10-12-2008, 02:35 PM | #1 (permalink) |
Leaning against the -Sun-
Super Moderator
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Kissing - when they don't get it right
What, when you kiss someone for the first few times, do you not want to encounter?
Kissing is wonderful and I think it's hard to kiss badly. But every so often I am proved quite wrong. Turns out I'm quite specific about how I like to be kissed. Here are some things I have come across: 1) The slobberer - yeah, when he can't keep his saliva in his mouth and it goes all over you. I mean the occasional wisp of it outside the inner mouth area is ok, as is a lick here or there in the heat of making out, but constant slobbering on my face, is a BIG no no. Like if his tongue is already sticking out before your faces have touched, it makes me want to scream. I also wonder if sometimes it's due to mouth sizes not quite matching? 2) The dishwasher - The kind of kiss where his tongue doesn't do much else besides rinse, repeat. It goes in your mouth but no further forwards or back at any time and it just keeps on going, round and round in your mouth, until you feel like you're trapped in a whirl of salivary boredom...but you can't get out! Or in for that matter. 3) The lip sucker/biter - where he won't stop biting or sucking on your lip. Too much, and too hard. Some women may like this, but I don't appreciate it. I like it occasionally, but when it gets to the point where I have to say OW quite loudly and he still doesn't get it, I've had enough. 4) The hicky nut - ok, I'm not a 16 year old kid anymore. I don't like hickies. I don't like going to work and having people stare at my neck. No it's not a badge of how far we got. Yes it hurts. Bloody stop it already. 5) The pecker - when he will only give you little kisses on the mouth and when you make advances he won't let you get very far before pushing your tongue back out and resuming his preferred mode of kissing. I like variety thanks. What are your bad kissing experiences?
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Whether we write or speak or do but look We are ever unapparent. What we are Cannot be transfused into word or book. Our soul from us is infinitely far. However much we give our thoughts the will To be our soul and gesture it abroad, Our hearts are incommunicable still. In what we show ourselves we are ignored. The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged By any skill of thought or trick of seeming. Unto our very selves we are abridged When we would utter to our thought our being. We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams, And each to each other dreams of others' dreams. Fernando Pessoa, 1918 |
10-12-2008, 02:48 PM | #2 (permalink) |
The Reverend Side Boob
Location: Nofe Curolina
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You nailed it with #2, the dishwasher. The tongue is not a propeller, though some ladies obviously feel otherwise. Some girls have actually done that so much, that I had to stop because I started laughing. No mood-breaker there...
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10-12-2008, 03:12 PM | #3 (permalink) |
Kick Ass Kunoichi
Location: Oregon
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I hate when he tries to swallow my mouth with his. It's inadvertent; he has a big mouth and big lips while I have a much smaller mouth and lips. Not a good match sometimes, especially when he's feeling lazy.
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10-12-2008, 03:12 PM | #4 (permalink) |
Eponymous
Location: Central Central Florida
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Those are great, lt. You missed the huge open mouth sucking your entire face in one "kiss". I've had them all at one time or another. When I was younger, I'd go along and try to lead and eventually tamed the long-term guys.
It must be that too many ladies don't open their mouths when they need to. We all need to teach our men (or ladies, as the case might rarely be ) how we like to be kissed, so when they're back on the market, they'll be ready for the rest of us. My man had been married for over 30 years when we got together and he was a horrible kisser at first. Yuck. Since I don't have those inhibitions any more, I just stopped him and said something like, "How about we try this? Doesn't this feel good? Mmm yeah much better" and within a couple of days, he began was kissing me a lot more often. He's a fantastic kisser, I must say. One sweet kiss from him and I'm ready for anything. And to think it was almost a dealbreaker. And please don't get us wrong, guys. There's a time and place for that deep passionate French kissing. Hone in one those cues from your lady. I don't mind a hickey if it just happens in the throes of passion, and is low enough so it's not visible with a collared shirt or turtleneck. But if it's done as a marker, fuggedaboutit!
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10-12-2008, 03:17 PM | #5 (permalink) |
Submit to me, you know you want to
Location: Lilburn, Ga
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you forgot the "lizard" I think thats explanation enuff lol I do NOT a tongue darting in and out of my mouth all hard and pointy and fast like you're trying to catch bugs
I have found for the most part men kiss like they fuck.....and if I cant stand the way they kiss they dont get any farther lol
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10-12-2008, 03:29 PM | #6 (permalink) |
Location: Iceland
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Is kissing really a dealbreaker? I mean, I agree with everything that LT posted in the OP, but I guess I've never seen it as being a dealbreaker. Isn't kissing as open to communication as the rest of sexual activity?... gentle suggestions here and there, nudges along...
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And think not you can direct the course of Love; for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. --Khalil Gibran |
10-12-2008, 04:15 PM | #7 (permalink) |
... a sort of licensed troubleshooter.
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Teaching someone how to kiss can be a lot of fun. So long as they can take the constructive criticism. The promise of what's to come can some times be just as erotic as the encounter. That said, there are some instances where the kiss can go awry:
6) The 1950s housewife: ever kiss someone that simply can't take the initiative no matter what? The indecisive, always waiting for you to lead the kiss no matter what type bugs me. Show me you actually want to kiss. Show me you enjoy it. 7) The super moaner: MMMMMMMMMMMMMM....MMMMMMMM.... Seriously, we're at your parent's house and you're really, really loud. And they're standing at the doorway. Maybe we can keep it under 140 decibels? |
10-12-2008, 04:18 PM | #8 (permalink) |
Leaning against the -Sun-
Super Moderator
Location: on the other side
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I think it has to be a dealbreaker, if you don't like it, and he keeps doing it. I mean, it's not like it's something small like leaving his socks on the floor once in a while. It's kissing damn it! If you don't like the kissing most of the time, you're better off as roommates at best.
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Whether we write or speak or do but look We are ever unapparent. What we are Cannot be transfused into word or book. Our soul from us is infinitely far. However much we give our thoughts the will To be our soul and gesture it abroad, Our hearts are incommunicable still. In what we show ourselves we are ignored. The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged By any skill of thought or trick of seeming. Unto our very selves we are abridged When we would utter to our thought our being. We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams, And each to each other dreams of others' dreams. Fernando Pessoa, 1918 |
10-12-2008, 04:20 PM | #9 (permalink) |
More Than You Expect
Location: Queens
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I haven't had many bad kissing experiences but there was this one girl who in mid-kiss would lay her tongue flat against the bottom of her mouth. As if I was supposed to entertain myself while she took a break.
Vaga.
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"Porn is a zoo of exotic animals that becomes boring upon ownership." -Nersesian Last edited by Manic_Skafe; 10-12-2008 at 04:23 PM.. |
10-12-2008, 05:17 PM | #11 (permalink) |
Eat your vegetables
Super Moderator
Location: Arabidopsis-ville
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Slobberers really get to me. Thankfully my husband isn't the sort.
This one experience - a first kiss with one guy and he threw his tongue in, slobbered, and groped me like mad. Dangit- that just ruined the fun. Any potential relationship ended right there. It was a complete turn-off. Even with my husband I still enjoy a bit of pecking before getting hot and heavy. I don't go from zero to 60 in two seconds, thank you very much.
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10-12-2008, 05:39 PM | #12 (permalink) |
lightform
Location: Edge of the deep green sea
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I have had a few of those types of kisses before.
The worst one was like the dishwasher. He stuck it in and it was like he was doing battle with my tongue. I also had a bad sloppy eat you face kind of kiss, from a guy with a tongue stud. It made me not like like tongue piercings. A kiss should be nice and soft, slow movements of the tongue in and out. |
10-12-2008, 05:55 PM | #13 (permalink) |
I have eaten the slaw
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When she just leaves her arms at her side. If a kiss is more than just a peck, it should involve more than just your mouth.
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10-12-2008, 06:16 PM | #14 (permalink) |
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Location: Manhattan
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Picky picky!
Here's my list.. 1. Bad breath - Ewwwww. 2. Dead fish - Once more, with FEELING.. 3. Excited dog - I don't like being licked all over my face. Just give me warm, soft lips and I'm good.
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10-13-2008, 04:19 AM | #16 (permalink) |
Husband of Seamaiden
Location: Nova Scotia
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Seeing the tongue before the lips make contact is icky! Soft lips first, then open a bit, then some tongue, but watch the slobber!
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10-13-2008, 04:40 AM | #17 (permalink) | |
Location: Iceland
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Quote:
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And think not you can direct the course of Love; for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. --Khalil Gibran |
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10-13-2008, 07:25 AM | #18 (permalink) | |
Kick Ass Kunoichi
Location: Oregon
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Quote:
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10-13-2008, 08:57 AM | #19 (permalink) | ||
Eponymous
Location: Central Central Florida
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Quote:
-----Added 13/10/2008 at 12 : 58 : 48----- Quote:
Do you think maybe they're just at a different level of passion than we are when they do that?
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We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess. Mark Twain Last edited by jewels; 10-13-2008 at 08:58 AM.. Reason: Automerged Doublepost |
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10-13-2008, 09:16 AM | #20 (permalink) |
Location: Iceland
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Well, yeah... of course, it's all about the responsiveness and willingness to adapt to each other's needs as best as possible. I would imagine that both partners want to remain as attractive as possible to each other, in the long run. That's why I've never seen it as a dealbreaker, I guess.
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And think not you can direct the course of Love; for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. --Khalil Gibran |
10-13-2008, 10:59 AM | #21 (permalink) |
Leaning against the -Sun-
Super Moderator
Location: on the other side
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I'm not sure how this would work for you abaya, but say you've been dating someone for about 3 weeks. And every time you kiss, he slobbers on your face. Or he always has his tongue ready before your lips have touched. Or he constantly bites down on your lip and it still hurts from last time. And you told him, gently, to not do it so hard because it hurts, or to try something different to get away from the saliva bath. But it's not working. Wouldn't you start flinching slightly every time you kissed, thinking "here we go again"? And seriously thinking about "what if it's always like this and I can't stand it anymore"? Would this not be a dealbreaker to you? If it gets to the point where it puts you off and is not workable, how could you stay with someone whose kissing turns you off?
In any long-term relationship I've had, I've always had a compatible kisser. I couldn't do it otherwise. If I had to remind him often not to "swallow my face" I'd get tired pretty fast.
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Whether we write or speak or do but look We are ever unapparent. What we are Cannot be transfused into word or book. Our soul from us is infinitely far. However much we give our thoughts the will To be our soul and gesture it abroad, Our hearts are incommunicable still. In what we show ourselves we are ignored. The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged By any skill of thought or trick of seeming. Unto our very selves we are abridged When we would utter to our thought our being. We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams, And each to each other dreams of others' dreams. Fernando Pessoa, 1918 Last edited by little_tippler; 10-13-2008 at 11:02 AM.. |
10-13-2008, 12:30 PM | #24 (permalink) |
But You'll Never Prove It.
Location: under your bed
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What I don't want to encounter:
His lunch. Eeww. The Choker. The one that tries to lick my tonsils, triggering my gagging reflex. The Clasher. The one who kisses so hard his teeth clash against mine. It hurts. I do love it when he touches my face with his hands, but not my ears. That puts me to sleep for some reason. And I don't mean it bores me; it literally starts putting me to sleep.
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10-13-2008, 12:37 PM | #25 (permalink) |
Broken Arrow
Location: US
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ROFL. Kissing for us is usually about who can outdo who. We hardly ever take it serious. She'll try to get my face from chin to nose in her mouth sometimes just to aggravate me, and I'll do the same. Sometimes we end up trying to mouth each other and bat back and forth getting ready to strike like a couple of snakes LOL. It's flirting at its finest.
Sometimes we make out for real while we're really into the sex, but usually when we kiss it's either small affectionate kisses or goofy sloppy smooches. As for technique, we've never even discussed it.
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10-13-2008, 12:49 PM | #26 (permalink) | ||
Addict
Location: WA
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Quote:
Quote:
I hate bad kissing (as a victim). When I kiss I use my tongue tip like an other lip. Also I love the reaction when I kiss unexpectedly where the Lips, the Chin and the Cheek all meet. It is hard to say whether the kiss is on the lips or chin or cheek. |
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10-13-2008, 01:34 PM | #27 (permalink) |
Cautiously soaring
Location: exploring my new home in SF
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Totally a huge deal. It would take a lot to overcome a terrible kisser. I've not gone further with good looking girls before because their looks and personality weren't enough to get over the pressure washer kissing.
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10-13-2008, 03:04 PM | #28 (permalink) |
Please touch this.
Owner/Admin
Location: Manhattan
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And do you sneeze when he touches behind your knees?
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10-13-2008, 03:37 PM | #29 (permalink) | ||
Location: Iceland
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Quote:
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I mean, for the opposite perspective, what if you married a really great kisser who was in an accident, or was attacked by a dog, or something that really messed up their lips and therefore kissing ability? Would that still be a dealbreaker for you? Most likely not, right?
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And think not you can direct the course of Love; for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. --Khalil Gibran |
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10-13-2008, 10:29 PM | #30 (permalink) | |
Broken Arrow
Location: US
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Quote:
Didn't keep me down though, because my wife thought the scar was hot when we met lol. She loved that I was rough around the edges like that...go figure.
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We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle. -Winston Churchill |
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10-14-2008, 12:45 AM | #31 (permalink) | |
Leaning against the -Sun-
Super Moderator
Location: on the other side
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Quote:
In that case you mention, there is a prior history with the person and they have come to be in those circumstances through no fault of their own, and likely are willing to work at it too, if they can. I'm not saying we totally disagree. But where you see a training possibility, I don't want to be anyone's teacher, grooming them till they fit my requirements. I think some people will work well together despite small points of friction, and others don't have a chance in hell. If things in the beginning aren't pretty awesome, then what's the point in prolonging something that is hard work from the get go? It either works, or it doesn't. To me, kissing has to work quite early on.
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Whether we write or speak or do but look We are ever unapparent. What we are Cannot be transfused into word or book. Our soul from us is infinitely far. However much we give our thoughts the will To be our soul and gesture it abroad, Our hearts are incommunicable still. In what we show ourselves we are ignored. The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged By any skill of thought or trick of seeming. Unto our very selves we are abridged When we would utter to our thought our being. We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams, And each to each other dreams of others' dreams. Fernando Pessoa, 1918 |
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10-14-2008, 01:27 AM | #32 (permalink) |
Location: Iceland
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Okay, I guess I wasn't clear enough before. Nowhere did I say that if someone is "unresponsive and unwilling to change," that you should continue dating them. I said the opposite, which is that as long as someone IS responsive and willing to change, then why not just keep going along with it? Do we not agree on that point? I did not say that I wanted to be someone's "teacher," and in fact I am willing to see myself as possibly someone who needed "training" as well (I certainly don't think that I'm the best kisser in the world, and it depends what the other person likes, too)--it's a mutual experience, both people learning together about how to please each other. That has been my point all along. And hey, it's perfectly okay if kissing is super important to you, right from the get-go. Everyone has their standards. For me personally, it just isn't the most important thing when I'm getting together with someone, UNLESS the person is obviously a jerk who doesn't want to learn and change his kissing approach at all. But that's more about personality than kissing style, to me. Hope that's clear now.
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And think not you can direct the course of Love; for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. --Khalil Gibran |
10-14-2008, 06:13 AM | #33 (permalink) |
Please touch this.
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Location: Manhattan
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I think you two should kiss and make up.
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10-14-2008, 06:43 AM | #34 (permalink) |
Soaring
Location: Ohio!
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I guess I'm with little_tippler here. I don't want to be a teacher - chances are, if I'm on a first or second date with someone and the kiss is icky (given decent conversation and at least SOME anticipation of a kiss), there won't be another date. If I REALLY like the guy, sure, we might try again.. but I am not a big fan of being a teacher in a relationship. Been there, done that, didn't find it enticing.
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"Without passion man is a mere latent force and possibility, like the flint which awaits the shock of the iron before it can give forth its spark." — Henri-Frédéric Amiel Last edited by PonyPotato; 02-18-2009 at 05:27 AM.. |
10-14-2008, 07:00 AM | #35 (permalink) |
Darth Papa
Location: Yonder
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Look, when it comes to physical intimacy, everybody want something different. Literally, no two women I've EVER been with have liked to be touched exactly the same way. For that matter, every woman I've ever been with has felt different to me. Stella and lurkette are built different, feel different, and want different things. lurkette is physically much more sensitive than StelllaLuna, and StellaLuna is what we call more "responsive". If I touched lurkette the way Stella wants to be touched, I'd be pulling her down off the ceiling. If I touched Stella the way lurkette wants to be touched, she'd be like, "when are you going to start doing something?".
What it is to begin a physical relationship with someone is to start from scratch regarding your presuppositions about "what works", set down all your "tricks" that did the job with earlier lovers, and learn THAT PERSON from the ground up. I think the red flag here, the REAL dealbreaker, would be if a new partner didn't treat it like this. If they have a "way they kiss" that's set in stone, and they're not awake enough to adapt and learn, THAT'S the problem, and the way they kiss is just a symptom. |
10-14-2008, 07:09 AM | #36 (permalink) | |
Soaring
Location: Ohio!
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Quote:
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"Without passion man is a mere latent force and possibility, like the flint which awaits the shock of the iron before it can give forth its spark." — Henri-Frédéric Amiel |
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10-14-2008, 07:25 AM | #37 (permalink) |
Please touch this.
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Location: Manhattan
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As an addendum to ratbastid, I would feel very self-conscious if I had to correctly gauge how a woman wants to be touched from the start. I might be a good kisser to my current relationship, but that doesn't mean every girl will like it. Can I change? Hell yeah! I'm a man for every occasion.. I just have to know what I'm supposed to do first.
Maybe we can take something useful away from this. I seem to gather that its worse to be overzealous than it is to be mellow. In any case, if a guy were to start out tame and disciplined, his partner can clue him in to how he can increase his activity. If he starts out in 5th gear, it would be a presumptuous risk.
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10-14-2008, 08:19 AM | #38 (permalink) |
Submit to me, you know you want to
Location: Lilburn, Ga
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I have no problem vocalizing what I do and dont like from everything to kissing to thrust lol I dont expect a guy to be able to read my mind, same as I dont expect every guy I blow to like it the same way, BUT I do expect him to be responsive to my suggestions same as I would be to his....if not then I dont put myself in that position with him again.
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I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!! |
10-14-2008, 08:27 AM | #39 (permalink) |
eats puppies and shits rainbows
Location: An Area of Space Occupied by a Population, SC, USA
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I think if a girl can't adequately kiss, there's a problem, and here's why:
I'm sure one or two people remember the Mormon I dated. Well, she had never kissed before until she met me. Guys had kissed her, but she didn't understand how to kiss back, leaving them very irritated. It took me all of five second to explain how to kiss, and she was a pro almost immediately. It's not hard, and if she makes it hard, I'm not getting hard. Hell, even I can kiss really well, and I spend months without any form of kissing. It's not like they're mastering the art of the samurai or some bullshit.
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It's a rare pleasure in this world to get your mind fucked. Usually it's just foreplay. M.B. Keene |
10-14-2008, 08:33 AM | #40 (permalink) | |
Darth Papa
Location: Yonder
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bad kisser, bad kissing, when kissing sucks |
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