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Sissy has been helping me with this the past few days.
Her position, and I'm paraphrasing here, is something like this:
Draw a line between your past life and your current one. I, the person I am now, was born the day the papers were signed given you custody. You may not have a date or event that is so easily identifiable as that, but you did the same thing when you decided to end the self-destructive spiral you were in. You decided you didn't want to be that person anymore. Leave her in the past, and embrace the person you are now. You don't even share a name or a life with those people (this is how she refers to our parents--those people) any more. They're toxic small-minded bigots who can offer you nothing good, nothing that would make your life better. You took Grace's name when you were married. Let that be a symbol of your rejection of what those people stand for, and embrace what the Nakamuras want to give you. Let them do for you what you and Grace do for me.
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Medical update: My nose is healing crooked. This means that they're going to have to break it again and reset it so it'll heal straight.
Someone asked about how long it would be for my arm to heal. Right now the main concern is the vascular and nerve damage. There really wasn't time enough for the vascular surgeon and the bone guy to both do their thing completely, and my brain injury makes them wary of doing anything with general anaesthesia any time soon, so for now they're going to let my body to the work of repairing the soft tissues, then go back in and reset the bones with steel rods and pins later. It's a lot like my nose; in a few weeks, they'll likely have to go back in and reset everything properly, then let the bones heal. I'm looking at several months minimum, probably something more like a year or two. They still can't tell me with 100% certainty that they'll be able to save it entirely, but Grace says they're just covering their butts and I shouldn't worry about that.
The good news is that my brain seems to be functioning normally, albeit with headaches at random intervals, which are aggravated by stress, hormonal fluctuations, stuffed sinuses, and . . . well, basically everything.
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I've found something to do with my time rather than just sit around waiting for my nose and arm to heal and my new job to begin in January. I went over to the closest elementary school and asked if they needed any volunteers for stuff like reading to kids or acting as an aide to one of the teachers, anything that can be done with one arm. I'm going to be a morning volunteer aide for a couple of second grade teachers during the next few weeks, up until December break.
I think if I keep busy, I'll be able to keep my mind off of the dark stuff. I'm not so sure that that's a good thing, though. I'll need to deal with it sooner or later.
Gilda
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I'm against ending blackness. I believe that everyone has a right to be black, it's a choice, and I support that.
~Steven Colbert
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