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My mom has three kids. By saying she's been there three times, she meant she's been pregnant three times.
She made me tell Dad today, too. He didn't really react at all, just kinda said that I'm over 18, it's my own problem now. But they want to 'talk' in a few days. They were upset that I didn't have a longterm plan yet, but the daddy and I haven't gotten in to talk to anyone yet. We were supposed to yesterday but things didn't work out the way they were supposed to (to say the least).
WARNING: BRAIN DUMP AND LIKELY TO BE A LOOOONG POST
Now it's troubles coming up with a plan of action for the two (well, three) of us. He doesn't wanna be with me and is considering adoption. He wants what's best for the child, and I understand that; I want the same. But I also want to be the one to take care of my child. And I know it's possible. I know it could work. It wouldn't be easy, it'd be a tough adjustment, but it'd work. I cannot for the life of me imagine carrying a child for nine months and then not getting to spend those precious moments holding him, feeding him, bathing him, watching him as he finally sleeps. I can't imagine myself being able to let my child go, or not be able to see him at all after he's born (I don't really know what the procedure is). I'm stuck in a really sticky situation. I don't want to make the dad feel 'trapped' in any way, and I'd kinda feel that way if I kept the child when he felt it would be best to give it up. But then, how do I know that we couldn't give that child a happy life? I can't assume that we're incapable. I can't look at the situation and see how it'd be impossible. I've thought through what I can think of as every possible angle, and I just can't decide what's the BEST solution. I know my parents will be disappointed if I give it up for adoption. They're disappointed as it is, but I think they'll consider it me giving them a grandchild to love and then taking it away from them. I mean, I know that the ideal situation for a child is a mommy and daddy happily married. But that's not how it always happens, and children are still happy. There are children who are raised by single mothers or fathers when the other parent doesn't want to have anything to do with them, and there are kids who are raised by single parents when the other parent wants desperately to be a part of that child's life, but can't because of problems with the custodial parent. How often is it that a child has two parents who aren't married but can work out a way to have a good relationship either way and have a happy kid? That is, if both parents are willing to work on a relationship. It's not the easiest route, but when it comes down to it, all roads are rocky, and I don't think there's a way of knowing which is the right one to take. I just don't know. I'm so torn right now. I don't know what to do, what's expected of me, what I'm supposed to or allowed to expect of the father. It seems like he's having a hard time deciding which way he wants to go. I see a lot of underlying issues (or whatever) that could be causing such a hard decision, and it is one that will affect 3 lives. But there seems to be such a dynamic in the attitudes that I've seen. And I know that my own mood swings don't help at all. *sigh* Man, I need a vacation! I could keep typing all night, but I think the keyboard's gonna melt if I keep this up for much longer....
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Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken
.... absence makes me miss him more...
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