Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - Issues I'm dealing with after my recent accident.

lurkette · 11-02-2005, 05:37 AM

Gilda, I'm so sorry to hear about the accident and all the frustration that goes along with it. But I'm glad to hear that you are surrouonded by such supportive people.

I have to agree with mal on the family issue, with a small quibble: Our families DO, of course, shape who we are, not because they "make" us but because they give us opportunities to make ourselves. Your family are still doing this - by being distant and apathetic in contrast to Grace's family, who are being over-the-top supportive, they are showing you that family is what you make it, and that you don't have to be related by blood to shart a spirit. If you can release your expectations of what family is supposed to be, and accept that everything is as it needs to be, you can be grateful to them for giving you the opportunity to see how strong you are and how loved you are not for being related, but for being you.

As for the legal stuff, it just plain sucks rocks. I'm going to make another donation to the HRC and put the sticker back on my car. I am so fortunate to have ratbastid, and it makes me feel downright guilty sometimes that just because we fit a social norm we can make important decisions for each other. I'm also glad that my "emergency backup wife" has a husband of her own to make decisions for her; but it frustrates me that despite the fact that we share nearly everything down to underwear, puppies, and (soon) kids, we are still not "family." I think the whole concept of "marriage" as it is envisioned now needs to be abolished. But that's another thread. We encountered similar frustrations when my brother was in a coma. He was an adult with no partner, so medical decisions defaulted to my mother when she was there, but legal issues like disability, rent, insurance, etc., were completely out of our hands because he didn't have a living will. The hospital was great and followed our wishes anyhow, but technically their social worker had more rights than we did to decide his fate.

Just know that we all love you and wish you well. You know how lucky you are, which is a huge thing in itself.

11-02-2005, 05:37 AM	#14 (permalink)
lurkette My future is coming on Moderator Emeritus Location: east of the sun and west of the moon	Gilda, I'm so sorry to hear about the accident and all the frustration that goes along with it. But I'm glad to hear that you are surrouonded by such supportive people. I have to agree with mal on the family issue, with a small quibble: Our families DO, of course, shape who we are, not because they "make" us but because they give us opportunities to make ourselves. Your family are still doing this - by being distant and apathetic in contrast to Grace's family, who are being over-the-top supportive, they are showing you that family is what you make it, and that you don't have to be related by blood to shart a spirit. If you can release your expectations of what family is supposed to be, and accept that everything is as it needs to be, you can be grateful to them for giving you the opportunity to see how strong you are and how loved you are not for being related, but for being you. As for the legal stuff, it just plain sucks rocks. I'm going to make another donation to the HRC and put the sticker back on my car. I am so fortunate to have ratbastid, and it makes me feel downright guilty sometimes that just because we fit a social norm we can make important decisions for each other. I'm also glad that my "emergency backup wife" has a husband of her own to make decisions for her; but it frustrates me that despite the fact that we share nearly everything down to underwear, puppies, and (soon) kids, we are still not "family." I think the whole concept of "marriage" as it is envisioned now needs to be abolished. But that's another thread. We encountered similar frustrations when my brother was in a coma. He was an adult with no partner, so medical decisions defaulted to my mother when she was there, but legal issues like disability, rent, insurance, etc., were completely out of our hands because he didn't have a living will. The hospital was great and followed our wishes anyhow, but technically their social worker had more rights than we did to decide his fate. Just know that we all love you and wish you well. You know how lucky you are, which is a huge thing in itself. __________________ "If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing." - Anatole France Last edited by lurkette; 11-02-2005 at 05:39 AM..