Arsenic7

My girflriend tried this in an effort to cover up her fluctuating issues with desire and guilt for a while. I told her that it was cute and fun if done now and then, or when used as part of foreplay now and then, but that toying me along like she was wasn't helping our sex life any and just made me feel like I was completely inept at the art of seduction.

We talk more openly about sex now, she doesn't screw with me head, and we currently have a pretty good relationship.

I mean think about if he gave you the "goodnight kiss" you described and then he just rolled over, you have to admit that would make you feel pretty crappy.

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longbough

Sexual frustration can kill a relationship, too.

I had an ex-gf who was a lingerie model (no kidding) before she met me. She was both elegant and sexy and we laughed a lot together. Sex was fantastic. But somewhere along the way our sexual "barometers" got out of synch. It seemed that she was most in the mood when we were fighting ... and rarely in the mood when we were at peace. On the other hand, if I was pissed-off, then sex was the last thing on my mind. And I wanted to be sexual when things were great but she turned me down at those times.

She needed "drama" in the house to arouse her sexual tension. But, unfortunately, we were together while I was in my medical residency. And after a day working in the Emergency Department or Intensive Care where I dealt with pain, suffering and death all day the last thing I needed at home was "drama." In the end she was always provoking me to argue with her on purpose. I feel sorry that she had to deal with me as an emotionally fatigued guy in my residency. I broke up with her because I nearly had a meltdown between the stress of work and the fighting at home.

When I finished my residency and was working steadily (in a less stressful setting) we tried to get back together. This time she didn't feel like provoking drama because I was myself again. But, I then discovered, that when we got together in bed, I discovered I had been psychologically conditioned to expect disappointment and I just didn't feel very "sexual" with her anymore. It's as if getting in bed to her only reminded me of all the things we used to fight about. It's really awful to admit because she was a complete knockout and we shared so much. It's like we forgave each other in our hearts and minds ... but the libido didn't forget.

We broke up for good. But we're still friends.

Mantus

Foxy, this is so good. N' my favorite song came on as I am reading this. I've got a simle on my face as I write this. I've known so many guys who'll fall for you and stay with you, Foxy. I think that's why there is this responce to your thread...it's like girls saying how they hate jerks while sleeping with them. You are such a little alpha girl.

I am trying to visualize those moments. Feels so fuckin' good. Yah...we are such jerks, but what happens when two jerks meet?

longbough

Answer: Nobody really cares.

skier

Months and months of agonizing, exhausting, stressful power games. The relationship will move at a snail's pace because both of you will be looking to gain the upper hand at every intersection. There will be little to no intimacy or love because neither of you will let your guard down. It'll drag on for what seems like forever because you don't want to be the one that gives up; but eventually someone will just walk away and be done with it.

Yo foxy, if this is what makes you truly happy, i'm not going to argue. Your relationship may or may not fail, it depends on the length and elasticity of your leash- and I can see you've got firm control over your relationship. The thing is, I doubt you've ever really communicated with your boyfriend; if you had the relationship would either have ended or you'd be on more even terms with him.

I'd like to ask if you've ever been curious about who he really is, his likes and dislikes, his secrets, his dreams and aspirations. Have you two ever really sat down and talked about what's important to you and him?

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streak_56

wow... this whole discussion has made me realize how f**ked I must be if I like being teased. Personally... I can see FoxyLadys side of the arguement. I think he's playing more of a part in this than initially indicated because obviously he's doing something that is reciprocating this.

But I would agree that this is more about power than anything.

analog

Top. Dominate. That's you, Foxy.

All others take note: This, right here, is the portrait of a Dominate, in sub/Dom relationships. The immense teasing, the built-up anticipation to the boiling point, the ultimate control over the intimacy... this is a Dominate. She's not insane or abusive, or any of the other things you're calling her... she's a Dom. That's the lifestyle, that's the way of thinking, feeling, and acting with your lover.

To Foxy: If you don't already know it, I officially declare you to be a Dominate. It seems, at least for the moment, that you found someone to be your sub. Good job.

streak_56

looks like Shanifaye has some competition on here now!

analog

Just callin' it like I see it. lol

Toaster126

I think the difference between her being a Dom and being a bitch is whether he is aware that these games are being played.

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"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck)

longbough

Thanks for saying it before I did, Toaster126.

There's a vast difference between D/S and an abusive relationship. Relationships rooted in D/S exist between mutually consenting adults. A long term relationship of this sort is actually a very intimate thing because of the degree of trust involved between the partners.

analong, if you don't understand D/S please don't abuse the terminology.

FoxyLucy

It´s a simple rule, the more you tease a guy, the more desperate he becomes - sounds obvious, but you´re thinking about a single encounter. The thing I´ve found is patient guys will last a month, believing I´m going to drop my panties...one month becomes two...two becomes three, and then he´s hooked.

At each stage in between he could end it, but he doesn´t because (i) he thinks sex is just around the corner and (ii) he´s invested so much time, effort and money - I have expensive tastes! lol

I suppose any guy who didn´t have submissive tendencies would end it before it´s a relationship, and a few have. But they´re not the sort of guys I want, anyway. It´s kind of like a screening process.

I look at it like, this. If he´s just going out with me for sex, he´s a bastard. If he´s not, then he obviously sees something in me worth staying for. It is partly a power thing, guys will do pretty much anything for sex, so if I keep him aroused and frustrated he´s putty in my hands. I get a guy who´ll worship the ground I work on, treat me like a princess and have the most passionate sex of any of my friends - though he has to wear delay cream!

Ample

Really?

I loved to be teased a little, but every stick has it breaking point. I think after a month, unless I was making some real progress I would start to loose interest and move on. I love sex and if Im not getting I going some where else to find it.

Dangling sex to get personal stuff like money is just plain wrong. You must be really good at what you do for guys not to see right through that, or you find complete idiots to date you.

__________________

Her juju beads are so nice
She kissed my third cousin twice
Im the king of pomona

magictoy

Or he'll find someone more available, and with the added expense of someone on the side, you might be begging him for money.

Cervantes

Used to be in a relationship like this, well.. Almost like this anyway.

Started out just fine, relationship developed nicely making progress and bonding both emotionally and physically. Sex was awesome and everything seemed to be going just great.
We moved in to an apartment together, really seeing a future with each other. Things were just fine until at about 6 months after we moved in she started the routine you play along. All of a sudden the sex became less, teasing was a daily occurrence leaving me frustrated and down. She was obviously power tripping on it, trying it out for kicks at first and then got high on the power she thought she had over me.
I was almost at the breaking point of throwing her out on the street (apartment was in my name and where I live I could do this and expect to have my side of it given a fair trial if she decided to take legal actions).

Let me tell you, it was painful like nothing else, (most guys think they have experienced blue balls but give it at about a month of getting teased to the breaking point and not getting any release and you enter a whole new dimension of pain few men have experienced) it hurt both physically and emotionally, it was a deep rooted feeling of being humiliated and abused that no man, not even a true submissive would stand for without a safeword. Problem was, it started out so good and nicely, up until she started that bullshi* it was a match like I had never experienced before. I loved her and was more than reluctant to just kick her out.
I tried talking to her about it, she of course blew me off, totally lost in her power tripp and totally disregarding my feelings.

I made a final reach out to this wonderful community and they reassured me, talking was the only answer. First get her down from her power tripp then set an ultimatum. It was the only way anything of any substance could actually be saved from train wreck she caused.

I'm not going to go into the gory details about what I did to break through to her as I was forced to use a leverage on her that still remains private but practically I blackmailed her out of her high.


After reading this.. You know there are actually two very ugly words to describe a woman who does these things (to the letter of you description).
I have yet to hear a happy ending for a woman who fits either description.



1) Why does that make him a bastard? What's so wrong with wanting sex? It's obviously okay for you to want sex but why does he automagically turn into a Bastard if he wants it?

2) Correction, boy with serious self esteem issues, no true submissive man would stand for that kind of treatment without having a safeword or a way to "blow of the steam" (or.. maybe your guy already have.. stringing you along hoping you will come to your senses while having a little "outlet" on the side) A submissive isn't a doormat, he/she is still a human being..

__________________
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- "Religions take everything that your DNA naturally wants to do to survive and pro-create and makes it wrong."
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Dane Bramage

If i was making out with some chick and she got up in the middle of it to "make an important phone call" that she had "forgotten" about, I would probably walk right there. Not because I date only for sex, but because I would see her for the bullshit games she was playing.

The thing is, I'm not gonna judge anyone for the sexual games / fetish they might have, but I don't really get that feeling from you. From what you have posted, it sounds more like you are into it for the manipulation / power trip and I just don't see how that can be healthy.

You have said in your posts that he's into it for a lot of money because "you have expensive tastes", and that you keep him on a string because he thinks that "sex is right around the corner". So, in other words, you are using the false promise of sex to get you a sugar daddy that takes you nice places and buys you expensive things. And finally, to add insult to injury, you are proud of all this. Proud that you have managed to fool this guy into thinking you really care about him. You have not once in this thread said that you love him... all you care about is that you get "a guy that worships the ground you walk on" and that he "treat you like a princess".

You may be Alpha, but I don't think you are dominate. I think you are an 18 year old chick with a smoking hot body that enjoys using it to control men. You say that all men are interested in is sex... well guess what honey... I'm a man, and that ain't true at all. Some of us are actually interest in intimacy. You should try to find one that is.

If and it's a big if, your mind games are consentual, then have at it. Get a strap on and go to town. It's quite fun

__________________
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Mantus

"Time is On My Side" starts playing as I read this...
...with all the facination of watching a carwreck in slow motion.

Now we know what kind of men fall for Foxy. But what kind of men does Foxy fall for?

thespian86

Not cool. Not because you are teasing, but because you are stating that this is to weed between the jerks and nice guys. But you are begining the relationship by manipulating him for months at a time. I think you should just be honest; say you arn't ready and that you want to take it slow. That would help you "get rid of the jerks". Although, I don't think all jerks are the ones who are initially sexually attracted to you? There are tonnes of assholes and tonnes of guys that arn't assholes.

I don't know. Just sounds too much like a game to me. And I'm not a fan of games.

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rmarshall

I'm 50 and my sweetie is 48. I'm so done with playing games.
The fatigue thing happens with younger women because of longer work hours or children, etc. Older women have less child rearing to do and probably work fewer hours at more money per hour. Saving energy for sex is sort of like having dinner and saving room for dessert. Something you learn.
I work in Toronto monday to thursday so am away 3 nights per week. My sweetie loves sex as much as I and may even tell me when she couldn't wait and had to play with herself. Or maybe she'll just leave the toys for me to wash when I get home.
Withholding sex for power reasons seems to me to be a sign of unsatisfactory sex. If it was really good, there would be two in the couple doing "pretty much anything for sex".
My two cents.

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Cervantes

I think the word you are looking for is what in D/s and BDsM circles is called a Predator. Someone who is willing to abuse, take advantage of and manipulate a submissive (or an unfortunate somone with low selfesteem) for their own pleasures and in a warped, almost psychotic break, kind of way rationalizes that if they guy stays he actually likes it.

Not a Dominant, there is not Dominant letter in anything yet written by our dear FoxyLucy.

__________________
- "Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questioned.."
- "Religions take everything that your DNA naturally wants to do to survive and pro-create and makes it wrong."
- "There is only one absolute truth and that is that there is only one absolute truth."

Mantus

Very good post Dane! High five to that.

Lets not jump to conclusions though. I've done it earlier and realized I was projecting a persona on her...damn interweb. I thought Foxy was a ClubSnack in the making. I am not sure she is now...infact I think there are some shocking details here which we don't know about!

Dane Bramage

Good point Cervantes. I'm not really hip to the D/s BDsM terminology, but that is exactly what I was getting at.

Mantus, you are completely right. I'm jumping to conclusions, and I'm being very opnionated about them. Her attitudes do get me a bit peeved. She hasn't come out and said anyting that would indicate she is a FemDom, so we can only assume...

Lucy, very early on in this post you got defensive and said that perhaps you dont' belong her because the TFP is not as morally open as it claims to be. Belive me, this place is very open minded. What people here don't like is abusive, disfunctional relationships.

Of course you are free to do whatever you want. Just don't expect people to agree or support you in it.

__________________
Every passing hour brings the Solar System forty-three thousand miles closer to Globular Cluster M13 in Hercules — and still there are some misfits who insist that there is no such thing as progress.
Kurt Vonnegut - Sirens of Titan

FoxyLucy

Not for me?! Collectively, you are sanctimony incarnated! To be honest, I´m not sure why I´m even bothering trying to justify myself to you.

I´m partaking in a consensual relationship with an adult, university educated man. What I´m doing is not illegal, and he can walk away any time he likes - hence, consensual. Women have for centuries been lackeys to men. Quiet, subserviant creatures, who wash and clean and bring up the kids, often in physically abusive relationships from which they had no escape.

Now, the boot´s on the other foot. I´m a 21st century girl. A professional (don´t start with the ´pro´ jibes - though to be fait you´re pretty civil in your criticism), an independent woman. If I use sex as leverage to get what I want and my guy doesn´t have a problem with that...why should you?

Dane Bramage

I doubt your definition of consensual.

Have you had a conversation with him when he has said... it is okay to treat me in this way? If not, then it's not consensual. Mearly stating that he has the right to leave you whenever he chooses does not make it concensual. That's like saying it's okay for me to beat my wife because "she can leave whenever she wants to"... so that means she thinks it's okay.

And, yes... thanks for saying that we (or maybe just me) are being a bit sanctimonious yet civil. My point is not to start a flame war, but to express my opinion of what you have posted. You can take it or leave it... but it is still my opinion and I am intitled to it. Me... for one would dump you on your ass. But that's just me

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Every passing hour brings the Solar System forty-three thousand miles closer to Globular Cluster M13 in Hercules — and still there are some misfits who insist that there is no such thing as progress.
Kurt Vonnegut - Sirens of Titan

Deltona Couple

I have to admit, after reading this post I HAD to register, to reply to this. I think I might stay now that I see how interesting things are in here.

As far as Foxy Lady, you say that the relationship is consenting? Then I ask this. Have you actually told HIM the things you have stated here? That you intentionally tease him and string him along for sex? Have you told him the way in which you treat him is intentional?

And as far as guys wanting sex all the time, this is FAR from the truth. I have been with my wife for 9 years now, and we have a healthy sexual relationship. We arent perfect, and have our slow times and fast times, we have the times where we don't have it as often, and then other times where it is 3 or 4 times a day, or a single 4 hour marathon. We tease, we play, we do all manner of things, but after showing her this, she herself said that it seems cruel to her. Now if he seems to enjoy it, and you two are comfortable in the relationship, then more power to you both! And we hope you continue to enjoy your relationship, but from the sound of your posts, he doesn't really know that you are using this "play" to get things from him. NOBODY, man or woman should use their partner for ANY kind of gain, monetary OR emotional. It should be an even, and HEALTHY match of enjoyment and love.


OK, Now I step off my soapbox!

spectre

First of all, welcome Deltona Couple.

To the point, this is what I think is most important, you have to tell him this is what you're doing. You can beat him over the head with a railroad tie for all I care, as long as he consents to it. If he doesn't, it's just cruel.

And thinking that "he stays because he likes it" is faulty logic. He may like you a lot, he may even love you, but if you mistreat someone enough, they'll grow to resent you and you'll break up thinking that it's all his fault because he couldn't keep it in his pants. In reality, it's your's because you couldn't just talk to him. Honesty goes a long way in a relationship. Try it, you'd be surprised. You'll also find out immediately if he is a "jerk," as you put it, because he won't want to wait.

__________________
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No goddamn slave
I will be different" ~ Machine Head

FoxyLucy

So in a nutshell, I´m a selfish, manipulative bitch! Don´t worry, my words, not yours.

Well, yes, I suppose I am. So? Women possess something men want, something men need, and I´m clever enough to expolit it.

Carno

Only because you found a sucker.

You say you're selfish and manipulative, yet you see nothing wrong with that? How about trying to be a good person? Why don't you try telling him everything that you've told us and see how he reacts?

In any case, despite what people may think about your dating ethics, you should stick around and see what else there is on the TFP.

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rockogre

Just a question for our esteemed female members. Who amongst the rest of you ladies would actually want a man that would be this...........what ever he is?

And, I can't imagine that this is any competetion for Shanifaye since I can't believe that she would be cruel!

And, why, of all the threads on here, do I keep posting in this one??? (Help me, I'm giving a shit and I can't stop)!

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Jesus Christ and the American G. I.
One died for your soul, the other for your freedom

FoxyLucy

Because, I´m totally addictive...lover.

Mantus

OMG you guys c'mon now...

Look at the facts here. This is the first thread Foxy's been in. She is cleally excited and set on the idea, she probably just discovered this power and wants to play. Look at her logic: screening for men who want more then sex by denying sex so that only the most desperate stay. Look at her justification: the shoe is on the other foot.

We have a novela worth of deep-well-felt-replies that are falling on deff ears. Now people are getting bitter cuz she is not listening to them...

I was hoping to have some fun here but thats not going to happen. Ah well...just a thought.

swmnkdinthervr

It's sadly so codependent to attempt to use this form of control as a means to an end not even slightly resembling the event...in other words this person is attempting to fill a void that can't be filled, assuage a need that will never be satisfied...using a sexual promise as bait, it's so very self centered that I agree that these responses are fallin on deaf eyes...if there is any attemp at continued reading at all...

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streak_56

So, I'm feeling as if you're becoming overtly cocky. Like you want to flaunt this to everyone as its "look at what you can do." Personally, I find it a really disrespectful thing to do. I also feel that guys do the same thing, they flaunt their power in front of someone like its something they own. Which basically you're treating him like a piece of meat, kind of like how guys are said to do. Funny how the street works both ways?

Anyways... I highly disagree with how you're flaunting this. Along with that... I would give your guy a swift kick in the ass to wake him up. Only my opinion.

snowy

Yeah, after reading through all of this, I'm thinking she's just showing off what she thinks she is capable of. In my mind, abusing that kind of power is wrong, very wrong, and I think perhaps someone here needs to seek counseling for her control issues.

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Dane Bramage

So nothing. You can be a selfish, manipulative bitch all you want. Just don't be suprised or offended when people call you on it. Some people are gonna love ya for it, some will vilify you for it.

Hey... and guess what, you are certainly not the first woman in the history of the world to use her "assets" to manipulate men. You probably just shouldn't let the world know how much pleasure you take in it.

What kind of fun do you want to have? Start the ball rolling and we shall see who picks it up

Either that or the origional label of troll wasn't that far off, eh?

__________________
Every passing hour brings the Solar System forty-three thousand miles closer to Globular Cluster M13 in Hercules — and still there are some misfits who insist that there is no such thing as progress.
Kurt Vonnegut - Sirens of Titan

Toaster126

I don't have a vagina, but the lack of one doesn't make this harder to understand. Loads of people would be very happy living out their entire lives with someone attached to them like that, male or female.

__________________
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"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck)

OzOz

I have to wonder one thing: Just how much does HE get out of this relationship? You brag about how much you get out of him, but what do you give in return? How much do you talk about what you both want out of this relationship, and how far do you go to keep him happy? (And I'm not just talking about between the sheets.) I get a disturbing feeling that you're less interested in him than you are in proving that women are now "equal". To you, is your guy actually DESIRED, or just DESIRABLE?

And I'd have to echo the sentiments of those posters who wonder what your guy would think if he read this thread.

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rockogre

Kind of sad, isn't it?

__________________
Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you,
Jesus Christ and the American G. I.
One died for your soul, the other for your freedom

Deltona Couple

I have to say that by you saying that you are taking something men "need" and "exploiting" it, is morally wrong by any reasonable standpoint. NOBODY has the right to exploit ANYBODY for any reason, period. and to try to justify it by saying:

just doesn't justify it. Men should have never done it before, and even in the situation that they did, it doesn't give you, or any other women the right to do it themselves.

Now before I get lambasted for being "one of those guys"; here is my defense in your statement: When I divorced my ex-wife for her lack of contributing to the family (she never spent any time with the family, always just wanting to sit around and watch TV, etc) I left and took BOTH of my daughters who were 2 and 5 years old. THEN proceeded to raise them MYSELF for the next several years, while working, and attending college. Durring all this I STILL took my personal time and spent it with my girls, instead of going out and trying to have my own time.

Seaver

The point we here at TFP are making is this man knows nothing about it. He knows only the lack of sex, thinking his woman is simply not very sexual.

If Foxy was to inform him (let him read this thread), then she would be in a consenting relationship. Until then it is simply fraud or coersion.

Interesting the other words that come up with it in the dictionary... huh?

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