and managed to get her away from them in a really nasty custody fight when Sissy was 15 and nearly suicidal over her gender confusion.

We've been apart for about five years now.

Gilda

__________________
I'm against ending blackness. I believe that everyone has a right to be black, it's a choice, and I support that.

~Steven Colbert

Elphaba

Gilda, I can only offer the advice I would give my own sister. Your entire energy needs to be focused upon your spiritual and physical well being. Anything other than that needs to be set aside for another day when you have the luxury to alter your focus.

You are alive and surrounded by those that love you. Heal first and let the rest go for now. Focus on how fortunate you are every single day.

martinguerre

Fuckin' world.

Hospital visitation is one of those things that just boils my blood...i'm glad Grace was able to get it worked out, but the system has no excuse for imposing that kind of delay.

also...have sissy talk to the dean of students. she or he can probably get sissy reinstated under the circumstances. now, if you can get that stubbornly caring one to actually leave and go back to classes...that's another question. but it certainly seems possible from a school point of view...i know it's happened where i did my undergrad.

i'm so sorry this has dreged up so many other hurts and worries. take the time to be confused, to be sad, to feel lucky, to feel frustrated...and know that you've got some damn fine people in your life to help see you throught it.

take care...

__________________
For God so loved creation, that God sent God's only Son that whosoever believed should not perish, but have everlasting life.

-John 3:16

guthmund

Cyn, is right. Thinking these dark thoughts and wondering why things are the way they are...well, I can't imagine that it's going to help in any way.

To delve into the darker part of your soul right now, feeling as helpless as you do, I imagine is uncommonly easy, but it isn't going to do a bit of good. As much as you might want to examine the meanings, motives and what-might-have-been(s), you really shouldn't. It's just going to lead you down to a very dark place. A place you probably shouldn't be exploring right now. You've got to push that all away, at least, temporarily to focus on getting better, as trite as that sounds.

I imagine it's going to be difficult, but it sounds like you've got a fabulous group of people determined to get you back on your feet again. Not to mention a passel of people here on the board who are happy that that little button on the dashboard didn't do you in.

Get well, Gilda.

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No signature. None. Seriously.

ryfo

Do not let the sadness of the past color the bright future you have. Grace and co did the right thing and let your parents know what was happening, now the ball is in their court. You haven't the time or the energy to worry about them you have to focus on your well being and loving and being loved by the wonderful people around you (wish I had in-laws like yours) Get better first, then if you still feel the need, deal with the family later. Get well soon and remember when your'e feeling down theres always....cake!

Jinn

If I loved someone at some point, I don't care how badly I wanted to shove a brick through their face -- if they were hospitalized, I'd want to know what was going on. It's a testament to their character that they didn't react, and if anything it should only solidify your resolve. The above poster is very correct in saying that you guys handled it like mature adults -- the ball is in their court, and if they don't do anything, then your course is clear.

__________________
"I'm typing on a computer of science, which is being sent by science wires to a little science server where you can access it. I'm not typing on a computer of philosophy or religion or whatever other thing you think can be used to understand the universe because they're a poor substitute in the role of understanding the universe which exists independent from ourselves." - Willravel

FngKestrel

Wow, there's a lot of pain in that post. But it also reveals a lot of positives. Namely that Sissy, Grace and her side of the family are probably the most caring individuals on this planet. To overcome the hurdles that society and stupidty have put in their way is telling.

To have everything go just right so that you're here now means that we're the lucky ones.

Sissy can definitely explain extenuating circumstances to the people at school and get some way to continue getting credit, but is that what she really wants to do?

Get well Gilda, I look forward to your next informational post on comic books.

maleficent

You are who you are because of your parents? I'd beg to differ, you are who you are in spite of them. You are a kind, warm, loving person who took on a lot to be a guardian to her sister when she needed someone. You funded your sister's operation to help her. You are who you are because of you, it's a shame your parent don't have half of what you are.

the family you make is much more important that the family you are born into. Your made family showed you what they are capable of, and it's a testament to their love for you.

Sissy with drew from classes because she wouldn't be able to concentrate being worried about her big sister, it's her choice, don't worry about it. If she doesn't go back after you're feelin better, use your good arm and smack her upside the head. But for now, allow her to take care of you for a while, the way you took care of her, no questions asked for the past 5 years.

You are surrounded by people who love you and want nothing more than for you to be well, and want to take care of you. You took care of them no questions asked... Let them returnthe favor.

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analog

Believe me, it boils mine as well. Working in a pharmacy, I see this kind of thing all the time. It's HIPAA (the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act) which, ignoring the name, is more effectively a set of laws that makes personal privacy job #1, and the cost for screwing up is monsterous. If they let her see her, or make decisions, and she wasn't "allowed" to, according to the law, the hospital could be held for breaking confidential patient proprietary information privacy laws, which, thanks to HIPAA, is BIG. I mean, lawsuits up the ass and out the other side. So, unfortunately, they DO have an excuse... your rights to privacy- which, in this case, caused a problem because of the country's insanely short-sighted views on husband/wife permissions vs. wife/wife and husband/husband. This issue, specifically, pisses me off no end.

I don't want to derail anything, and I REALLY don't want anyone turning this into a discussion on it, but if there's a "perfect example" of why disallowing same-sex "civil unions" (or equivalent) is a bad idea... this is it.

You're good poeple, Gilda. They're just doing what comes naturally, caring for a loved one. If it were me in Sissy's position, I don't think I would have been ok with staying in class either.

Great words from mal here, wouldn't have said it any better myself.

lurkette

Gilda, I'm so sorry to hear about the accident and all the frustration that goes along with it. But I'm glad to hear that you are surrouonded by such supportive people.

I have to agree with mal on the family issue, with a small quibble: Our families DO, of course, shape who we are, not because they "make" us but because they give us opportunities to make ourselves. Your family are still doing this - by being distant and apathetic in contrast to Grace's family, who are being over-the-top supportive, they are showing you that family is what you make it, and that you don't have to be related by blood to shart a spirit. If you can release your expectations of what family is supposed to be, and accept that everything is as it needs to be, you can be grateful to them for giving you the opportunity to see how strong you are and how loved you are not for being related, but for being you.

As for the legal stuff, it just plain sucks rocks. I'm going to make another donation to the HRC and put the sticker back on my car. I am so fortunate to have ratbastid, and it makes me feel downright guilty sometimes that just because we fit a social norm we can make important decisions for each other. I'm also glad that my "emergency backup wife" has a husband of her own to make decisions for her; but it frustrates me that despite the fact that we share nearly everything down to underwear, puppies, and (soon) kids, we are still not "family." I think the whole concept of "marriage" as it is envisioned now needs to be abolished. But that's another thread. We encountered similar frustrations when my brother was in a coma. He was an adult with no partner, so medical decisions defaulted to my mother when she was there, but legal issues like disability, rent, insurance, etc., were completely out of our hands because he didn't have a living will. The hospital was great and followed our wishes anyhow, but technically their social worker had more rights than we did to decide his fate.

Just know that we all love you and wish you well. You know how lucky you are, which is a huge thing in itself.

__________________
"If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing."

- Anatole France

Poppinjay

You have astonishing and toughtful in-laws. As for your parents, there's no need to "patch things up" nor is there a need to write them off. The relationship is what it is and by leaving it at that, you don't waste energy on it, but you don't close the door to reconcilliation. Congrats on your other family being so good to you during this time.

__________________
I think the Apocalypse is happening all around us. We go on eating desserts and watching TV. I know I do. I wish we were more capable of sustained passion and sustained resistance. We should be screaming and what we do is gossip. -Lydia Millet

denim

I think HIPPA is important if for no other reason than that privacy is important. If you tie privacy to the way HIPPA is implemented and therefore decide that privacy is a Bad Idea, you're throwing the baby out with the bathwater: a bad idea.

The main problem here is that people can't define who they want to have the "spouse"-like rights. I'm Pro-Choice, which applies here in the sense that Gilda's choice is of her wife. I don't see a problem with her choice. I see a problem with other people insisting on deciding, against her given preferences, that her wife has no such rights.

HIPPA, as a concept, doesn't seem to be the issue. The issue here is perhaps the way it's implemented, and with the society doing the implementing. That, I submit, is broken. I can't wait 'till 21 January 2009, when maybe the next US President will be better. But I'm not holding my breath.

Redlemon

Gilda, there's something special I've noticed about your posts after the accident. Despite the pain, despite the painkillers, and despite the one-handed keyboard, your posts still have perfect grammar, spelling, capitalization, and punctuation. That shows a certain stubbornness that will serve you well through your physical therapy. Be well.

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I can't read your signature. Sorry.

quadro2000

I wish I had something to contribute more than what others have already put so brilliantly. All I can add is that we're here for you during your recovery - all aspects - and I do think it's threads like this one that will help you try to come to terms with what has happened. I'm sorry for what you've gone through, and I'm thankful for what you have. Hang in there.

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You have to laugh at yourself...because you'd cry your eyes out if you didn't. - Emily Saliers

liquidlight

My heart and my sympathy go out to you Gilda, I've been on Grace's side of that situation several times with my siblings, I have two brothers that have had open brain surgery, and two sisters with broken pelvis' and it's never easy. I can't imagine the frustration you both must be feeling over being treated that way regardless of the situation and the laws (for the record I agree with analog, HIPAA another good idea gone horribly wrong).

I want to thank you for sharing with us, your posts have always been provocative and insightful, as well as compassionate and understanding. I hope that these issues don't continue to dwell on your mind so that you can get back some of that happiness that you've been missing.

I wish you the best in your recovery and I'm sure that I speak for most of us when I say that we're all here to support you if you need it. Personally I'm very glad that someone was watching over you that night and I'll be looking forward to the day that you've fully recovered. Now PM the address so I can send chocolates, flowers, and a get well card

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Halfway to hell and picking up speed.

snowy

Mal already said everything I wanted to say, but I also wanted to let you know how lucky you are when all is said and done. Regardless of your real parents, you DO have a family that loves you and cares for you. Value that.

I've been in Sissy's shoes and it's not a fun place to be. Watching someone you love suffer is incredibly hard. Trust me--even after you do start to get well, she won't be able to focus. Let her take care of you. She can return to school when you're entirely better. She'll be better off that way.

I also wanted to tell you that my mother also had a hard time with her parents. Her mother was a master manipulator, and for years my mother suffered all kinds of emotional abuse at the hands of her mother (even well into her 40s, my mother put up with her mother). When she finally walked away from that poisonous relationship, she was so much better. Just because they're your parents doesn't mean you have to put up with their crap. Either they'll get over it or they won't. Don't put your life on hold and wait for it to happen. It's just a waste of time.

Get well soon, Gilda, and thank you for returning to our community so soon after your accident. We're blessed to have you as a part of the TFP family.

__________________
If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Dragonknight

Wow is all I can say. You strength is commendable, both emotionally and physically. As far as I can tell Gilda your a Great if not Wonderful person, heal yourself, then try and heal your surroundings. You have a loving family that is there for and with you. Love them and be with them, you and them are all that matters right now.

I wish you a speedy recovery, and strength in all the moments you need it.

Gilda

Thank you for the support. It helps, it matters, it makes things better.

In response to a few of the above comments:

1. The hospital visitation could have gone worse. To its credit, the hospital didn't oppose Grace's motion to be appointed my guardian (there's some technical term for it that I forget).

2. Sissy's lost semester doesn't bother her. She was planning to transfer to the same school I'll be teaching at this coming year the end of her sophomore year. We're not sure whether we can get her in in January, but the people at the new school are willing to work with us, so I don't think she'll be losing a year. But it doesn't seem to bother her either way. It also gives her a little more distance from her former life and identity, which should make things easier for her in a lot of ways. For her privacy, I'd rather not mention the school.

3. I'm ambivilent about HIPAA, because it offers a layer of protection against Sissy being outed through her medical records and treatments. It's the interaction of it and the same-sex marriage laws that creates the problem. I think it would be preferable to fix the problem on that end, but then again, there's the larger problem of anyone whose choice to make medical decisions isn't legally next of kin. Grace fortunately had Sissy and a living will and access to a highly respected lawyer (through my father in law).

Others who don't have an airtight living will and rich father in law probably wouldn't have been as fortunate as we were.

4. I'm ambivilent about the HRC. They do nominally campaign for GLBT rights, but have in the past tended to deal away trans rights very quickly or not even try to get them as part of the package when lobbying for gay rights. This bothers me. I'm not sure I'd want to bargain away my sister's rights to get mine.

5. Sissy insisted that I post this response to what I said about her having made peace with our parents: "Those people aren't my parents. They were . . . "his" parents. They don't know me. They know nothing about me. Look at all those things you said about how parents shape their children. That's what you and Grace helped to do for me. That's why I've made peace with it. I had you to do for me what they wouldn't."

6. This place helps me in times of stress like you can't imagine. Thank you, all of you.

Gilda

__________________
I'm against ending blackness. I believe that everyone has a right to be black, it's a choice, and I support that.

~Steven Colbert

snowy

You and your sister never cease to amaze me, Gilda. Both of you are tremendously amazing women--and your sister is a testament to the amazing woman you are, as she said herself.

You've raised Sissy well. Be proud.

__________________
If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

j8ear

A speedy recovery to you physically, Gilda, and a sound and clear mind to guide you through this rollercoaster of realities causing your emotional turmoils.

Your Sissy, and your Grace seem like exceptional support to have at your disposal. I suspect you would play a similar roll for them, if so tested.

Take comfort in your good fortune at having such dear people, so close and so deeply entrenched in your corner. In spite of the establishment!

Best,

-bear

__________________
It's alot easier to ask for forgiveness then it is to ask for permission.

shortynickel

Gilda, for the above portion that i quoted if i may(not trying to be off-topic) give my similar issue, without going into detail.

When my parents were getting divorced, my father almost drove my mother insane(literally), being 15 or so i tried to stay out of it but he made decisions that both my sister and I are more or less died to him so i know the feeling you stated above, it took me a longtime to "make my peace" with the situation. Here is what i figured out and hopefully it will help you. I decided that we are sooo much better off without him even tho he "made" (at least a part of me), the person that i am today.

Hopefully i didnt go off topic too much if any and i hope that maybe my explaination will help some. If you would like to know more about my decision i would be more then happy to talk to ya!

I believe that you were being watched over when your accident happened, tho i dont know you well i am very glad that you are okay with all that has happened.

__________________
What type of...

"Parents have forgotten how to be parents" Aaron Lewis

"Get your ass back here, your a white boy walking thru the ghetto" - at the end of a bachalor party said to the bachalor while walking home.

cyrnel

So much has already been said. I do hope it all helps keep focus.

Family pain is hard. I'm amazed at how family makes itself, and changes itself during our lives. Keep the door open and this becomes their opportunity. Above all, cherish those who prove themselves. It sounds like you have the best loving family anyone could hope for around you now.

Keep resting, and fighting.

And a big to all of you.

__________________
There are a vast number of people who are uninformed and heavily propagandized, but fundamentally decent. The propaganda that inundates them is effective when unchallenged, but much of it goes only skin deep. If they can be brought to raise questions and apply their decent instincts and basic intelligence, many people quickly escape the confines of the doctrinal system and are willing to do something to help others who are really suffering and oppressed." -Manufacturing Consent: Noam Chomsky and the Media, p. 195

Gilda

Sissy has been helping me with this the past few days.

Her position, and I'm paraphrasing here, is something like this:

Draw a line between your past life and your current one. I, the person I am now, was born the day the papers were signed given you custody. You may not have a date or event that is so easily identifiable as that, but you did the same thing when you decided to end the self-destructive spiral you were in. You decided you didn't want to be that person anymore. Leave her in the past, and embrace the person you are now. You don't even share a name or a life with those people (this is how she refers to our parents--those people) any more. They're toxic small-minded bigots who can offer you nothing good, nothing that would make your life better. You took Grace's name when you were married. Let that be a symbol of your rejection of what those people stand for, and embrace what the Nakamuras want to give you. Let them do for you what you and Grace do for me.

--------------

Medical update: My nose is healing crooked. This means that they're going to have to break it again and reset it so it'll heal straight.

Someone asked about how long it would be for my arm to heal. Right now the main concern is the vascular and nerve damage. There really wasn't time enough for the vascular surgeon and the bone guy to both do their thing completely, and my brain injury makes them wary of doing anything with general anaesthesia any time soon, so for now they're going to let my body to the work of repairing the soft tissues, then go back in and reset the bones with steel rods and pins later. It's a lot like my nose; in a few weeks, they'll likely have to go back in and reset everything properly, then let the bones heal. I'm looking at several months minimum, probably something more like a year or two. They still can't tell me with 100% certainty that they'll be able to save it entirely, but Grace says they're just covering their butts and I shouldn't worry about that.

The good news is that my brain seems to be functioning normally, albeit with headaches at random intervals, which are aggravated by stress, hormonal fluctuations, stuffed sinuses, and . . . well, basically everything.

---------------------

I've found something to do with my time rather than just sit around waiting for my nose and arm to heal and my new job to begin in January. I went over to the closest elementary school and asked if they needed any volunteers for stuff like reading to kids or acting as an aide to one of the teachers, anything that can be done with one arm. I'm going to be a morning volunteer aide for a couple of second grade teachers during the next few weeks, up until December break.

I think if I keep busy, I'll be able to keep my mind off of the dark stuff. I'm not so sure that that's a good thing, though. I'll need to deal with it sooner or later.

Gilda

__________________
I'm against ending blackness. I believe that everyone has a right to be black, it's a choice, and I support that.

~Steven Colbert

maleficent

Sissy is a very wise young woman... She's learned a lot from you...

and good for you for getting out and volunteering rather than staying home and thinking too much. The children you will be helping will appreciate it... and I know you will get a lot out of it as well...

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Psycho Dad

I think that is a good point. I think had my brother not tried so hard to "patch things up" my parents would have not tried so hard to keep their distance.

Gilda, it is clear that your sister and Grace treasure you and I wager that they are right in doing so. There is no more of a chance that your parents can at this point change your sexual preference any more than they can change mine. They need to accept that and move on. As others have pointed out the ball is in their court.

I suspect you do not need any of us telling you what an amazing and special person you are as Grace and your sister are more than likely taking care of that. And I also suspect that any apparent lack of concern from your parents concerning your recent hospitalization stems more from foolish pride than a lack of caring.

__________________
Don't always trust the opinions of experts.

denim

Wow. Just... wow. You're an amazing person. I wouldn't have ever thought to do that kind of thing. A-freaking-mazing. Not only are you making lemonade, you're giving it to others for free, and helping them learn. I'm just... floored.

True, but you've got enough on your plate for now, no?

martinguerre

To everything, a season. I agree...it's no good to try to avoid some of this stuff forever. But there's no rule that says you have to figure it all out by tomorrow, either.

__________________
For God so loved creation, that God sent God's only Son that whosoever believed should not perish, but have everlasting life.

-John 3:16

spindles

My 2 cents worth about your parents. They need to want to have a reconciliation for it to happen. It is sad when it happens. My maternal grandfather ostracized one of his daughters because of who she married, and they were only reconciled about 15 years later after the husband was killed in an accident. Hopefully your reconciliation will happen before such a tragic event.

edit - and if it doesn't happen, then bad luck to them...

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who hid my keyboard's PANIC button?

Redlemon

In my mind, you were still in the hospital bed. I'm glad to hear you are well enough to be out. (And a simple echo of everything said above me.)

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I can't read your signature. Sorry.

Gilda

Sorry I wasn't clear on that. I spent the first twelve days in the hospital, three days unconscious (Grace has threatened dire consequences if I call it a coma), two days during which the demon from the Exorcist had apparently taken cotrol of my body, then a week for further tests and observation. From here on out it'll be outpatient stuff until they have to go back and reset the bones in my arm. I still have headaches, my arm hurts all the time, and I've had some bouts of nasea, all of which are normal and expected, if very unpleasant.

I had my first day in the school today. I ran off copies for the second grade teachers, graded some spelling pre-tests, and got to run a learning center during reading groups. It was a lot of fun. I wouldn't want to be the teacher for kids this age, but what I'm doing now will keep me occupied.

Gilda

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I'm against ending blackness. I believe that everyone has a right to be black, it's a choice, and I support that.

~Steven Colbert

martinguerre

you're freaking amazing. near death to the classroom in two weeks.

there's something about teachers...

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For God so loved creation, that God sent God's only Son that whosoever believed should not perish, but have everlasting life.

-John 3:16

Cimarron29414

...and what is so astounding is that, even with a crooked nose, you will still be cuter than 99.97% of the human population. <- I'm not hitting on you, it's just a fact!

I believe in miracles. I can count so many in this story it's amazing:

1) You were freed from the people that gave birth to you.
2) Sissy was freed from the people that gave birth to her.
3) Grace (enough said)
4) Grace's parents were given to you so that you would (finally) know a parent's love
5) You were provided with guardian angels: the guy that stopped at your accident, the paramedics that were so skilled, the doctors that were so skilled.
6) You lived.
7) You got to keep your arm.
etc...

You are blessed, Gilda. When you fill your heart with love - there simply is no place for hurt, anger, or sadness. "Sorry, No Vacancies for negative thoughts."

P.S. I couldn't help but notice you picked "Tilted Living" for this thread. Living, indeed!

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Gives a man a halo, does mead.

"Here lies The_Jazz: Killed by an ambitious, sparkly, pink butterfly."

skier

Gilda, I'm glad to hear you are recovering so well. Have fun at school

Your posts have a lot of "what ifs", "coulda beens", and "never were's". Sure, things might have been different today if circumstances were different; but they weren't. There's no sense trying to change the past- just keep your head up and think about where you are now and the possibilities for the future.

There are people around you now that love, support and care for you. Celebrate your own love for them, for they will not let you down.

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"Asking a bomb squad if an old bomb is still "real" is not the best thing to do if you want to save it." - denim

Gilda

The first thing each of my reading groups asked me was "What happened to your (nose/arm)." The kids are so cute. The first time, I had to catch myself, saying "I accidentally drove my wi . . . my car into a ditch."

I've also fallen back into the habit of playing pronoun games with the adults. I'm not sure why except that I think my tenure as a volunteer here might end quickly if I'm not careful. I'm not sure whether to be relieved or upset that going back in the closet came so easily.

Gilda

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I'm against ending blackness. I believe that everyone has a right to be black, it's a choice, and I support that.

~Steven Colbert

Psycho Dad

That's one of the things I don't understand in this day and age. Where I live, which is a very small town, there is a lesbian teacher. Everyone knows she is a lesbian yet were she to come out officially, she would be ran out of town. It seems to me that parents would be better off understanding that gays and lesbians that serve in such positions would not encourage children to become gay, but let them know that there is nothing to be ashamed of if they find that they are.

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Don't always trust the opinions of experts.

martinguerre

Once we've been there...old habits die hard. There's nothing wrong with finding out what the reception might be before you decide to trust these new folks.

__________________
For God so loved creation, that God sent God's only Son that whosoever believed should not perish, but have everlasting life.

-John 3:16