FoxyLucy

Any of you girls like to do this? Any of you guys enjoy being teased? Personally, I´ve always found that men keep their brains in their pants and always seem more attentive and considerate when they´re desperate for sex.

When dating I don´t drop my panties for a few months. I then know whether the guy´s a jerk or not, and know that he can control himself. Plus it keeps him keen - guys always want what they can´t get.

We have a fairly healthy sex life, but it´s on my terms, when I want, how I want and where I want - which is pretty good for me! I like to keep my boyfriend aroused and frustrated most of the time. We´ve been together two-and-a-half years, so I guess he likes it as well. We normally have sex twice a week.

I love getting all frisky and heavy with him - long, lingering kisses, interspersed with light pecks, whilst running my nails up and down his back and across his groin and then pretending I´ve forgotten to make an urgent ´phone call or something. He´s sometimes on his knees, literally begging for sex.

In the bedroom, I give him a ´good night kiss´, which he uses as a desperate attempt to initiate sex. I then get him all hot and bothered and go to sleep. When we do have sex, I make him squirm for an hour first, everytime he tries to get my panties off, I grab his hands and continue kissing him, he ends up almost tearing them off and we have the most passionate, electric sex.

The thing is I was chatting with a few girl friends about their relationships and I´m treated like a queen in comparison to them. Their boyfriends and husbands don´t run them baths and take them out for meals, buy them flowers. All I hear is of them farting in bed, coming home drunk, falling asleep in front of the TV and their sex lives have fizzled out or it´s a few grunts, roll over and sleep. Treat them mean, keep them keen.

healer

If your man is willing to be teased and made to wait and so forth, why not? I say more power to ya.

Personally, I'm not a fan of being teased. I'll implement some teasing of my own from time to time, but nothing to the lengths of which you've mentioned. I'm more traditional in that while there may be some teasing from either party, I'd never get her hot and then go to sleep. Hopefully, she shares my sentiment.

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Seaver

Congradulations... you're deliberately making a good relationship a bad one in my opinion.

While it may work right now for you, in my opinion in any (really) longterm relationship he's going to get sick of trying. So dont be all too surprised if finds a girl who doesn't act like she doesn't like sex.

I've never cheated before, but I had a girlfriend who was like this. I can tell you that her acting like this is what broke us up. She bragged to her friend, who told my friend (and then me)... I was so furious I left her that day.

Instead of being stingy with him, try doing things for him to make you appreciate you. Cook him dinner every once in a while (women never seem to understand how sexy that is). Try not to tell us every miniscule thing that happened to you that day, and enjoy a bit of silence (or listen when we do talk, instead of waiting for your turn). Initiate sex by waking him up in the morning with a BJ, you wont believe how sexy that is. Do things for him to make him appreciate you... dont hold out.

Imagine if you found out your BF purposely did that to you, and think of how he could convince you that it's for his own good. He couldn't, and you can't. Relationships are about your partner, not you.

Eventually he'll just stop trying with you. You'll get very upset because you will no longer feel appreciated (because you don't appreciate him). And the relationship will end.

longbough

Why do I have a sneaking suspicion that you're just trying to provoke a flamefest?

Anyway, I've met and dated a few women who believed that keeping a guy "aroused and frustrated most of the time" will have him under their thumb. If you two are happy with this arrangement then more power to you. I hope it all works out.

But, I think your guy's response says less about the efficacy of your approach and more about the type of guy who would put up with this.
Let's face it. Any guy who buys that whole coy act is not a "man" but a "boy."

When I date a woman I let her know (implicitly and explicitly) that life's too short to play mind/emotional games ... and that she'll always know where she stands with me. Most mature women can appreciate it and treat me likewise.

Sometimes I find myself with someone who still thinks they have to play the mindgames that folks learn in high school. I leave that situation every time and don't look back - I don't need that. Without exception they end up calling back with flirtatious overtures to provoke my interest. I let them know in no uncertain terms that I'm not interested anymore and that we're still friends.

Let's take an analagous situation from a male perspective. If I treated a girlfriend terribly in public and constantly insulted her ... she just might be the type to stay with me if she had no self-esteem. It happens all the time. Can I boast that this is how a "man" should treat a "woman?" Of course not.

It's interesting to note that your measure of success is all about what YOU get out of the relationship. If your fella has any backbone he'll realize that both himself and you are only looking after YOUR interests. Some day he'll realize that nobody is looking after his own needs ... if he then happens to meet someone caring and attentive you might find yourself getting dumped... (and then, again, maybe not).

Destrox

I must say, I would not take any part of what you described.

How is that fair to him? Personally, I'd find someone else.

My gf and I are nearing the 7 month mark,and couldnt be better. Teasing is nowhere to be found other then the occasional thing here and there, which leads to the main event shortly there after.

Trust me, all you are doing is frustrating this guy. That or he has far more patience then I ever would.

As for only having sex twice a week, sorry to hear that At least once a day in my book, hers too.

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noodle

I'm all for teasing... that actually leads up to the event within the next 24 hours or so. But using sex to get more attention or something else that you want really doesn't sit well with me. It makes me feel less, knowing that I'd have to use my body to manipulate someone into the end result of my choosing.

Treating someone "mean" to keep them "keen" is one of the most immature thought processes that I've attempted to understand in quite awhile. True and lasting relationships of any kind are founded on respect, trust, and support. If you have to manipulate someone, it's you that loses. They're not giving you what you want because they want to but because they don't want the alternative. That lessens everything for me.

Plus, the concept of "blue balls" really does cause physical pain. I read up on it and I will never purposely arouse a man with the intent of not creating or allowing an avenue for release. That's horrible. In my opinion.

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genuinegirly

FoxyLucy... what you describe sounds a lot like emotional abuse.
tell me if it's still working with the same guy in 20 years.

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Seaver

It'll work out really great for him when he's with a girl who actually appreciates and loves him. Meanwhile she's either alone or divorced multiple times.

spectre

Even the greatest, nicest guys with tons of self control will tire of power games. Toying with people makes them feel pretty crappy and I can't imagine anyone wanting to stay around when they're treated like a pet.

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Destrox

Thats the perfect sum up right there.

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You bore me.... next.

streak_56

I think that if he has stuck around for 2.5 years then he might be use to or atleast getting comfortable with being teased. And right now, since it is a short period of time, that it's working for both of you.

Personally, I like being teased... I think its something that can be reciprocated by both partners. And there are appropriate times in which teasing can be acceptable. It could heighten and enhance a relationship but if you're doing this to him continually, then there might be a problem on your part. I think its a control problem, you want to make sure that you're in control and you use sex as your means of asserting your control.

Psycho Dad

Try making him a partner in your sex life instead of a vehicle and I bet you will find the sex even better.

Too bad we can't hear his side of this story.

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longbough

I can only think of one scenario where this might be a healthy thing ... that's if the guy consciously and explicitly likes to be treated this way in a fetishistic sort of fashion. But that's not the vibe I'm getting here.

I honestly feel sorry for you. Women who need to have emotional leverage over a man only show how insecure they are with being themselves. I hope you realize that all the flowers and drawn baths done to "earn your favor" amount to only a substitute for true intimacy. So either you don't believe in the "real thing," or you're too young/naive to know the difference or you're just so jaded you've given up hope of having a trusting relationship.

Keep this up and you'll end up alone and/or physically/emotionally abused yourself. Just be careful.

Yeah. Too bad this man can't be heard ...

So you've known this guy for two-and-a-half years and you have no idea what makes him happy?






Small digression here ... in one relationship I had we eventually became comfortable enough to fart around each other and laugh ourselves to tears over it ... So don't knock farting. (not on a first date, of course)

Lindy

FoxyLucy, you sound like an emotionally immature control freak. Your guy sounds like a very dependant emotional weakling. You are the rider, he is the horse. You may fit well together, but I don't think I would want anything to do with EITHER of you.
Lindy

monkeysugar

Doesn't sound like a very well balanced relationship that's based on any sort of respect whatsoever. I wouldn't put up with that shit for any amount of time, no matter how good the sex was. I see it as completely childish behavior, and can't imagine any guy putting up with it. However, it seems to be working for you for now, and to each their own.....

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balefire88

To "normal" people, your relationship will sound like emotional abuse, and most of them will feel that the outlook of your relationship is bleak. If your guy really does enjoy that, more power to you guys.

I personally don't understand guys who have to buy their women everything, and have to treat them like a royal princess (I'm not referring to you here). But I've seen 2 successful relationships like this (atleast so far), so who knows?

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blktour

wow! when reading this, i was wondering how in the world she got on TFP. We should have a screening process before we let them sign in. lol.
Like ask ethical questions and what not.
As for this girl, this isn't a relationship that i would like to be in. I mean i would think of her first, and she would think of me first, so we both get pleased, and if this isnt happening then you leave. (or i would.)
She is more of a Me, me me me me me type of relationship, and we know how those go.
Also this guy, we dont know how he feels, or if he even sees it.
Knowing us guys, we sometimes keep out mouth shut to please our SO, if its not to damaging to the relationship that is.
So this "mind control" that foxylucy has, isnt good in my eyes.
i would tell the guy to RUN.

Toaster126

Resentment poisions relationships. So do "takers". Sounds like the kind of girl I want to avoid in every aspect of my life.

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match000

Is one method of teasing: telling him that you are "save-it-for-marriage"?

Just wondering, cause if so then I shouldn't run immediately when I hear that...

abaya

As a woman, I don't see the healthiness of "teasing" like this for an extended period of time. It's really quite cruel (unless it's for a very short period, like others have mentioned). I really do wonder how the guy feels, and how long this relationship will last.

I sort of acted like that in a previous relationship (when I was very young, 19) because I was "saving it for marriage," and even though I didn't do it diabolically (I wanted to stay "pure,") it drove the guy crazy. He wanted to save it for marriage, too, but he also wanted to get past first base... I still regret my behavior during that time. It took a few more years of growing up before I learned a more healthy approach to sexuality.

My current boyfriend, ktspktsp, and I have been together for about the same length of time as you and your boyfriend have, and there is no way in HELL that either of us would have stuck around with the kind of dynamics in your relationship. We both have too much self-respect to tolerate anything like that between us.

Sex is not a tool for us... it's something we enjoy mutually, and we only have it when both of us are in the mood and willing to have it. If sex became some kind of controlling mechanism or bartering tool... nope, one of us would have given the other the boot for sure.

Better watch your back for the karma gods...

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MSD

What you're describing isn't teasing, it's manipulating someone who is willing to be your doormat at best, or too weak to realize the shit you're putting him through at worst. I'm reminded of the time I saw a copy of Cosmo on the newsstand with a cover tagline "How to manipulate him: use this mind trick and get whatever you want!" At that point, I took the final leap and completely lost faith in the concept of the personal relationship.

I would not want to be in a relationship in which both of us did not treat each other as equals, regardless of who was in control. On the other hand, I take comfort in the fact that anyone who is willing to put up with your shit probably deserves it.

JamesB

Oh don't worry, FoxyLucy .. he will find sex from a better source. Lets face it, you aren't as good as the next girl who will actually play ball .

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Bill O'Rights

I urge you, FoxyLucy, to re-read each of the statements that I have quoted above. Every single one of them desrerves to be revisited, and there is nothing that I could've conceivably added to any of them.

Harsh. But accurate. I think, anyway.
Whether you realize it...or not. Think about it.

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It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt.

Seaver

Considering this is only one of two posts she has, and she hasn't replied back, I'm chalking this up to troll.

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FoxyLucy

So I´m the Wicked Witch, then? A morality free zone? Well here´s an article from the Manchester Evening Post that I thought was rather interesting:

Well all I have to say is that I haven´t held a gone to his head or forced him to do anything. He´s free to walk out on me, any time he likes.

Psycho Dad

You do realize the article you quote doesn't defend you don't you?

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abaya

I'm not sure how that article strengthens your argument, other than to say that way too many women are control freaks who use sex to gain power. The first line actually states that most women who use this technique are NOT satisfied with the results... so how does that back you up?

You're new to TFP, and we don't want to chase you away. But there is a certain ethos around here that calls for respect and healthiness in relationships, or at least, trying to get to a place of mutual happiness in a relationship. If you are happy the way you are, and if your partner is equally satisfied, then that's fine.

I am sure there are plenty of couples on the TFP (who are not posting) who actually do use sex to gain power, but they probably won't post here for whatever reason. But most people that I know (and that most TFP'ers know) with that dynamic are NOT happy in their relationships, which is exactly what your article states. Most of us who have any experience with a controlling relationship would say that your behavior is particularly unhealthy and damaging to the long-term potential of your relationship.

As harsh as we may sound, we're actually concerned about your behavior and what it's doing to your relationship. That's what most of us are concerned about; BOTH people being healthy and non-destructive/controlling within a relationship. If you feel defensive about us being concerned for your relationship, then this is not the community for you.

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And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

FoxyLucy

Well you´re probably right when you say this isn´t the place for me. I do feel a little defensive, I believe it adds spice to a relationship and well if you´ve got it flaunt it! I appreciate that you´ve all kept your criticism civil.

Bill O'Rights

Nope.

I don't really know you well enough to pass that kind of judgement. For all I know, with the exception of this little foible, you're a very pleasant, well adjusted woman. Or...you could be Satans daughter. We'll see.

Maybe he likes it. Again...what do I know? If so, then power to the both of you.

Just don't be surprised if he does walk out on you, if, and when, he finds some nice little loose legged little thing.
We men are primal creatures. Not much better than dogs, when you get right to it. You do know why your mother told you never to tease a dog...right?

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"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony

"Hedonism with rules isn't hedonism at all, it's the Republican party." - JumpinJesus

It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt.

FoxyLucy

It´s due to fatigue that women aren´t satisfied, by the way. Read it properly.

Buk

You do realize he'll eventually give up, and then you will be begging him for sexual attention?

Bill O'Rights

Ooohhh...so....the next time Mrs. O'Rights doesn't "get hers", I can just say it's because she's too fatigued, and then I can roll over?

SCORE!!!!

Actually...I think that, at that point, I too...would be "cut off". But it ain't gonna be from no "teasing".

__________________
"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony

"Hedonism with rules isn't hedonism at all, it's the Republican party." - JumpinJesus

It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt.

abaya

Well, don't go running off just yet... as I said, we don't want to push you away. But what I was trying to explain is the reasoning behind all the criticism... the TFP loves to talk about sex (or at least, we used to ), and we aren't the most mainstream of folks. E.g. We like to hear about how people spice up their sex lives.

However, when it appears that the "spice" might be bringing harm to a relationship, or is harmful to the person posting (we've seen some doozies)... people aren't going to mince words around here. We really just care that things are going okay for both you AND your partner. And without his input, all we can say is what we think about your side.

How about you ask your man how he feels about your teasing, and let us know what he says? At least then we'll sorta have some insight into his side.

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And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Gilda

A little bit of teasing, flirting, verbal sexual back and forth is normal and healthy. I've never been much good at that sort of thing myself, but it's cool with me.

Domination and submission games are also cool so long as it's something that both partners are consciously aware of and willing partners in. My wife and I engage in such as sex play on a regular basis. It's something we both enjoy quite a bit and involves quite often activites that, if I were not a willing and enthusiastic participant, would constitute emotional and physical abuse.

There are a myriad of other differences that I could go into, but the key here is equal participation, consent, and regard for the other person's feelings and needs. He may be accepting the treatment, but that doesn't mean that he's getting his needs met in a substantial way, and you certainly don't seem to be treating him this way because you think it's what he wants and needs from the relationship. Instead, you seem to be relishing the power you're excercising without regard to your partner.

In the long run, it's unlikely to be a healthy relationship for either of you.

Gilda

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Seaver

Tell him exactly what you wrote, or better yet let him read this thread. With him in the dark he may simply think you're not very sexual, when in reality you're self-centered. If your justification of he's ok with it is to work, he must actually know that you are doing this purposefully.

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hossified

that guy aint gonna be sticking around for much longer.....especially if someone shows him more attention and is willing to give it up easier

rockogre

You know, I treat my dog better than that! Teasing and torture are a fine line sometimes.

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Halx

When his dog is in heat, rockogre doesn't fuck around. He puts out!

Just kidding! *salute*

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longbough

Some guys use love instead of sex as a tool for emotional manipulation. Nobody would argue that this isn't abuse. You're doing the same, it seems.

Just because their girlfriends might submit to being "strung along" by the abuse of "love" it doesn't make that a healthy relationship either.

Infinite_Loser

Count your blessings that your guy is a wuss.

Any normal guy would have dumped you two years ago.

Of course, if he truly likes it, then more power to you.

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