Question to any females... would you date someone - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Strange Famous · 03-06-2004, 01:02 AM

who was 5 9 and 280 lbs?

If they had a lot of other characteristics you looked for, and imagining you were available, would you theoretically consider dating someone that size? And if not, what would be the maximum weight you probably would date?

shoe · 03-06-2004, 09:46 AM

I dont get why you are asking questions like this. If yourself you arent comfortable with your weight why dont you juste go out there and get in shape. Change your eating habits and join the gym. Your not going to get anything off posting something like this on the TFP. What will help you though is concrete ACTIONS. This is a wake up call..you will be way happier when you get in shape. And yes - YOU CAN DO IT with the right motivation and the benefits are incredible. It will change your life.

Schwan · 03-06-2004, 10:24 AM

I’ve asked myself the same question. The answer I came up with is no, and besides, life just seemed to confirm this. I’ve lost 40 Kg since, but it didn’t change a damn thing. I dunno. I guess the weight is only a part of the problem, and you should ask yourself about other ways that might improve your relationships. Take it from a guy, who keeps finding out obvious things each day, which he didn’t realize before. But I’m straying here. Weight is just a part in the equation.

Strange Famous · 03-06-2004, 10:38 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by shoe
I dont get why you are asking questions like this. If yourself you arent comfortable with your weight why dont you juste go out there and get in shape. Change your eating habits and join the gym. Your not going to get anything off posting something like this on the TFP. What will help you though is concrete ACTIONS. This is a wake up call..you will be way happier when you get in shape. And yes - YOU CAN DO IT with the right motivation and the benefits are incredible. It will change your life.

Well, I am trying to lose weight, as for "not getting anything" from posting this here, what I am trying to get is people's opinions. I feel that most women wouldnt date someone my size, but thats why I am asking... I am not freak show, people stop in the street and laugh at me fat, but I am about 80 lbs overweight - I am curious as to whether women would date someone life me, since this is me.

And please, anyone that does answer, dont just say "yes" to be nice, I just want to know people's real opinions.

And, shoe, if just wanting to lose weight would make me lose it, I wouldnt be the size I am, my main problem is the amount I drink, and part of the reason I drink is that I am unhappy and lonely, and part of the reason I am unhappy and lonely is that Im fat - i am doing my best to lose weight, but it isnt so easy. I am pretty fit, and I play squash and soccer, and I am going to the gym, but still, obviously, I am fat - and I dont know if most girls would even look at someone my size or not.

Tholo · 03-06-2004, 10:49 AM

While I know there are lots of women out there that have absolutely no qualms whatsoever with dating someone with your larger physique, if you're not comfortable with it, it seems like its not fair to anyone you commit to or that commits to you. Don't lose hope, its all about attitutue.

motdakasha · 03-06-2004, 11:12 AM

I wouldn't date someone who has a lot of hangups and insecurities about his/her weight.

Strange Famous · 03-06-2004, 11:27 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by motdakasha
I wouldn't date someone who has a lot of hangups and insecurities about his/her weight.

Ok, thats understandable, but it wasnt really my question - I wasnt saying would you date someone like me, just someone my size, if their personality and other aspects where what you were looking for in a man.

So, would you date someone my size who was totally unselfconciosu about it and had a lot of the othe things you like in men? I mean, thats what Im asking, would someone being 280 lbs mean you would completely rule them out, or could you still date them?

I understand that I have a lot of other issues - such as the whole self pity thing, no money, being kind of down most the time... I was just really talking about the physical side in this post at least.

Conclamo Ludus · 03-06-2004, 11:38 AM

I doubt anybody would date anything that is 280 lbs. But I would venture to say that everybody would date something that was 280 lbs. and embodied the characteristics of someone that made them happy. The question is:

Why on Earth would you date someone that wouldn't date you if you were 280 lbs.? If you aren't someone's type, then they shouldn't be your type.

sillygirl · 03-06-2004, 11:45 AM

If someone's uncomfortable with themselves, I'm not going to date them. If someone looks like they don't take care of themselves, I'm not going to date them. That's the biggest thing. If someone can't/won't care about himself enough to take care of himself, he's not going to care enough about me, either.

motdakasha · 03-06-2004, 11:45 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Strange Famous
So, would you date someone my size who was totally unselfconciosu about it and had a lot of the othe things you like in men? I mean, thats what Im asking, would someone being 280 lbs mean you would completely rule them out, or could you still date them?

I understand what you're asking and my answer was and still is (Translation of what I said: ) "IT DEPENDS ON THE PERSON." K? k. I don't date people because I have a specific body image in mind for them.

Strange Famous · 03-06-2004, 11:47 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by motdakasha
I understand what you're asking and my answer was and still is "IT DEPENDS ON THE PERSON." K? k.

yes, I understand now. Thanks for answering my question.

ladyadmin · 03-06-2004, 12:21 PM

To answer your question Strange Famous :: I would date someone with those measurements if he had the qualities I look for and if he treated me right.

I never set out to date any certain body type or look. It so happens that I attract the muscle bound ones until the past couple years. I've found myself being attracted by the larger male. Be it larger because of weight or height. I like the feeling of being protected while around a larger male.

Prince · 03-06-2004, 02:21 PM

It's hard to say. Being a guy, I don't know many women that are 280 lbs, I myself am about 260 lbs and I stand about 6'1" - 6'2".

What it boils down to is personality. Yeah, that is what they all say, but it is true. I've no hangups regarding other people's weight, only that of my own.

asdf174 · 03-06-2004, 06:11 PM

Could be worse. You could be as ugly and big pathitec dork like me.

ariekitten · 03-06-2004, 09:55 PM

i would date anyone whose personality i found attractive.....weight wouldn't matter, but as other women have said in this thread, a guy's gotta care enough about himself to take care of himself.....
sometimes a person can't help being the weight/size he/she is, and i know that. that's why size really doesn't matter to me....it's the person inside....

sillygirl · 03-08-2004, 06:14 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by asdf174
Could be worse. You could be as ugly and big pathitec dork like me.

You're not by chance wondering why you don't have anyone, do you? (yes, I realize I'm assuming, but when a comment like that is made....)

It comes down to confidence and personality. Always.

tisonlyi · 03-08-2004, 06:41 AM

And all of this is a bit of an irrelevence.

What you say you want.
What you think you want.
What you actually want.
Who you actually go for.

All different things, regardless of gender.

Temporarysanity · 03-08-2004, 08:58 AM

you may not get alot of women at yur weiht but lenty of guys who weigh alot less than you arent getting the girl either. The main fact of it all is your attitude does effect how people will or wont interact with you. stop drinking and stop thinking so much about landing a woman and just go out and have fun. I felt like you at times (wondering why I coulnt get a woman) but I know now I had alot of inner issues that kept me from being able to open up and talk and just be myself.

and as far as your weight goes Ive seen alot of ugly fat guys with very attractive women. Women so hott you cant help but stop and wonder wtf!!!!!!The sad truth about life is you really just need to be yourself and you will find someone. If you act fake you will only attract fake women. Just go out and do some things you like to do and you can find someone while doing them. Dont be afraid to be open about how you feel and never be afraid to ask someone out.

The word no isnt the worst thing you can hear and for every girl who tells you no theres thousands out there who might say yes. you shoul seriously take some time and really look at who you are as a person. I mean a really deep look at what makes you tick. GGet to know who you are and why you might be so down on yourself. Im willing to be you have some old issues eating at you that if you acknowledge them and let them go you will finally be free of all that and be able to have fun.

and its ok to have a drink with friends but to drink for depression is bad since alcholis a depressant.

StormBerlin · 03-08-2004, 09:32 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Strange Famous

And, shoe, if just wanting to lose weight would make me lose it, I wouldnt be the size I am, my main problem is the amount I drink, and part of the reason I drink is that I am unhappy and lonely, and part of the reason I am unhappy and lonely is that Im fat - i am doing my best to lose weight, but it isnt so easy. I am pretty fit, and I play squash and soccer, and I am going to the gym, but still, obviously, I am fat - and I dont know if most girls would even look at someone my size or not.

Good, now that you've figured out your problem, change it.

Sorry, I wouldn't date a guy that was 5'9, 180 lbs. Not my physical type. I like tall, thin guys. So it's not you, its me

sigma1042 · 03-08-2004, 12:32 PM

i bet most women that are 5'9" 280lb themselves would

anti fishstick · 03-08-2004, 12:59 PM

well considering i had dated someone who was 5'10 and 275... yes. i'm not attracted to specific body types but a lot of other factors go into deciding who i would date or not.. and how long i'll be with them. body weight has almost nothing to do with my decisions. it is more personality, self-esteem, attitude, etc.

oberon · 03-08-2004, 01:24 PM

I'm in the same boat as you, Strange Famous (well, not exactly, I weigh ~275 but I'm 6'1", a fair amount taller than you).

I think my problem is I'm not very self-confident; specifically, I don't reach out to random women even if we have something in common, like we share a class or something. There are some underlying problems keeping me from changing this, but I am (slowly) addressing them.

I'm quite sure it has little or nothing to do with my body frame. Which, incidentally, I'm also working on changing.

I think this is the attitude that you need, if you want to meet women. It helps a lot if you aren't a "stranger", though.

WarWagon · 03-08-2004, 02:16 PM

I'm a pretty strong guy with a big frame, but I weigh 200lbs at 5'7". Granted I have a lot of muscle and work out at least 4 days a week, I've got plenty of flesh to cover it up. Are a lot of girls attracted to me? Nope, and I haven't even really talked to any girls since my breakup. But I'm sure that there are plenty of attractive women out there that are looking for a big bear to squeeze and hold them, and when one of them finds me (or I find them), they'll be happy they did.

Your appearance doesn't affect how you treat or take care of them, and a little bit of weight sure as hell ain't stopping me from making them happy... and giving them the best sex of their life. I'm sure the same can just as easily apply to you.

majik_6 · 03-08-2004, 02:31 PM

Having been the same height/weight that you are (I've since grown a few inches), I can say that although most girls didn't find me physically attractive, I did have a long-term relationship with a very sweet girl at that point.

Also, on a body modification site that I'm a part of, there's a forum specifically dedicated to big guys and the women (originally, although the first guy joined today) that love them.

So, not only will most people (at least the one's that don't put a lot of value onto physical attributes) consider dating some larger, but there are quite a few that prefer it (especially among sub-cultures where individualism and open-mindedness are stereotypically higher than the general population--such as the tattoo/piercing web community that I mentioned).

Seaver · 03-08-2004, 03:07 PM

Dude, your problem is your self-confidence, not your physical appearance.

I'm 6'3" 205lbs, very athletic. I have a friend who is 5'8" 260lbs, and looks more like an M&M than a Greek scuplture. Believe it or not he gets more girls than I do.

Yes, the M&M gets more girls than I do. He gets shot down more often, but the end result is in any given month he has about 4-5 more dates with different women than I've had in my best month.

It's not that his standars are lower, or that he relies on rofies/alcohol, he only picks up perfectly sober women.

The reason is he talks to EVERYONE. Old ladies, hot girls, waitresses, taxi cab drives, bartenders, bouncers, everyone. Try this out, and you'll see the genious of it. Have you ever talked to someone you have no physical attraction to? The converstation is easy. Now I imagine you choke up when talking to hot girls? Well eventually if you talk to enough people talking to the hotties will be just like talking to a friend.

Your self-confidence will grow, slowly at first, then by leaps and bounds.

Look them in the eye when you talk, talk light, crack a few jokes, and ask them if they want to get coffee tomarrow. If not who cares, even if you have a 1% success rating that's probably a hell of a lot higher than you're currently getting, and is 100% higher than not asking.

My friend gets shot down about 7/10 times... yeah, not a very good record. But you have to realize no one has a greater than 50/50 chance, even Greek gods. I get a date about 4/10 of the time, the key is to keep attacking, keep asking.

Your physical appearance is only part of your confidence problem, go work out if you feel that will help you out, it definatly wont hurt. Good luck.

*Nikki* · 03-08-2004, 03:07 PM

To be 100% perfectly honest with you........

No.

kutulu · 03-08-2004, 03:09 PM

I wouldn't, but I'm not at that size. I'm 5'10 165lbs. Although I don't think the "hotties" would go for your body type, there are probably plenty of people that share your body type who would. It's all about having confidence and reasonable expectations.

SpikeQX99 · 03-08-2004, 05:09 PM

I'm gonna have to agree with most everyone else here that it's not your size and weight that's the problem, it's the "oh whoa is me" attitude that's gonna kill a deal with a woman.

I knew a gal who was in a similar situation as yours, she was concerned about her weight and all that, but once she finally realized that some of us didn't care about that, she really opened up and became a hell of a personality, and some people, myself included started looking at her in a "different" sort of way. Her personality was extremely attractive, and that's what it's all about.

Personality.

toxic515 · 03-08-2004, 05:15 PM

I'm 6'4" and about 320. Not all fat, but I am a big man, and yes, I'm fat. I'm also well educated and fairly witty. I have a very lovely wife, and have never EVER had trouble getting dates or making friends, whichever I set out to do. Forget the weight. Dress nicely and be well groomed, and hopefully you'll meet people who appreciate a great personality. (I'm presuming you've got one.) Does the Barbie doll in the corner want to shag me all night? probably not at first glance, God knows it's really difficult to see a great personality and talented lover across the room. They're like axe murderers, they look like anyone else. You've got to use your assets.. what's that old song? Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative and don't mess with mister in-between.

As for Shoe: There are those of us who were beautiful at one time by the magazine standards and a car accident can remove much of the ability to do the physical activities that we enjoy. It's a hell of a bitch to get enough gear on to go play tennis, and I hate walking alone.( and the knee braces, back brace etc...). The weight gain all happened during recovery, and thanks to it's presence, losing it got that much harder. Additionally some people are rather pre-disposed to being larger than others, and flippant smart alec answers like "lose weight" waste your time, mine and his as well.

motdakasha · 03-08-2004, 05:59 PM

This is the last time I'm posting to this thread because every time I read it I get highly irritated.

From my Human Sexuality textbook, in the chapter about Attraction and Love:
What do you look for in a long-term, meaningful relationship?
Your second author conducted a survey of college men and women in the early 1980s and found that psychological characteristics such as warmth, fidelity, honesty, and sensitivity were rated higher in importance than physical attractiveness as desireable qualities in a prospective partner for a meaningful, long-term relationship (Nevid, 1984). Physical attractiveness won out when students were asked to consider what qualities are most important in a partner for a sexual relationship. Overall, however, men placed greater emphasis on the physical characteristics of their partners for both types of relationships than did women. Women placed more value on qualities such as warmth, assertiveness, wit, and ambition. The single most highly desire quality that students wanted in long-term partners were honesty. Honestly.

And people think women are shallow?

Seaver · 03-08-2004, 06:26 PM

Quote:

And people think women are shallow?

Men gawk over physical attractiveness, women gawk over wealth. We're both shallow.

toxic515 · 03-08-2004, 06:35 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Seaver
Men gawk over physical attractiveness, women gawk over wealth. We're both shallow.

Some of us do neither.

Boo · 03-08-2004, 07:54 PM

If you are not comfortable with your size. Do something about it. I was up over 230 and am now under 200 and now near my goal weight. This was done utilizing the tools of Atkins, oatmeal, apples, lots of water, a bit of weightlifting and avoiding beer.

IMO - Yes there are women that would not hold your weight against you, but there are many more that prefer a man that is in shape. You do the math.

You can lose the weight if you chose to. Good luck.

Tomservo · 03-09-2004, 02:08 PM

I'm a man, so take this with a grain of salt...

I believe strongly in "like" levels of physical attractiveness. If one partner is considerably hotter than the other, either they'll know it and feel like they can do better, or you'll THINK they do, and poison the relationship with jealousy and ridiculous ego-tripping.

If you're about a "5" - either improve yourself to "7" or start dating people in the "4-6" range. Don't go for "10" unless you're planning on making a bunch of cash and finding a girl who doesn't care about anything BUT cash.

Simply put, if some hottie really does love you, you won't give them a fair shake when they have to go to work with "Ted from Accounting" or play raquetball with "Steve the American Gladiator". Your best bet is to hit the gym till you feel comfortable with yourself, or aim lower. It may sound cynical, but relationships are tough. No reason to make 'em tougher.

Yakk · 03-09-2004, 03:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by motdakasha

And people think women are shallow?

Having people self-report what they view their behaviour is an ok way to probe at people's self image: even then, people do distort their self image with the image they want to project when they fill out a survay.

It isn't at all a good way to find out how people actually behave. =p~

Which makes me think how you would actually do this? Would take alot of work to detect various bias' and lies by the participants. Hard.

dabossy2k · 03-09-2004, 03:21 PM

You know I was reading this thread and I see a lot of people saying its confidence and other things are what people are attracted to. For a small part of attraction that may be true. But being over wieght does not help at all. Most peoples first impresstion is on looks. So if your overwieght then people might not even give you the chance to get to know if your confident or not. All the confidence in the world is not going to make anyone want you on a first impresstion. From what I am reading on his post I see that he is looking for the first impresstion attration and for that you need better looks, or maybe just to loose some wieght. So what you should do is get in the gym loose some wieght then with the weight loose that you achieve you'll gain some confidence and have the looks to go with it and you'll be set. In the USA we are very superfical, how many ugly stars do you see or overwieght ones anymore for that matter. Look around you and just see, and then decide what you want.

SpikeQX99 · 03-09-2004, 08:25 PM

"How many ugly stars do you see or overwieght ones anymore for that matter?"

And perhaps for this is the reason why the american perspective is fucked up on what is attractive, desirable, and downright likeable? Is it because they are pretty? Yeah prolly. But are they genuinely nice people? Who knows? We've set such a high standard for ourselves, that we've all fallen into the "I'm not attractive like Him/Her, therefore I must be ugly..." routine. It's just sick.

What happened to individuality? Be your own person and if they don't like it...fuck 'em.

phlox · 03-09-2004, 08:36 PM

I would definitely date someone your size. However, I wouldn't date someone whose self esteem is as low as yours is. In fact, I have a date with a guy who has quite a gut on him this week. I'm looking forward to it.

WarWagon · 03-09-2004, 08:48 PM

"How many ugly stars do you see or overwieght ones anymore for that matter?"

Even funnier, how many celebrity marriages do you see work out?

gothicangel · 03-11-2004, 03:53 AM

Size doesn't matter as long as the guy is comfortable with who he is and has an outgoinging and positive attitude. I wouldn't have a problem with seeing someone of any size.

03-06-2004, 01:02 AM	#1 (permalink)
Strange Famous follower of the child's crusade?	Question to any females... would you date someone who was 5 9 and 280 lbs? If they had a lot of other characteristics you looked for, and imagining you were available, would you theoretically consider dating someone that size? And if not, what would be the maximum weight you probably would date? __________________ "Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered." The Gospel of Thomas

03-06-2004, 10:49 AM	#5 (permalink)
Tholo Crazy	While I know there are lots of women out there that have absolutely no qualms whatsoever with dating someone with your larger physique, if you're not comfortable with it, it seems like its not fair to anyone you commit to or that commits to you. Don't lose hope, its all about attitutue. __________________ "I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me."

03-06-2004, 11:12 AM	#6 (permalink)
motdakasha Hiya Puddin'! Miss me? Location: Silicon Valley, CA	I wouldn't date someone who has a lot of hangups and insecurities about his/her weight. __________________ =^-^= motdakasha =^-^= Just Google It. BA Psychology & Photography (I'm not going psychoanalyze you nor will I let you cry on my shoulder. Have a nice day.)

03-06-2004, 11:38 AM	#8 (permalink)
Conclamo Ludus Modern Man Location: West Michigan	I doubt anybody would date anything that is 280 lbs. But I would venture to say that everybody would date something that was 280 lbs. and embodied the characteristics of someone that made them happy. The question is: Why on Earth would you date someone that wouldn't date you if you were 280 lbs.? If you aren't someone's type, then they shouldn't be your type. __________________ Lord, have mercy on my wicked soul I wouldn't mistreat you baby, for my weight in gold. -Son House, Death Letter Blues

03-06-2004, 11:45 AM	#9 (permalink)
sillygirl Newlywed Location: at home	If someone's uncomfortable with themselves, I'm not going to date them. If someone looks like they don't take care of themselves, I'm not going to date them. That's the biggest thing. If someone can't/won't care about himself enough to take care of himself, he's not going to care enough about me, either. __________________ Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken ....absence makes me miss him more...

03-06-2004, 09:46 AM	#2 (permalink)
shoe Crazy Location: Montreal , Quebec	I dont get why you are asking questions like this. If yourself you arent comfortable with your weight why dont you juste go out there and get in shape. Change your eating habits and join the gym. Your not going to get anything off posting something like this on the TFP. What will help you though is concrete ACTIONS. This is a wake up call..you will be way happier when you get in shape. And yes - YOU CAN DO IT with the right motivation and the benefits are incredible. It will change your life.

03-06-2004, 10:24 AM	#3 (permalink)
Schwan A boy and his dog Location: EU!	I’ve asked myself the same question. The answer I came up with is no, and besides, life just seemed to confirm this. I’ve lost 40 Kg since, but it didn’t change a damn thing. I dunno. I guess the weight is only a part of the problem, and you should ask yourself about other ways that might improve your relationships. Take it from a guy, who keeps finding out obvious things each day, which he didn’t realize before. But I’m straying here. Weight is just a part in the equation.

03-06-2004, 12:21 PM	#12 (permalink)
ladyadmin Insane	To answer your question Strange Famous :: I would date someone with those measurements if he had the qualities I look for and if he treated me right. I never set out to date any certain body type or look. It so happens that I attract the muscle bound ones until the past couple years. I've found myself being attracted by the larger male. Be it larger because of weight or height. I like the feeling of being protected while around a larger male. __________________ The Programmers' Cheer Shift to the left, shift to the right! Pop up, push down, byte, byte, byte!

03-06-2004, 02:21 PM	#13 (permalink)
Prince /nɑndəsˈkrɪpt/ Location: LV-426	It's hard to say. Being a guy, I don't know many women that are 280 lbs, I myself am about 260 lbs and I stand about 6'1" - 6'2". What it boils down to is personality. Yeah, that is what they all say, but it is true. I've no hangups regarding other people's weight, only that of my own. __________________ Who is John Galt?

03-06-2004, 06:11 PM	#14 (permalink)
asdf174 Upright	Could be worse. You could be as ugly and big pathitec dork like me.

03-06-2004, 09:55 PM	#15 (permalink)
ariekitten bAck iN aCtiOn! Location: in my imagination	i would date anyone whose personality i found attractive.....weight wouldn't matter, but as other women have said in this thread, a guy's gotta care enough about himself to take care of himself..... sometimes a person can't help being the weight/size he/she is, and i know that. that's why size really doesn't matter to me....it's the person inside.... __________________ I am known as Valentinez Alkalinella Xifax Sicidabohertz Gombigobilla Blue Stradivari Talentrent Pierre Andri Charton-Haymoss Ivanovici Baldeus George Doitzel Kaiser III. Don't hesitate to call. ~Vash, Trigun >'.'< kitty kitty, meow ^..^~

03-08-2004, 06:41 AM	#17 (permalink)
tisonlyi Nothing	And all of this is a bit of an irrelevence. What you say you want. What you think you want. What you actually want. Who you actually go for. All different things, regardless of gender. __________________ "I do not agree that the dog in a manger has the final right to the manger even though he may have lain there for a very long time. I do not admit that right. I do not admit for instance, that a great wrong has been done to the Red Indians of America or the black people of Australia. I do not admit that a wrong has been done to these people by the fact that a stronger race, a higher-grade race, a more worldly wise race to put it that way, has come in and taken their place." - Winston Churchill, 1937 --{ORLY?}--

03-08-2004, 08:58 AM	#18 (permalink)
Temporarysanity Upright	Your attitude affects your chances with women you may not get alot of women at yur weiht but lenty of guys who weigh alot less than you arent getting the girl either. The main fact of it all is your attitude does effect how people will or wont interact with you. stop drinking and stop thinking so much about landing a woman and just go out and have fun. I felt like you at times (wondering why I coulnt get a woman) but I know now I had alot of inner issues that kept me from being able to open up and talk and just be myself. and as far as your weight goes Ive seen alot of ugly fat guys with very attractive women. Women so hott you cant help but stop and wonder wtf!!!!!!The sad truth about life is you really just need to be yourself and you will find someone. If you act fake you will only attract fake women. Just go out and do some things you like to do and you can find someone while doing them. Dont be afraid to be open about how you feel and never be afraid to ask someone out. The word no isnt the worst thing you can hear and for every girl who tells you no theres thousands out there who might say yes. you shoul seriously take some time and really look at who you are as a person. I mean a really deep look at what makes you tick. GGet to know who you are and why you might be so down on yourself. Im willing to be you have some old issues eating at you that if you acknowledge them and let them go you will finally be free of all that and be able to have fun. and its ok to have a drink with friends but to drink for depression is bad since alcholis a depressant.

03-08-2004, 12:32 PM	#20 (permalink)
sigma1042 Crazy	i bet most women that are 5'9" 280lb themselves would __________________ [Arthur] HA HA HA HA, It's a little joke![/Arthur]

03-08-2004, 12:59 PM	#21 (permalink)
anti fishstick Post-modernism meets Individualism AKA the Clash Location: oregon	well considering i had dated someone who was 5'10 and 275... yes. i'm not attracted to specific body types but a lot of other factors go into deciding who i would date or not.. and how long i'll be with them. body weight has almost nothing to do with my decisions. it is more personality, self-esteem, attitude, etc. __________________ And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ~Anais Nin

03-08-2004, 01:24 PM	#22 (permalink)
oberon Quadrature Amplitude Modulator Location: Denver	I'm in the same boat as you, Strange Famous (well, not exactly, I weigh ~275 but I'm 6'1", a fair amount taller than you). I think my problem is I'm not very self-confident; specifically, I don't reach out to random women even if we have something in common, like we share a class or something. There are some underlying problems keeping me from changing this, but I am (slowly) addressing them. I'm quite sure it has little or nothing to do with my body frame. Which, incidentally, I'm also working on changing. I think this is the attitude that you need, if you want to meet women. It helps a lot if you aren't a "stranger", though. __________________ "There are finer fish in the sea than have ever been caught." -- Irish proverb

03-08-2004, 02:16 PM	#23 (permalink)
WarWagon Loser	I'm a pretty strong guy with a big frame, but I weigh 200lbs at 5'7". Granted I have a lot of muscle and work out at least 4 days a week, I've got plenty of flesh to cover it up. Are a lot of girls attracted to me? Nope, and I haven't even really talked to any girls since my breakup. But I'm sure that there are plenty of attractive women out there that are looking for a big bear to squeeze and hold them, and when one of them finds me (or I find them), they'll be happy they did. Your appearance doesn't affect how you treat or take care of them, and a little bit of weight sure as hell ain't stopping me from making them happy... and giving them the best sex of their life. I'm sure the same can just as easily apply to you.

03-08-2004, 02:31 PM	#24 (permalink)
majik_6 narcissist Location: looking in a mirror	Having been the same height/weight that you are (I've since grown a few inches), I can say that although most girls didn't find me physically attractive, I did have a long-term relationship with a very sweet girl at that point. Also, on a body modification site that I'm a part of, there's a forum specifically dedicated to big guys and the women (originally, although the first guy joined today) that love them. So, not only will most people (at least the one's that don't put a lot of value onto physical attributes) consider dating some larger, but there are quite a few that prefer it (especially among sub-cultures where individualism and open-mindedness are stereotypically higher than the general population--such as the tattoo/piercing web community that I mentioned). __________________ it's all about self-indulgence

03-08-2004, 03:07 PM	#25 (permalink)
Seaver Junkie Location: Fort Worth, TX	Dude, your problem is your self-confidence, not your physical appearance. I'm 6'3" 205lbs, very athletic. I have a friend who is 5'8" 260lbs, and looks more like an M&M than a Greek scuplture. Believe it or not he gets more girls than I do. Yes, the M&M gets more girls than I do. He gets shot down more often, but the end result is in any given month he has about 4-5 more dates with different women than I've had in my best month. It's not that his standars are lower, or that he relies on rofies/alcohol, he only picks up perfectly sober women. The reason is he talks to EVERYONE. Old ladies, hot girls, waitresses, taxi cab drives, bartenders, bouncers, everyone. Try this out, and you'll see the genious of it. Have you ever talked to someone you have no physical attraction to? The converstation is easy. Now I imagine you choke up when talking to hot girls? Well eventually if you talk to enough people talking to the hotties will be just like talking to a friend. Your self-confidence will grow, slowly at first, then by leaps and bounds. Look them in the eye when you talk, talk light, crack a few jokes, and ask them if they want to get coffee tomarrow. If not who cares, even if you have a 1% success rating that's probably a hell of a lot higher than you're currently getting, and is 100% higher than not asking. My friend gets shot down about 7/10 times... yeah, not a very good record. But you have to realize no one has a greater than 50/50 chance, even Greek gods. I get a date about 4/10 of the time, the key is to keep attacking, keep asking. Your physical appearance is only part of your confidence problem, go work out if you feel that will help you out, it definatly wont hurt. Good luck.

03-08-2004, 03:07 PM	#26 (permalink)
Nikki ~~~~~~~ Location: Charleston, SC	To be 100% perfectly honest with you........ No.

03-08-2004, 03:09 PM	#27 (permalink)
kutulu Junkie	I wouldn't, but I'm not at that size. I'm 5'10 165lbs. Although I don't think the "hotties" would go for your body type, there are probably plenty of people that share your body type who would. It's all about having confidence and reasonable expectations.

03-08-2004, 05:09 PM	#28 (permalink)
SpikeQX99 The Best thing that never happened to you Location: Silverdale, WA	I'm gonna have to agree with most everyone else here that it's not your size and weight that's the problem, it's the "oh whoa is me" attitude that's gonna kill a deal with a woman. I knew a gal who was in a similar situation as yours, she was concerned about her weight and all that, but once she finally realized that some of us didn't care about that, she really opened up and became a hell of a personality, and some people, myself included started looking at her in a "different" sort of way. Her personality was extremely attractive, and that's what it's all about. Personality. __________________ I'm so in love with a girl... she is my everything

03-08-2004, 05:15 PM	#29 (permalink)
toxic515 Addict Location: Texas	I'm 6'4" and about 320. Not all fat, but I am a big man, and yes, I'm fat. I'm also well educated and fairly witty. I have a very lovely wife, and have never EVER had trouble getting dates or making friends, whichever I set out to do. Forget the weight. Dress nicely and be well groomed, and hopefully you'll meet people who appreciate a great personality. (I'm presuming you've got one.) Does the Barbie doll in the corner want to shag me all night? probably not at first glance, God knows it's really difficult to see a great personality and talented lover across the room. They're like axe murderers, they look like anyone else. You've got to use your assets.. what's that old song? Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative and don't mess with mister in-between. As for Shoe: There are those of us who were beautiful at one time by the magazine standards and a car accident can remove much of the ability to do the physical activities that we enjoy. It's a hell of a bitch to get enough gear on to go play tennis, and I hate walking alone.( and the knee braces, back brace etc...). The weight gain all happened during recovery, and thanks to it's presence, losing it got that much harder. Additionally some people are rather pre-disposed to being larger than others, and flippant smart alec answers like "lose weight" waste your time, mine and his as well. __________________ Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.

03-08-2004, 05:59 PM	#30 (permalink)
motdakasha Hiya Puddin'! Miss me? Location: Silicon Valley, CA	This is the last time I'm posting to this thread because every time I read it I get highly irritated. From my Human Sexuality textbook, in the chapter about Attraction and Love: What do you look for in a long-term, meaningful relationship? Your second author conducted a survey of college men and women in the early 1980s and found that psychological characteristics such as warmth, fidelity, honesty, and sensitivity were rated higher in importance than physical attractiveness as desireable qualities in a prospective partner for a meaningful, long-term relationship (Nevid, 1984). Physical attractiveness won out when students were asked to consider what qualities are most important in a partner for a sexual relationship. Overall, however, men placed greater emphasis on the physical characteristics of their partners for both types of relationships than did women. Women placed more value on qualities such as warmth, assertiveness, wit, and ambition. The single most highly desire quality that students wanted in long-term partners were honesty. Honestly. And people think women are shallow? __________________ =^-^= motdakasha =^-^= Just Google It. BA Psychology & Photography (I'm not going psychoanalyze you nor will I let you cry on my shoulder. Have a nice day.)

03-08-2004, 07:54 PM	#33 (permalink)
Boo Leave me alone! Location: Alaska, USA	If you are not comfortable with your size. Do something about it. I was up over 230 and am now under 200 and now near my goal weight. This was done utilizing the tools of Atkins, oatmeal, apples, lots of water, a bit of weightlifting and avoiding beer. IMO - Yes there are women that would not hold your weight against you, but there are many more that prefer a man that is in shape. You do the math. You can lose the weight if you chose to. Good luck. __________________ Back button again, I must be getting old.

03-09-2004, 02:08 PM	#34 (permalink)
Tomservo Crazy Location: Los Angeles, CA	I'm a man, so take this with a grain of salt... I believe strongly in "like" levels of physical attractiveness. If one partner is considerably hotter than the other, either they'll know it and feel like they can do better, or you'll THINK they do, and poison the relationship with jealousy and ridiculous ego-tripping. If you're about a "5" - either improve yourself to "7" or start dating people in the "4-6" range. Don't go for "10" unless you're planning on making a bunch of cash and finding a girl who doesn't care about anything BUT cash. Simply put, if some hottie really does love you, you won't give them a fair shake when they have to go to work with "Ted from Accounting" or play raquetball with "Steve the American Gladiator". Your best bet is to hit the gym till you feel comfortable with yourself, or aim lower. It may sound cynical, but relationships are tough. No reason to make 'em tougher.

03-09-2004, 03:21 PM	#36 (permalink)
dabossy2k Insane Location: Cali	You know I was reading this thread and I see a lot of people saying its confidence and other things are what people are attracted to. For a small part of attraction that may be true. But being over wieght does not help at all. Most peoples first impresstion is on looks. So if your overwieght then people might not even give you the chance to get to know if your confident or not. All the confidence in the world is not going to make anyone want you on a first impresstion. From what I am reading on his post I see that he is looking for the first impresstion attration and for that you need better looks, or maybe just to loose some wieght. So what you should do is get in the gym loose some wieght then with the weight loose that you achieve you'll gain some confidence and have the looks to go with it and you'll be set. In the USA we are very superfical, how many ugly stars do you see or overwieght ones anymore for that matter. Look around you and just see, and then decide what you want. __________________ Recovering nice guy

03-09-2004, 08:25 PM	#37 (permalink)
SpikeQX99 The Best thing that never happened to you Location: Silverdale, WA	"How many ugly stars do you see or overwieght ones anymore for that matter?" And perhaps for this is the reason why the american perspective is fucked up on what is attractive, desirable, and downright likeable? Is it because they are pretty? Yeah prolly. But are they genuinely nice people? Who knows? We've set such a high standard for ourselves, that we've all fallen into the "I'm not attractive like Him/Her, therefore I must be ugly..." routine. It's just sick. What happened to individuality? Be your own person and if they don't like it...fuck 'em. __________________ I'm so in love with a girl... she is my everything

03-09-2004, 08:36 PM	#38 (permalink)
phlox Tilted	I would definitely date someone your size. However, I wouldn't date someone whose self esteem is as low as yours is. In fact, I have a date with a guy who has quite a gut on him this week. I'm looking forward to it.

03-09-2004, 08:48 PM	#39 (permalink)
WarWagon Loser	"How many ugly stars do you see or overwieght ones anymore for that matter?" Even funnier, how many celebrity marriages do you see work out?

03-11-2004, 03:53 AM	#40 (permalink)
gothicangel Upright	Size doesn't matter as long as the guy is comfortable with who he is and has an outgoinging and positive attitude. I wouldn't have a problem with seeing someone of any size.