The effects of age on sexuality - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

uptown · 10-20-2003, 06:01 AM

Everywhere one looks you see young,nubile hotties spilling out of their hip huggers.Hard as an older woman tries she cannot compete with them.She might look "good for her age" but she doesn't look young.

My question is this,how can a man get suffiecently aroused visually by his older wife or girlgriend to make love to her?
After an evening spent watching the young hotties walk by in the local bar or on tv isn't it rather deflatting and discouraging to realise you're stuck bedding an old lady?

I know I find myself lately wondering what or who my man must be thinking about when he reaches for me and my reaction is one of shame,wanting to keep my body covered and the lights out so that my imperfections are at least somewhat hidden.

erion · 10-20-2003, 06:16 AM

I can't begin to know why you're feeling like this, but I can tell you that I find my wife more sexually attractive every day we're together.

Physical appearance is a big part, but as we've been together longer and longer it's certainly not the only part.

If I had a guilt-free chance to bag a different hot college chick every night, or to stay home and make love with my wife, I'd choose option B everytime. There is so much more to sex than physical attraction for us, and first-time sex is always just 'meh'.

I'll take the intimate, every-inch-of-skin-is-on-fire-with-passion sex I have with my wife, thank you very much.

Dano069 · 10-20-2003, 06:44 AM

I can't fathom that thinking either. My wife may not have the toned, hard body of her youth, BUT (and you'll notice that's a BIG BUT) she's as sexy and hot as ever. Hell, if you've seen MY picture over on the Exhibitionism board you'll realize I don't have the tight, toned body of my youth either, so the young college chickies ain't gonna be interested in me. Besides, that's the only thing most of them have, looks.

My wife has become more imaginative as a lover over the years and is less inhibited about her body. I'll take her over any college aged lady. As Huey Lewis put it, "I'm happy to be stuck with you."

skysooner · 10-20-2003, 07:14 AM

A good hardbody is good for a mental increase one or two times only with me (at least that was my experience). Sexuality is so much important with who a person is and how we cater to each other. Now my wife actually looks better than when we were married (as a result of 2 years of working out), and I'm getting close to that myself (6 months of working out now), but it is the way that we communicate that makes her so much more sexually attractive to me these days. If we have been apart for a few days where we are only communicating via phone, it takes a bit of time for us to "reconnect" on the intense level that we are used to. It is all mental rather than physical. That's why I have no problem finding her more sexually attractive day by day.

uptown · 10-20-2003, 01:32 PM

Well,I feel this way for a lot of reasons I guess.All I know is that I don't feel too good or sexy cause facts are,no matter how hard I diet I'll never be young again.When I go to take off my clothes all I can think of is how old and gross I look,in bed I try to avoid certain positions because of how they make me look.I've even started to simply go for giving a BJ when he reaches for me because I don't have to take off my clothing and my hair hides my face.He doesn't have to view my wrinkles and he can imagine he's with anybody in the world that he wants then.

Halx · 10-20-2003, 01:40 PM

I saw a few interviews with older couples on this very subject. These old, old people were saying that their partner was sexier now than they ever were when they were younger. Ya never know!

pocon1 · 10-20-2003, 02:52 PM

Hi uptown,
Looks are important when you meet someone, but the longer you are together, the less important they are if the love is there. I am only thirty, but I met my wife when we were in college, so she and I have seen the changes in each other. We have seen each other gain weight, and I have seen her add a few gray hairs. The point is, we know what makes each other feel good, and we know how to please each other. What makes sex sometimes perfunctory for us is not spending the quality time leading up to it paying attention to each other. We both work and have night classes, so we don't get to spend as much time together, and that is what dampens our sexuality with each other and the giving. but when we have had enough sleep and we have time together, it is really good.

i8one2 · 10-20-2003, 08:16 PM

knowledge on how to please each other comes with time, effort and a comfortable understanding of your mate.
Communication, communication, communication..they partners that do this effectively can and usually do endure. And YES,YES,YES as I have almost reached that age of Old Fart-em, sexuality, sensuality are better than ever and then some...age has its benefits and I am reaping the benefits everyday with galaxygirl.

analog · 10-20-2003, 09:07 PM

ah, the difference between sex for love or lust... lust is only good for so long, but love is always a thousand times better. ask anyone who tastes of love, they'll tell you.

...and to those who feel burdened by their age and it's effects on their bodies- unless your partner is young and nubile themselves, they've got just as much age showing on them, and they're also fully aware of it. Your beauty is in your soul, never forget that.

Astrocloud · 10-20-2003, 09:16 PM

I like the title of this thread but I actually think more in terms of the personal. Sure I like younger hotties but the effects of age on sexuality are actually far broader than that.

As I get older I am finding that I don't desire sex as much as I did when I was younger. And yes I think that my *ahem* dick has gotten smaller as I have gotten older. I know that nobody really wants to talk about this kinda shit... but why do you think that it's always the older guys who need viagra?

And in case you're getting worried... I'm not over the hill yet. -I've still got decades to go before I'm completely gone.

uptown · 10-20-2003, 09:19 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Astrocloud
I like the title of this thread but I actually think more in terms of the personal. Sure I like younger hotties but the effects of age on sexuality are actually far broader than that.

As I get older I am finding that I don't desire sex as much as I did when I was younger. And yes I think that my *ahem* dick has gotten smaller as I have gotten older. I know that nobody really wants to talk about this kinda shit... but why do you think that it's always the older guys who need viagra?

And in case you're getting worried... I'm not over the hill yet. -I've still got decades to go before I'm completely gone.

Is it that you don't desire sex or you simply don't desire it with your middle aged wife or girlfriend?

I suspect most of the middle aged guys popping viagra would have no need of it if they were to catch themselves a hot 22 yr old.

Astrocloud · 10-20-2003, 09:46 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by uptown
Is it that you don't desire sex or you simply don't desire it with your middle aged wife or girlfriend?

I suspect most of the middle aged guys popping viagra would have no need of it if they were to catch themselves a hot 22 yr old.

Actually I'm fucking a hot 27 year old and I didn't say I don't desire sex. I said I desire it less.

uptown · 10-20-2003, 09:52 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Astrocloud
Actually I'm fucking a hot 27 year old and I didn't say I don't desire sex. I said I desire it less.

Ok,I don't know how old you are but I know that for men there are many fairly easily correctable medical conditions that can bring this situation about.Also,when you say you desire it less are you talking about a reduction from teenage ever ready status
to a few times per week or a big drop in your desire level?

Astrocloud · 10-20-2003, 11:01 PM

Just a slight drop over the years... enough to realize that it's not gonna be there when I am older. Also makes me want to celibrate what I have when I have it... meaning that someday it'll be gone.

jbrooks544 · 10-21-2003, 06:59 AM

He wouldn't be banging you if he didn't think you were sexy. As long as a mate (female or male) doesn't get obese and generally takes some care with their appearance then there shouldn't be any reason to not be attracted to them/you. Is my older wife as physically attractive as some 20 year old? No. I don't choose to live my life with and love some random piece of meat. You are thinking too much. Even when you were 20 there were many other 20 year olds that were better looking than you. Looks are in the eye of the beholder. I love my wife and when I look at her and fool around with her she is still the sam beauty I married 16 years ago. You have issues with yourself and that you are growing old and you are projecting them on him. My dad still loves my mom and they get it on. Don't worry about it. It isn't a problem.

Redlemon · 10-21-2003, 07:45 AM

Uptown, I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling so undesireable. I suspect that it is in your head, which is easier than it being true for your husband, but I know that doesn't make it easy.

My wife is 34. She isn't as toned as she was when we met at 18. Overall, however, she is hotter, and a large part of that is her brain and her attitude.

Yes, I look at other women, and I look at porn. This does NOT affect how I look at my wife. Actually, scratch that, it does. My eyes enjoy seeing women's bodies. I see them, and I think "I'm looking forward to getting my hands on my wife". And, I'm not fantasizing that my wife is someone else.

Are you getting ANY indication from your husband that he finds you unattractive? It doesn't sound like it to me.

uptown · 10-21-2003, 09:03 AM

I am not sure actually what is bugging me.I've been dieting and exercising I should feel good but I don't all I see when I look in the mirror is more and more things wrong with my appearance.
I don't feel any pride or confidence,I feel shame.

shannon · 10-21-2003, 12:36 PM

uptown, i wish you could see you beauty. hell, i'm 19 and i still feel gross sometimes. and to be compltely honest the most beautiful woman i know is 40. not that that's ancient, but she is stunning. and more importantly, she is beautiful inside and out, because she is a lot more comfortable sexually and has a lot more to say and is much more intelligent to say than most of the hardbodies i know.

erion · 10-21-2003, 01:39 PM

Well said, shannon.

Wits, intelligence, charm, confidence all mean more to me than simple physical appearance. Hell. If that's all that mattered in attraction I would be a 30-year-old virgin by default.

tekaweni · 10-21-2003, 01:52 PM

<b>uptown</b> theres no need at all to think like that.

I'm male, 45, and my wife is 46. Although I (we) both stare at the youngies we have a sex life that I wouldnt change. I've always loved older women, and now that my lady finally is one - wowee!

Be happy with yourself, sexuality isnt only about visual for us guys despite the bad press we get, especially us that are old enough to see past the "pant pant" ;-) its more about feeling sexy that gets the message across, and believe me it does get across...

So long as you enjoy it, you'll be sexy. I think thats the trick.

toxic515 · 10-21-2003, 02:19 PM

I love looking at the young hotties. I love looking at my wife.... We're not so young any more, but I lust after her as much as ever. You can't see a great personality quite as well from accross the room, but you can normally see a sexy attitude, whether she's 19 or 50. Looks really are a weak weak foundation for anything at all, and that includes a one-night-stand, because you still cannot always tell how the person REALLY is, and an idiot with a great body isn't attractive to me at ALL. Gimme a woman over 25 any day...

Lunchbox7 · 10-21-2003, 07:34 PM

My grandpa is 80+ years old and he is still going hard. He got married again only a few years ago. I hope Im still that viril at that age.

elfuq · 10-22-2003, 08:30 AM

I find it very hard to talk to these young'ns anyways. Like nothing in common whatsoever. Find me a smart sassy woman in her 30s anyday. I mean, you have to have conversation if you're going to have any level of connection.

Redlemon · 10-22-2003, 09:34 AM

Uptown, I've been thinking further about your original post. Part of the problem is that the majority of naked/near naked female bodies that we see are "pre-approved hotties".

Spend a little time at the ultimate in softcore amateur porn, Voyeurweb, and you will see that there are a large quantity of people who manage to be comfortable and sexy even though they aren't young and stacked. Nude beaches are also a good way to discover that you ain't that bad (my wife uses this as an "emotional recharge").

If you are concerned from an age standpoint, get the recent Age issue of Bust (not a porn magazine, it is "for women with something to get off their chests"), which delves into many issues regarding aging.

I keep hoping we can help you.

raeanna74 · 10-22-2003, 10:17 AM

IMHO I think some of the attraction men have for us women is based a lot on our attitude. Back when I was younger (I'm 29 so I know not old really but not 19) I got attention but it wasn't that frequent and not outright offers. Since hubby and I started swinging I learned more about my body and learned to love it even with it's scars and post childbirth shape. I'm not shy anymore - actually kindof bold I think sometimes. I enjoy flirting and talking about sex and just plain sex. The guys I meet never seem to blink twice when they see any of my flaws. They have told me that my unabashed enjoyment of sexual things makes it exciting for them.

Hubby doesn't seem to mind my body changes whatsoever. What gets him turned on the fastest is when I let him know that I NEED him and WANT HIM sexually. We did go through a time when I felt ugly and things were difficult. Just after our daughter was born. I was about 40 lbs heavier than I am now, and had an ugly scar across my lower abdomen. Then along with the usual, down of changing hormones, lack of libido and just plain exhausted and in pain from the c-section I had no interest in sex and he wasn't physically attracted to me. That changed with time as I cared for myself, and felt better about myself.

I don't care how wrinkled or heavy a person can be, if they have that inner glow of confidence and joy they can be so much more attractive than a perfect size 6, 19 yr old girl, who got a bad attitude.

minyn · 10-22-2003, 12:55 PM

hey uptown. heres food for THOUGHT

guys are visual. most girls hate that cuz we arent 36-25-34. those girls are there SIMPLY for the sake of visual stimulation, and last time i checked, guys DO have more (as much as your ego is telling you otherwise). I can only say much of this cuz i am really self conscious but hide by acting like im not (go fig) ANYWHO, many many guys dont like that perfect cute package and as one of my ex's put wonderfully, "i want a girl i can find in the dark" and "i want a girl im not going to break". if anything, smile at it, its the truth. guys like to look, but what they want to touch is different (if im wrong guys, let me know please! this is my personal experiences from a FEMALE aspect, i could easily be worng).

And then there's that whole issue of LOVE. he loves you. if you need reassurance or explation beyond that, go read the lit threads (PLUG- see NiceGuy's thread "one night")

uptown · 10-22-2003, 07:52 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by redlemon
Uptown, I've been thinking further about your original post. Part of the problem is that the majority of naked/near naked female bodies that we see are "pre-approved hotties".

Spend a little time at the ultimate in softcore amateur porn, Voyeurweb, and you will see that there are a large quantity of people who manage to be comfortable and sexy even though they aren't young and stacked. Nude beaches are also a good way to discover that you ain't that bad (my wife uses this as an "emotional recharge").

If you are concerned from an age standpoint, get the recent Age issue of Bust (not a porn magazine, it is "for women with something to get off their chests"), which delves into many issues regarding aging.

I keep hoping we can help you.

You folks are helping me.Being able to discuss this in a rational way has been very difficult for me.I really don't like how I'm feeling and am trying really hard to deal with it.

I don't feel confident or secure anymore,the feeling sucks pretty hard.

Lunchbox7 · 10-23-2003, 12:42 PM

Has it occured to you that maybe he feels insecure about him getting older and you not finding him as attractive anymore. Guys do feel these pressures just as much as women. Its just not as socially acceptable to share feelings of inadequcy. Female attraction to men is directly influenced by confidence. He might be feeling exactly the same. If he is then you both can alleviate each others fears. Just a thought...

mb99usa · 10-23-2003, 12:50 PM

The hardbodies are visual stimulation only. I find my wife sexier now more than ever. The little bit of "softness" she has added is just that and makes it more comfortable during intimate times. 7 years of being together, 4years of marriage, and 2 kids and I still get a boner the second i feel her or see her naked.

ismark · 10-24-2003, 02:20 PM

here are a number of reasons why I think men can still find their mature partners sexually attractive

1. Love, a far better stimulus than lust
2. Knowledge, of what buttons to press on themselves and their partners to get switched on
3. Maturity, an adult conversation and relationship with someone who knows something
4. Physical, aging men are less flexible, robust and energetic they need someone who is also less flexible, robust or energetic
5. Comfort, no unknown expectations and confidence in each other
6. No competition

I am sure there are a lot of others but I'll leave it to others to add

Dilbert1234567 · 10-25-2003, 10:19 AM

its because you love the person, if you date and marry based on looks alone, you are shallow, love is more then just if they are hot. love is deeper then this a personal connection to the individual. even if my (future) wife was horibly disfigured, i would still love her, now ther would be some adjusting, but i would make it work.

ARTelevision · 10-25-2003, 09:47 PM

Not everyone thinks young women are sexy.
Some people feel that real and deep sexuality is a function of maturity.

uptown · 11-06-2003, 10:36 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ARTelevision
Not everyone thinks young women are sexy.
Some people feel that real and deep sexuality is a function of maturity.

Oh he likes the young ones,he comments and eyes them like a wolf that hasn't been fed in a couple of weeks.To be fair here He's also usually pretty profuse with the compliments about my appearance,Iwant to believe him but since I look nothing like the
22 yr olds he enjoys and comments on in front of me,I find it difficult to believe.Btw,I never say a word when these things come up as I don't expect him to not notice beautiful women,it just bugs me that none of them are ever older or look even remotely like me.

I never feel confident,sexy or good at all anymore,all I can think about in bed is trying to hide my wrinkles,my stretch marks,wondering what hottie he had to look at/think about in order to be with me,I feel like he's giving me mercy sex or something and it makes me feel so bad words can't describe.I feel ashamed of my body and my sexuality at this point.I don't want to make my problem his fault,he is a great guy and I do love him but I am really confused and suffering on this one.

Redlemon · 11-07-2003, 06:52 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by uptown
I don't expect him to not notice beautiful women,it just bugs me that none of them are ever older or look even remotely like me.

That is very interesting, and I think I understand somewhat more about what is bothering you now.

Nonetheless, I still believe your husband. Guys will always look, but there are two levels. The girls that he ogles are just eye candy, nothing more. It is like porn; he probably enjoys that as well, but he doesn't actually want to sleep with those women, and certainly wouldn't want to talk with them over breakfast.

He loves you, and that includes your looks, your abilities, your humor, the time you held his head up while he vomited from drinking too much, that funny little whistle your nose makes when you laugh, and everything else in your past together.

His attraction for you comes from love, and love comes from far more than just looks.

uptown · 11-07-2003, 09:30 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by redlemon
That is very interesting, and I think I understand somewhat more about what is bothering you now.

Nonetheless, I still believe your husband. Guys will always look, but there are two levels. The girls that he ogles are just eye candy, nothing more. It is like porn; he probably enjoys that as well, but he doesn't actually want to sleep with those women, and certainly wouldn't want to talk with them over breakfast.

He loves you, and that includes your looks, your abilities, your humor, the time you held his head up while he vomited from drinking too much, that funny little whistle your nose makes when you laugh, and everything else in your past together.

His attraction for you comes from love, and love comes from far more than just looks.

Well,try as I might that thought isn't helping me in at all in bed.

What I'm thinking of doing at this point is to give him permission to sleep with whomever he wants,whever he wants.I feel badly that he's stuck with having to pretend to be excited enough to make love to me.

Redlemon · 11-07-2003, 10:36 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by uptown
What I'm thinking of doing at this point is to give him permission to sleep with whomever he wants,whever he wants.I feel badly that he's stuck with having to pretend to be excited enough to make love to me.

Wow.

I've just gone back and reread all of your posts in this thread, looking for any indications of communications between you and your husband. I have found very little. What I see is the following:

Quote:

He likes the young ones, he comments and eyes them like a wolf that hasn't been fed in a couple of weeks
He's also usually pretty profuse with the compliments about my appearance
wondering what or who my man must be thinking about when he reaches for me
I've even started to simply go for giving a BJ when he reaches for me because I don't have to take off my clothing and my hair hides my face.

I expect that he will be shocked when you suggest that he sleep around. He's been complementing you (you probably disagree with him when he says it, but he figures you are just being polite/shy), he's been having sex with you, he loves you. And suddenly, you will hit him with this.

However, I'm not saying not to try this. This may be the impetus that he needs to know what you are thinking. But, don't start the conversation with it. At least, save it for halfway through.

Jedbeck · 11-07-2003, 01:44 PM

uptown I have spent most of the day trying to figure out something that I could say to help you feel better about your situation. And the answer I have come up with is not something I can give you. I think what you really need to do is sit down with you husband and share all of this and all of your other feelings with them. Something tells me that your husband loves you and does not want to be with anybody but you. Talk to him and trust what he has to say. I think this is the only way you are going to bring some closure to this issue.

Good luck.

motdakasha · 11-07-2003, 02:05 PM

Maturity and experience are definitely advantages to being older.
Not to mention the fact that people date each other (at least most of the time, I hope) because they like the person, not the body.

Redlemon · 11-12-2003, 07:45 AM

OK, since this keeps nagging at me, I've searched through most of your TFP posts, trying to gain more insight. Back since at least April you have been discussing these issues. But the one in September got to me:

Quote:

If his neck swivels every time he see's his prefered type in the street,if he says things like"damn,those pants must be painted on" aloud in your prescence when a woman of his prefered type walks by,if he generally makes love to you only with the lights out
if he gives you compliments but then turns the compliment to crap with qualifers. When you find yourself wishing he'd not compliement you at all and no matter what you do about your appearance you'll never measure up.This type is pretty good about doing a number on your self esteem but curiously they then get mad at you for not thinking highly of yourself.

I guess I don't get it,there's nothing wrong with liking certain physical attributes.If a man likes a certain type so much why not stay single till a woman of that type comes along rather than hooking up with a woman of another type and letting her know she doesn't make the grade?

Is it also possible that the guy you are dating is just a controlling asshole? Compliments followed by put-downs sounds to me like a standard mind-control method used by control freaks, trying to make you think that he is your last chance, and no one else could possibly love you.

I could be completely out of line here, sorry if I am.

dog1 · 11-18-2003, 01:28 PM

dang, I just tried to post a reply and got the log in screen. My post went somewhere but I don't know where so here goes again. Ignore if you read somewhere else.

I'm 49 and have had "relations" with hundreds of women. Some that would be considered "hotties" but most average human beings with a droop or sag or a few extra pounds. What makes someone beautiful is their attitude. If you think you're fine then you are and if you're with someone who doesn't agree then dump 'em. Also generally speaking the more mature the lady the better the conversation.

10-20-2003, 06:01 AM	#1 (permalink)
uptown Insane	The effects of age on sexuality Everywhere one looks you see young,nubile hotties spilling out of their hip huggers.Hard as an older woman tries she cannot compete with them.She might look "good for her age" but she doesn't look young. My question is this,how can a man get suffiecently aroused visually by his older wife or girlgriend to make love to her? After an evening spent watching the young hotties walk by in the local bar or on tv isn't it rather deflatting and discouraging to realise you're stuck bedding an old lady? I know I find myself lately wondering what or who my man must be thinking about when he reaches for me and my reaction is one of shame,wanting to keep my body covered and the lights out so that my imperfections are at least somewhat hidden. Last edited by uptown; 10-20-2003 at 06:04 AM..

10-20-2003, 06:44 AM	#3 (permalink)
Dano069 is Nucking Futs! Location: On the edge of sanity	I can't fathom that thinking either. My wife may not have the toned, hard body of her youth, BUT (and you'll notice that's a BIG BUT) she's as sexy and hot as ever. Hell, if you've seen MY picture over on the Exhibitionism board you'll realize I don't have the tight, toned body of my youth either, so the young college chickies ain't gonna be interested in me. Besides, that's the only thing most of them have, looks. My wife has become more imaginative as a lover over the years and is less inhibited about her body. I'll take her over any college aged lady. As Huey Lewis put it, "I'm happy to be stuck with you." __________________ I may look attentive, but I'm taking peeks down your blouse faster than the human eye can follow.

10-20-2003, 01:40 PM	#6 (permalink)
Halx Please touch this. Owner/Admin Location: Manhattan	I saw a few interviews with older couples on this very subject. These old, old people were saying that their partner was sexier now than they ever were when they were younger. Ya never know! __________________ You have found this post informative. -The Administrator [Don't Feed The Animals]

10-20-2003, 08:16 PM	#8 (permalink)
i8one2 COMPLETED and A TRAINER Location: BEAN_TOWN	knowledge on how to please each other comes with time, effort and a comfortable understanding of your mate. Communication, communication, communication..they partners that do this effectively can and usually do endure. And YES,YES,YES as I have almost reached that age of Old Fart-em, sexuality, sensuality are better than ever and then some...age has its benefits and I am reaping the benefits everyday with galaxygirl. __________________ LEATHER, LATEX and LACE "SSC" "Nothing That Gives Pleasure is Bad" Quality is for those who know what they want and are at peace with what they have. "S/M is about emotion; the erotic tension between my impulse toward something and my resistance against it."-- Virginia Barker

10-21-2003, 07:45 AM	#16 (permalink)
Redlemon Devoted Donor Location: New England	Uptown, I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling so undesireable. I suspect that it is in your head, which is easier than it being true for your husband, but I know that doesn't make it easy. My wife is 34. She isn't as toned as she was when we met at 18. Overall, however, she is hotter, and a large part of that is her brain and her attitude. Yes, I look at other women, and I look at porn. This does NOT affect how I look at my wife. Actually, scratch that, it does. My eyes enjoy seeing women's bodies. I see them, and I think "I'm looking forward to getting my hands on my wife". And, I'm not fantasizing that my wife is someone else. Are you getting ANY indication from your husband that he finds you unattractive? It doesn't sound like it to me. __________________ I can't read your signature. Sorry.

10-20-2003, 06:16 AM	#2 (permalink)
erion Psycho	I can't begin to know why you're feeling like this, but I can tell you that I find my wife more sexually attractive every day we're together. Physical appearance is a big part, but as we've been together longer and longer it's certainly not the only part. If I had a guilt-free chance to bag a different hot college chick every night, or to stay home and make love with my wife, I'd choose option B everytime. There is so much more to sex than physical attraction for us, and first-time sex is always just 'meh'. I'll take the intimate, every-inch-of-skin-is-on-fire-with-passion sex I have with my wife, thank you very much.

10-20-2003, 07:14 AM	#4 (permalink)
skysooner Registered User Location: Oklahoma	A good hardbody is good for a mental increase one or two times only with me (at least that was my experience). Sexuality is so much important with who a person is and how we cater to each other. Now my wife actually looks better than when we were married (as a result of 2 years of working out), and I'm getting close to that myself (6 months of working out now), but it is the way that we communicate that makes her so much more sexually attractive to me these days. If we have been apart for a few days where we are only communicating via phone, it takes a bit of time for us to "reconnect" on the intense level that we are used to. It is all mental rather than physical. That's why I have no problem finding her more sexually attractive day by day.

10-20-2003, 01:32 PM	#5 (permalink)
uptown Insane	Well,I feel this way for a lot of reasons I guess.All I know is that I don't feel too good or sexy cause facts are,no matter how hard I diet I'll never be young again.When I go to take off my clothes all I can think of is how old and gross I look,in bed I try to avoid certain positions because of how they make me look.I've even started to simply go for giving a BJ when he reaches for me because I don't have to take off my clothing and my hair hides my face.He doesn't have to view my wrinkles and he can imagine he's with anybody in the world that he wants then.

10-20-2003, 02:52 PM	#7 (permalink)
pocon1 Banned	Hi uptown, Looks are important when you meet someone, but the longer you are together, the less important they are if the love is there. I am only thirty, but I met my wife when we were in college, so she and I have seen the changes in each other. We have seen each other gain weight, and I have seen her add a few gray hairs. The point is, we know what makes each other feel good, and we know how to please each other. What makes sex sometimes perfunctory for us is not spending the quality time leading up to it paying attention to each other. We both work and have night classes, so we don't get to spend as much time together, and that is what dampens our sexuality with each other and the giving. but when we have had enough sleep and we have time together, it is really good.

10-20-2003, 09:07 PM	#9 (permalink)
analog Banned	ah, the difference between sex for love or lust... lust is only good for so long, but love is always a thousand times better. ask anyone who tastes of love, they'll tell you. ...and to those who feel burdened by their age and it's effects on their bodies- unless your partner is young and nubile themselves, they've got just as much age showing on them, and they're also fully aware of it. Your beauty is in your soul, never forget that.

10-20-2003, 09:16 PM	#10 (permalink)
Astrocloud Apocalypse Nerd	I like the title of this thread but I actually think more in terms of the personal. Sure I like younger hotties but the effects of age on sexuality are actually far broader than that. As I get older I am finding that I don't desire sex as much as I did when I was younger. And yes I think that my ahem dick has gotten smaller as I have gotten older. I know that nobody really wants to talk about this kinda shit... but why do you think that it's always the older guys who need viagra? And in case you're getting worried... I'm not over the hill yet. -I've still got decades to go before I'm completely gone.

10-20-2003, 11:01 PM	#14 (permalink)
Astrocloud Apocalypse Nerd	Just a slight drop over the years... enough to realize that it's not gonna be there when I am older. Also makes me want to celibrate what I have when I have it... meaning that someday it'll be gone.

10-21-2003, 06:59 AM	#15 (permalink)
jbrooks544 Addict	He wouldn't be banging you if he didn't think you were sexy. As long as a mate (female or male) doesn't get obese and generally takes some care with their appearance then there shouldn't be any reason to not be attracted to them/you. Is my older wife as physically attractive as some 20 year old? No. I don't choose to live my life with and love some random piece of meat. You are thinking too much. Even when you were 20 there were many other 20 year olds that were better looking than you. Looks are in the eye of the beholder. I love my wife and when I look at her and fool around with her she is still the sam beauty I married 16 years ago. You have issues with yourself and that you are growing old and you are projecting them on him. My dad still loves my mom and they get it on. Don't worry about it. It isn't a problem.

10-21-2003, 09:03 AM	#17 (permalink)
uptown Insane	I am not sure actually what is bugging me.I've been dieting and exercising I should feel good but I don't all I see when I look in the mirror is more and more things wrong with my appearance. I don't feel any pride or confidence,I feel shame. Last edited by uptown; 10-21-2003 at 09:11 AM..

10-21-2003, 12:36 PM	#18 (permalink)
shannon Psycho Location: Canada	uptown, i wish you could see you beauty. hell, i'm 19 and i still feel gross sometimes. and to be compltely honest the most beautiful woman i know is 40. not that that's ancient, but she is stunning. and more importantly, she is beautiful inside and out, because she is a lot more comfortable sexually and has a lot more to say and is much more intelligent to say than most of the hardbodies i know. __________________ "When I look down I just miss all the good stuff. And when I look up I just trip over things"

10-21-2003, 01:39 PM	#19 (permalink)
erion Psycho	Well said, shannon. Wits, intelligence, charm, confidence all mean more to me than simple physical appearance. Hell. If that's all that mattered in attraction I would be a 30-year-old virgin by default.

10-21-2003, 01:52 PM	#20 (permalink)
tekaweni It wasnt me Location: Scotland	<b>uptown</b> theres no need at all to think like that. I'm male, 45, and my wife is 46. Although I (we) both stare at the youngies we have a sex life that I wouldnt change. I've always loved older women, and now that my lady finally is one - wowee! Be happy with yourself, sexuality isnt only about visual for us guys despite the bad press we get, especially us that are old enough to see past the "pant pant" ;-) its more about feeling sexy that gets the message across, and believe me it does get across... So long as you enjoy it, you'll be sexy. I think thats the trick. __________________ If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten

10-21-2003, 02:19 PM	#21 (permalink)
toxic515 Addict Location: Texas	I love looking at the young hotties. I love looking at my wife.... We're not so young any more, but I lust after her as much as ever. You can't see a great personality quite as well from accross the room, but you can normally see a sexy attitude, whether she's 19 or 50. Looks really are a weak weak foundation for anything at all, and that includes a one-night-stand, because you still cannot always tell how the person REALLY is, and an idiot with a great body isn't attractive to me at ALL. Gimme a woman over 25 any day... __________________ Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.

10-21-2003, 07:34 PM	#22 (permalink)
Lunchbox7 Addict	My grandpa is 80+ years old and he is still going hard. He got married again only a few years ago. I hope Im still that viril at that age.

10-22-2003, 08:30 AM	#23 (permalink)
elfuq Insane Location: San Francisco	I find it very hard to talk to these young'ns anyways. Like nothing in common whatsoever. Find me a smart sassy woman in her 30s anyday. I mean, you have to have conversation if you're going to have any level of connection.

10-22-2003, 09:34 AM	#24 (permalink)
Redlemon Devoted Donor Location: New England	Uptown, I've been thinking further about your original post. Part of the problem is that the majority of naked/near naked female bodies that we see are "pre-approved hotties". Spend a little time at the ultimate in softcore amateur porn, Voyeurweb, and you will see that there are a large quantity of people who manage to be comfortable and sexy even though they aren't young and stacked. Nude beaches are also a good way to discover that you ain't that bad (my wife uses this as an "emotional recharge"). If you are concerned from an age standpoint, get the recent Age issue of Bust (not a porn magazine, it is "for women with something to get off their chests"), which delves into many issues regarding aging. I keep hoping we can help you. __________________ I can't read your signature. Sorry. Last edited by redlemon; 10-22-2003 at 09:38 AM..

10-22-2003, 10:17 AM	#25 (permalink)
raeanna74 I'm not a blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot! Location: Upper Michigan	IMHO I think some of the attraction men have for us women is based a lot on our attitude. Back when I was younger (I'm 29 so I know not old really but not 19) I got attention but it wasn't that frequent and not outright offers. Since hubby and I started swinging I learned more about my body and learned to love it even with it's scars and post childbirth shape. I'm not shy anymore - actually kindof bold I think sometimes. I enjoy flirting and talking about sex and just plain sex. The guys I meet never seem to blink twice when they see any of my flaws. They have told me that my unabashed enjoyment of sexual things makes it exciting for them. Hubby doesn't seem to mind my body changes whatsoever. What gets him turned on the fastest is when I let him know that I NEED him and WANT HIM sexually. We did go through a time when I felt ugly and things were difficult. Just after our daughter was born. I was about 40 lbs heavier than I am now, and had an ugly scar across my lower abdomen. Then along with the usual, down of changing hormones, lack of libido and just plain exhausted and in pain from the c-section I had no interest in sex and he wasn't physically attracted to me. That changed with time as I cared for myself, and felt better about myself. I don't care how wrinkled or heavy a person can be, if they have that inner glow of confidence and joy they can be so much more attractive than a perfect size 6, 19 yr old girl, who got a bad attitude. __________________ "Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

10-22-2003, 12:55 PM	#26 (permalink)
minyn young and in bloom Location: under the bodhi tree.... bling	hey uptown. heres food for THOUGHT guys are visual. most girls hate that cuz we arent 36-25-34. those girls are there SIMPLY for the sake of visual stimulation, and last time i checked, guys DO have more (as much as your ego is telling you otherwise). I can only say much of this cuz i am really self conscious but hide by acting like im not (go fig) ANYWHO, many many guys dont like that perfect cute package and as one of my ex's put wonderfully, "i want a girl i can find in the dark" and "i want a girl im not going to break". if anything, smile at it, its the truth. guys like to look, but what they want to touch is different (if im wrong guys, let me know please! this is my personal experiences from a FEMALE aspect, i could easily be worng). And then there's that whole issue of LOVE. he loves you. if you need reassurance or explation beyond that, go read the lit threads (PLUG- see NiceGuy's thread "one night") __________________ "Woke up this morning with a blue moon in my eye" ~A3 "woke up this morning" "Don't compromise yourself, you're all you've got." -Janis Joplin

10-23-2003, 12:42 PM	#28 (permalink)
Lunchbox7 Addict	Has it occured to you that maybe he feels insecure about him getting older and you not finding him as attractive anymore. Guys do feel these pressures just as much as women. Its just not as socially acceptable to share feelings of inadequcy. Female attraction to men is directly influenced by confidence. He might be feeling exactly the same. If he is then you both can alleviate each others fears. Just a thought...

10-23-2003, 12:50 PM	#29 (permalink)
mb99usa Keep on rolling. It only hurts for a little while. Location: wherever I am	The hardbodies are visual stimulation only. I find my wife sexier now more than ever. The little bit of "softness" she has added is just that and makes it more comfortable during intimate times. 7 years of being together, 4years of marriage, and 2 kids and I still get a boner the second i feel her or see her naked. __________________ So, what's your point? It's not an attitude, it's a way of life.

10-24-2003, 02:20 PM	#30 (permalink)
ismark Crazy Location: Sydney	here are a number of reasons why I think men can still find their mature partners sexually attractive 1. Love, a far better stimulus than lust 2. Knowledge, of what buttons to press on themselves and their partners to get switched on 3. Maturity, an adult conversation and relationship with someone who knows something 4. Physical, aging men are less flexible, robust and energetic they need someone who is also less flexible, robust or energetic 5. Comfort, no unknown expectations and confidence in each other 6. No competition I am sure there are a lot of others but I'll leave it to others to add __________________ The Grumpy Old Bloke

10-25-2003, 10:19 AM	#31 (permalink)
Dilbert1234567 Devils Cabana Boy Location: Central Coast CA	its because you love the person, if you date and marry based on looks alone, you are shallow, love is more then just if they are hot. love is deeper then this a personal connection to the individual. even if my (future) wife was horibly disfigured, i would still love her, now ther would be some adjusting, but i would make it work. __________________ Donate Blood! "Love is not finding the perfect person, but learning to see an imperfect person perfectly." -Sam Keen

10-25-2003, 09:47 PM	#32 (permalink)
ARTelevision I change Location: USA	Not everyone thinks young women are sexy. Some people feel that real and deep sexuality is a function of maturity. __________________ create evolution

11-07-2003, 01:44 PM	#37 (permalink)
Jedbeck Crazy Location: Ohio, USA	uptown I have spent most of the day trying to figure out something that I could say to help you feel better about your situation. And the answer I have come up with is not something I can give you. I think what you really need to do is sit down with you husband and share all of this and all of your other feelings with them. Something tells me that your husband loves you and does not want to be with anybody but you. Talk to him and trust what he has to say. I think this is the only way you are going to bring some closure to this issue. Good luck.

11-07-2003, 02:05 PM	#38 (permalink)
motdakasha Hiya Puddin'! Miss me? Location: Silicon Valley, CA	Maturity and experience are definitely advantages to being older. Not to mention the fact that people date each other (at least most of the time, I hope) because they like the person, not the body. __________________ =^-^= motdakasha =^-^= Just Google It. BA Psychology & Photography (I'm not going psychoanalyze you nor will I let you cry on my shoulder. Have a nice day.)

11-18-2003, 01:28 PM	#40 (permalink)
dog1 Upright	dang, I just tried to post a reply and got the log in screen. My post went somewhere but I don't know where so here goes again. Ignore if you read somewhere else. I'm 49 and have had "relations" with hundreds of women. Some that would be considered "hotties" but most average human beings with a droop or sag or a few extra pounds. What makes someone beautiful is their attitude. If you think you're fine then you are and if you're with someone who doesn't agree then dump 'em. Also generally speaking the more mature the lady the better the conversation.