Anonymous Member

Hello all. A little bit about me. I'm actually 24 years old, male, and lost my virginity a week ago to the woman I love dearly.

Here is the problem. I didn't enjoy the sex. Or the BJ...

She is a very sexy girl, we've been in a long distance relationship for a year now and she's finally moved here with the family. We've met in person twice, but we both are very comfortable around each other, and enjoy each other's company. The third time we met, we had planned to have sex at my place, and we did.

I was nervous at first, but she made me feel comfortable. She has "experience", and she doesn't mind at all that I don't. We started with feeling, then I stuck it in her condomless and started doing her. But.... It's almost as if I didn't feel anything... I'm not big down there, about 5.5" ( ) and average or tiny bit less girth, which thankfully she accepts and "says" it doesn't matter, and she felt tight anyways; heck, I had a hard time getting 2 fingers in there, hehe. But when my penis was in there, it's almost as if I felt nothing... Also, when she was giving me a BJ, I thought it would feel great, but, it's almost as if it felt like nothing too. Even when she licked my penis, I felt nothing. The only thing I really felt was her handjob...

So anyways, we were in bed for a full hour, three or more quarters of that being us having sex, and I couldn't cum, in fact, I didn't have the feeling of "I'm halfway there" or anything. She LOVED the sex, and I even made her orgasm once with my penis and three times with my fingers, and I don't think she was lying because I felt a rush of wetness and it was slightly sticky when I took them out, and besides, everyday since, she has been telling me how great it was and how great it was that I lasted soooo long, especially on my first time. I say it was great too, but, I kinda don't feel it was... There were a few times where I was getting exhausted from pumping hard and constant, and I'd lose my erection and go to a semi-soft. Was embarrassing, but she kept telling me it's okay, and she did things to get my aroused again, she's very sweet. I also slipped out like, 10 times, that was really really embarrassing because I keep thinking, I'm too small to be able to really pull and push at a good distance... But again, she was very sweet about it, telling me to keep going and that it happens to everyone and it doesn't matter.

I'm not sure what the problem is, and, I'm really afraid of not ever enjoying sex, because I've been looking forward to it for many years and the actual feeling of it wasn't anything great...

I told her I might have had "performance anxiety", which is why I didn't cum (but little does she know that I didn't enjoy the actual sex). She said we can work on it and I'll eventually get comfortable enough to not worry about everything. But I'm really not sure if that's the problem. Could it be that maybe I am too "small" for her? Or maybe she's not as tight I think she is, which doesn't suit my penis? I'm so scared that I wasted all this time wondering how good sex feels, and finally finding out it's not good... I don't want it to be like this. I want to enjoy sex like everyone else does

Lasereth

It's performance anxiety. It will go away in time. Happens to a lot of people. I couldn't feel much of anything until we had multiple sexual experiences. I was so nervous that it's like the pleasure was blocked. Don't worry about it!!!!

BTW 5.5" is normal. Not everyone has huge 10" porn dicks.

__________________
"A Darwinian attacks his theory, seeking to find flaws. An ID believer defends his theory, seeking to conceal flaws." -Roger Ebert

Plan9

Turns out I didn't enjoy sex the first time I had it. I went home, sat in the bathtub, looked at my cock, and went:

"Is that it? People actually fight over this? Jesus, I'll stick to masturbating! Sex is lame and women are disappointing."

Then I did it with another girl, played around with a few things... and now I can't get enough of it.

Once you get the confidence, you'll actually enjoy sex instead of looking at it like some kind of college midterm.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Glory's Sun

you're over thinking everything. I'd said it before, I'll say it again.. we aren't robots. Sex is not going to be an earth shattering experience every time, and there is no real right way to do it. Just relax and have fun.. explore and try new things and get your mind out of it. The only way to really enjoy it is to just do it. Let your mind go.. enjoy the fun.

thespian86

I will say Mr. Anonymous Member, that most of the things in life that we walk into with an idea of "how it's going to be", will turn out to be the opposite. Sex wasn't an exception. The first time I had sex, she bled and it was painful for her. I was wearing a condom and really couldn't do much physically. I just kind of had to be there with her. Then about four or five times after, it became a whole other animal.

And it kind of continues in that vein. Once you get the swing of it, you're pretty much golden. I will say that every relationship I'm in (not one night stands, fooling around, etc), it takes a couple of times before it gets to be amazing; you need time to feel out what they like and don't like, how they move, etc.

Give it time my man. Chill out. Don't think about how or why or whatever; just be. Have fun; be safe.

__________________
EX: Whats new?
ME: I officially love coffee more then you now.
EX: uh...
ME: So, not much.

Shell

...i took the liberty to delete most of your post and only highlight the RED FLAGS i saw. Yes, you have "performance anxiety" because it was planned and mechanical filled with fear and embarrassment over a perceived inadequacy (there is nothing wrong with 5.5" at all).

...Guccilvr and Thespian were right about overthinking it all.

...don't plan sex or half the excitement will be lost...at first be playful, tease one another, flirt, and do everything to

arouse each other without actually touching the genitals (be creative). Once you both can't stand that any longer then

proceed with genital foreplay. Orgasm will be heightened by this instead of just "sticking it in and doing her".

__________________
..."Say what you think. Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind" ~ Dr. Seuss

telekinetic

Some quick comments

Break this habit NOW while you still can. It is the perfect way to end up with an unwanted pregnancy. No P in V without C unless she is on BC, and even then be careful of STD (sesame street should do this song)...unless she is on BC, and clean, and you are both monogamous.
It doesn't matter, no "" needed. Put it out of your mind.
That's because you've been beating your meat like it owes you money as long as you've known how, with a clenched fist. It's what your used to. Either abstain from whacking it completely until you've got this sorted out, or buy a fleshlight, so you can get used to the softer gentler sensation of a hot pocket verses Righty McFivefingers
It is the problem, she is right, and you sound like you picked the BEST POSSIBLE GIRL EVER YOU ARE SO LUCKY I'M NOT EVEN KIDDING to get your V-card punched by. Get comfortable and it will be amazing...mating is the basest primal urge, and the endorphin release is unmatched, except possibly by adrenalin dumps resulting from courting death.
No and No. There is realistically no such thing as a vagina too loose to get someone off, and if there was enough friction for her to get off, there was enough for you to get off, too, once you get into the swing of things.

Relax, stop ironfisting your mini-me, and give it a few more tries. I suspect you'll like it once you get past the mental hangups.

Final thoughts: I've observed that guy's initial experiences tend to group either around not coming, or coming waaay to quickly, and then as they get more used to things, they are able to average out to something more mutually enjoyable. For my money, I think you have it easier than the one pumper--I'd rather apologize for not getting mine than apologize that now she can't get hers.

__________________
twisted no more

Shell

...edited this out because, you know, some people lack a sense of humor...and i wouldn't want anyone to think i was serious!

__________________
..."Say what you think. Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind" ~ Dr. Seuss

Iliftrocks

I was actually wondering if this might be the case. You could always use lube when trying to get your money back, that helps keep the sensitivity... or so I hear. Definitely if you have callouses on it, you're doing it wrong

__________________
bill hicks - "I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out."

Halx

Abstain from flogging your heretic bishop for a few days before seeing her again. And relax.

__________________
You have found this post informative.
-The Administrator
[Don't Feed The Animals]

LordEden

Just when I thought I knew every reference to masturbation, Halx comes along and shoots one out of the park. Then again if I had a cock the size of an Oscar Mayer truck I'm sure it's not that hard to do.

I don't like I know this about you Halx, seriously stop putting your cock on your own website. Think about the rest of us for once. /sarcasm

***

I have the same problem at times, I *think* to much during sex. Unless I'm truly comfortable with the person I'm having sex with, I get really nervous. Nervous = Anxeity = No Happy Time with One-eyed Snake. I think I get more nervous with sex with someone I care about than I do with one-night stands. Then again I'm usually drunk when those happen. Just relax, don't jump right into it. Men only have enough blood to run one head at a time, just try to keep the juice in the above-ground pool for a while. It amazes us (men) that a girl (that is so pretty, smart, blah blah blah) wants to be with us and that fucks with our psyche. We start doubting everything and that will fuck everything up. Just run with it. Carpe Diem. Don't worry about tomorrow.

I would suggest a beer or two to calm yourself down, but of course the possibility of whiskey dick happens when you drink more than the doctor recommended amount. Plus you might not be 21. Also, you don't want to make Alcohol your way of getting over this. Leads to bad things, trust me.

I Second the not wacking off comment and the USE a condom comment. Always use one. Period. Kids are great! When they are not yours.

__________________
Vice-President of the CinnamonGirl Fan Club - The Meat of the Zombiesquirrel and CinnamonGirl Sandwich

Zeraph

It was probably anxiety. But I know I over hyped the BJ myself. When I finally got a woman to do it I was a bit disappointed. The other thing is you're probably overly de-sensitized from masturbating. Basically its normal and it'll get better.

Redlemon

Except for the bathtub, I had the exact same experience with my first two times/women.

__________________
I can't read your signature. Sorry.

dlish

before id worry about whether id enjoy sex, i'd seriously consider wrapping the meat up. you may never enjoy sex again if you dont dude. especially if she's a girl of 'experience' as you put it. if thats' one thing you need to remember, you need to remember this. dont do something because 'it feels better' or because she says she's clean. trust no one except Mrs Palmer. theres an extremely long list of STI's and STD that'd make you wrap your noggin faster than saying cheese.

as for questioning your performance, this goes away. cromp hit it on the head..everyone gets a 'is that it' thought after their first time, but it goes away, and things fall into place once you do it again and again. but ike has been said before, stop floggin it.

__________________
An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

Charlatan

The first time usually sucks. In fact, I would suggest that quite frequently the first time you have sex with any individual is not going to be all that great either.

There is too much anticipation and anxiety tied up in "the first time".

Once you start to relax you will find it gets a lot better.

__________________
"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars."
- Old Man Luedecke

Bear Cub

Lets trade penises. It will be the best 8 seconds of your life.

__________________
Living in the United Socialist States of America.

JumpinJesus

Are you secretly gay and just afraid to admit it?

__________________
"I can normally tell how intelligent a man is by how stupid he thinks I am" - Cormac McCarthy, All The Pretty Horses

Toaster126

Calm the fuck down. You're fine.

__________________
"The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me." (Ayn Rand)
"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck)

Xerxys

This is really the issue here and I couldn't come up with a better anecdote except maybe stop making love to Pam and her twin sis Pam ... and the vulcan grip is not very good either.

Ohhh, relax.

Anormalguy

As nearly everyone has already posted, give it time. You'll learn to relax, & things will get better.

Hell, my first time I lasted about 15 seconds. The girl was not impressed, and let me know.

__________________
In a society where the individual is not free to pursue the truth...there is neither progress, stability nor security.--Edward R. Murrow

JStrider

Dont think there is anything I can really add to this thread... everyone has pretty much said it all...

__________________
-=JStrider=-

~Clatto Verata Nicto

DaniGirl

It's probably performance anxiety. I think everyone builds sex up to be a really big deal and then when they have sex for the first time they are let down. I think for most people sex the first time is never what they expected. And planing the day didn't help you at all. It just made you more anxious. Don't worry it will get better. And it sounds like you have an awesome girlfriend. Your lucky.

LoganSnake

Do it again. Relax. Enjoy it.

Oh, and wear a fucking rubber.

__________________
Maturity is knowing you were an idiot in the past. Wisdom is knowing that you'll be an idiot in the future. Common sense is knowing that you should try not to be an idiot now. - J. Jacques

Plan9

...unless you want to lose your virginity to herpes.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Bear Cub

It's always good to wear a rubber. I do, because I don't like sharing.

__________________
Living in the United Socialist States of America.

LoganSnake

Sharing is caring.

__________________
Maturity is knowing you were an idiot in the past. Wisdom is knowing that you'll be an idiot in the future. Common sense is knowing that you should try not to be an idiot now. - J. Jacques

Anonymous Member

Thank you all sooo very much for your replies, it's helped me feel better about all of this. I just have to relax and have fun! And I'm going to try to cut back on the flogging, and maybe try to find some lube...

I guess I didn't want to use the condom because I couldn't feel anything as it was, so it made it feel a tiny bit better. But I guess the risks of her getting pregnant aren't worth it. And she's not on BC, we were talking about that a loooong time ago, and I can't remember exactly why she said she never wanted to be on it, but that's her stance...

And about the STD stuff... I'm pretty worried about that. There was a time where she her gyno thought she had herpes, and she told me about it the very same day she found out, so I know she's very honest and open about telling me that kind of stuff. Turned out it was just like, bumps from shaving, so she doesn't have it, but she has also let me know that although she has a lot of experience, she is clean. I don't want to say I don't believe her, because I do trust her, but I'm not sure if she says she's clean based on her using mostly condoms with the other guys, or if she's been checked out. And if I ask her if she's been checked out, she'd probably go nuts on me... Anytime I bring up her sexual past, she cries because she regrets having had sex with 10 guys... And I know her crying is legit, I can feel it and hear it in her voice that it hurts her. So, I guess I just gotta not ask, use a condom, and take the chance... But does that mean I can't go down on her anymore and stuff? Ugh...

ASU2003

I would say you both need to get tested to know where you stand in terms of STIs or lack there of. I'll defer to the other members on how you should bring up that topic and how to have that discussion. I feel you do have a right to that information if you are in a relationship with someone.

And have her get on BC or wear a condom.

Plan9

All better.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

monkeysugar

You might try putting a little lube in the tip of the condom before you put it on. It can help make things a little more enjoyable if sensitivity is a problem. There are tons of different kinds of condoms out there, it's really a matter of finding the one that feels the best for you. *donks you on the forehead with a rolled up magazine* WRAP IT UP. Give Beyond Seven brand condoms a try. They're pretty damn good, as far as condoms go.

For the BC thing, there is more to BC than "she takes it and can't get pregnant." There are a variety of different (potential) medical risks, physiological changes, and when you start messing around with hormones, emotional swings that can and do come into play, not necessarily with all women, but it is there.

As far as her being "experienced..." it's probably something that is best not to bring up. If she wants to share that with you, by all means listen, but the fact of the matter is that you really don't want to know everything she did with her partners in the past any more than she wants to know about...well I guess all the naughty little thoughts you've ever had when you're flogging the dolphin. The fact of the matter is that she's with you now, she loves you, you love her, and she's having sex with YOU.

Oh yeah...Slipping out happens...not everyone's hung like a pornstar. I'm sure your dick size is fine. Mine's about the same size and I've always received more than favorable reactions with it. Relax, have fun. Sex is supposed to be fun.

Good luck to you, it will get better.

__________________
I've got the love of my life and a job that I enjoy most of the time. Life is good.

telekinetic

FYI: A friend of mine and her current BF used the "pull out" and or "bone for a while then wrap it to finish" method for a month when they started dating, they never 'messed up' and she is due with a little boy in October.

FYI #2: If she lets you put it in raw, you're not the first. If she's been with 10 other guys, statistically 2 or 3 of them had herpes. Do your own math.

As far as going down and getting head, every sexual behavior is a risk (even sex with a condom and/or kissing). Sex is risk...such is life. Do a little internet research and see what you think about the hard statistics of transmission. Personally? I never bothered to wrap it during oral, and I've gone down on everyone I've been with. Those were risks I was comfortable with. It got wrapped for P in V though.

__________________
twisted no more

Toaster126

If you can't talk to her about it, you CERTAINLY should not be doing things with her.

__________________
"The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me." (Ayn Rand)
"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck)