VinnyWS6

I'm 18 and I have a problem with depression. Its been with me my whole life and its caused some major problems. For one I used to act like a moron and a dick so now I have close to no friends. Second of all I'm a 18 year old man and I have never really had contact with girl. I have done some touching but, I have never had a g/f so, I have'nt done stuff like kissing or even holding hands. I work at a tire shop and I lift heavy car wheels all day and then I dont have anything else to do. I dont have anything to make my life worth living. I used to smoke alot of weed but, I slowed down now. I lift these wheels all day and now I have pretty big arms but, I still cant get girls. I dont know what to do anymore. I just have nothing at all besides a few friends and my family. I dont talk to either one of my brothers and I dont talk to my parents. I just dont know what to do or where to turn. What could I do to make my life change? I cant live like this anymore. Theres got to be some way I can make somthing out of my life. So, if you were a 18 year old guy would wanted to have some actual fun what would you do?

badflsh

Try to find some hobbies or something. If nothing comes to mind as sounding like a fun hobby then try random things to see how you like them. Go to the driving range and hit a bucket of golf balls (you can rent clubs), if there is a race track near by check out the drag races (usually a ton of people your age are at the street legal drags), jogging, try things you wouldnt normally do just to see if you like them. Once you find some stuff that is kind of fun, start doing it once or twice a week. You will find, that if nothing else it will make the lame boring days go by more quickly when you are looking forward to that day you get to do whatever.

Once you have a couple hobbies it will be easier to find friends. You may find people you know while you are doing the hoby or you may meet new people just because you see them there every week. Also, in your everyday life when you meet people you will have a little more to talk about. When you find someone you have something in common with you can invite them to join you some time. It can be hard to meet people when there isnt really anything you like doing just because you come off as being boring.

The key is to just find some stuff you enjoy doing to get you through the week. The rest will work itself out once you can be a little happier with yourself. Also, dont feel strange about not having had a gf by 18, I know it seems like you are weird or something but it really isnt uncommon.

Have you ever sought any treatment for your depression? Everyone I know who has ever done that whished they had done it sooner.

Good luck and keep checking back. The people here give great advice.

rival

Join the army and kill people. It's like a real life video game.

Other than that, I don't know. It's hard to tell you what to do because I don't know you. Just go do what you like, eventually you'll meet other people who enjoy the same.

obediah

If you can hack it, my suggestion would be go to college. It doesn't have to be a good college (but leaving home is best). Borrow as much money as you have to and get out of dodge.

At the least back off on the girl front. It will happen at some point, and you will be amazed at all the stupid stuff before hand to try to attract women. Then, most likely, that relationship will fall apart horribly. If you can make it through that rough patch, then you will be okay, and understand what you want in a women better and be in a better position to end up with the one you want.

Above all else, remember that you are very young, and that you have many opportunities ahead of you that you might not be able to imagine right now. I was always at most two steps away from sucidaluntil about my 22nd birthday, and the biggest step in clearing things up was realizing that *I* was the one responsible for my happiness, and that a woman would compliment my life, not be my life.

hope this helps, and if you are a troll, fuck you in your stupid fucking ass

Cynthetiq

that's exactly it....

If life is a game, these are the rules....find that book or look up 10 rules to being human. Another resource, Larry Elders Pledge 32.

I could put the links here for you to click it... but it's your situation and your control, not mine.

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

VinnyWS6

I am going to school next year and thats something that makes me feel so bad. I thought I should have a fun summer before I go to college but, I have'nt done shit. I'm living at home while I go to school but, I still thought that this summer was going to be fun. Man, I was just starting to feel really down( i drank a little tonight) and I remembered how weed makes me feel so much better. I thought to myself that I should buy some weed and smoke it. But, now I realized thats how I got into this situation. Fuck, I dont know what to do. I wish there was some source of enjoyment in my life. But, theres nothing. I dont know how I can live on being so alone. I want to change but, drugs(weed) have a hold of me and I just dont know how to talk to girls. So, I guess i'm fucked and I might as well just score some weed after work tommorow. Cause If i dont I will just have these same feelings and nothing to make me feel better. I wish there was some way I could go back and change my life. I cant belive I'm at the point where I'm so alone and so unhappy.

rival

Don't do that. Get out of the house or college will feel like the 13th grade. Live in a dorm or rent out a rat trap, just get out and live a little.

Cynthetiq

stop smoking weed....

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

badflsh

This is the key right here, because if you fall back into your old pattern then in a few days/weeks/months/years you will be thinking that same thing. This is your chance to change your life, this is the chance that you would be referring to if you were to say that same sentence in the future, and this is the chance you would be wishing you didn’t waste. Sure it may suck now, it may suck tomorrow, it may suck for a couple weeks but it WILL pay off and you WILL be happy you stuck it out.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You just have to choose to be happy. I know that sounds like a load of crap but its true. You know that in the long run if you want to be happy you need to quit smoking weed, so make the choice to be happy and quit. Change is never easy but it usually feels great once you do it.

If you want to change your life, start small. Change your morning routine, wear your watch on the wrong hand, anything no mater how small. You will find that the smallest things still make you feel as though you are making an effort to change for the better, it makes you realize that even though your life may not have caught up with the changes yet, it is the new you because you are doing things differently than the old you did them.

Don't expect things to change over night but know that if you stick it out, you will never have to repeat the phrase quoted above ever again.

P.S. concerts are also something cool to do. If you know of anyone interested in the same kind of music see if they want to go, even if you dont know them that well. Even if you go by yourself concerts are still fun and you never know who you will meet.

Cynthetiq

how can you keep doing the same things and expecting different results? If you always make chocolate chip cookies with the same ingredients they will always be chocolate chip cookies. change the recipe and you'll have something different.

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

lurkette

I agree with other folks that you will need to change your mindset before your situation can change - if you go do something different without altering your attitude, it'll be "different place, same old shit." You need to realize that you are in control of your life, of the choices that you make right now. You can't go back and change things but you can change things now, and from what it sounds like it's not too late by any stretch of the imagination. What are your interests? What are your dreams? Your passions? Choose one, or find one, and pursue it.

One other thing that might help you is to get "outside yourself" a little bit - forget your own problems by doing things for other people. Join some volunteer groups that help out others - work for the local food bank, habitat for humanity, elder care, whatever. You'll meet a lot of interesting and caring people, you'll be needed and welcome, and it might help you recognize that you have something to contribute.

Lastly (actually this should have been first but I forgot) seek help for the depression. It sounds like you have carried this around for a while, and you may have sought treatment before and had it fail. Try again. If you're on meds, it's clear they're not working and you might need a different med or different doseage. Try therapy, as well, if you can. It sounds like you have some harmful thought patterns that are well-established and have you firmly by the short and curlies.

Good luck, and remember that your life is yours. You're in charge.

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"If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing."

- Anatole France

WhoaitsZ

i am becoming the master of skimming threads. i have chronic depressions and massive mood swings, so i can relate.

one thing you have to do is make changes. i do not mean 'i won't do this one negative thing as much'. No. if you are serious to furthering your life you have to fucking stop.

if you do pot or alcohol, stop until you know wtf is going on.

go try to find some interests and hobbies - then seek out people who have these interests also.

ifyou've not seen a psychologist (a shrink to talk to and work with) or a psychiatrist (someone who will help but not a confidant). period. i never had to see one more thance two or three times but i realized my demons by simply explaining my woes.

music. i dunno what you like, but music is extremly mood changing. be wary of negativity until you get better. and if you like hard metal or rap, there are lots of uplifting kind. hatebreed or shadows fall for metal or nas comes to mind.

this is a slow, if not life long, proccess. and i'm here a lot. need someone to talk to w/o worrying about privacy, pm me.

good luck.

Rodney

If you're serious about feeling depressed, get yourself checked out. If you don't know how to get started with that, either talk with your parents abou it or, if you don't think that will work, call the local crisis/suicide hotline.

Every area has something like Suicide Prevention, if nothing else. I know you're not talking about offing yourself, but they deal with a lot of depressed people, and they'll know places you can go and people you can see in your area.

All the advice people are giving above is good. But if this has been life-long, you want to make sure there's not something organic going on as step 1.

tehblaed

you cannot truely appreciate the measure of another person's love until you have love for yorself. or at least you can tolerate yourself.

If you havent seen someone for "medical advice" i reccomend doing so. doctors can help. thats their job. that and taking my money and overdiagnosing ADD. Seriously. some doctors suck, but see one anyhow. if it is a chemical imbalance, there are drugs that will make your brain work right.

Do some research. every day go on the computer and learn as much about one thing that you have always wanted to kow about. self betterment. knowlegde is the key to enlightenment.

chat with people online. most arent those slutty pieces of crap that clog our society with pop mania. most are chix0rs and bandos that are cool people. dont waste your time with Xtina wannabnes. they make great porn, but thats about it.

troit

I agree 100% with tehblaed. I actually have a few friends that that take medication for depression and the difference in their attitude is night and day...

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I've yet to dephile myself...

440sixpack

You have to truely want to change, no one can do it for you.

I have changed some things about my self in the last year or so, and while hard it has been worth it. While I by no means had a bad life, I had fallen into a rut that wasn't getting me anywhere. The first main thing I did was cut my hair - I had had long hair for some 15 years at that point, and for various reasons that was where I started. That right there brought on a lot of reactions from many people I know, and I already felt more "adult" and neat. Next to go was the jeans/t-shirts that was my wardrobe for 95% of the time, got some nice clothes, shoes, a nice watch. I also have started a physical fitness program to improve my body. Bought myself a new truck and ditched my shitbox car... I look like a whole nuther person now. Anyway it can be done but it takes effort and determination. Good luck, we're here to help.

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little limey

Being alone is not the problem. Being depressed makes you feel alone even if you are in a relationship.

butthead

What "chemical imbalance"?

TheKak

Some people are depressed because of a chemical imbalance in their brain, but odds are you just arent motivated enough yet to change your life. Stop drinking and smoking pot, they definatly dont help any. Go out and meet people. Go to clubs, take up dancing or something (just stay away from the drugs and booze until you get your shit straight). At least get some kind of cheap hobby weither it be going to a gym, running (fitness increases self-esteem, which you seem to be lacking), or something else. Find a roommate and stop living at home, your parents probably love you, but parents always want you to be their little kid and they will always treat you like so while you live at home. Also doesnt give them anything to hang over your head.

If it comes down to it, join the military. They will pay for college, you get a steady paycheck, and you have free medical/dental benefits.

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onetime2

Do anything that's different. By your handle I'm going to guess that you're into cars. Join a car club. Go to shows and talk to people.

There will be people with similar interests at whatever college you are going to. There are groups that build cars, race cars, modify cars, etc. Get involved.

If I'm wrong about you liking cars, then pick something else. Pick the dumbest thing you can find and go check it out. You won't have any expectations and you'll definitely meet people that you wouldn't normally meet.

You're asking the right questions. All you need to do now is follow through with some of the answers.

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Strive to be more curious than ignorant.

BenChuy

Ok. So, good ideas all around. If you have depression, why are you not seeking help. I am not talking about the easy way of taking chemicals, but with a counselor.

Meds will help, but to get THROUGH your depression and help to CHANGE your nuro-chemical balance, you need to deal with whatever is in your past that is nagging on you. For some, even small things can send their systems into a tail spin. The hardest part of all of this is actually following through.

Because you say you have so few friends, i think the counselor is going to be the best bet, especially for following through. If you have a best friend, you could tell them you plans and ask for help achieving them by requesting prodding. I use this to help me feel like i am not alone in things i have to do.

I have a massive problem with thinking i am worthless and not able to do things, but with help like this, it is easy to come up with ways to get out of the skipping record thing.

BentNotTwisted

Geez, I wish I'd had this kind of advice available when I graduated High School. I was depressed like you throughout High School with only a few close friends. I just felt like I was on the outside looking in. I had no girlfiends and only went on one or two dates. Having a girlfriend is nice, but you have to like yourself before you can like someone else. The best thing I had going for me in High School was to believe, truly believe, that things were not going to stay that way and that they would eventually get better. It's cliche, but hope springs eternal. Your desire to make a change is an important first step.
There have been many great pieces of advice posted here. One thing that has not been mentioned is checking with your local Parks and Recreation department. Every town I have lived in had a Parks and Rec that put out a free quarterly bulletin of programs they offer. The programs are usually reasonably priced and there are lots to choose from. If you can find it look it over and find something you are interested in. Try something new and different like kyaking, or swing dancing, or water polo. These programs are fun and you will meet lots of new people and possibly make a few new friends.
Good luck, we're here for you.

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Do you even know what 'it' is?

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butthead

Everyone should stop talking like this is or even could be caused by a chemical imbalance. With that idea, taking Prozac or whatever the fuck would be enough.

oldtimer

<b>THANK YOU!</b> The <b>smartest</b>, if not the <i>wisest</i>, man alive........next to me.

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Where the hell am I?....
Showering once a month does not make you a better person.

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tehblaed

butthead - It is true that a lot of depression is simply boredom and bad attitudes that can be changed, however severe cases are caused by neural synapses being blocked, and Prozac does indeed help with those. Some people react to medicine because of the chemicals, others react because of a placebo effect. Whatever the shit it does, it mostly works, so what is the problem?

butthead

Can you provide me with a reference to back up your claim?

The 5-HT/depression theory is based on subjects with lowered levels of 5HIAA. An SSRI is thought to increase synaptic serotonin, but if this is true, why do they cause receptor loss? Why should this help? 5HIAA levels are still low with Prozac (not like 5HIAA levels definitely mean one single thing). There is also no set standard of neurotransmitter levels (specifically for mood).

But, maybe I'm wrong. Show me some references. I don't really want to argue, but if you know of studies that can provide more information for me I would be happy to learn.

nullPointer

Vinny, good luck with your depression, I think the most important thing here is that you need to recognize that you have to affect certain changes in your life (like cutting down the smoking) to become happier.
You sound almost worried or depressed about going to school...the great thing about school is that you can totally reinvent yourself there...new people to meet who have little to no idea about your past, it's a place to start fresh.
Good luck.

pagoda

Actually I was in quite the same situation. If your depression is truly life long, go to a doctor. Back in high school I used to think my depression was caused by one girl, but when I actually thought about it I realized there hasn't been a time in my life I can remember I wasn't down. So around Thanksgiving I got help, and after getting tested for a thyroid disorder it was quite clear I have a chemical imbalance. Started taking prozac, and it's literally turned my life around. It just makes you normal. I was at the point where I couldn't even remember what I good day felt like. Now, normal days are better than any day I had for the longest time. It's like a huge weight has been lifted off, the world doesn't seem depressing anymore. Little things make your day better. Things won't agitate you as much. Your world will turn around. People who've never been depressed just don't understand you can't just snap out of it, you need help whether it's caused chemically or otherwise.

Don't think just meds are going to do it though, if I let myself slip I can feel the depresssion coming on. As has been said before, your attitude has alot to do with it. And now I absolutely fucking refuse to be down again, I'm never putting myself through that hell again. The day I fall into depression is the day I've failed myself. Just don't let the depressing thoughts take over your brain, push them out and do something to take your mind off of them.

I can remember how hard it was to make those first few steps too, towards getting help. Just do it, don't keep putting it off and certainly don't let the depression keep you isolated, that makes it worse. Just get help asap.

Working out helps in the mean time, really straining your body always clears my mind. Listening to music, spinning and just being around friends helps. Don't worry about girls, I felt the same way but it'll come. And once you see how truely dumb some of the ones you've been chasing after can be, you'll just laugh.

If you do decide to move out, make SURE you have someone living with you. My first year of college my roomate moved out halfway through the year, which just isolated me more and more. The 2nd semester of last year was the lowest I've ever been. And it didn't get any better until I did something about it.

Sorry about the long post, but good luck and hope you get over this.

Oh yeah, guess it's not the best place for my first post but oh well...

badflsh

Looked like a great first post to me. You can't beat first hand experience with something like this.

Dano069

My depression IS caused by a chemical imbalance. Since I started taking Zoloft 3 years ago, the difference, as has been said, is like night and day. It doesn't make you a zombie or anything like that. It also doesn't make you Happy, happy, Joy, joy. It takes the overwhelming dispair and hopelessness away so you can function. Please see a doctor.

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