Advice on telling parents... - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

sillygirl · 10-25-2003, 05:02 PM

I didn't find a thread like this, so......

I just found out that I'm pregnant. By my boyfriend (actually, we broke up last week, but we knew this was a possibility, so it's not too much of a surprise). Who my parents do not approve of. I live at home, and I don't know how to tell my parents.

I know that sex can equal babies. I also know all of the advice about not having sex if you don't want babies.... that's not what I'm looking for, though.... I'd really like some advice as to how to tell my parents.

sexymama · 10-25-2003, 05:57 PM

I did the same thing when I was 22 -- got pregnant, he broke up with me and I was all alone (I didn't live with my parents).

My mom is a little more understanding than my dad, so first I told her that I think I might be pregnant. She was sad, but okay. A week later I told her I was pregnant. (That gave her time to ease into the idea.) Lukily my dad went on a fishing trip for a week; so I was able to tell two of my sisters next. Upon his return it was time to tell him and I knew he would blow his stack. I waited for the right moment (when he wasn't distracted) and said I needed to talk with him. My sisters left (chickens!), my mom gave me silent moral support. I started to cry, but managed to get out the words. He looked at me and said, "I'm not happy with what you've done but that doesn't make me love you or the baby any less." I'll never forget realizing just how much he loves me in that moment!

My advice to you: be honest, don't be afraid to show your feelings, and tell them in person. Ease into it if you need to.

Also, although I'm very glad I chose to have my son and raise him by myself (for 6 years before marrying), it is not the right choice for everyone. Abortion is an option if you are not ready for full time parenting and then you wouldn't have to tell your parents. There is also no shame in adoption. However, I fully support you if you decide to raise the baby. I just think it is important to know that you have options.

Also, whatever you do, do not get back with your boyfriend just for the sake of the baby. It is better to be raised by a single parent then in an unhappy household.

Sorry if this is more than you asked for -- just want you to know I care and I'm there for you if you need support -- just pm me.

sillygirl · 10-25-2003, 06:06 PM

Thanks bunches....

It'll be hard to tell my parents because as far as they know, it's been casual dating. I haven't hidden anything from them, I just haven't disclosed my whole life to them, either.

I'm 19. Moved back in with the parents to get my life back in order. Abortion is not an option for me. At all. While I agree that people should choose for themselves, I am staunchly against it. And I couldn't give up my child.

My ex wants to be a part of the child's life. Wants to do what's best and most responsible, etc. He says that no matter what, he refuses to leave me alone with a child. He agrees that no matter what, this is something we knew could happen, and that we need to face the music. Both of us already love this baby, and have begun making plans for it.

My parents will not be quite so understanding, I don't think. They've always been really protective of me, and have always kinda looked down on people who have babies out of wedlock. I don't know how to even ease into it. And I think I'm gonna need to have a place to live before I tell them, because I know they're gonna come down hard. I don't know how to even begin talking oto them

raeanna74 · 10-25-2003, 06:18 PM

I wish you all the luck and prayers in the world. I'm glad you are choosing to raise the baby. I cannot imagine telling my parents what's going on. I would suggest maybe (depending on your parents) meeting them in a more public place to talk it over. For exampling inviting Mom to go out for coffee with you. The public environment might help them restrain themselves so they don't yell and get too emotional. Its a suggestion - you know them best. You could get a place for yourself but if you can just have it "tentative" then if your parents don't flip out like you expect then you might not have to use it. Not only will it be hard to have the baby and go through the pregnancy alone it would be harder if you lived on your own. I know my parents are very conservative and strong disapprove of sex before married let alone getting pregnant outside of marriage. After other events that I've been through I can be pretty sure that they would have been very upset with me for that kind of thing they would also very much desire to be a part of helping me and raising the baby. They may be less upset than you expect. This is their Grandchild too and the love they have for you and the future grandchild may soften their reaction. Assure them of your intensions and remind them that you want them to be a part of the baby's life. That may help them control their emotions. No matter what I'm sure there will be a lot of emotion. Try not to hold a grudge against them for their reaction. This will be a surprise and upsetting but they may come back later to patch things up. Be open to that.

Personally - I think if this happened to my daughter (granted she's a long ways from puberty yet let alone 19) I would be upset and maybe angry but I wouldn't want her to feel like I'm going to hold it against her or that she has to move out.

If you do get a place that you can move to don't announce that you are moving out until everything calms down. That may tell them inadvertantly that you "Don't want them to have a say or part in the birth and raising the baby at all". That will hurt them more and make it harder to keep things calm.

No matter what hugs and prayers are coming your way. I hope it goes well. Just tackle this and get it over with rather than let your imagination scare you to death.

sexymama · 10-26-2003, 07:36 AM

sillygirl -- now that I know more of your values and intentions, I want you to know I will be praying for you too. I thought my parents would flip too! The day I told my sisters they were totally ranking on a cousin who just announced that she was pregnant and not married. I finally said, "just shut up and stop being so judgemental -- I'm pregnant too." They laughed at first thinking it was a joke. My mom had to tell them it was true. Bottom line, they were much more accepting then I ever expected! And they love my son tremendously! They are the aunts and the grandparents. Love and blood run very deep.

As for the baby's father -- wonderful. The best gift you can give your baby is to have a good relationship with his father. He is right, it took two of you to make the baby and it should take two to raise him. I wasn't so lucky -- my baby's father completely left the state. Count your blessings in this too; focusing on the positive can be a great asset right now.

For what it is worth, I agree with Raeanna, tell them in a public place if possible. You are in my thoughts!

Averett · 10-26-2003, 07:42 AM

At the moment I'm listening to my 20 month old neice running around the house. My sister was 20 when she told my parents that she was pregnant... Of course they were disappointed but supportive. My parents love Shelby to death. She is their pride and joy.

Your parents just might suprise you. No matter what when they see your child for the first time they'll fall in love.

Good luck, let us know how it goes.

sillygirl · 10-26-2003, 10:31 AM

Thanks for all your support, girls! It makes me feel not so alone. This was really what I needed to read in the morning (I'm not feeling too wonderful this morning!).

I'd never really thought about telling them in a public place... that might be a good idea. Not sure yet, though, becuase my dad has a temper that'll strike anywhere. Maybe I'll take my mom out for some Chinese food or something. I'm afraid of my dad though. Would it be too chicken of me to let my mom tell him???

Our family has a lot of added stress right now, seeing as my dad's 91 year old aunt moved in with us (my brother's dog bit her, and she had to have skin grafting done), so we have a lot of extra work on everybody's part, and now my brothers are sharing a room again, and I'm sleeping in what we call the "Nintendo Room" so that we'll have enough room for her. My dad handles stress differently than the rest of us. I imagine he'll say something like, "You think you're big enough to make a baby, you're big enough to live alone, too!" Aack. My ex and I are thinking of seeing a church counselor before we tell either set of parents (his parents are against us being together also, but they know we've had sex, so it won't be as big of a blow to them) to see if we can be pointed in the right direction as to where to go from here.

raeanna74 · 10-26-2003, 12:16 PM

I think your Dad probably needs to hear about this from you (JMHO) but it wouldn't hurt for you to tell mom first. She can get her emotions out of the way first and then be a support to you when you tell your Dad. She may have a calming effect on your dad if he sees that she's ok with this and supports you.

I think it is a good idea to see a church counselor about this. They are often in touch with what kind of community things can be done to help you and support you. If you did need to move out they may have rescources to direct you to the best and more reasonably costing housing available.

sillygirl · 10-26-2003, 05:26 PM

Again, girls, thanks for all your help

emidew22 · 10-27-2003, 05:15 AM

I think you should tell your mom first. Moms and daughters have that bond thing going on, so i think she's likely to be upset, but still loving and supportive. As far as your dad goes, i'm not sure. A public place might not be the best if he's got a flaring temper. It sounds like you are going to be okay though. You've already started making plans for the baby, you obviously are a person with an admirable set of values that your child will benefit from and you know you have many places to go if you need help. Although i am not religious, i think it's great that you're going to go to a church counselor. And i think your parents will superize you, no matter how pissed or hurt they are at first. They love you, and there's probably nothing you can do to make that go away. Good luck, we're all thinking about you.

txgirl · 10-27-2003, 06:08 AM

There is one thing that you must remember...many women would die to be in your position because they cannot have one.
Be happy and strong and be thankful that you have the father who is willing to be a part of this childs' life. There is nothing better in the world than to have that baby nestled in your arms and to feel the love that is unconditional. It's overwhelming...I almost died having my son and I thank God(Powers that may be)everyday when he tells me ...I love you mom!

sillygirl · 10-27-2003, 07:31 AM

I've pretty much decided that I'm going to go into it with my mom by taking her out for Chinese (her favorite). I'm not sure yet if I'll hit it straight on of if I'll just mention it to her as a possibility. My dad I'll end up telling one day when he mentions something about wanting a grandbaby (which he is CONSTANTLY doing). Now I just don't know WHEN to tell them. His parents found out already (seeing as they're ignoring his very existance at this point), and I'm just hoping that my parents find out from me, not them. We were going to wait until we knew everything would be okay to tell them, but it looks like it might not happen that way. I wanted to be a little farther along than 3 weeks before anyone said anything to anyone else.....

txgirl, what you said really warmed my heart. I've always loved children, and I believe that no child is a bad thing or an accident. Some are just unplanned gifts from God. I will never regret having this baby, and I already feel very attached to it. The father already has a nickname for the child so that we don't call him/her "it" or "the baby" through the whole pregnancy. And it's the cutest thing to hear him....

Again, you guys have been wonderful through this whole thread. Thank you again.

Averett · 10-27-2003, 07:37 AM

Don't wait too long to tell them. Like you said, it's best that they hear it from you than through the grapevine.

Minx · 10-27-2003, 01:32 PM

Babies are pure joy....planned or unplanned. No matter what happens I wish you years of happiness!
Big thumbs up to you for a) wanting to keep the baby (too many view abortion or adoption as a means of birth control) and b) to the father for wanting to be an active part of the baby's rearing. That is really great! No matter how things go between the two of you, you are both a Mom and Dad now and the best thing for the babe is to have that support from both sides regardless of if you are living together or not. I think what you are doing is a really great thing and I sincerely wish you all the best.
As far as your parents go....you'd be surprised how much love and support comes from within. I was terrified to tell my parents about my first pregnancy (only because it wasn't planned, not an age issue) and their only reaction was pure joy. Tell them, be honest and upfront and have the conviction that they will support you. That's what family is all about.....supporting our loved ones when they need it, regardless of how you feel about the situation. I think you may find you'll be pleasantly surprised! After all, all parents dream of grandkids!

I wish you all the best! There are lots of us Mom's on the site so feel free to ask any crazy questions that may come up (and they will!) during your pregnancy! We shall be here to offer support and help where we can!

sillygirl · 10-27-2003, 02:27 PM

Quote:

I wish you all the best! There are lots of us Mom's on the site so feel free to ask any crazy questions that may come up (and they will!) during your pregnancy! We shall be here to offer support and help where we can!

I'll remember this... I don't even know what to expect. I mean, I've done research and stuff, but that doesn't compare to the real thing. I'm already feeling sick from smells that I usually love, and I've been more tired lately, and for some reason I've been getting more headaches....... Any ideas? Anyone who can tell me what to expect at first (or for however long) please feel free to let me know, I'm already feeling overwhelmed, and it's been like, 2 1/2 weeks!

Oh, and how soon are you supposed to go to a doctor?

Minx · 10-27-2003, 03:34 PM

Get to the doctor asap! They will give you a ton of resources on the best diet, exercise, etc etc etc. No matter what - it is always best to get checked out as soon as you know. And, then they will be able to accurately peg the anticipated due date.
You are entering a very very exciting time of life! And every pregnancy is different so what you may hear from some people may or may not happen to you so above all don't worry! This is a great time in your life so relax, enjoy the changes (instead of crying over them) and exhault in the fact that you are busy growing a new life, girl!!!! What an amazing thing that is!
There are a ton of great websites out there as well for expecting mothers. Mom.com is a good one to start with. They have charts for keeping track of the babies progress and lots of info on what to expect, changes that will take place, etc.
It is a very good idea to check some of them out - you get a lot of support through the other "new" Moms and much needed information without the horror stories!

But...first step - go to the doctor! *said with best "mom" stern-voice!

sillygirl · 10-27-2003, 07:41 PM

Well, I just found out that his parents know... they logged on as him on the forum, read his PM's, and apparently followed the thread. So THAT part's relatively taken care of.

We are probably going to go into a Planned Parenthood-type place tomorrow while we're both off work/school to talk to a counselor about where to go from here, how to tell MY parents, and what plans and preparations need to be made. They're a volunteer-based organization that'll take care of anything from birth control to birth. So I guess I'll see how that goes. I don't remember the name of the place. I'm just concerned now that his parents (and mine, once we tell them) will try telling us what to do and how to handle things because they think we're not capable or responsible enough to make our own decisions. I know I'll have to pick my battles and at times stand my ground, but I reeeeally don't feel the need to be treated like a small child. Any suggestions on how to handle this? I mean, I'm not asking you girls to make my decisions and figure out how to "fix" things for me, but you seem to have a lot of experience and insight, and I'm finding a lot of help and support here, more than I thought I could find anywhere. Thank you all so much!!

I really truly do appreciate every word that anyone has said.

straykitten · 10-27-2003, 08:58 PM

I know the other girls have already given you a ton of great information. just wanted to add my bit as well. I agree that your parents may surprise you. after the initial shock, of course. remember they still think of you as their baby

be open and honest. I think your doing a fine job of dealing with he situation at this point. also sounds like you have a great resource in the church. now is the time to utilize your support networks. planned parenthood also has some great resources for new mommies...I would suggest taking a parenting class or volunteering in a daycare/school. could be lots of fun. one of my best friends is preparing for her second child and its amazing to watch her tummy get bigger and bigger. we painted it to look like a pumkin for our recent halloween party.

sillygirl · 10-28-2003, 09:00 AM

Quote:

we painted it to look like a pumkin for our recent halloween party.

LoL... hehehehehehe. That's cute. It definitely got a giggle outta me.

Aaack! The hormones!! They're overtaking me!!!!

straykitten · 10-28-2003, 09:15 AM

lol. laughter is the best medicine.

sillygirl · 10-28-2003, 09:20 AM

You got that right!!! I had my first emotional swing last night. It was horrible! I'm not usually an overly emotional person, but the father and I were talking, and afterwards, I felt reeeeally bad for him. Everything made me cry. Things that I'd usually just poke him in the side for and giggle were making me upset! AAAAAAAAGH!!! But.... he did have me laughing before he dropped me off at home.

*painted it like a pumpkin... hehehehehehehe*

Minx · 10-28-2003, 02:00 PM

Get used to uncontrolable bouts of laughing and crying!

Here's a site you might find handy for information and what-not.

www.family.org/pplace/newparent/

shannon · 10-28-2003, 02:41 PM

did you tell your parents yet? i feel kinda useless in this forum as far as advice goes. i once wondered if i was pregnant and i worried so much about telling my parents. i hope everything goes well for you. keep us posted. you'll be in my prayers!

Litespeed · 10-28-2003, 02:53 PM

My sis found out she was pregnant when she was 20. She had a month when our parents were on vacation in Israel to stew over what she would say to them.

Turned out to be twins, otherwise she and her now hubby would have opted for adoption. I don't know how she handled the unintentional judgements and flack from our very conservative parents and relatives, but I am so grateful to have her children in all of our lives.

She and the father were married a couple of months into the pregnancy and now they have three happy little children, all unexpected bundles of joy (birth control doesn't always work). She and her family now live with my parents, things are going well and all are very supportive.

I hope the best for you, I commend you for keeping your baby and for keeping the father in your child's life. Not the easiest path in life, but my sis has always had angels round about her little family and I am confident that you will as well. Godbless.

ally · 10-29-2003, 08:07 AM

You have gotten such good advice here, I wish I had something to add.
I am also 19 and am terrified of the same thing happening to me.
It sounds like your parents are protective because they love you, and I hope that everything works out for you.
Good luck

sillygirl · 10-29-2003, 02:41 PM

*WHEW* Well, I told my mom today. She said (sarcastically) "Goooooooood. And?" Like there was something else to tell her. I said, "And what?" And she says, "I already knew that. I've been there 3 TIMES! I'm not stupid." Asked the typical questions like who the father is, and how I plan on paying for a baby, and what the long term plans are with the father.

Wow. Now I have to fear the wrath of Daddy. My mom handled it about how I thought she would. Dad, on the other hand, isn't so predictable. He's in bed today (he works nights) and he hasn't been feeling well (he's incredibly diabetic). I don't know if she's going to talk to him first, or if she's going to make me tell him....

shannon · 10-29-2003, 08:30 PM

glad to hear things went well with mom. what did she mean by "she's already been there three times?". good luck with dad, you're still in my prayers.

sillygirl · 10-30-2003, 12:57 AM

My mom has three kids. By saying she's been there three times, she meant she's been pregnant three times.

She made me tell Dad today, too. He didn't really react at all, just kinda said that I'm over 18, it's my own problem now. But they want to 'talk' in a few days. They were upset that I didn't have a longterm plan yet, but the daddy and I haven't gotten in to talk to anyone yet. We were supposed to yesterday but things didn't work out the way they were supposed to (to say the least).

WARNING: BRAIN DUMP AND LIKELY TO BE A LOOOONG POST

Now it's troubles coming up with a plan of action for the two (well, three) of us. He doesn't wanna be with me and is considering adoption. He wants what's best for the child, and I understand that; I want the same. But I also want to be the one to take care of my child. And I know it's possible. I know it could work. It wouldn't be easy, it'd be a tough adjustment, but it'd work. I cannot for the life of me imagine carrying a child for nine months and then not getting to spend those precious moments holding him, feeding him, bathing him, watching him as he finally sleeps. I can't imagine myself being able to let my child go, or not be able to see him at all after he's born (I don't really know what the procedure is). I'm stuck in a really sticky situation. I don't want to make the dad feel 'trapped' in any way, and I'd kinda feel that way if I kept the child when he felt it would be best to give it up. But then, how do I know that we couldn't give that child a happy life? I can't assume that we're incapable. I can't look at the situation and see how it'd be impossible. I've thought through what I can think of as every possible angle, and I just can't decide what's the BEST solution. I know my parents will be disappointed if I give it up for adoption. They're disappointed as it is, but I think they'll consider it me giving them a grandchild to love and then taking it away from them. I mean, I know that the ideal situation for a child is a mommy and daddy happily married. But that's not how it always happens, and children are still happy. There are children who are raised by single mothers or fathers when the other parent doesn't want to have anything to do with them, and there are kids who are raised by single parents when the other parent wants desperately to be a part of that child's life, but can't because of problems with the custodial parent. How often is it that a child has two parents who aren't married but can work out a way to have a good relationship either way and have a happy kid? That is, if both parents are willing to work on a relationship. It's not the easiest route, but when it comes down to it, all roads are rocky, and I don't think there's a way of knowing which is the right one to take. I just don't know. I'm so torn right now. I don't know what to do, what's expected of me, what I'm supposed to or allowed to expect of the father. It seems like he's having a hard time deciding which way he wants to go. I see a lot of underlying issues (or whatever) that could be causing such a hard decision, and it is one that will affect 3 lives. But there seems to be such a dynamic in the attitudes that I've seen. And I know that my own mood swings don't help at all. *sigh* Man, I need a vacation! I could keep typing all night, but I think the keyboard's gonna melt if I keep this up for much longer....

Minx · 10-30-2003, 01:36 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by sillygirl
I mean, I know that the ideal situation for a child is a mommy and daddy happily married. But that's not how it always happens, and children are still happy. There are children who are raised by single mothers or fathers when the other parent doesn't want to have anything to do with them, and there are kids who are raised by single parents when the other parent wants desperately to be a part of that child's life, but can't because of problems with the custodial parent. How often is it that a child has two parents who aren't married but can work out a way to have a good relationship either way and have a happy kid? That is, if both parents are willing to work on a relationship. It's not the easiest route, but when it comes down to it, all roads are rocky, and I don't think there's a way of knowing which is the right one to take.

To respond to this part of your comments, let me assure you that it is possible to happily raise a child without the aid of a SO and have them turn out to be completely happy little normal people! Trust me, I know this from experience!

My ex and I (the father of my two boys) are now great friends after two years of being split. While he doesn't (isn't able to) help out financially he is a part of their life, taking them on the weekends and so on. For me, it's not an issue - the time he spends with them means more than any sort of financial aid he may give. And, my boys are happy so that is what really matters in the long run.

I think what is the most important thing for you is to follow your heart. If you want to keep this child and feel you are able to care for it then do so - you will always regret it if you don't (in my opinion). It's hard sometimes in circumstances where two people aren't together but if both can be focused enough to think of what would benefit the child best then anything can be worked out.

Not an easy situation for you to be in that is for certain. But if you have the support of the people who love you, which you do, then you have a lot behind you. Do what you feel is best.

I wish you the best!

sillygirl · 10-30-2003, 02:57 PM

ANOTHER GIGANTIC POST

I know in my heart that I don't want to give this child up. The father is in a bit of a financial situation right now, and I I just got my hours raised at work. Plus I'm beginning to think that my parents aren't going to kick me out. So with the amount of money I'll be making and able to save by living with the parents, I should be fine. I should even be able to start a savings fund for the little tike, which is something my parents weren't able to do for me.

Now, I haven't talked to my parents in too much detail, but if I know them, they'll be willing to help me through this as long as they see me making a 100% effort. That's usually how they are. And his mom said that she's willing to do whatever she can to help her grandchild. We won't be alone handling this. Our families aren't going to abandon us.

I talked to his mom today for the first time in oh, well, forever. She asked how I was feeling, and gave me some phone numbers for resources. She said that they will support any decision we make, and she was really nice and calm and told me that we're in their prayers. That made me feel really good. I'm not so afraid of her as I have been. It took guts for me to call her, I dialed halfway and hung up twice before I actually did call. I didn't know what to expect.

I'd really like to get in to talk to a counselor about this. I don't want to go alone, and I'm willing to take some time off work if I need to so that we can go in together. This is now officially a team effort, ya know? And I think that with a neutral person trained to help in these types of situations, it'd be easier for me to make a decision with a clear conscience. Right now my conscience is telling me that I will regret it for the rest of my life if I give this baby up. I had nightmares about it last night. They werent' your typical nightmares, but I won't call them dreams because they were AWFUL.

I've gotten really irritable lately about certain things. I know that in usual circumstances, they wouldn't bother me so much and I'd have a decently open mind. The problem is, I don't realize it most of the time until afterwards when people (usually him) are already pissed off at me. And then I feel horrible, and it's too late to go back and re-say anything. But he and I usually end up talking at night when I'm already tired and not feeling well. I was hoping I'd be sick in the mornings, because I had a feeling that our communication would be made more difficult if it was at night. I know how I get when I don't feel well...

*sigh* Thank you girls so much for all the support you're giving me. It makes me feel so good to know that I'm not alone and that there are other people who have been through similar situations and made it through okay...

to all of you!

shannon · 10-31-2003, 12:00 PM

i would definately suggest going to see a professional of some sort, because they would have seen this so many times and they'd have the resourses to answer any questions you might have. you don't sound cranky to me. you sound like you're really trying to do what's best here. and as much as it must be hard for you to decide it really shows how much you care about this baby that you're taking this decision so seriously. take care. xoxo

*Nikki* · 10-31-2003, 02:58 PM

You make the decision that is right for yourself. If the father chooses not to be a part of that decision, so be it. If you think and know in your heart that you can raise this child then you do what is best for you.
Don't worry about him feeling trapped. You are the one carrying the child!! Right now you need to worry the most about your own health and well being.

Best of luck to you.

SiN · 11-01-2003, 04:33 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by sillygirl

I cannot for the life of me imagine carrying a child for nine months and then not getting to spend those precious moments holding him, feeding him, bathing him, watching him as he finally sleeps. I can't imagine myself being able to let my child go, or not be able to see him at all after he's born (I don't really know what the procedure is).

_totally_ irrelevant.

you have GOT to put what's best for the child first.

and if you keep this child, you will be doing that for 18+ years.

know what you're getting yourself into.

/end rant.

regardless, i've never been in your situation before, because i knew from the time that i started my sexual activity that the only way i will have a child is 100% planned. no exceptions.
but that's what's rite for me, i cannot make that decision for others. it certainly is possible for a young person, with the right resources (time, $, supportive people, etc) to raise a child properly, provided one has the proper frame of mind and 'constitution' to do so.

i *do* wish you the best of luck with however things turn out.

sillygirl · 11-01-2003, 07:22 AM

I am putting what's best for the child first. Which is why we are scheduling appointments with professionals to go over all the possibilities. What is best, convenient, or what I want flew out the window the minute that there were TWO pink lines instead of ONE. Same for the father.

We have the support of both of our families no matter what our decision is. Except abortion. But then, we wrote abortion off the list LONG before we ever even THOUGHT I could be pregnant.

sillygirl · 11-03-2003, 10:02 AM

Does anyone know of any natural remedies for symptoms like sore throat, sinus pressure, congestion, headache, cough, etc? Cuz I know I can't take any real meds, and I'm DYING!!!!

cheerios · 11-07-2003, 02:23 PM

not to be a nag, but have you seen an obstetrician yet (is that spelled right??)??? You really do need to. they'll be able to tell you all sorts of hand ythings, like the meds you can and can't take so you can take care of the headache and allergies it sounds like you have. don't keep putting it off, it's important! That said, good luck, and I hope things work out well for you.

sillygirl · 11-07-2003, 04:19 PM

I called to set an appointment, and they don't wanna see me for another 4 weeks. So, December 2nd is my appt with my doc. I'm feeling better now, I just ate lots of fruit, drank lots of water, and slept a lot.

raeanna74 · 11-08-2003, 01:54 PM

Some "natural" things that can make a slight help with head cold symptoms are drinking camomile tea, eating chicken soup (home made is better for you than canned - hands down) and using a vaporiser to help keep things from drying out. Also using a saline nasal spray is helpful for sinus congestion. It's just salt water and completely safe for mother and baby. None of these things give the kind of relief that a dose of medicine sometimes does but together they should give you some relief and you can know that they are safe. Glad that you found some things to help and will be seeing a Dr soon to give you more advice. There are a number of medications that the Dr told me were safe but I won't assume to mention those here. You might be able to talk to a "triage nurse" who can give you the advice you seek until you get to the Dr. There is no charge for that. Try calling your Dr's office and ask for the Triage nurse. They actually have authority to prescribe some medications even. Good Luck.

10-25-2003, 05:02 PM	#1 (permalink)
sillygirl Newlywed Location: at home	Advice on telling parents... I didn't find a thread like this, so...... I just found out that I'm pregnant. By my boyfriend (actually, we broke up last week, but we knew this was a possibility, so it's not too much of a surprise). Who my parents do not approve of. I live at home, and I don't know how to tell my parents. I know that sex can equal babies. I also know all of the advice about not having sex if you don't want babies.... that's not what I'm looking for, though.... I'd really like some advice as to how to tell my parents. __________________ Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken ....absence makes me miss him more...

10-25-2003, 05:57 PM	#2 (permalink)
sexymama My own person -- his by choice Location: Lebell's arms	I did the same thing when I was 22 -- got pregnant, he broke up with me and I was all alone (I didn't live with my parents). My mom is a little more understanding than my dad, so first I told her that I think I might be pregnant. She was sad, but okay. A week later I told her I was pregnant. (That gave her time to ease into the idea.) Lukily my dad went on a fishing trip for a week; so I was able to tell two of my sisters next. Upon his return it was time to tell him and I knew he would blow his stack. I waited for the right moment (when he wasn't distracted) and said I needed to talk with him. My sisters left (chickens!), my mom gave me silent moral support. I started to cry, but managed to get out the words. He looked at me and said, "I'm not happy with what you've done but that doesn't make me love you or the baby any less." I'll never forget realizing just how much he loves me in that moment! My advice to you: be honest, don't be afraid to show your feelings, and tell them in person. Ease into it if you need to. Also, although I'm very glad I chose to have my son and raise him by myself (for 6 years before marrying), it is not the right choice for everyone. Abortion is an option if you are not ready for full time parenting and then you wouldn't have to tell your parents. There is also no shame in adoption. However, I fully support you if you decide to raise the baby. I just think it is important to know that you have options. Also, whatever you do, do not get back with your boyfriend just for the sake of the baby. It is better to be raised by a single parent then in an unhappy household. Sorry if this is more than you asked for -- just want you to know I care and I'm there for you if you need support -- just pm me. __________________ If you can go deeply into lovemaking, the ego disappears. That is the beauty of lovemaking, that it is another source of a glimpse of god It's not about being perfect; it's about developing some skill at managing imperfection. Last edited by sexymama; 10-25-2003 at 06:01 PM..

10-25-2003, 06:06 PM	#3 (permalink)
sillygirl Newlywed Location: at home	Thanks bunches.... It'll be hard to tell my parents because as far as they know, it's been casual dating. I haven't hidden anything from them, I just haven't disclosed my whole life to them, either. I'm 19. Moved back in with the parents to get my life back in order. Abortion is not an option for me. At all. While I agree that people should choose for themselves, I am staunchly against it. And I couldn't give up my child. My ex wants to be a part of the child's life. Wants to do what's best and most responsible, etc. He says that no matter what, he refuses to leave me alone with a child. He agrees that no matter what, this is something we knew could happen, and that we need to face the music. Both of us already love this baby, and have begun making plans for it. My parents will not be quite so understanding, I don't think. They've always been really protective of me, and have always kinda looked down on people who have babies out of wedlock. I don't know how to even ease into it. And I think I'm gonna need to have a place to live before I tell them, because I know they're gonna come down hard. I don't know how to even begin talking oto them __________________ Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken ....absence makes me miss him more...

10-25-2003, 06:18 PM	#4 (permalink)
raeanna74 I'm not a blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot! Location: Upper Michigan	I wish you all the luck and prayers in the world. I'm glad you are choosing to raise the baby. I cannot imagine telling my parents what's going on. I would suggest maybe (depending on your parents) meeting them in a more public place to talk it over. For exampling inviting Mom to go out for coffee with you. The public environment might help them restrain themselves so they don't yell and get too emotional. Its a suggestion - you know them best. You could get a place for yourself but if you can just have it "tentative" then if your parents don't flip out like you expect then you might not have to use it. Not only will it be hard to have the baby and go through the pregnancy alone it would be harder if you lived on your own. I know my parents are very conservative and strong disapprove of sex before married let alone getting pregnant outside of marriage. After other events that I've been through I can be pretty sure that they would have been very upset with me for that kind of thing they would also very much desire to be a part of helping me and raising the baby. They may be less upset than you expect. This is their Grandchild too and the love they have for you and the future grandchild may soften their reaction. Assure them of your intensions and remind them that you want them to be a part of the baby's life. That may help them control their emotions. No matter what I'm sure there will be a lot of emotion. Try not to hold a grudge against them for their reaction. This will be a surprise and upsetting but they may come back later to patch things up. Be open to that. Personally - I think if this happened to my daughter (granted she's a long ways from puberty yet let alone 19) I would be upset and maybe angry but I wouldn't want her to feel like I'm going to hold it against her or that she has to move out. If you do get a place that you can move to don't announce that you are moving out until everything calms down. That may tell them inadvertantly that you "Don't want them to have a say or part in the birth and raising the baby at all". That will hurt them more and make it harder to keep things calm. No matter what hugs and prayers are coming your way. I hope it goes well. Just tackle this and get it over with rather than let your imagination scare you to death. __________________ "Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

10-26-2003, 07:36 AM	#5 (permalink)
sexymama My own person -- his by choice Location: Lebell's arms	sillygirl -- now that I know more of your values and intentions, I want you to know I will be praying for you too. I thought my parents would flip too! The day I told my sisters they were totally ranking on a cousin who just announced that she was pregnant and not married. I finally said, "just shut up and stop being so judgemental -- I'm pregnant too." They laughed at first thinking it was a joke. My mom had to tell them it was true. Bottom line, they were much more accepting then I ever expected! And they love my son tremendously! They are the aunts and the grandparents. Love and blood run very deep. As for the baby's father -- wonderful. The best gift you can give your baby is to have a good relationship with his father. He is right, it took two of you to make the baby and it should take two to raise him. I wasn't so lucky -- my baby's father completely left the state. Count your blessings in this too; focusing on the positive can be a great asset right now. For what it is worth, I agree with Raeanna, tell them in a public place if possible. You are in my thoughts! __________________ If you can go deeply into lovemaking, the ego disappears. That is the beauty of lovemaking, that it is another source of a glimpse of god It's not about being perfect; it's about developing some skill at managing imperfection.

10-26-2003, 07:42 AM	#6 (permalink)
Averett Is In Love Location: I'm workin' on it	At the moment I'm listening to my 20 month old neice running around the house. My sister was 20 when she told my parents that she was pregnant... Of course they were disappointed but supportive. My parents love Shelby to death. She is their pride and joy. Your parents just might suprise you. No matter what when they see your child for the first time they'll fall in love. Good luck, let us know how it goes. __________________ Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

10-26-2003, 10:31 AM	#7 (permalink)
sillygirl Newlywed Location: at home	Thanks for all your support, girls! It makes me feel not so alone. This was really what I needed to read in the morning (I'm not feeling too wonderful this morning!). I'd never really thought about telling them in a public place... that might be a good idea. Not sure yet, though, becuase my dad has a temper that'll strike anywhere. Maybe I'll take my mom out for some Chinese food or something. I'm afraid of my dad though. Would it be too chicken of me to let my mom tell him??? Our family has a lot of added stress right now, seeing as my dad's 91 year old aunt moved in with us (my brother's dog bit her, and she had to have skin grafting done), so we have a lot of extra work on everybody's part, and now my brothers are sharing a room again, and I'm sleeping in what we call the "Nintendo Room" so that we'll have enough room for her. My dad handles stress differently than the rest of us. I imagine he'll say something like, "You think you're big enough to make a baby, you're big enough to live alone, too!" Aack. My ex and I are thinking of seeing a church counselor before we tell either set of parents (his parents are against us being together also, but they know we've had sex, so it won't be as big of a blow to them) to see if we can be pointed in the right direction as to where to go from here. __________________ Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken ....absence makes me miss him more...

10-26-2003, 12:16 PM	#8 (permalink)
raeanna74 I'm not a blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot! Location: Upper Michigan	I think your Dad probably needs to hear about this from you (JMHO) but it wouldn't hurt for you to tell mom first. She can get her emotions out of the way first and then be a support to you when you tell your Dad. She may have a calming effect on your dad if he sees that she's ok with this and supports you. I think it is a good idea to see a church counselor about this. They are often in touch with what kind of community things can be done to help you and support you. If you did need to move out they may have rescources to direct you to the best and more reasonably costing housing available. __________________ "Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

10-26-2003, 05:26 PM	#9 (permalink)
sillygirl Newlywed Location: at home	Again, girls, thanks for all your help __________________ Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken ....absence makes me miss him more... Last edited by sillygirl; 10-26-2003 at 09:10 PM..

10-27-2003, 05:15 AM	#10 (permalink)
emidew22 Upright Location: Boston	I think you should tell your mom first. Moms and daughters have that bond thing going on, so i think she's likely to be upset, but still loving and supportive. As far as your dad goes, i'm not sure. A public place might not be the best if he's got a flaring temper. It sounds like you are going to be okay though. You've already started making plans for the baby, you obviously are a person with an admirable set of values that your child will benefit from and you know you have many places to go if you need help. Although i am not religious, i think it's great that you're going to go to a church counselor. And i think your parents will superize you, no matter how pissed or hurt they are at first. They love you, and there's probably nothing you can do to make that go away. Good luck, we're all thinking about you.

10-27-2003, 06:08 AM	#11 (permalink)
txgirl so many men...so little time. Location: Bellingham	There is one thing that you must remember...many women would die to be in your position because they cannot have one. Be happy and strong and be thankful that you have the father who is willing to be a part of this childs' life. There is nothing better in the world than to have that baby nestled in your arms and to feel the love that is unconditional. It's overwhelming...I almost died having my son and I thank God(Powers that may be)everyday when he tells me ...I love you mom!

10-27-2003, 07:31 AM	#12 (permalink)
sillygirl Newlywed Location: at home	I've pretty much decided that I'm going to go into it with my mom by taking her out for Chinese (her favorite). I'm not sure yet if I'll hit it straight on of if I'll just mention it to her as a possibility. My dad I'll end up telling one day when he mentions something about wanting a grandbaby (which he is CONSTANTLY doing). Now I just don't know WHEN to tell them. His parents found out already (seeing as they're ignoring his very existance at this point), and I'm just hoping that my parents find out from me, not them. We were going to wait until we knew everything would be okay to tell them, but it looks like it might not happen that way. I wanted to be a little farther along than 3 weeks before anyone said anything to anyone else..... txgirl, what you said really warmed my heart. I've always loved children, and I believe that no child is a bad thing or an accident. Some are just unplanned gifts from God. I will never regret having this baby, and I already feel very attached to it. The father already has a nickname for the child so that we don't call him/her "it" or "the baby" through the whole pregnancy. And it's the cutest thing to hear him.... Again, you guys have been wonderful through this whole thread. Thank you again. __________________ Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken ....absence makes me miss him more...

10-27-2003, 07:37 AM	#13 (permalink)
Averett Is In Love Location: I'm workin' on it	Don't wait too long to tell them. Like you said, it's best that they hear it from you than through the grapevine. __________________ Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

10-27-2003, 01:32 PM	#14 (permalink)
Minx Junkie Location: Up yonder	Babies are pure joy....planned or unplanned. No matter what happens I wish you years of happiness! Big thumbs up to you for a) wanting to keep the baby (too many view abortion or adoption as a means of birth control) and b) to the father for wanting to be an active part of the baby's rearing. That is really great! No matter how things go between the two of you, you are both a Mom and Dad now and the best thing for the babe is to have that support from both sides regardless of if you are living together or not. I think what you are doing is a really great thing and I sincerely wish you all the best. As far as your parents go....you'd be surprised how much love and support comes from within. I was terrified to tell my parents about my first pregnancy (only because it wasn't planned, not an age issue) and their only reaction was pure joy. Tell them, be honest and upfront and have the conviction that they will support you. That's what family is all about.....supporting our loved ones when they need it, regardless of how you feel about the situation. I think you may find you'll be pleasantly surprised! After all, all parents dream of grandkids! I wish you all the best! There are lots of us Mom's on the site so feel free to ask any crazy questions that may come up (and they will!) during your pregnancy! We shall be here to offer support and help where we can! __________________ You've been a naughty boy....go to my room!

10-27-2003, 03:34 PM	#16 (permalink)
Minx Junkie Location: Up yonder	Get to the doctor asap! They will give you a ton of resources on the best diet, exercise, etc etc etc. No matter what - it is always best to get checked out as soon as you know. And, then they will be able to accurately peg the anticipated due date. You are entering a very very exciting time of life! And every pregnancy is different so what you may hear from some people may or may not happen to you so above all don't worry! This is a great time in your life so relax, enjoy the changes (instead of crying over them) and exhault in the fact that you are busy growing a new life, girl!!!! What an amazing thing that is! There are a ton of great websites out there as well for expecting mothers. Mom.com is a good one to start with. They have charts for keeping track of the babies progress and lots of info on what to expect, changes that will take place, etc. It is a very good idea to check some of them out - you get a lot of support through the other "new" Moms and much needed information without the horror stories! But...first step - go to the doctor! *said with best "mom" stern-voice! __________________ You've been a naughty boy....go to my room!

10-27-2003, 07:41 PM	#17 (permalink)
sillygirl Newlywed Location: at home	Well, I just found out that his parents know... they logged on as him on the forum, read his PM's, and apparently followed the thread. So THAT part's relatively taken care of. We are probably going to go into a Planned Parenthood-type place tomorrow while we're both off work/school to talk to a counselor about where to go from here, how to tell MY parents, and what plans and preparations need to be made. They're a volunteer-based organization that'll take care of anything from birth control to birth. So I guess I'll see how that goes. I don't remember the name of the place. I'm just concerned now that his parents (and mine, once we tell them) will try telling us what to do and how to handle things because they think we're not capable or responsible enough to make our own decisions. I know I'll have to pick my battles and at times stand my ground, but I reeeeally don't feel the need to be treated like a small child. Any suggestions on how to handle this? I mean, I'm not asking you girls to make my decisions and figure out how to "fix" things for me, but you seem to have a lot of experience and insight, and I'm finding a lot of help and support here, more than I thought I could find anywhere. Thank you all so much!! I really truly do appreciate every word that anyone has said. __________________ Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken ....absence makes me miss him more...

10-27-2003, 08:58 PM	#18 (permalink)
straykitten Upright Location: the 4.2.5	I know the other girls have already given you a ton of great information. just wanted to add my bit as well. I agree that your parents may surprise you. after the initial shock, of course. remember they still think of you as their baby be open and honest. I think your doing a fine job of dealing with he situation at this point. also sounds like you have a great resource in the church. now is the time to utilize your support networks. planned parenthood also has some great resources for new mommies...I would suggest taking a parenting class or volunteering in a daycare/school. could be lots of fun. one of my best friends is preparing for her second child and its amazing to watch her tummy get bigger and bigger. we painted it to look like a pumkin for our recent halloween party.

10-28-2003, 09:15 AM	#20 (permalink)
straykitten Upright Location: the 4.2.5	lol. laughter is the best medicine.

10-28-2003, 09:20 AM	#21 (permalink)
sillygirl Newlywed Location: at home	You got that right!!! I had my first emotional swing last night. It was horrible! I'm not usually an overly emotional person, but the father and I were talking, and afterwards, I felt reeeeally bad for him. Everything made me cry. Things that I'd usually just poke him in the side for and giggle were making me upset! AAAAAAAAGH!!! But.... he did have me laughing before he dropped me off at home. painted it like a pumpkin... hehehehehehehe __________________ Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken ....absence makes me miss him more...

10-28-2003, 02:00 PM	#22 (permalink)
Minx Junkie Location: Up yonder	Get used to uncontrolable bouts of laughing and crying! Here's a site you might find handy for information and what-not. www.family.org/pplace/newparent/ __________________ You've been a naughty boy....go to my room!

10-28-2003, 02:41 PM	#23 (permalink)
shannon Psycho Location: Canada	did you tell your parents yet? i feel kinda useless in this forum as far as advice goes. i once wondered if i was pregnant and i worried so much about telling my parents. i hope everything goes well for you. keep us posted. you'll be in my prayers! __________________ "When I look down I just miss all the good stuff. And when I look up I just trip over things"

10-28-2003, 02:53 PM	#24 (permalink)
Litespeed Loser Location: Thousand Oaks, CA	My sis found out she was pregnant when she was 20. She had a month when our parents were on vacation in Israel to stew over what she would say to them. Turned out to be twins, otherwise she and her now hubby would have opted for adoption. I don't know how she handled the unintentional judgements and flack from our very conservative parents and relatives, but I am so grateful to have her children in all of our lives. She and the father were married a couple of months into the pregnancy and now they have three happy little children, all unexpected bundles of joy (birth control doesn't always work). She and her family now live with my parents, things are going well and all are very supportive. I hope the best for you, I commend you for keeping your baby and for keeping the father in your child's life. Not the easiest path in life, but my sis has always had angels round about her little family and I am confident that you will as well. Godbless. Last edited by Litespeed; 10-28-2003 at 02:56 PM..

10-29-2003, 08:07 AM	#25 (permalink)
ally Insane Location: Boone,NC	You have gotten such good advice here, I wish I had something to add. I am also 19 and am terrified of the same thing happening to me. It sounds like your parents are protective because they love you, and I hope that everything works out for you. Good luck

10-29-2003, 02:41 PM	#26 (permalink)
sillygirl Newlywed Location: at home	WHEW Well, I told my mom today. She said (sarcastically) "Goooooooood. And?" Like there was something else to tell her. I said, "And what?" And she says, "I already knew that. I've been there 3 TIMES! I'm not stupid." Asked the typical questions like who the father is, and how I plan on paying for a baby, and what the long term plans are with the father. Wow. Now I have to fear the wrath of Daddy. My mom handled it about how I thought she would. Dad, on the other hand, isn't so predictable. He's in bed today (he works nights) and he hasn't been feeling well (he's incredibly diabetic). I don't know if she's going to talk to him first, or if she's going to make me tell him.... __________________ Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken ....absence makes me miss him more...

10-29-2003, 08:30 PM	#27 (permalink)
shannon Psycho Location: Canada	glad to hear things went well with mom. what did she mean by "she's already been there three times?". good luck with dad, you're still in my prayers. __________________ "When I look down I just miss all the good stuff. And when I look up I just trip over things"

10-30-2003, 12:57 AM	#28 (permalink)
sillygirl Newlywed Location: at home	My mom has three kids. By saying she's been there three times, she meant she's been pregnant three times. She made me tell Dad today, too. He didn't really react at all, just kinda said that I'm over 18, it's my own problem now. But they want to 'talk' in a few days. They were upset that I didn't have a longterm plan yet, but the daddy and I haven't gotten in to talk to anyone yet. We were supposed to yesterday but things didn't work out the way they were supposed to (to say the least). WARNING: BRAIN DUMP AND LIKELY TO BE A LOOOONG POST Now it's troubles coming up with a plan of action for the two (well, three) of us. He doesn't wanna be with me and is considering adoption. He wants what's best for the child, and I understand that; I want the same. But I also want to be the one to take care of my child. And I know it's possible. I know it could work. It wouldn't be easy, it'd be a tough adjustment, but it'd work. I cannot for the life of me imagine carrying a child for nine months and then not getting to spend those precious moments holding him, feeding him, bathing him, watching him as he finally sleeps. I can't imagine myself being able to let my child go, or not be able to see him at all after he's born (I don't really know what the procedure is). I'm stuck in a really sticky situation. I don't want to make the dad feel 'trapped' in any way, and I'd kinda feel that way if I kept the child when he felt it would be best to give it up. But then, how do I know that we couldn't give that child a happy life? I can't assume that we're incapable. I can't look at the situation and see how it'd be impossible. I've thought through what I can think of as every possible angle, and I just can't decide what's the BEST solution. I know my parents will be disappointed if I give it up for adoption. They're disappointed as it is, but I think they'll consider it me giving them a grandchild to love and then taking it away from them. I mean, I know that the ideal situation for a child is a mommy and daddy happily married. But that's not how it always happens, and children are still happy. There are children who are raised by single mothers or fathers when the other parent doesn't want to have anything to do with them, and there are kids who are raised by single parents when the other parent wants desperately to be a part of that child's life, but can't because of problems with the custodial parent. How often is it that a child has two parents who aren't married but can work out a way to have a good relationship either way and have a happy kid? That is, if both parents are willing to work on a relationship. It's not the easiest route, but when it comes down to it, all roads are rocky, and I don't think there's a way of knowing which is the right one to take. I just don't know. I'm so torn right now. I don't know what to do, what's expected of me, what I'm supposed to or allowed to expect of the father. It seems like he's having a hard time deciding which way he wants to go. I see a lot of underlying issues (or whatever) that could be causing such a hard decision, and it is one that will affect 3 lives. But there seems to be such a dynamic in the attitudes that I've seen. And I know that my own mood swings don't help at all. sigh Man, I need a vacation! I could keep typing all night, but I think the keyboard's gonna melt if I keep this up for much longer.... __________________ Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken ....absence makes me miss him more...

10-30-2003, 02:57 PM	#30 (permalink)
sillygirl Newlywed Location: at home	ANOTHER GIGANTIC POST I know in my heart that I don't want to give this child up. The father is in a bit of a financial situation right now, and I I just got my hours raised at work. Plus I'm beginning to think that my parents aren't going to kick me out. So with the amount of money I'll be making and able to save by living with the parents, I should be fine. I should even be able to start a savings fund for the little tike, which is something my parents weren't able to do for me. Now, I haven't talked to my parents in too much detail, but if I know them, they'll be willing to help me through this as long as they see me making a 100% effort. That's usually how they are. And his mom said that she's willing to do whatever she can to help her grandchild. We won't be alone handling this. Our families aren't going to abandon us. I talked to his mom today for the first time in oh, well, forever. She asked how I was feeling, and gave me some phone numbers for resources. She said that they will support any decision we make, and she was really nice and calm and told me that we're in their prayers. That made me feel really good. I'm not so afraid of her as I have been. It took guts for me to call her, I dialed halfway and hung up twice before I actually did call. I didn't know what to expect. I'd really like to get in to talk to a counselor about this. I don't want to go alone, and I'm willing to take some time off work if I need to so that we can go in together. This is now officially a team effort, ya know? And I think that with a neutral person trained to help in these types of situations, it'd be easier for me to make a decision with a clear conscience. Right now my conscience is telling me that I will regret it for the rest of my life if I give this baby up. I had nightmares about it last night. They werent' your typical nightmares, but I won't call them dreams because they were AWFUL. I've gotten really irritable lately about certain things. I know that in usual circumstances, they wouldn't bother me so much and I'd have a decently open mind. The problem is, I don't realize it most of the time until afterwards when people (usually him) are already pissed off at me. And then I feel horrible, and it's too late to go back and re-say anything. But he and I usually end up talking at night when I'm already tired and not feeling well. I was hoping I'd be sick in the mornings, because I had a feeling that our communication would be made more difficult if it was at night. I know how I get when I don't feel well... sigh Thank you girls so much for all the support you're giving me. It makes me feel so good to know that I'm not alone and that there are other people who have been through similar situations and made it through okay... to all of you! __________________ Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken ....absence makes me miss him more...

10-31-2003, 12:00 PM	#31 (permalink)
shannon Psycho Location: Canada	i would definately suggest going to see a professional of some sort, because they would have seen this so many times and they'd have the resourses to answer any questions you might have. you don't sound cranky to me. you sound like you're really trying to do what's best here. and as much as it must be hard for you to decide it really shows how much you care about this baby that you're taking this decision so seriously. take care. xoxo __________________ "When I look down I just miss all the good stuff. And when I look up I just trip over things"

10-31-2003, 02:58 PM	#32 (permalink)
Nikki ~~~~~~~ Location: Charleston, SC	You make the decision that is right for yourself. If the father chooses not to be a part of that decision, so be it. If you think and know in your heart that you can raise this child then you do what is best for you. Don't worry about him feeling trapped. You are the one carrying the child!! Right now you need to worry the most about your own health and well being. Best of luck to you.

11-01-2003, 07:22 AM	#34 (permalink)
sillygirl Newlywed Location: at home	I am putting what's best for the child first. Which is why we are scheduling appointments with professionals to go over all the possibilities. What is best, convenient, or what I want flew out the window the minute that there were TWO pink lines instead of ONE. Same for the father. We have the support of both of our families no matter what our decision is. Except abortion. But then, we wrote abortion off the list LONG before we ever even THOUGHT I could be pregnant. __________________ Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken ....absence makes me miss him more...

11-03-2003, 10:02 AM	#35 (permalink)
sillygirl Newlywed Location: at home	Does anyone know of any natural remedies for symptoms like sore throat, sinus pressure, congestion, headache, cough, etc? Cuz I know I can't take any real meds, and I'm DYING!!!! __________________ Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken ....absence makes me miss him more...

11-07-2003, 02:23 PM	#36 (permalink)
cheerios Banned Location: 'bout 2 feet from my iMac	not to be a nag, but have you seen an obstetrician yet (is that spelled right??)??? You really do need to. they'll be able to tell you all sorts of hand ythings, like the meds you can and can't take so you can take care of the headache and allergies it sounds like you have. don't keep putting it off, it's important! That said, good luck, and I hope things work out well for you.

11-07-2003, 04:19 PM	#37 (permalink)
sillygirl Newlywed Location: at home	I called to set an appointment, and they don't wanna see me for another 4 weeks. So, December 2nd is my appt with my doc. I'm feeling better now, I just ate lots of fruit, drank lots of water, and slept a lot. __________________ Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken ....absence makes me miss him more...

11-08-2003, 01:54 PM	#38 (permalink)
raeanna74 I'm not a blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot! Location: Upper Michigan	Some "natural" things that can make a slight help with head cold symptoms are drinking camomile tea, eating chicken soup (home made is better for you than canned - hands down) and using a vaporiser to help keep things from drying out. Also using a saline nasal spray is helpful for sinus congestion. It's just salt water and completely safe for mother and baby. None of these things give the kind of relief that a dose of medicine sometimes does but together they should give you some relief and you can know that they are safe. Glad that you found some things to help and will be seeing a Dr soon to give you more advice. There are a number of medications that the Dr told me were safe but I won't assume to mention those here. You might be able to talk to a "triage nurse" who can give you the advice you seek until you get to the Dr. There is no charge for that. Try calling your Dr's office and ask for the Triage nurse. They actually have authority to prescribe some medications even. Good Luck. __________________ "Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama My Karma just ran over your Dogma.