monkey baby

SO, a little history....I am 35, my husband is 23, we met at work and have had our ups and downs, but we are now married, have a 10 month old son and are now expecting twins.

We've always had an amazing sex life. There are things that he has confessed to wanting (before we got hitched) that I was not comfortable with (inviting others into our bed). He agreed that he would rather be with me the rest of his life than to have a few random fantasies come true without me.

Now, I know that he masturbates........A LOT! I've told him many times that I don't have too much of a problem with that. I would just prefer if he try me first. Now, I am tired more and go to bed pretty early, but that shouldn't stop him. In fact, sometimes, it hasn't. I've woken up a few times to him fucking me. Lately, he has been rather ruff, again not a real problem per say, but my cervix is a little tender now days. I think I've only turned him down a few times when I was super tired. And I DO know that sometimes men just need to have a quick whack now and then.

Now on to my point.....with this masturbation, he goes out back at night and uses his phone to (what he told me) look at random videos. (I've asked him several times what he masturbates to so that I could know what he likes. Always says just videos) Well, I've looked at the web history on his cell phone before and saw these erotic stories, a few of them were about incest and/or rape. I asked him about it and he just shrugged it off saying that he was just looking around at random stuff.

Last night I got up to ask him something and of course he was outside working himself over. When I opened the door, he immediately hid his phone. I asked what he was watching and he replied "random videos". I told him I wanted to watch him continue (and he did) but he didn't pick his phone back up to watch his video. He told me he didn't need it since I was in front of him. I thought I would help out a bit and pulled out my tits and started playing with them and putting them in his face. He enjoyed it and we proceeded to go inside to fuck. After that was done, I went back to bed and he went outside to smoke. I got up about 20 minutes later because I was nauseous. I went looking for him and he was outside fucking himself again. I kind of hid a little bit waiting and he went on for at least 20 minutes (looking at something on his phone the whole time). I think he saw me walk past the window because he stopped and came to the door. I told him that I got sick and got up for a drink (which I did). So he shuffled me back to bed.

I fell asleep and woke to the sound of the garage door. He was taking out the trash like I asked. I figured he would be coming to bed soon and I must have dozed off again, but woke later to find he wasn't in bed yet. I peeked out of our bedroom window and he was at it AGAIN. I waited and I watched. He was going to town and looking at his phone again. After about 15 minutes of jerking himself he came and then sat down to have his smoke. I told myself that after he went to work today, I would check the history on his phone to see what got him so hot.

I just finished and ALL there was were those erotic stories of incest and incestuous rape. I checked further back and that is all he has been looking at for a while. Daddy fucking his 15 years old daughter, a son raping his mom and then him with his 4 brothers raping their sister.....things like that.

Now, my question is....Does he have secret desires about his Mom or sister? If one or both of the babies I'm carrying ends up being a girl: Do I fear that in 15 years, he will want to fuck her? I don't think he would actually go through with something like that, but just the desire to creeps me out quite a bit.

I have played rape with him before, but that was kind of my idea. He never brought it up when we talked. It's always been about having another man and/or woman with us for him, but he knows that won't happen.

Is he searching for a new outlet? Do I call him out on it? Do I sit back and do nothing? I'm not sure what I should do. I don't have a problem with him masturbating (especially when I'm tired), but when he shoos me away because he would rather read incest stories, it does bother me....

Any advise on how to handle this situation would be great.

Hektore

Well, I would stop snooping in his phone for starters...

That aside...

Call him out on what, exactly? I mean, 'calling him out' seems pretty confrontational which is the wrong way to handle this. Tell him about snooping in his phone, ask him about the stuff he reads, if you really want to know.

Odds are pretty good we won't be able to explain and if he does you still won't understand, fetishes are funny like that.

If it were me? I would just ask if there is anything you could do that he hasn't already asked you too. If there answer is no, then leave it alone. Just make it clear that he can ask anything you want, you're not there to judge.

Probably a good idea to make it clear just because he asks you doesn't mean it's going to happen.

Also: Whackin' it 3-4 times in an hour or two is not 'hot and bothered' for a 23 year old male. More like a slow to average night.

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Anonymous Member

You sound like a very strong woman.

From what I've seen on sites such as Literotica, the incest stories seem to be very popular and highly rated (here's the favorites page). I don't understand it any more than you do, it squicks me out.

Also, to take me as an example, I happen to enjoy bi-porn. However, I don't desire having sex with other men.

None of this is meant to say that you shouldn't be worried.

snowy

Having poked around there myself--I think one of the reasons they're so highly rated is because generally, they're pretty well-written compared to some of the other stuff on Literotica. Thus, it could be that he (or anyone else, for that matter) is reading these stories with incest as a theme simply because they have well-composed sex scenes, not because of the incest itself.

Reading stories about incest does not equal a desire to commit incest. I'm sure many people here will admit to having read Penthouse Letters--some of those are based around incest. Does it mean that all of us who have read those letters want to go out and do that? Certainly not.

And as hektore pointed out--your man is 23 with a raging libido. I wouldn't be worried, personally. Everyone has different needs when it comes to their personal sex drive. You've clearly communicated with him your desire for him to come to you. Frankly, there are times when someone doesn't want to have sex--they just want to have a wank. Relax--it may be that he just wants to have a wank instead of sex.

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Pearl Trade

The themes in porn videos or stories usually doesn't matter to me. I just like the content, the "action" if you will. Just because it says "incest" or "rape" doesn't mean that's what is actually going on.

Don't worry about it, he's 23. 'Nuff said.

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Seaver

I wouldn't worry about the rape vido/literortica. Play-rape scenarios are a common fantasy, more so for women than men I've found. For men that have the kink for it, it's not something they can easily talk about as it's a pretty dark desire.

There's a lot of truth in this.

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Dragonlich

Incest and rape, eh?

I enjoy stories too, and occasionally wander into that forbidden area...

Generally speaking, the incest stories are indeed better than average. The sex scenes are, I don't know, easier. The people already know each other, secretly want each other, and then do those forbidden things. It's just exciting. Does that mean I would bang my (hypothetical) sister? Hell no. Real incest is probably icky and awkward, but that's pretty much irrelevant.

As for the rape stories: those are mostly about power and control (just like rape in real life). The fact that some of those stories excite me or your boyfriend doesn't mean we want to rape women or would even consider hurting them.

Sex stories aren't the problem, even if they're about rape/incest. The thing that worries me about your post is that your husband seems to be pushing you away. He might be ashamed about those stories, or about the fact that he masturbates so often. Perhaps he's addicted to masturbation and sex stories. Or perhaps he and his hormones simply want more sex.

Wes Mantooth

I guess you never really know whats going on in somebody else's head...but I'd have to echo what others have said, fantasy's more often then not don't spill over into real life and its probably nothing to worry about. It could be as simple as him finding the taboo aspect of it all exciting and that in and of itself might be what gets him going more then the incest/rape aspect of it.

I would also imagine he hides it because he's embarrassed and doesn't want his wife knowing he has "sick" fantasies, which seems pretty common. In fact I would dare say hiding porn from the wife/gf is a time honored tradition amongst men that has been honed to a finely tuned skill since the first nudie photo was made...probably since the time of cave drawings. I know I certainly wouldn't want a gf combing through my porn collection...just sayin'

I don't know, I do get why you feel concerned about it...again you never REALLY know what's actually going on in somebody else's head...but short of calling him out over what might very well be just a harmless fantasy, what can you do? If all of this is really bothering you then maybe it is best to have a talk and express how you feel, especially how you're bothered about being shooed away all the time for porn, if its not a HUGE issue personally I'd let it be and just see what happens.

Best of luck.

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antithesis

I agree with what the others have said thus far. It sounds like it's completely innocent, a fantasy of sorts, and I'm sure he's just embarrassed to admit it to you because of it's nature. Whether or not the stories being well-written is the determining factor of him reading them is basically irrelevant... men watch tons of porn with awful "plots" (did I just call them plots?) In short, it's something that gets him off. He fantasizes it. It's harmless.

And I'm sure he probably feels a bit smothered by your behavior. It sounds like you might be a little controlling??

monkey baby

What everyone is saying makes sense. Maybe I'm being a little over dramatic due to all the hormones raging through me now. "Call him out" was a poor choice of words. More like talk to him about it. It took him a while to tell me his secret sexual desires because he was afraid I would leave him thinking he was gross or something. He likes a little anal play (was ashamed of it too) and while I'm not interested, I still take care of that request on occasion. He has told me that he wished I would go down on him more. I try, but I have TMJ (it's like arthritis in your jaw) and he is very large and wide, so my little mouth has issues. Plus he takes so long to finish, I rarely get him there without just fucking.

Anyways, if he want to role play with something new, I'll find out. We have done rape a few times and he likes that, but I'm the one that brought that one up. We've done the school girl, librarian, and some others. Maybe I should just say "Daddy, please don't, it hurts" see if he likes it. Maybe, we will see if there is a new role he would like to try.

As for antithesis; How is being curious about what gets your man off and wanting to please him in (almost) whatever way you can controlling?


I've also tried to get him to watch porn with me and he just can't do it. He will look away. I think he is still ashamed in some way for watching/reading porn. Maybe it was beat into his head as a kid that it was wrong or something.

Seaver

One of the hottest things an ex did was take the initiative herself and put on some porn in bed. We had never watched it together before and hadn't even discussed it. She started slowly touching herself, describing how wet it got her and we simply started to please ourselves at first and moved on from there. After that, it occurred much more frequently...

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Shadowex3

I wouldn't randomly spring the "Daddy" thing on him though, it's reasonable that he could be genuinely unhappy with the fact that he has a fetish for that sort of thing and that it would be like a kick in the balls to do it.

I think there's a really good chance it could be that last one. It doesn't require a citation to say that fetishes can often be counter to one's cultural values, if they make any sense at all, and that porn in general can leave someone feeling ashamed of consuming it at least publically.

If I were your guy I'd say that I would want my SO to just openly voice her concerns about the general situation without necessarily bringing up specifics or making me feel more like a deviant than I might already.

Also can anyone see into where he is? If he's doing it out in public and the neighbors can see that can cause some serious problems.

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Wes Mantooth

I've got to agree with Shadow sometimes its best to just leave well enough alone. I think its great that you want to please your guy but maybe a better option would be to let him know "you're open for anything" and see if comes around to bringing it up himself.

He probably does feel ashamed of what he's looking at but (for lack of a better word) he might just be addicted to the fantasy, he doesn't necessarily like it but caves in when the feeling strikes. Having that exposed to his wife simply may be more awkward then productive, worse still he might be upset that you looked through his porn surfing history...that in and of itself is a bit of an awkward area to go into let alone discussing the specific fetish.

You know him better then we do and have a better idea about what his boundaries are so I'm sure you know how to approach him with a touchy subject...but I'd tread carefully with this one.

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monkey baby

Well, we talked about it and there is no real fetish. He just goes to this one author's page because they can actually write. They happen to write a lot of those stories, but there are others too, that's he's read through already and now that's all there is left. He is a literary snob, so that does make sense. If anyone knows of other decent writers real him to go to since this person is running out of material, that would be nice.

He also let me know that he is masturbating a little more instead of coming to me first because I have been so tired and sick. He wants me to get my rest. After running around after our 10 month old, keeping up with the house, making dinner, and carrying twins I am pretty beat by the end of the day.

As for anyone seeing him. We live in the country, we have a few neighbors, but he is also doing this at around 2 in the morning. Our street is all families so everyone is in bed for the night but us or him really.

Also, we talked more about role playing. After the babies come we are moving to a bigger house so hopefully we will have more privacy. ( you can hear everything in this house) He wants to get more into that because it is something we both like and we will have the space to put our little box of props and such.

I am looking forward to it.

Watching porn with me is something that won't happen, he just isn't into it. He wants to keep it separate and I am going to respect his choice in that.

BCatch22

I may be a little late to the party but I had to weigh in.

Personally I think its just a phase. I'm 32 and hornier then ever. My wife seems to be able to go a lot longer without then me. So I turn to alterior methods as well. The erotic literiture sites are great and although its not really my thing Incest, rape, and age stuff tends to be very popular. That by no means is to say anyone reading is going to turn into a incestual rapiest. I think when it comes to masterbation it kind of comes in waves (no pun intended). What gets you off this week might not a month from now. So this is probably just what caught is attention right now. A few weeks from now it will probably be something else. The difference is that girl/girl or anal is easier to bring up then inscest or age play.

As for the phone, you gotta be careful there. Anytime a guy feels like your spying on him he's just going to push you farther away and then it becomes a trust issue and that's the beginning of the end.

I'd say just ride it out. When you're done with the pregnant thing and going at it like bunnies again I'm sure he'll start showing you his phone then you'll know it ran its course. If it goes on for like a year or two you way want to reassess then.

Those are just my thoughts on it. Best of luck.

B

freeload

When im taking care of business on my own I usually use erotic stories, and I like them well written - as your man. Unfortunately a lot of them are poorly writen - so keeping with a few favourite authors makes sense.

Luckily for me, stories in my language are seldom of the incest/rape category - at least not the well written ones

Good luck with the twins - they'll make him use his energy on running around in a year or so

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Jinn

This thread went way too smoothly.. you both seem actually mature and handled it responsibly. By far not the norm, but cool nonetheless.

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MSD

Religious childhood? Yeah, it's hard to get over. Sounds like this is just a speedbump and you guys will work everything out. As they taught me in middle school health class, there's good stress and bad stress, but it all affects you. If he's just going for the decent writing (and there really isn't much of it,) you guys will be OK.

raging moderate

Yeah, agreed. you two certainly seem to have a very strong and healthy relationship. Way to work it out in a positive manner, and if you keep this level of open-mindedness and maturity, there's a long and wonderful relationship in your future

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chal1000

yeah, I think everyone's being a bit too liberal here.
As someone who has witnessed what sexual abuse can do, I think you should be concerned...
Concern Number one: INCEST. Like hello, you are parents. You HAVE children...
Anyone having fantasies like that sends up a HUGE RED FLAG in my book.
In America 1 of 4 children are sexually abused by a FAMILY MEMBER. And just to be clear about this, it's ILLEGAL and incredibly damaging to be the victim of sexual abuse especially by a parent.
Concern Number two: Sexual obsessiveness is NOT healthy. I'm as horny as any dude but to masturbate a dozen times in one day is not healthy. Ask any doctor. Being so raw physically and continuing to jerk-off is just not healthy and (dare I say it here,) not normal.
Concern Number three: What sexual compulsion is arousing him so much? RAPE? INCEST? Forced sex is illegal in the civilized world. You said yourself that he was kind of rough during sex with you that time.
Did you enjoy being hurt by him? Especially when pregnant? Do ya think he's punishing your unborn twins by pounding you like that?
Ridiculous you say? Why? This seems to be the fodder of his fantasies.
Why not go to some sort of couples-counciling.
You are not "single" sexual partners anymore, YOU ARE PARENTS.
You two better get on the same page about what is motivating these sexual fetishes/compulsions and how he needs to integrate himself back into your marriage.

I hate to think where this is going if it goes unaddressed.

Jinn

Ever had sex, chal1000?
(Hey, it's a fair question..)

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Baraka_Guru

chal1000, do you even understand the nature of fantasy?

I assume you also believe that women who fantasize about being raped do so because they secretly want to be raped.

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chal1000

hey, you are entitled to your opinions and this is just mine.
1 in 4 children are sexually abused by a family member.
Those are the stats in America & they're pretty high.
I bet those people doing the abuse also fantasize about violating children... But these are just fantasies, eh? Are any of you parents?
Like it or not, the stats don't lie about the abuse. And that is something that is terrible.
Does anyone debate that?

Plan9

Statistics aren't opinions, chief.

How 'bout some delicious citations?

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Baraka_Guru

It doesn't matter, 9er, it's true that children are often abused by the ones closest to them. However, this doesn't mean that fantasies are dangerous. Here's another thread to remind you of Orwell.

And, chal, I can't believe you just pulled the parent card. Parents can fantasize too. It's okay.

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Plan9

Rumor has it parents mostly fantasize about sleep and not driving boxy vehicles that are lined with french fries and action figures.

...

I recently read an article that stated that the brain plays out weird "fantasies" under stress as a release mechanism. The example they gave was a shitty day at work where you visualize, just for a second, what it'd be like to scalp your boss with a 12 gauge. It's perfectly natural or so they said.

Does that count as premeditation? Who knows?

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snowy

How about more precise stats than "1 in 4 children are abused by a family member"? Family member is vague--that could be a sibling, a cousin, an aunt, an uncle, etc.

Well, since we've opened this can of worms:

From the NCANDS statistics (2001) provided by the Department of Health and Human Services:
9.6% of child maltreatment cases nationwide were child sexual abuse.
That is 1.2 children per 1000 children.
Parents were the perpetrators in approximately 40% of cases.
Other relatives were the perpetrators in approximately 60% of cases.
Child sexual abuse decreased from 1997-2001.
The above is taken from Family Violence in the United States by Hines, Malley-Morrison, 2005.

These statistics do not tell the whole story as Child Protective Services across the U.S. do not get involved in cases of extrafamilial CSA (Finkelhor, 1994).

Hines, Malley-Morrison also notes that no empirical link has been established between pornography and child sexual abuse.

There are a variety of factors that predict the likelihood of CSA: Stepdaughters are more likely to be victims of abuse than a natal daughter, stepfathers are more likely to be abusers, emotionally unavailable mothers contribute to the likelihood of CSA (Hines, Malley-Morrison, 2005). In a biologically intact family, CSA is more likely to occur if the mother drinks but the father does not (Vogeltanz, Wilsnack, Harris, Wilsnack, Wonderlich, and Kristjanson, 1999). Further, families where CSA occurs are generally dysfunctional, disorganized, may have other forms of child maltreatment present, have a number of disruptions (moving frequently, parental absence, parental separation, conflict), parents may be uncaring, and the family may lack emotional closeness (Hines, Malley-Morrison, 2005).

Given what the OP has shared about her family life here and in other posts, I highly doubt they are a family at risk after reviewing all of the microsystem predictors of CSA as outlined in Hines and Malley-Morrison's Family Violence in the United States. Further, since there is NO EMPIRICAL LINK between pornography and CSA, I think that the behavior presented in the OP can be disregarded as a possible predictor, because it isn't.

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Plan9

That's better.

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snowy

Thank you!

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chal1000

You say tomato, I say tomato...

It is my opinion that to fantasize about violating any innocent underaged person is wrong.
Hands-Down, No-Room-for-debate, WRONG.

Making quips to attack my character deflects & dismisses the point.
(though Plan9's parental fantasy made me chuckle.)

And thank you Snowy for the stats but most cases go unreported during the time of abuse. Many times the abuse is admitted years later when the victim is an adult.
When I said 1 in 4 are abused, I knew that it might be a sibling, father, step-father or cousin. Still though, who-ever it is probably fantasizes about this stuff too... And I think it's dangerous.

To all who have issue with my post; I hear you. I couldn't give a crap about what any of you do behind closed doors with your partner because you're all consenting adults.
What is not healthy is when someone's fantasy focuses on the abuse of a child. The violation of trust that damages a young person to the core is a terrible thing.
Just ask anyone who has been through it and worked through the years of coming to terms with that violation.
It is not crazy to imagine someone who is pushed to the edge with the stressors of life (losing jobs, money issues, psychological imbalance) to act on some of those aggressive fantasies.
It happens everyday. Will it be this 23 year old husband to his children? I don't know.
But it is worth discussion for the OP. Only time will tell with those two...

Anyone remember the news story last year about the moron who hired some dude off Craig's List to rape his wife at knife point?
Well, I apparently can't post the link here. It won't let me. But if ya google: "Husband Hired Wife's Rapist off Craigslist for Sexual Fantasy - ABC News," you can read all about it.
He acted on HIS fantasies, and went to jail for it. And yes, this is only ONE douche-bag out of a trillion who fantasize about rape, right? Maybe. But I'm glad he's locked away.

snowy

By and large, incest erotica does not focus on the abuse of a child. Usually it is between two consenting teenagers (who have reached sexual maturity, and even in some jurisdictions [not the United States] may be considered adults). It does not delve into the actual power and control present in a true incestuous relationship (obviously, I cannot say this absolutely, as I have not read all of the incest erotica out there, just a fair sampling from Literotica).

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LordEden

I was wondering when this thread would go downhill. There is no way a sexual problem that is posted here can have a happy ending, someone always has to piss in the punch bowl.

Fantasies are just fantasies, nothing more, nothing less.

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Baraka_Guru

Fantasizing isn't the problem.

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Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

LordEden

It never is but people seem to be hung up on what people fantasize about. Eh, I fantasize about blowing cities up with magical powers more than I do banging two asian hot chicks, guess I'm not the one to talk about how *B.A.D* fantasizing about sex is.

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ring

Hopefully the actress in the porn image was much older than 15,
and just pretending?
I can see why some of the posters here might be upset, when fantasies
include children.

But we don't know you or your spouse,
so our imaginations can run wild with speculation, & or perhaps
it brings back memories of actual abuse we, or others we know, have suffered. Who knows.

Fantasies & speculation.
We all have lines we say we won't cross, even if it's just in our imaginations.
The wilder or less socially acceptable the fantasies are,
I can understand the reluctance to share them, even with a trusted partner.

My curiosity about your situation is your age difference,
& if that might play into his fantasies a bit.

It sounds like you both are comfortable communicating with each other.

That's good stuff.

Dragonlich

FYI, there are a lot of stories out there that are way worse than rape or incest. I am convinced that people that write stories about mutilation, murder and such are sick ****s. But as long as it's a fantasy: hey, whatever gets you off...

It is my opinion that fantasy is never wrong. NOT WRONG. When this particular fantasy turns into reality, then it's wrong. See Minority Report for more info.

As Snowy already said, most incest stories are about two (or more) consenting people. Nobody is being violated by anyone.
Rape stories are obviously not about consenting people, but a lot of them turn from non-consensual to consensual. As in: the person that's being raped ends up liking it. I know that this doesn't happen in real life, and rape is wrong. Period. But IMO it shows a lot of those evil "rape" stories are in fact domination stories. A lot of people like to be dominated, and a lot like to dominate. Who am I (or you) to judge them? Especially if it's a fantasy that most likely will never be turned into reality?

Wes Mantooth

Lets remove sex from the equation for a minute and just think about fantasy aspect of it, how many of us have fantasized about doing something dangerous like skydiving? Its one thing to day dream about how incredible it would feel to free fall, its another to actually stand in the plane, look down and contemplate the consequences of actually doing it. Suddenly the romantic image of free falling safely to earth is replaced by vivid thoughts of your chute failing and your body exploding into a fine mist when you hit the ground.

Most people understand the difference between right and wrong, the consequences of their actions and what those actions can do to themselves and others. With a fantasy you don't have to deal with any of that but when it crosses into reality its different story.

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