Interesting blog I found on perception of women's tendencies. - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

bluestars87 · 10-31-2007, 09:06 PM

Keep in mind, this is just the opinion of one author. However, it's chronicled my exact problems with trying to get girls at the moment. I've always been that stereotypical nice guy that eventually becomes the girls' friend. I have a lot of female friends, and that's more of a curse than a blessing. Anyways, read the blog and please share your thoughts.

Click here.

Menoman · 11-01-2007, 12:46 AM

I can call the direction of this thread pretty much without any problem

Some good points in there though, good read.

The 'common mistakes' and how the wimminz usually change those up seem pretty close with a few exceptions I thought.

noodle · 11-01-2007, 02:40 AM

Interesting take. Off-base at times, but interesting.

Seriously?
Be yourself.
If you find you want to change something about yourself, do it.
Do it for yourself.
But don't start off trying to follow some rules or "be" someone you're not. Or not investing in becoming.
Because he or she is really going to be let down/pissed off/done with you when you don't live up to those expectations you've perpetuated with an act.

The blogger seems to encourage being someone you're not. That's a shame.

Plan9 · 11-01-2007, 02:44 AM

In the words of Brad Pitt from Se7en...

"Oh, what's in the box!?"

Answer: This thread is gonna be about as awesome as the Ladder Theory and Good Will Humping.

...

Meaning that it isn't. But it IS funny. I like me some funny.

...

They start it off with a cookie-cutter continuum of Nice Guy / Middle / Jerk.

Quote:

"Issues" - You're getting comfortable with this girl. You like her a lot. Subsequently, you decide to open up with her. Start sharing about your thoughts and feelings. Tell her about all the things that's going on in your life. And she does the same, trusting you with "secrets" and always saying how comfortable she is around you.
You think: You two are growing closer...so the relationship must be around the corner.
She thinks: "Yay! Emotional support! A friend! Now I need to go find some jerk to fuck."
What you should do: Do NOT let the issues start to come out while dating. Keep your blasted mouth shut, even if she starts to pry. If she starts talking about her own, head that shit off at the pass. Issues are for much later, when the relationship has been established and solidified. If you let the issues come out now, yeah, you'll grow closer, but in that whole emotional support context. She will not be attracted to you. You will own the Friend Zone. Dates are simply for having fun and getting to know each other better.

UL for emphasis.

Hahah... "find some jerk to fuck." Man, if only it was easy to be the kind of jerk they wanted.

I'm a firm believer that there are other types of jerks they don't want. Like assholes, a subspecies of jerk.

Good thing I've been the desirable kinda jerk lately.

Menoman · 11-01-2007, 03:27 AM

The kind of jerk they want is the kind they find a challenge, ya gotta be a jerk by ignoring them. They love to have a challenge in getting the one that is 'too confident for them'

It's not so much a 'jerk' I don't think, just guys who throw around alot of confidence, and act like they aren't interested in them.

Thats my experience, though I have seen the 'asshole' types with some hot bitches too, so that works too just not as well IMO.

ratbastid · 11-01-2007, 03:52 AM

That spectrum he lays out is bullshit. It's not "nice guy---middle ground---jerk". A better spectrum (if you absolutely have to think of it as a spectrum) would be:
"emotionally immature wuss---confident grown man---socially immature asshole".

Be a confident grown man. Grow up and don't be a wuss or an asshole. And sensitivity and lovability have NOTHING to do with the wuss-to-asshole spectrum. I know plenty of sensitive, lovable assholes.

abaya · 11-01-2007, 04:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ratbastid

That spectrum he lays out is bullshit. It's not "nice guy---middle ground---jerk". A better spectrum (if you absolutely have to think of it as a spectrum) would be:
"emotionally immature wuss---confident grown man---socially immature asshole".

Be a confident grown man. Grow up and don't be a wuss or an asshole. And sensitivity and lovability have NOTHING to do with the wuss-to-asshole spectrum. I know plenty of sensitive, lovable assholes.

Leave it to 'Bastid, he's right on.

aberkok · 11-01-2007, 05:27 AM

As much as this blog has on it, it's pretty simplistic. It's not completely out-to-lunch, but it's definitely missing the forest for the trees... I mean these are the sort of relationship tips that apply to any relationship or friendship. Not just getting a girlfriend.

Besides, applying this whole "spectrum" idea (and this goes for rating girls on a scale of 1 to 10 as well) is not the sign of an intelligent person. I think maybe it works well for food and maybe wine, but people? Let's give ourselves more credit than that.

Hyacinthe · 11-01-2007, 06:57 AM

Warning! Just my view and I am sure you all know my opinion of these blog things after the Ladder theory. Definitely NOT directed towards any particular TFP member.

Quote:

there are plenty of nice guys at home alone right now because they don't know how to play the game.

The reasons these 'nice' guys are at home all alone is because they're not really nice guys. So often these guys say how 'nice' they are and how they've done this and this and that for girl A and yet she still doesn't see them as a romantic option. If they were truly nice guys they would be doing it to be nice not in the hopes that some day the girl is going to turn around and realise she's subconciously been in love with them for the past 5 years and never noticed.

If you were a really nice guy you would have accepted from the beginning that there's a chance the girl wouldn't want to date you. All you've suceeded in showing her is that you were only interested in befriending her because you were hoping to get into her pants. That's not nice, it's slimy. You can't attach strings to kindness, even if it wasn't real.

Guys like this need to drop all this entitlement BS. No one owes you anything, especially not a date just because you offered fake friendship. She never asked you to talk to her nicely, she never asked you to listen to her, if she had you two would already have been dating.

That is the problem I have with this blog, it's scenarios make it obvious the girl is meant to 'owe' you for being her friend. So you helped fix her computer or dropped her home is she meant to suddenly strip off her clothes are throw herself at you? If you expect that you really see her as nothing more then a hole to be penetrated.

Quote:

You have to be happy with yourself above all else - you absolutely positively cannot rely or depend on someone else to bring you happiness. Once you have the self-security, the confidence will follow, and you will be the type of person you need to be, relationship be damned.

You just need to realize that the only person that can truly make you happy...is you.

This IS true, if you're happy with yourself you become the confident, self assured person that can show a girl he's interested without playing the 'friend game' first. That is going to be far more effective because the girl isn't going to be left thinking you've been trying to emotionally manipulate her for the past however many months.

Ustwo · 11-01-2007, 07:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ratbastid

That spectrum he lays out is bullshit. It's not "nice guy---middle ground---jerk". A better spectrum (if you absolutely have to think of it as a spectrum) would be:
"emotionally immature wuss---confident grown man---socially immature asshole".

Be a confident grown man. Grow up and don't be a wuss or an asshole. And sensitivity and lovability have NOTHING to do with the wuss-to-asshole spectrum. I know plenty of sensitive, lovable assholes.

I think from a self help aspect its right on.

Most guys being 'nice guys' are not emotionally immature wusses but treating women the way they think they like to be treated. You let them know you are interested, you do things to help them out, you listen to their conversation, you call to see how they are, etc. This of course rarely works.

To overcome this you need to break the habit of being nice and switch to being a bit aloof. You go too far and you are a jerk.

After you are IN a relationship you can let your guard down a bit.

albania · 11-01-2007, 07:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hyacinthe

]

The reasons these 'nice' guys are at home all alone is because they're not really nice guys.

I know it's not what you meant, but this seems to imply that anyone who's at home all alone is not a nice guy.

Anyway, I don't get it sometimes guys who complain about not getting dates; I want to say congratulations welcome to life and you've just discovered the problem every male member of our species throughout time has also encountered, that is finding women. (Get it male "member", finding women?)

Maybe it has to do with an image issue. I suppose in some way we all have an image of who we think we are, or better put who we wish we were. It is probably this persona we believe we're portraying, when reality could be much harsher. So when one is in essence rejected they're faced with the choice of coming to terms with who they are vs. who they wish to be or just assuming there is some other unfair force at work which does not allow people to see their true self. I think when one comes to terms with who they really are, this issue of dating becomes a moot point since it is no longer about validating your ego. At least this has been true for me.

bluestars87 · 11-01-2007, 09:30 AM

Well throughout life I've just been a nice person period. And it wasn't just to get a girlfriend or anything. But it wasn't until recently, maybe several years ago, that I discovered that I kept landing in "friend zone". And then come the phone calls at 1am from my female friends.

"My boyfriend doesn't appreciate me"

"My boyfriend is an asshole"

"Why is he doing this?"

I'm always wondering, "why the hell did you start dating him then"?

Plan9 · 11-01-2007, 09:58 AM

Because he's abusive enough to be more attractive than you.

They don't hate them because they want them, they want them because they hate them.

Infinite_Loser · 11-01-2007, 01:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ustwo

To overcome this you need to break the habit of being nice and switch to being a bit aloof.

Amen! Aloofness works (For some odd reason). The less interest you display in a girl, the more they seem to chase after you (Typically).

filtherton · 11-01-2007, 02:04 PM

Whenever i see a girl i want to date, i just secretly knock her up and then when she's all plump and preggers i step into her life from out of the blue, turn on a little charm and pretend, for like, 4 months, to be the hero who raises someone else's kid. Then i get the hell out of there.

I have 23 children

- that i know of.

cj2112 · 11-01-2007, 02:14 PM

I am a "nice guy" because I am simply a nice guy.The difference is that I am also in the most successful relationship I have ever been in. I didn't want to be with the woman who wanted to be with the asshole, that's not who I am, and I don't want to be with somebody who thinks they deserve to be treated poorly. It really is that simple.

Ustwo · 11-01-2007, 02:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cj2112

I am a "nice guy" because I am simply a nice guy.The difference is that I am also in the most successful relationship I have ever been in. I didn't want to be with the woman who wanted to be with the asshole, that's not who I am, and I don't want to be with somebody who thinks they deserve to be treated poorly. It really is that simple.

Such is the difference between 40 and 20.

ring · 11-01-2007, 05:02 PM

Crompsin knoweth.
Watcha gone do bad boyz,
when we can't let go of .....

Plan9 · 11-01-2007, 06:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ustwo

Such is the difference between 40 and 20.

Oh, how I do love engaging in what I'll now simply refer to as "age frottage" with Mr. UsTwo.

Yo, yo! So being 40 means the continuum is shorter than at age 20... or what?

I'd imagine there is a lot less bullshit in dating / "fuck budditry" at 40.

Quote:

Originally Posted by filtherton

Whenever i see a girl i want to date, i just secretly knock her up and then when she's all plump and preggers i step into her life from out of the blue, turn on a little charm and pretend, for like, 4 months, to be the hero who raises someone else's kid. Then i get the hell out of there.

How was my exwife, btw?

bluestars87 · 11-02-2007, 12:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crompsin

Because he's abusive enough to be more attractive than you.

They don't hate them because they want them, they want them because they hate them.

...What?

Hyacinthe · 11-02-2007, 01:48 AM

Quote:

I know it's not what you meant, but this seems to imply that anyone who's at home all alone is not a nice guy.

Oops! I most definitely did not intend to imply that in any way shape or form. Alot of my male friends are genuinely nice guys and are single. I just hate the way you read these things and because the guy remembered that she liked that perfume or did her a favour she's expected to jump into bed with him.

Quote:

I am a "nice guy" because I am simply a nice guy.The difference is that I am also in the most successful relationship I have ever been in. I didn't want to be with the woman who wanted to be with the asshole, that's not who I am, and I don't want to be with somebody who thinks they deserve to be treated poorly. It really is that simple.

Exactly! You're a genuinely nice guy whether you're going to get sex out of it or not. You're not manipulating her to get something out of it it's just actually who you are.

Quote:

"My boyfriend doesn't appreciate me"

"My boyfriend is an asshole"

"Why is he doing this?"

I'm always wondering, "why the hell did you start dating him then"?

You're obviously more diplomatic then me cause I would say it. I don't know why people get into relationships where they're treated badly, I just don't understand it at all. But I look at it like this - do you want to be in a relationship with someone like that? Who is going to let you get away with all kinds of shit and never have the self respect to pull you up about it? Do you want a partner or a doormat?

I know which one I'm looking for and I'm not going to settle for anything less even if it means I have a long wait.

MrFriendly · 11-02-2007, 02:26 AM

Haha, a topic no doubt discussed many a time before.

Having a friend of the opposite sex is a tricky path, but I honestly don't understand the guys that let them selves become the cuddle / emotional support bitch when they have other intentions. It seems completely unfair on themselves, and unfair on the girl they're friends with.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not kidding myself. I've been the guy madly inlove with a close female friend. But I didn't have any expectations. I wasn't being nice and a good friend to secretly get laid. Mind you, I'm not the most sexually driven person to grace the earth.

If you're going to befriend someone of the opposite sex, then for love of god be honest with YOURSELF. Are you doing this because you're secretly chasing tail, or are you doing this because you genuinely like hanging around them and enjoy their company? If it's the former you should really think about making your intentions known and save everyone all the bullshit.

I used to be the guy with self esteem issues who never thought much of himself. Really, after a while you figure out that feeling sorry for yourself doesn't really get you anywhere, and it certainly doesn't make people attracted to you. You don't have to be an asshole to get what you want in this life, you just have to grow some stones and be honest with yourself, in other words, be confident in what you're doing.

It's easier said than done, I know. But one of the things that really help me break out of the "I'm a nice guy and I always finish last whaaa whaaa whaa" was just getting out and doing stuff I really enjoy and like doing, and more importantly, doing these things alone. It's a good way to meet people, not for the sake of picking up, just for the sake of meeting new faces. All those things help you to find the happiness and fulfillment you need from within to become a more confident person.

So, if you're one of the 'nice' guys sitting on your ass at home wondering why you never get laid and feeling sorry for yourself, then all I have to say is harden the fuck up. Get off your ass and start doing something you enjoy instead of stewing in your own bitter juices.

Plan9 · 11-02-2007, 02:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bluestars87

...What?

You need some education in classic music.

Gloria Estefan used to sing:

Quote:

Bad boy, bad boy
Bad boy, bad boy
Boys will be boys, bad boy, bad boy
Boys will be boys, bad boy.bad boy
Boys will be boys, bad boy, bad boy
Always gettin so restless, nothin but trouble
Boys will be boys, bad boy, bad boy
Get me feelin breathless, nothin but trouble
Boys will be boys, bad boy, bad boy

Bad, bad, bad, bad boy, you make me feel so good
Bad, bad, bad, bad boy, you make me feel so good, knew you would

The way you hold me tight you get me so excited
You do me oh , so right, my heart goes beat, beat, beat, beat, beat, beat

Bad, bad, bad, bad boy, you make me feel so good, I want you
Bad, bad, bad, bad boy, you make me feel so good, knew you would

Boys will be boys, bad boy, bad boy
Always gettin so restless, nothin but trouble
Boys will be boys, bad boy, bad boy
Get me feelin breathless, nothin but trouble

And when he drives me home
I feel safe at night
You call me on the phone
It goes ring, ring, ring, ring-a-ring, ring

Boys will be boys, bad boy, bad boy
Always gettin so restless, nothin but trouble
Boys will be boys, bad boy, bad boy
Get me feelin breathless, nothin but trouble
Boys will be boys, bad boy, bad boy

Ya know, stuff like that.

Women have always liked abusive dicks.

Mostly the dicks, but the abuse part for flavor.

bluestars87 · 11-02-2007, 06:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrFriendly

Haha, a topic no doubt discussed many a time before.

Having a friend of the opposite sex is a tricky path, but I honestly don't understand the guys that let them selves become the cuddle / emotional support bitch when they have other intentions. It seems completely unfair on themselves, and unfair on the girl they're friends with.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not kidding myself. I've been the guy madly inlove with a close female friend. But I didn't have any expectations. I wasn't being nice and a good friend to secretly get laid. Mind you, I'm not the most sexually driven person to grace the earth.

If you're going to befriend someone of the opposite sex, then for love of god be honest with YOURSELF. Are you doing this because you're secretly chasing tail, or are you doing this because you genuinely like hanging around them and enjoy their company? If it's the former you should really think about making your intentions known and save everyone all the bullshit.

I used to be the guy with self esteem issues who never thought much of himself. Really, after a while you figure out that feeling sorry for yourself doesn't really get you anywhere, and it certainly doesn't make people attracted to you. You don't have to be an asshole to get what you want in this life, you just have to grow some stones and be honest with yourself, in other words, be confident in what you're doing.

It's easier said than done, I know. But one of the things that really help me break out of the "I'm a nice guy and I always finish last whaaa whaaa whaa" was just getting out and doing stuff I really enjoy and like doing, and more importantly, doing these things alone. It's a good way to meet people, not for the sake of picking up, just for the sake of meeting new faces. All those things help you to find the happiness and fulfillment you need from within to become a more confident person.

So, if you're one of the 'nice' guys sitting on your ass at home wondering why you never get laid and feeling sorry for yourself, then all I have to say is harden the fuck up. Get off your ass and start doing something you enjoy instead of stewing in your own bitter juices.

Hmmm...good post.

MSD · 11-19-2007, 04:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Menoman

The kind of jerk they want is the kind they find a challenge, ya gotta be a jerk by ignoring them. They love to have a challenge in getting the one that is 'too confident for them'

It's not so much a 'jerk' I don't think, just guys who throw around alot of confidence, and act like they aren't interested in them.

You're right, it is about confidence. I disagree about ignoring them, it's more about not coming across as needy and desperate.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hyacinthe

The reasons these 'nice' guys are at home all alone is because they're not really nice guys. So often these guys say how 'nice' they are and how they've done this and this and that for girl A and yet she still doesn't see them as a romantic option. If they were truly nice guys they would be doing it to be nice not in the hopes that some day the girl is going to turn around and realise she's subconciously been in love with them for the past 5 years and never noticed.

Another observation I've made is that the reason "nice guys" finish last is that they think that being a nice guy is all that matters, and therefore it's all they have. If you're pleasant, courteous, whatever, you're doing well, but if you don't back it up with confidence and an interesting personality, you've got nothing.

Cyborg Ninja · 11-20-2007, 02:37 AM

I'm sorry, but this "nice guys finish last" thing is so old and I read it every single time I go to a website forum where mostly teenage boys are located. I don't have to comment, and trust me, I don't comment on 99% of posts dealing with this subject... but really, when will you guys learn? When will the self-pitying end? I might as well make a website about my "perception of boy's tendencies": it's a shame that nobody ever does talk about that.

MrFriendly · 11-20-2007, 10:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cyborg Ninja

I'm sorry, but this "nice guys finish last" thing is so old and I read it every single time I go to a website forum where mostly teenage boys are located. I don't have to comment, and trust me, I don't comment on 99% of posts dealing with this subject... but really, when will you guys learn? When will the self-pitying end? I might as well make a website about my "perception of boy's tendencies": it's a shame that nobody ever does talk about that.

I think you should.

I'd actually be interested to see what you come up with

Plan9 · 11-20-2007, 11:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cyborg Ninja

I'm sorry, but this "nice guys finish last" thing is so old and I read it every single time I go to a website forum where mostly teenage boys are located. I don't have to comment, and trust me, I don't comment on 99% of posts dealing with this subject... but really, when will you guys learn? When will the self-pitying end? I might as well make a website about my "perception of boy's tendencies": it's a shame that nobody ever does talk about that.

Where is the self-pity? Is the truth. Which is why I'm not a nice guy anymore.

You don't have to be the disease to recognize it.

Impetuous1 · 11-22-2007, 06:07 AM

I agree with MrFriendly. I've always hated guys who are nice to me who are doing so in the hopes I'll suddenly rip my clothes off and ask them to fuck me. Like the bus driver who gave me a free ride and stared at me the whole ride through. The guy who gave me free ice cream. The guy who ran after me for two blocks to ask me out. Desperateness is definitely not attractive. But then, I think that the only reason most men would be nice to me at all is because they want sex. Which may be wrong sometimes but is usually right. So I never let men fall into the "friend trap". I guess I subscribe to the notion that men and women cannot just be friends.

bluestars87 · 11-23-2007, 12:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Impetuous1

I agree with MrFriendly. I've always hated guys who are nice to me who are doing so in the hopes I'll suddenly rip my clothes off and ask them to fuck me. Like the bus driver who gave me a free ride and stared at me the whole ride through. The guy who gave me free ice cream. The guy who ran after me for two blocks to ask me out. Desperateness is definitely not attractive. But then, I think that the only reason most men would be nice to me at all is because they want sex. Which may be wrong sometimes but is usually right. So I never let men fall into the "friend trap". I guess I subscribe to the notion that men and women cannot just be friends.

So you're attracted to guys that are rude and obnoxious right?

Impetuous1 · 11-23-2007, 09:05 PM

I don't know where you would get that from other than an attempt to be flippant. But no, I wouldn't be attracted to you. My post just referred to my opinion that I'm not usually attracted to guys who are "being nice" and trying to be "my friend" in a rather transparently desperate attempt to get in my pants. They are based on my experiences of several years. My current boyfriend who I've been living with for about six years did not try to do things for me so that he could be my friend. He was upfront about his interest in me. I like and respect a man with backbone who can admit his reasons and intentions upfront instead of being false and cowardly. But that's just me.

bluestars87 · 11-23-2007, 10:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Impetuous1

I don't know where you would get that from other than an attempt to be flippant. But no, I wouldn't be attracted to you. My post just referred to my opinion that I'm not usually attracted to guys who are "being nice" and trying to be "my friend" in a rather transparently desperate attempt to get in my pants. They are based on my experiences of several years. My current boyfriend who I've been living with for about six years did not try to do things for me so that he could be my friend. He was upfront about his interest in me. I like and respect a man with backbone who can admit his reasons and intentions upfront instead of being false and cowardly. But that's just me.

Can't a guy be nice and confident at the same time? Not all nice guys try to get in all girls' pants...

10-31-2007, 09:06 PM	#1 (permalink)
bluestars87 Tilted Location: California	Interesting blog I found on perception of women's tendencies. Keep in mind, this is just the opinion of one author. However, it's chronicled my exact problems with trying to get girls at the moment. I've always been that stereotypical nice guy that eventually becomes the girls' friend. I have a lot of female friends, and that's more of a curse than a blessing. Anyways, read the blog and please share your thoughts. Click here. __________________ "Every light must fade, every heart return to darkness!" -San Francisco 49ers: Five Time Super Bowl Champions-

11-01-2007, 05:27 AM	#8 (permalink)
aberkok “Wrong is right.” Location: toronto	As much as this blog has on it, it's pretty simplistic. It's not completely out-to-lunch, but it's definitely missing the forest for the trees... I mean these are the sort of relationship tips that apply to any relationship or friendship. Not just getting a girlfriend. Besides, applying this whole "spectrum" idea (and this goes for rating girls on a scale of 1 to 10 as well) is not the sign of an intelligent person. I think maybe it works well for food and maybe wine, but people? Let's give ourselves more credit than that. __________________ !check out my new blog! http://arkanamusic.wordpress.com Warden Gentiles: "It? Perfectly innocent. But I can see how, if our roles were reversed, I might have you beaten with a pillowcase full of batteries."

11-01-2007, 09:30 AM	#12 (permalink)
bluestars87 Tilted Location: California	Well throughout life I've just been a nice person period. And it wasn't just to get a girlfriend or anything. But it wasn't until recently, maybe several years ago, that I discovered that I kept landing in "friend zone". And then come the phone calls at 1am from my female friends. "My boyfriend doesn't appreciate me" "My boyfriend is an asshole" "Why is he doing this?" I'm always wondering, "why the hell did you start dating him then"? __________________ "Every light must fade, every heart return to darkness!" -San Francisco 49ers: Five Time Super Bowl Champions-

11-01-2007, 09:58 AM	#13 (permalink)
Plan9 I Confess a Shiver	Because he's abusive enough to be more attractive than you. They don't hate them because they want them, they want them because they hate them. __________________ *Whatever you can carry.* "You should not drink... and bake."

11-02-2007, 02:26 AM	#22 (permalink)
MrFriendly Psycho Location: Australia	Haha, a topic no doubt discussed many a time before. Having a friend of the opposite sex is a tricky path, but I honestly don't understand the guys that let them selves become the cuddle / emotional support bitch when they have other intentions. It seems completely unfair on themselves, and unfair on the girl they're friends with. Don't get me wrong, I'm not kidding myself. I've been the guy madly inlove with a close female friend. But I didn't have any expectations. I wasn't being nice and a good friend to secretly get laid. Mind you, I'm not the most sexually driven person to grace the earth. If you're going to befriend someone of the opposite sex, then for love of god be honest with YOURSELF. Are you doing this because you're secretly chasing tail, or are you doing this because you genuinely like hanging around them and enjoy their company? If it's the former you should really think about making your intentions known and save everyone all the bullshit. I used to be the guy with self esteem issues who never thought much of himself. Really, after a while you figure out that feeling sorry for yourself doesn't really get you anywhere, and it certainly doesn't make people attracted to you. You don't have to be an asshole to get what you want in this life, you just have to grow some stones and be honest with yourself, in other words, be confident in what you're doing. It's easier said than done, I know. But one of the things that really help me break out of the "I'm a nice guy and I always finish last whaaa whaaa whaa" was just getting out and doing stuff I really enjoy and like doing, and more importantly, doing these things alone. It's a good way to meet people, not for the sake of picking up, just for the sake of meeting new faces. All those things help you to find the happiness and fulfillment you need from within to become a more confident person. So, if you're one of the 'nice' guys sitting on your ass at home wondering why you never get laid and feeling sorry for yourself, then all I have to say is harden the fuck up. Get off your ass and start doing something you enjoy instead of stewing in your own bitter juices. __________________ You are not a slave

11-01-2007, 03:52 AM	#6 (permalink)
ratbastid Darth Papa Location: Yonder	That spectrum he lays out is bullshit. It's not "nice guy---middle ground---jerk". A better spectrum (if you absolutely have to think of it as a spectrum) would be: "emotionally immature wuss---confident grown man---socially immature asshole". Be a confident grown man. Grow up and don't be a wuss or an asshole. And sensitivity and lovability have NOTHING to do with the wuss-to-asshole spectrum. I know plenty of sensitive, lovable assholes.

11-01-2007, 02:04 PM	#15 (permalink)
filtherton Junkie Location: In the land of ice and snow.	Whenever i see a girl i want to date, i just secretly knock her up and then when she's all plump and preggers i step into her life from out of the blue, turn on a little charm and pretend, for like, 4 months, to be the hero who raises someone else's kid. Then i get the hell out of there. I have 23 children - that i know of.

11-01-2007, 02:14 PM	#16 (permalink)
cj2112 Unbelievable Location: Grants Pass OR	I am a "nice guy" because I am simply a nice guy.The difference is that I am also in the most successful relationship I have ever been in. I didn't want to be with the woman who wanted to be with the asshole, that's not who I am, and I don't want to be with somebody who thinks they deserve to be treated poorly. It really is that simple.

11-01-2007, 05:02 PM	#18 (permalink)
ring ░ Location: ❤	Crompsin knoweth. Watcha gone do bad boyz, when we can't let go of .....

11-20-2007, 02:37 AM	#26 (permalink)
Cyborg Ninja Crazy	I'm sorry, but this "nice guys finish last" thing is so old and I read it every single time I go to a website forum where mostly teenage boys are located. I don't have to comment, and trust me, I don't comment on 99% of posts dealing with this subject... but really, when will you guys learn? When will the self-pitying end? I might as well make a website about my "perception of boy's tendencies": it's a shame that nobody ever does talk about that. __________________ Become an organ donor

11-22-2007, 06:07 AM	#29 (permalink)
Impetuous1 Insane Location: Arizona	I agree with MrFriendly. I've always hated guys who are nice to me who are doing so in the hopes I'll suddenly rip my clothes off and ask them to fuck me. Like the bus driver who gave me a free ride and stared at me the whole ride through. The guy who gave me free ice cream. The guy who ran after me for two blocks to ask me out. Desperateness is definitely not attractive. But then, I think that the only reason most men would be nice to me at all is because they want sex. Which may be wrong sometimes but is usually right. So I never let men fall into the "friend trap". I guess I subscribe to the notion that men and women cannot just be friends.

11-23-2007, 09:05 PM	#31 (permalink)
Impetuous1 Insane Location: Arizona	I don't know where you would get that from other than an attempt to be flippant. But no, I wouldn't be attracted to you. My post just referred to my opinion that I'm not usually attracted to guys who are "being nice" and trying to be "my friend" in a rather transparently desperate attempt to get in my pants. They are based on my experiences of several years. My current boyfriend who I've been living with for about six years did not try to do things for me so that he could be my friend. He was upfront about his interest in me. I like and respect a man with backbone who can admit his reasons and intentions upfront instead of being false and cowardly. But that's just me. Last edited by Impetuous1; 11-23-2007 at 09:09 PM..