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Old 11-07-2008, 04:33 PM   #1 (permalink)
who ever said streaking was a bad thing?
 
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A Mothers/Aunts advice...

I was talking to my mom the other day and she said that if my girlfriend isn't ready to give me BJs now, then I will more than likely cheat when we're married. And I was surprised to find out that my Aunt told my cousin the same thing. I don't understand it.

Now, I brought this up with my girlfriend, why it is such a repulsive thing for her to do. And all she said was "because I just don't like the taste, I don't like doing it." Personally, I don't care for them either, although I do like foreplay. I go down on her whenever I like to, I mix it up, instead of making out, I go down on her but she wouldn't even consider going down on me. I shave down there, I wash atleast twice a day down there and I know the my penis smells like a penis sometimes slightly scented with soap/cologne.

Now, I'm wondering if this is true, would I be more prone to cheating because she doesn't give me BJs? And how would I be able to change her mind into a "once in a blue moon" giving me BJs.
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Old 11-07-2008, 04:42 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Well, people generally cheat because they feel like something is missing in their current relationship. So if you really want blowjobs, and your girlfriend/wife isn't giving you blowjobs, and you just can't stop thinking about getting one, then it would increase your chances of being tempted into cheating with someone who would give you a blowjob. Certainly, I'd imagine most people's partners don't do literally everything they'd like or want them to do in the sack, and for many people it's not a problem to compromise and not be a douche by cheating on the person because of that.

If you're being honest in saying you don't care very much for them, then you can probably have a perfectly healthy relationship without them and won't be tempted by the thought of getting them from someone else. If it's something you're constantly curious about and craving, and she's simply unwilling to budge on the issue, then you need to decide (1) if you want to be with a person who is unwilling to compromise with you on something you want and (2) if this particular thing you want is critical enough to your happiness to potentially end a relationship over. I don't know the answer to that question. I don't know how much you care about a girl sucking your dick.

As for how to get her to once in a while partake of it, I'd definitely continue to do what you've been doing. Stay clean for her, pay attention to her needs and make sure she's getting what she wants sexually. Also, be honest. Tell her you know it's not her favorite thing to do, but that every once in a while, it would be a very special present for you if she wouldn't mind doing it. That you don't expect it and understand that she's adverse to it being a regular sexual situation. Communication is a big part of healthy sex lives. Perhaps some of the ladies whose minds have been changed might also offer you some advice.
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Old 11-07-2008, 06:48 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Wow, I'm just amazed, confused, embarrassed and interested about your fascinating and slightly strange conversation you had with your Mom about sex. Again, wow.
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Old 11-07-2008, 06:49 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I'm not sure this is helpful, but I once had a girlfriend who wouldn't either. Everything else was fantastic, so I didn't mind. That's the point, I didn't mind because I was happy overall. Men who cheat are almost inevitably immature, greedy bastards. They forget that one blowjob ain't worth potential years of wondrous coitus. As someone who has had 80-90 lovers in his life, I can tell you, the ones you love are the best. If she won't blow you, how about lubed hand jobs while you watch football (a joke, sort of)? I think what your Mom was trying to get at is, if the man is not satisfied, he will stray. For women that's true too, these days.
So, are you satisfied with your sex life, right now?
Are blowjobs that important?
If yes, are you happy with jerking off to blowjob porn?
Are you immature enough to think you can have your cake and eat it too?
Is love more/as important as new adventures to you?
Are you really young 18-23? If so, her attitude often will change over time. When women feel REALLY secure with a man, they often get VERY, VERY sexual. That why smart guys buy toys when the ladies go white hot. If you rely on your tongue, she might make it so you can't speak for days.


Just a few thoughts...
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Old 11-07-2008, 06:50 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Perhaps she doesn´t like it because she sees it as a control thing, or some type of submissive/degrading act. If you wash and are clean, it shouldnt be a problem. I have never gone down on a guy, me being hetero and all, but I dont think actual taste has much to do with it. All the girls I've known say they enjoy doing it because it pleases the guy, and taste has never been a factor as far as I know.
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Old 11-07-2008, 06:55 PM   #6 (permalink)
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I think it's great you can talk to your mom and your cousin can talk to his mom in this way. It's a sign things are improving.

I'm not crazy about blowjobs either and my gf only does it occasionally. It's not a big deal. Porn kind of overrates it. Now, if she didn't like you going down on her, that would be a big deal.

Personally, I think a lot of women don't really get all they could from sex if they aren't participating, just lying there. Hopefully, they change when they get older. Sex seems better after 40.
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Old 11-08-2008, 10:49 AM   #7 (permalink)
who ever said streaking was a bad thing?
 
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My mom and I have a pretty open relationship... I live in Calgary, she lives in Ohio, so the distance isn't really nice but oh well. It might be a control thing. Cause my girlfriend like to control situations and make the outcome suit herself, which is where I come in and bring a little reality to the situation. Its really not that big of a deal, I just never understood why my mom said that. And we're both pretty young in the 21-23 range, plenty of time for things to change.
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Old 11-08-2008, 11:38 AM   #8 (permalink)
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I love getting blow jobs. If I was with a woman who refused to give blow jobs, it would be over. (I know I am sounding like a selfish pig, some on this board would call me a mysoginist (yet again) never the less, you can't help who you are.)

I don't feel like I'm all consumed by sex, but I do think it to be one of the bigger things in my life and I hope that that never changes. I had a period after my dad died where I lost all interest (and I mean ALL interest) and God, I hope I never end up that way again.

I have only ever dated 1 woman who refused to give head. Past tense. I have dated a few who were terrible at giving head. Well, believe it or not, that was part of the reason I dumped them - (I know, I'm a mysoginist.)

My current GF LOVES sucking cock. She's fantastic at, she has no hang ups about it. Inerestingly, she told me that she always loved sucking cock, from the time she first tried it till now. (I've had several other women tell me the same thing.) The best part about being with a woman like her is that I'm not fixated on blow jobs. She might suck my dick once in a while, but I'm good with that. Why? Because I know it's on the menu. When you're with a woman who flat out refuses, or is terrible at it - you end up becoming obsessed with getting a blow job. (This is what your mother (cool mom by the way) is talking about.

In my experience about 10 to 15% of women flat out refuse to give head.

Probably another third suck cock, but they really aren't that into it and it shows. They do it to "please their man". Unfortunately we men can tell.

Then there's those who really don't mind giving head, but they are not that good at it. Sadly. There is hope for them however that with a bit of loving guidance they will fall into the next category....

Then there is probably another third who truly LOVE sucking cock. They love men, they love their cocks (and they will tell you that) and they love sucking cock. Once you've met a woman like this, you will never go back. Trust me. You can tell these women right off the bat because they are truly into playing with your cock, telling you about how much they like it, etc. You will know this woman when you meet her. I've had the pleasure of knowing women like this. Trust me, they are out there.

You are young.

When I was 21 I had slept with a grand total of 2 women in my life. I really didn't know what sex was. I envy the life you have in front of you. But as someone who is twice your age, I can assure you that your current sexual desires will change as you get older.

Taking a step back and looking at your current GF's statements about blow jobs, I can't help but wonder if she's hung up about a lot of other sexual activities besides just giving head.

I guess it comes down to the two people involved. I know couples who rarely if ever have sex because they both are not really that into it. Hey, if that works for them, then cool. The problems only arise when one partner is more sexual than the other and then what happens is you polarize. The sexual partner becomes even more driven and the nonsexual partner becomes less sexual.
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Old 11-08-2008, 12:18 PM   #9 (permalink)
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If your gf is kind of open about new experiences, go to Spencer's or a sex shop and get a flavored lubricant or lotion. I used them when I was younger until I learned that the penis isn't really all that bad of tasting. And, if you get the kind that warms to the touch to.... wow for both of you. Just make sure you take her along so that she can pick a plavor that she likes. Don't push her, just mention it here and there. Maybe just take her to the sex shop one day to look around. Buy her something, then suggest that for you.
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Old 11-08-2008, 12:31 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Men who cheat are almost inevitably immature, greedy bastards.
I'm not saying cheating is ever a good thing, but this is patently untrue. Women cheat as well, and they cheat for reasons that are not at all different from the reason men cheat: something is missing from the relationship, often for very complex and not easily-fixed reasons. And it's not just something physical or sexual that's "missing", it actually most often an emotional lack. For instance, if you're a woman whose husband constantly nitpicks and complains, you might get to feel like nothing you ever do is good enough. It may never cross your mind to cheat, ever, until one day you meet a guy who constantly compliments you - rewards your efforts, tells you how talented he thinks you are, etc. You're now getting from him what you're lacking in your husband, and from there, it's easier than you think for an emotional attachment or "love" to result from that. Before you know it, you've got an affair on your hands.

That's only one small example in the very, very long list of reasons people might cheat. Yes, some of them are simply greedy or dishonest, but there's a reason why there are so many cheated-on men and women who sit back and simply can't understand why their partner would cheat, since they're still having sex, and thought it was good or satisfying. It's most often NOT about sex, it just ends up being a part of it, and for some reason, humanity is wired to find that the most repugnant or painful part of an affair - the fact that their partner's genitals touched someone else's.
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Old 11-08-2008, 12:40 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dexter Morgan View Post
I'm not saying cheating is ever a good thing, but this is patently untrue. Women cheat as well, and they cheat for reasons that are not at all different from the reason men cheat: something is missing from the relationship, often for very complex and not easily-fixed reasons. And it's not just something physical or sexual that's "missing", it actually most often an emotional lack. For instance, if you're a woman whose husband constantly nitpicks and complains, you might get to feel like nothing you ever do is good enough. It may never cross your mind to cheat, ever, until one day you meet a guy who constantly compliments you - rewards your efforts, tells you how talented he thinks you are, etc. You're now getting from him what you're lacking in your husband, and from there, it's easier than you think for an emotional attachment or "love" to result from that. Before you know it, you've got an affair on your hands.

That's only one small example in the very, very long list of reasons people might cheat. Yes, some of them are simply greedy or dishonest, but there's a reason why there are so many cheated-on men and women who sit back and simply can't understand why their partner would cheat, since they're still having sex, and thought it was good or satisfying. It's most often NOT about sex, it just ends up being a part of it, and for some reason, humanity is wired to find that the most repugnant or painful part of an affair - the fact that their partner's genitals touched someone else's.
I took a short cut. Mea Culpa.

I DO think when that lack is felt, however, it's important to address the issue head on, with your partner. Not to do so is a grievous error. Yes, we all make errors.

I am particularly distressed by this behaviour, as it can often leave massive destruction in it's wake. My Father brought STD's into my house when I was growing up. It caused untold emotional damage in many other ways as well.

It is possible that there are situations where it's warranted. I could imagine that if my wife was seriously ill for years (and sex was completely out of the question), that I might eventually discreetly available myself of a suitable, safe opportunity. I do not know that I would, but I CAN imagine there are such situations.
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Old 11-08-2008, 12:46 PM   #12 (permalink)
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I DO think when that lack is felt, however, it's important to address the issue head on, with your partner. Not to do so is a grievous error. Yes, we all make errors.
That's the complexity I spoke about, though. Those couples may have varying and elaborate communication problems. Maybe they DO talk, and yet it's unproductive talking because neither changes or compromises on their behaviour. Maybe they have a hard time criticizing each other. Maybe one is an extreme introvert who wasn't raised to be completely forthright with his feelings.

I mean, there are literally dozens and dozens of combinations of things that could go wrong and lead to an affair.

Again, that's not to say that to take it to the level of sleeping with someone else isn't wrong (if the terms of your relationship set forth from the beginning included sexual fidelity); of course it's wrong, it's a mistake. But most often, it's a very complex problem with very complex roots that CAN be gotten to, and such relationships CAN be salvaged.

Then again, I've always been the freak who thinks sexual exclusivity is antiquated and pointless. But for those who require it, I don't think an affair always has to be an abrupt relationship-killer, nor a sign that either person is evil or completely immature or bad. Just my two cents, anyhow, though I see your points.
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Old 11-08-2008, 12:53 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dexter Morgan View Post

Then again, I've always been the freak who thinks sexual exclusivity is antiquated and pointless. But for those who require it, I don't think an affair always has to be an abrupt relationship-killer, nor a sign that either person is evil or completely immature or bad. Just my two cents, anyhow, though I see your points.
I don't think you are a freak. I just know I cannot handle the IDEA of my partner with anyone else. Me, sure. I realize it's hypocritical, and my desire, when purely transitory, is easily dismissed. When that desire stays, and grows, then I've got a problem.

Is it possible to salvage a relationship where fooling around happened? Don't know, haven't had to confront that yet. I seen others do it, though.

The whole fidelity thing has to be dealt with up front though, I think we can agree on that!
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Old 11-09-2008, 03:50 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by grolsch View Post
Are you really young 18-23? If so, her attitude often will change over time. When women feel REALLY secure with a man, they often get VERY, VERY sexual. That why smart guys buy toys when the ladies go white hot. If you rely on your tongue, she might make it so you can't speak for days.
You beat me to the punch! No matter how close you two think you are, some of us ladies have a side that may not be seen for some years. Even if she seems closed to the idea, she can change her mind, ya know.
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Old 11-09-2008, 01:19 PM   #15 (permalink)
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You beat me to the punch! No matter how close you two think you are, some of us ladies have a side that may not be seen for some years. Even if she seems closed to the idea, she can change her mind, ya know.
I don't wanna be a jerk, and I'm not a woman so I'll never really know, but I won't believe this without some kind of explanation. Sorry if I don't believe that security yields sexuality. And why is it a particularly female trait?

This scene is not plausible to me:

Woman "Honey, I know I used to never like to go down on you, but it's our three year anniversary tonight and there's a secret I can tell you now. Nothing get ladies hotter for their man's under-appreciated desperate boner than three solid years of exclusive commitment."

Man "Oh boy, it was totally worth it."

Sure people can change over time, but just because change happens in time doesn't mean that time causes change. So what I am asking is "What would actually change a woman's mind about that?"
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Old 11-09-2008, 01:56 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by MEAD View Post
I don't wanna be a jerk, and I'm not a woman so I'll never really know, but I won't believe this without some kind of explanation. Sorry if I don't believe that security yields sexuality. And why is it a particularly female trait?
You're not a jerk when you're working on understanding someone else.

Keep in mind please that this is based solely on my personal experience. That being said, I learned what I knew about sex on the streets and from books. I wasn't shy about my body (it was pretty fine back then) and I knew men found me attractive, even sexy, but I still wasn't in touch with my own sexuality or even self-gratification.

In my case, it can't be attributed to lack of sexual experience but, in retrospect, I think it can be attributed to lack of world experience and knowledge. Sex was all about self-esteem for me. It was a game designed to get even with all men for the few who I felt had used/abused me when I was very young and vulnerable and it eventually became all about power. I literally got off on the idea that I could walk into a club and point to a guy and know that I'd be leaving with him. He was my conquest and once the deed was done, nothing else mattered.

I really don't know how common a history like mine is, but I'm sharing it with you so you can understand how so many different scenarios can shape the way a woman learns about sex or feels about it.

Anyway, it wasn't until my second marriage, probably when I was about 30 or so, that I experienced my first orgasm. It took close to a year or maybe two until I eventually learned to feel comfortable enough with him to let go and accomplish this with his patience and love. When I finally admitted to him that I was always faking orgasms, he didn't get upset. He always tried to find the right spots, the right touches, and would ask me to tell him. I was extremely shy about admitting what felt good at first, but I did eventually realize it was well worth it. It just took time. After that, everything changed for me. I'd been unleashed and ... well, everything's fine now. I can't imagine not letting a guy know what feels good and I can probably climax faster than some guys with my current beau.

EDIT: As long as I'm confessing here, I had an issue with blow jobs, too. I hate the term still. But where and when I grew up, the bad girls gave blow jobs and they all had syphilis. This is what I knew about oral sex; it's what I learned on the streets. So I had been dating (we were going steady ) this junior when I was about to enter high school. I had lost my virginity to him shortly before school began. During lunch one day, he takes me to the camper (?not sure of the word) on the back of his friend's truck, unzips his pants and says "Blow me!" I was all of 13 years old and it totally blew my mind. I ran out of there so fast. He spat on me that day in front of his friends. Needless to say, it was a somewhat traumatic day and didn't do much for my image of blow jobs. Again, I didn't truly get over that incident until I was with my 2nd husband. Although we only lasted 14 years, he helped me to find myself in many ways.

People can and do change. If you really care about a woman who doesn't appear open to something that pleases you, it might be worthwhile to probe further. Open dialogue. Communicate. And patience.
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Old 11-09-2008, 11:11 PM   #17 (permalink)
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RangerJoe, GEM of a advise. Appreciate it
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Old 11-10-2008, 08:33 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by streak_56 View Post
I was talking to my mom the other day and she said that if my girlfriend isn't ready to give me BJs now, then I will more than likely cheat when we're married. And I was surprised to find out that my Aunt told my cousin the same thing. I don't understand it.

Now, I brought this up with my girlfriend, why it is such a repulsive thing for her to do. And all she said was "because I just don't like the taste, I don't like doing it." Personally, I don't care for them either, although I do like foreplay. I go down on her whenever I like to, I mix it up, instead of making out, I go down on her but she wouldn't even consider going down on me. I shave down there, I wash atleast twice a day down there and I know the my penis smells like a penis sometimes slightly scented with soap/cologne.

Now, I'm wondering if this is true, would I be more prone to cheating because she doesn't give me BJs? And how would I be able to change her mind into a "once in a blue moon" giving me BJs.
If you have a solid relationship with your girlfriend (potential wife if I understand your post correctly) & the relationship remains solid after marriage, then I don't see her refusal to give you head as an indicator that you're going to cheat. You would have to become totally obsessed with getting a BJ to risk jepordizing your marriage & your relationship with your wife.

Over time if your wife still refused to give you a BJ, & you did eventually cheat, I'd guess that the BJ issue wasn't the only reason for your cheating.


Also, congrats for being able to have such open conversations with your mom.
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Old 11-10-2008, 08:38 AM   #19 (permalink)
 
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Originally Posted by Frosstbyte View Post
If you're being honest in saying you don't care very much for them, then you can probably have a perfectly healthy relationship without them and won't be tempted by the thought of getting them from someone else. If it's something you're constantly curious about and craving, and she's simply unwilling to budge on the issue, then you need to decide (1) if you want to be with a person who is unwilling to compromise with you on something you want and (2) if this particular thing you want is critical enough to your happiness to potentially end a relationship over. I don't know the answer to that question. I don't know how much you care about a girl sucking your dick.
Excellent, excellent advice. Very well-put, and applicable to just about any other item of potential conflict in a relationship, sexual or otherwise. This is how most people sort out whether or not they are compatible in the long term with their partner, at least in my experience.
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