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tickled his balls. Suddenly, the sky grew dark with ominous storm clouds and
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large electric lawnchairs that flew through the air at tremendous speeds and almost
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blew off some random guy's head! It was totally and utter anarchy in
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the U.K., so to speak. They actually lived in a small country called
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Oompa-Loompa Land that sold pork riblets made out of Gordons' cousins that were
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saturated in motor oil, then smoked over dried cat droppings that had been
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left in paddyjoe's shoes for seven days and seven nights where they fermented
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slowly. The people of Oompa-Loompa Land worshipped Monty the Piglet, and used its
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bones of dead mimes to achieve the odd concoction used to fend off
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HIV. But Gordon was just a plumber, and already had HIV so he
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used this dead-mimish-concoction to lure llamas to his furry, florescent green
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sty. Once there, he'd quickly ejaculate a mixture of Franks hot sauce and
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day old blue cheese, which he would use to cover up his gaping
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heart. It gave Gordon a heart attack. But not to fear, for Monty
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had bought a fibulator off eBay a few days earlier. Gordon was jolted
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but his chest caved in revealing a fanged maw that snapped Monty's hands
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like Twix when you take them out of the freezer cold and fragile
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. Monty was extremely alarmed by his spewing stump, but then he thought, "Hook!".
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¨At last¨, he screamed, ¨It´s a pirates life for me now!!¨ he then
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exploded into countless piratical pieces which crawled off to form independent zombie pirates
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who were good at impersonating oprah. Zombie pirate oprahs everywhere! It was enough
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to shiver me timbers, if my timbers weren't made out of fir! Arrrrrrrrr!!!
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And indeed, Fremen was the first person that the zombie pirates visited. They
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raped, pillaged, looted, plundered, wrecked, sodomized, dishonored themselves on, and generally ruined Fremen's
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typically rosy outlook. he now was a broken, bitter man. he vowed to
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become the greatest zombie pirate ever known. It was, in fact, remarkably easy
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to defeat some of the drunk zombie pirate challengers who stood in his
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way. After dispatching Zombie pirates for the next 4 years, freman became the
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assistant short order cook at a place called "Wanda's" located in south central
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topeka. the job didn't last long, since fremen refused to wash up after
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using the bathroom. Often he was heard mumbling " I'll fucking wash my hands....
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...when hell freezes over!!¨ So, Fremen hit the road once again, but this
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time without the extra baggage of carrying Gordon around in three different suitcases.
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He had barely reached the outskirts of Topeka, when fate intervened, giving Fremen
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an evil idea. Thinking that no one was watching, Fremen pulled down his
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sun visor, whipped out a pencil, and stuck it firmly, yet squarely into
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a slightly skeevy Ho-Ho™ that had been rattling around in his battered, yet
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beaten '56 chevy that housed 69 kilos of the finest B.C. bud that
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ever crossed the border.
It was to be sold to wasted college kids |
that use daddy's tuition money to buy drugs and fritos, but more middle-aged.......
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