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I DO think when that lack is felt, however, it's important to address the issue head on, with your partner. Not to do so is a grievous error. Yes, we all make errors.
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That's the complexity I spoke about, though. Those couples may have varying and elaborate communication problems. Maybe they DO talk, and yet it's unproductive talking because neither changes or compromises on their behaviour. Maybe they have a hard time criticizing each other. Maybe one is an extreme introvert who wasn't raised to be completely forthright with his feelings.
I mean, there are literally dozens and dozens of combinations of things that could go wrong and lead to an affair.
Again, that's not to say that to take it to the level of sleeping with someone else isn't wrong (if the terms of your relationship set forth from the beginning included sexual fidelity); of course it's wrong, it's a mistake. But most often, it's a very complex problem with very complex roots that CAN be gotten to, and such relationships CAN be salvaged.
Then again, I've always been the freak who thinks sexual exclusivity is antiquated and pointless. But for those who require it, I don't think an affair always has to be an abrupt relationship-killer, nor a sign that either person is evil or completely immature or bad. Just my two cents, anyhow, though I see your points.