snowy

Let's see...Cleopatra immediately springs to mind...

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Toaster126

If both parties are happy about it, I wouldn't say it's "sad". I do think it would be "wasted potential" though.

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Cervantes

There is a reason the word Tease has a negative connotation in most cases.. it's a useless waste of time. Life is too short to play that kind of games..

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- "Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questioned.."
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FoxyLucy

That´s a spurious argument. Why? Firstly, I don´t use intimidation to get my way. Secondly, we have no children. There´s no reason why he must stay - it´s often not been viable for a women to leave, due to financial constraints, fear of physical reprisals, uprooting children, the shame of seperation (admitting one´s husband is violent and abusive), family pressure, etc. Finally, as I said, I´m not breaking the law - yet you use a criminal activity (domestic violence) as an analogy.

Shame on you!

Dane Bramage

i'm afraid once again, you are not taking his feelings into consideration. perhaps he has absolutely no self esteem. perhaps he is so co-dependant that he cannot bear to be alone. perhaps he is one of those people that are not happy unless they are miserable. all of these things could contribute to him not leaving you. again, just because he doesn't leave you doesn't mean he enjoys it.

never once in this entire discussion have you ever said that yes you have discussed this with him and he is okay with it. therefore it is not, cannot be, consensual. by the very dictionary definition of the word, it is not consensual. period.

but, since you don't like the domestic violence analogy, then take out the violent aspect. think about all the disfunctional relationships that you know. all the people in your life that hate the people they are with. why are they still with them?

sorry, foxylucy... i don't think i'm the one being shamed here.

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high_jinx

last post is correct... it's on its way to being consensual but until you've sat down and let him know you're doing it on purpose and using it as a tool, it takes a fork in the road and becomes MANIPULATIVE. have you been manipulated professionally or romantically? did you enjoy how you felt when it dawned on you that it was occuring? and one more question... if you are in a relationship with someone you care about, how can you do that to them and feel good about it?

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FoxyLucy

Three words: choice and consequences. By choosing to stay he´s evidently decided that the current situation is preferable to the alternative(s).

There´s no written contract, I haven´t promised to behave in a particular way, though the fact I have behaved as I have, and consistently, surely demonstrates that this is who I am and therefore provides him with expectations of the future.

I think it´s very arrogant and presumptious of many of you to think that he´s unhappy or that he´s unable to make decisions for himself...

canuckguy

I don't post here often anymore, just like to browse....but this just reeks of a troll thread.

if this situation is truly taking place, i hope the guy realizes what is happening and walks before his wallet is sucked dry by her "expensive tastes". As she has said many times he is free to walk anytime.....that sentence just tickles me of someone who does not care about him and just his money.

Anyone thinking about if this guy is just a newbie when it comes to women? what happens if he is and this is how he thinks the world works? what happens in his next relationships if so? I doubt this guy knows what is going on, I feel bad for him.

Dane Bramage

Final thought...

You're right. If you have consistently behaved this way, then he has nothing to expect then what you have already shown.

No one has said that they thought he was unhappy. We only suggest that if he knew what you are doing... intentionally doing... then he might not be to happy about it or you. There is a bit of a difference there.

Last one...

You are so right, again. I am gonna choose to not reply to this thread anymore. It has degenerated and can no longer be constituted as a discussion.

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FoxyLucy

What is a `troll´ exactly? It´s popped up too many times in this thread, now. I can assure you if you saw me you´d not think me a troll.

I thought this was a forum for the sexully liberated, where one can openly discuss sex and realtionships. All I have been met with is judgemental, sanctimonious condemnation.

Well I have had enough tonight...I´m off to finish my wine, plus I´ve forgotten what I was going to say...

Cervantes

Troll:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Troll#In_Internet_Forums
Or more loosely interpreted somone who intentionally posts a controversial and inflamatory subject with the sole purpose of pissing people off.


And yes this is a forum for sexually liberated discussions, liberated from inhibitions, shame, cultural norms and abuse. See, the problem with your relationship as you have thus far described it is that it falls under the abuse category. Emotional abuse to be more specific. Tossed in with a healthy dose of shameless denial.

What really makes people think you are a troll is that there is an utter lack of remorese and objectivity in your posts, not once have you shown that you actually thought of his feelings in the situation you put him in, you brush them away as unimportant. All we read is the "He's free to walk any time he wants" mantra you keep repeating. But like you said before, he has a lot invested, emotionally AND finacially. You have him "hooked". Is he really free to walk?

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- "Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questioned.."
- "Religions take everything that your DNA naturally wants to do to survive and pro-create and makes it wrong."
- "There is only one absolute truth and that is that there is only one absolute truth."

hotzot

I like teasing. It makes life more fun.

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abaya

Foxy, just one question: If you're all square with him knowing the cards, why not let him read this thread? You're not afraid of him reading what you posted, obviously, since he already knows the rules... so I don't see why he can't read this thread and let us know what he thinks?

I'd respect this whole discussion a lot more if I had one inkling of what's going on in his head, without you as an interpreter.

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And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
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snowy

Thank you for posting this, Cervantes. You summed up how I feel about this entire thread.

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If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

canuckguy

Bingo! well put.

Mantus

Guys, lets calm down. We can't change a persons mind by attacking them. She is not a troll. Foxy is new to this and hasnt seen all the problems which may come up. We are trying to give her a view of her man's perspective when indeed we know nothing about him.

If you guys feel that Foxy needs guidance then I think we should do it the correct way by allowing her to see possitive benefits of playing the relationship game in other ways.


So.....

Foxy, I think it's awsome that you have found these skills to control men. They are going to be a huge asset to you in your life. However, as you will notice soon, they won't land you quality men.

A man who stays with you out of choice rather then because he has no other options; a man who is strong enough to lead and make you feel comfortable with it; and a man who knows what he wants and takes initiative to get it. Those men are going to bypass, if not be repulsed by your screening process.

Now I am not sure if you understand or know what you want at this point in your life. Play around with your boys for now and see what happens. See what they can give you and what they can't.

Sweetpea

I found this to be a bit shocking myself.

Using sex as a source of control is unhealthy in my opinion. The reason why you're gentlemen treats you so well i would suspect is not because of lack of sex or the control of it, but rather because you just happen to have a nice guy who's putting up with alot potentially because he may have low self esteem.

Another thing i would like to ask is:

Do you feel you have nothing else to offer the relationship than Sex?

It would appear as though you think so lowly of yourself that you think sex is the only thing that is keeping your guy treating you nicely. Perhaps the sex has nothing to do with it and he just surprisingly likes you for you and it has nothing to do with the control of sex.

on a side note:
Don't you WANT to have sex more often? What do you personally get out of the control of it? other than obvious potential ego boosts.

I also want to note that this IS an accepting community, it's just if someone sees something they disagree with, they are going to say so. We're a very honest forum and people say how they feel one way or another and it's by no means to make you feel less welcome on here It's just, if you put something up on a forum, people are going to give their comments.



thanks,

sweetpea

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FoxyLucy

Well then I´m not a troll, as I wasn´t intentionally trying to piss people off, though, I have obviously succeeded in doing so. Probably, I imagine because some of you are misogynist geeks who have never experienced a real woman!

I´m too drink to repky properly but this obviously isn´t the place for me. I ythink most of you are nice folk, just don´t give me your crap - I imagine most of your girlfriends and wives control you and you all beg for sex!

Thanks.

high_jinx

you can imagine that if you want... you can also imagine that your bf likes being treated this way, or that he deserves the wrath of all the mistreated women of history, or anything else that makes you feel better about what you are doing...

but if 3 pages of people quickly pop up on a thread like this telling you that you need to look at yourself and what you are doing you might want to do that instead of dismissing all of us and imagining things.... imagining takes a fork in the road to denial.

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-my phobia drowned while i was gettin down.

Seaver

Says the insecure, immature manipulator who has never.. and will never experience a real man for more than a few weeks.

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Infinite_Loser

Define a "real woman".

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spectre

I'm a geek, but not a misogynist and I've been with real women. What made them real women was that they were honest and didn't play games.

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No goddamn slave
I will be different" ~ Machine Head

thespian86

In MY opinion it's not a case of sexuality or liberation or feminism; it's a question of civility. Saying this, I'm not a woman, but my mentality isn't to take the reigns sexually or in anything in my relationship with my "consenting" fiancee. And I don't think it is a man's devine right to do so. Nor do I think it's a case of man vs. woman.

You are manipulating him. Plain and simple. If I were doing it then it would be manipulating. It is what it is.

And I know that this has been said already but I would love to repeat it.

Consent is when both parties are completely in the know when it comes to said situation. And the fact that you leave men oblivious to it makes it a mind game.

And I say again, a little firmer, not cool.

And just adding and stealing the direction a bit. This is the second thread i've read in two days that have rookies feverishly defending themselves, as if we are enemies, or to use a term mentioned earlier but in a different context, preditors; waiting for you to slip so we can pounce on our rookie prey. This place, they say, is filled with people who have their minds closed tight. I disagree. I'll apologize if I seem uninviting. But you found a place made for those who do the exact opposite (most of the time ) You stumbled upon, or searched and found, a rare place in the world; something to be cherished. You found a place that is one mouse click away where you can discuss many issues, that may or may not mean a god damn thing to you, with people from all walks of life, with all different kinds of educational backgrounds, and home lives. You are blessed.

That said, stop whining. You have your opinion and we all have ours.

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Deltona Couple

I think this statement becomes absolutely HILARIOUS when your first statement is that you are not intentionally trying to piss people off, followed by calling most of us 'misogynist geeks' and then following up with 'I imagine most of your girlfriends and wives control you and you all beg for sex!'

And this was meant to what; calm us down? personally my wife and I have a very healthy and FREQUENT sex life, we BOTH enjoy everything we do, and we don't hide things from each other. That is why we have lasted 10 YEARS so far, and are still happy. Oh, by the way, NEITHER ONE OF US CONTROL THINGS. We both share equally in the house, the kids, home duties, and our bedroom lives.

And just so you don't think I hate you or don't want you here, that is FAR from the truth. I'm a newbie too, and I always love hearing (reading?) other peoples comments, even towards me. And everybody has a right to their own opinions. You too! Just don't expect everyone to agree with them, hell, many people don't agree with mine!
So this is to you......

Nisses

to stay in my warcraft-mode: Quoted for Truth


I'm sorry, I can't seem to align my definition of 'real woman' with what you've posted here so far.

If you weren't before, now you *are* trolling.

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tecoyah

Nice attempt at a parting Jab.

Part of the issue here is that as a man, we have likely dealt with a Girl like yourself on numerous occasions before. Once you admitted your manipulations you became a target for the collective frustration we men, and women to an extent, have dealt with in our Sexual lives. None of us can likely claim innocence in this regard, and most of us have played the game before....but few of us relish the inflicted pain, as you seem to project.
This forum is indeed enlightened sexually, as you can see from the many replys your thread created, but enlightenment also denotes understanding, and sometimes experience in matters relevant to your situation. If you wanted everyone to tell you how splendid your approach to this relationship is....perhaps you came to the wrong place for a pat on the back. If instead you are here to gain insight from multiple Lives, and differing experience patterns, you might take it all as constructive and LISTEN to the opinions.

Thats why most of us are here.

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Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha

Nisses

One thing that crossed my mind tho:

Do you actually enjoy sex?

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Moderation should be moderately moderated.

Cervantes

*leans back with a sigh* That's a good example of how a troll works the thread.

I'm not sure what drives a troll really, never really felt that urge.. but I would imagine it is some kind of infantile need for attention from others, something in the lines of a child who begins to scream in the supermarket just because it can.

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- "Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questioned.."
- "Religions take everything that your DNA naturally wants to do to survive and pro-create and makes it wrong."
- "There is only one absolute truth and that is that there is only one absolute truth."

match000

she just used sanctimony, that a pretty hard word for a supposedly hot girl. i dont think she's actually that hot; the only conclusion is that this tool she found must be butt fugly

hmm never mind. guess you are not that nerdy after all.. you might be cute then.

thespian86

Oh Match, you're silly.

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EX: Whats new?
ME: I officially love coffee more then you now.
EX: uh...
ME: So, not much.

genuinegirly

I hardly think that I could qualify as a misogynist geek.

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FoxyLucy

I´m sorry I shouldn´t have said that, I know it´s not in the spirit of this forum to abuse people - though I didn´t direct it at anyone in particular. I was drunk from wine when I posted that.

Anyway, I think we´ve exhausted this topic. Can we agree to disagree?

Cervantes

I'm in, this topic has gotten old really fast.. no use to try and wring something more out of it.

__________________
- "Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questioned.."
- "Religions take everything that your DNA naturally wants to do to survive and pro-create and makes it wrong."
- "There is only one absolute truth and that is that there is only one absolute truth."

Halx

I'm enjoying this. If this were to be a game, FoxyLucy would be the winner.

Why?

She's got you guys up in arms and posting like mad. Shes got attention, and isn't that what sexual manipulation is all about? We're all twiddling her intellectual twat.

Unfortunately it isn't a real game. Too bad someone's livelihood is at stake and we have said all that we can.

Cheers, FoxyLucy. Continue with your discussion-spurring ideas and intentions, keep them within the rules of the forums, and have a nice day. I suggest complimenting this thread with a post regarding things more personal to you, so we can at least establish that you have some give, as opposed to all take. Tell us about yourself in more detail. Become a member, rather than a poster.

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Seaver

I've searched foxy's posting records. Everyone else should. I doubt it's even a girl, it's a troll account.

Please don't feed the troll.

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"Smite the rocks with the rod of knowledge, and fountains of unstinted wealth will gush forth." - Ashbel Smith as he laid the first cornerstone of the University of Texas

match000

doubt she's a troll. why would she waste her time coming and posting? probably just needs a boost in self-esteem through affirmation that her 'method' is correct, but instead got slammed by everyone..

Seaver

Trolls don't just post once and leave, because the thread will die. He/she is just fanning the flame.

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"Smite the rocks with the rod of knowledge, and fountains of unstinted wealth will gush forth." - Ashbel Smith as he laid the first cornerstone of the University of Texas

viper11885

If this is not being selfish, then I don't know what is...

n0nsensical

maybe he gets off on it.

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Impetuous1

If it is a girl, then it sounds to me like someone who has been emotionally or sexually abused as a young girl. Now that she is older she has a distorted view of relationships and just sees the sexual side, which in reality disgusts her. She attempts to use these games of hers as a form of therapy to get back at the men who did her harm and to build her self esteem. Her justification is that these are men who are old enough to walk away; when at the time some horrible things were happening to her she didn't have any choice. Of course, I could be entirely wrong. But then again, she never did admit to her "boyfriend" knowing that she was playing games. She also never admitted to caring for him after TWO YEARS. I say "boyfriend" because that status is, at least in my definition, reserved for someone you care about. It doesn't sound like she cares about him personally other than for what he can give her. She doesn't care about his integrity, she accords him no respect and she mocks him. Perhaps he is just a nice guy, but once he figures out her game she will probably have turned him into a mysoginist. A title that she claims to loathe. If she truly cared about the state of mysoginy then she would try to combat some of the reasons men despise women. One of them being this game she is playing. Not to mention her passive agressive behavior.

Oh, and I am a real woman. While I'm not a mysoginist, I sure as hell can understand why some men despise women for the games they play.

Personally I would not play these games unless I was willing to put out. Why? Because they turn me on and I love sex. I couldn't wait a month. Even a week.

But as I said, I could be wrong and you may just be a troll with a lot of time on their hands.