angela146

My husband and I are really close. I trust him. Sometimes we play rough and we both enjoy it.

My question is, how rough to you ladies let your BFs and husbands get with you? Do you let him "force" you? I'm talking about pleasurable rough lovemaking, not abuse.

I'll post my own answer too.

angela146

For me, there's an SM answer and a "sex" answer. I'll leave the SM for another time.

Sexually, the "edge" was about a year ago. He likes anal sex. I enjoy it sometimes if he's gentle. One night I was feeling really frisky and told him that he could have "anything he wanted". We do that sometimes. I like the scary feeling of wondering what he's going to do.

On this particular night, he had me lay face down and "took" me hard. I said "no" and tried to wriggle free. We have a safeword and I didn't use it.

It hurt, but it let it hurt and cried kicking and screaming into the pillow. I didn't enjoy the penetration or the pain, it just hurt... but... I let him do it because I knew he was enjoying his chance to "rape" me.

No, it wasn't rape. I could have stopped him at any time with one word but I didn't. I wanted to give that to him.

He actually came pretty quickly (maybe a minute or so) and as soon as it was over, he held me and cuddled with me. I think I cried for another ten or fifteen minutes as he held me.

He thanked me again and again and said that it was unbelievably good. Since then, he's told me several times that it was one of the best experiences of his life. He says that once was enough and hasn't asked for it a second time.

If he does ask again some day, I would probably let him do it again. There's just something incredibly good about giving something painful to my husband for his pleasure. I can't really describe it.

I guess, that's why I'm asking you all about your experiences. Does anyone else do stuff like that? Do you understand the feeling?

cheerios

i think so, although i haven't had an experience quite like that. i enjoy the feeling of being pinned/restrained, feeling someone else's strength, and having the trust to know nothing bad will come of it, but my boyfriend hasn't ever really pushed the limits of allowable. he's been easing me towards anal recently, but he's SOOO patient, there's no rush, no pressure... I don't think HE likes being forceful, so... :shrug: I like pushing GENTLY on my boundaries, and his. But, I definately am with you about making him happy. I hope you got some kick-ass oral as payment, though

angela146

We had been married for seven years and he had been gently pushing my boundaries for a long time. He told me afterward that he could feel my willingness to let him do it. Part of it was that I was letting myself cry so hard.

Yes! I have had some very good sex of all kinds for this.

*Nikki*

Rough is good when it is with someone you love and trust.

Concertina

I don't think I could ever be as giving as you, angela. I'd have to stop. Don't wanna delve into all my sexual baggage, but if what you described had occured between my husband and myself, and then he tells me it's the one of the best experiences of my life, I doubt I'd be able to be intimate with him for a very long time.

I would find it hard to believe that something that was incredibly painful for me (safe word or no) would give him so much pleasure. I'd have major trust issues. Worth issues.

I'm all about the wayward side of sex. I enjoy a bit of anal play myself, amoung other things. But I've never gotten into the whole pain=pleasure side of things.

That you did it for him, and you'd be willing to do it again speaks volumes of your love and trust for him. You're so much stronger than I could be.

m

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yoshi

I agree Nikki. I love it when my husband pulls my hair from behind.

Amethyst

I would have to agree that i love it when my husband gets rought with me. He has this little name he calls me and he pulls my hair it is so much fun.
The first time I asked him to pull my hair he was doing it and at the same time he was kissing my head it was so funny. He has gotten better at it.
But sometimes I like it rough.

StormBerlin

It all depends on the mood. If the mood strikes me, I let my boyfriend choke me. Well, not LET him, I ask him to. He knows where the boundaries are tho.

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angela146

Re: Concertina's post above...

Thanks, Concertina, very sincerely.

Answering your post (see below) has given me a lot of what I was looking for when I began the thread. In order to write this, I had to figure out why I didn't have feelings of self-sacrifice or a betrayal of trust. *That* lead me closer to how I *do* feel.

As I said in my original post, I didn't really understand the feeling, and I'm closer to understanding it now. You're giving me a little too much credit (not that I mind, thank you). There is a selfish side to what I did.

Quote:

I'd have to stop. Don't wanna delve into all my sexual baggage, but if what you described had occured between my husband and myself, and then he tells me it's the one of the best experiences of my life, I doubt I'd be able to be intimate with him for a very long time.

There's something very deeply intimate about it. It hurt but I felt good about it. There was a kind of fulfillment, that I was finally giving myself to him completely.

Quote:

I would find it hard to believe that something that was incredibly painful for me (safe word or no) would give him so much pleasure.

Hubby and I have talked about this since I read your post. He says that there is a part of him buried down deep that wants/needs to be violent and animalistic and not take "no" for an answer and that this is probably true for most men on some level.

They feel like they have to stay in denial, bury it and not let it out of it's cage for fear of what they might do. He seems to have satiated a once in a very long time kind of need to actually *do* something like this. On the other hand, he fantasizes about it every once in a while (sometimes with my help).

Quote:

I'd have major trust issues. Worth issues.

For me it was the other way around. I felt a sense of accomplishment that I really *could* do *anything* for him and that I wasn't just paying lip service. I also trust him more, knowing that he stopped short of permanent harm *and* that he hasn't tried to pressure me to do it again.

In other words, I know that the scary, violent part of him stays on it's leash.

Quote:

I'm all about the wayward side of sex. I enjoy a bit of anal play myself, amoung other things. But I've never gotten into the whole pain=pleasure side of things.

Yes. The fact that I am into mild/medium SM makes a big difference.

Quote:

That you did it for him, and you'd be willing to do it again speaks volumes of your love and trust for him. You're so much stronger than I could be.

I certainly can't deny being a strong woman, just ask any of the men I work with and I am hopelessly in love with him. Both of these things made it safer for me. I am/was able to handle handle it, in large part, because I didn't have to deal with the utlimate fear that he wouldn't stop.

angela146

Just curious, are you doing it mostly for him or for you, i.e. do you get off on it?

anti fishstick

i like being pinned. and overpowered. and getting bruises the next day. i like being tied up til my hand/arm/whatever falls asleep. i like being bitten.

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collide

This isn't something that I've thoroughly explored yet, but the most important thing that I've learned is that I need to feel comforted and understood about whatever we try for the first time. If I don't have peace of mind about it, then I'm not comfortable with getting too rough, and that ruins whatever pleasure I might get out of it. Other things that usually concern me are the risk factors involved, and there's nothing worse than regret. I do find it exciting to be restrained and bound, and especially spanked and scratched, but only if it's with someone I trust -- otherwise, it becomes a very negative experience for me, and there's no point in getting rough if it's not going to be enjoyable in some way.

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collide

So yeah, I'd probably be okay with anything as long as we trust each other, and that there's proper lubrication. :P This part is key.

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Baileys

I would so not want anal if it was forced. Read to many warnings on that.

But spank me? Oh was I bad? Do I need a spanking? yes yes, I was bad!

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Baileys

SiN

neither would i....

but, what if the female is *allowing* it to be forced...is that *really* forced then?

i dunno, personally i don't think i'd be comfortable with my bf 'really' forcing me to do anything..but on the other hand, i could see giving him permission to do whatever, and/or 'pretending' it was forced (and of course he would still have to know somewhere in my mind that it was ok...)

i think i kno what ur saying tho -

for me, i don't think i could be comfortable with a guy _truly_ able to *force* sexual things...(meaning having total utter disregard for me..)

but i do like the idea of playing in that great big gray area...

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sexymama

We've been talking a lot of fantasies lately -- as Lebell lives in a different state than I -- and I am looking forward to exploring my and his boundaries. I believe the more trust there is, the more fun there can be -- and that includes rough play.

Angela -- thank you for your inspiration and for making it all "okay." It is very freeing to know that ALL of my sexuality is good when it is with someone I love and trust.

I believe that the "safe word" is the key. With it, there will never actually be any "force" as it can be stopped at any time. With that in mind, I can hardly wait to be "taken," to be "tied," to be "spanked," and more.

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Rowan

Normally in life I am a very strong minded stubborn female. But when it comes to sex sometimes I like having a guy put me in my place. Grabbing a hold of my hands behind back and me knowing that even if I resist I can't get away gets me hotter and wetter. Telling me things like, "I didn't tell you to stop or to do that"

I have to trust a person before I can give in to them like that though.
I do understand the giving to a person you love that ultimate pleasure even if it causes a me pain. I don't how to explain it though.

Balaniki

Ok, I guess I'm just a wuss. If it's painful - it AIN'T fun! I do like to be restrained - tied down so I can't move. But that's more so that I can't stop what he's doing to my body with his mouth, hands and tongue.

I don't do anal sex - even though he would like to. He knows I won't and that's ok with him.

I was very much the 2 position girl when we met - laying on my back or sitting on the lap. With him I've learned several new and fun positions. But there's still that line that I won't cross.

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Balaniki

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I believe you should keep your beliefs to yourself."

Shyla Loral

Um, Angela, I'm sorry, but I would have used the safeword It still sounds "rapelike" to me. You don't have to "give" your husband something painful. Any role playing my hubby and I do is all only if it's comfortable for us. We would never hurt each other like that, even voluntarily We do some light s/m, some spanking, and some tying up, but the scarves are so loose that they can be escaped at any time, its symbolic only.
I would never let him hurt me like that. I have been sexually abused in my childhood, and my ex's, so that would never occur to me.
I am lucky. We have a very healthy and active sex life, and anything that we try that's new or different, we talk about first, and there's lots of love and petting
As far as anal, when we met, I said "I don't do anal", but we're working on that, and on me being comfortable with that. He wouldnt' do anything I wasnt comfortable with.

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Meff r0x

galaxygirl

Not to be critical, just want to clarify terms here - if it doesn't hurt it's not S/M. Sounds more like you are into light bondage and discipline. Which is great! Everyone should be comfortable in what they do.

As for me, I like the full spectrum Bondage Discipline Sado-Masochism (BDSM). In fact, I had the most severe spanking of my life last night, courtesy of i8one2, my Dom, and bf, and it was challenging. We push to the boundaries, and then play within them for awhile, and then try to extend them.

Last night was limit pushing time. Bound, gagged, and spanked. he told me before and during what he was doing, and was gentle and loving in between the slaps. The whole time my mind was cycling - oh my god, he is really hurting me, but I love him and I trust him, and he will stop if I ask. Then I'd think, but if he loves me why does he want to hurt me? Because I like it, but this really hurts! And back around again.

We had lots of kissing and cuddling afterwards and agreed on our pain scale of 1 to 10, a few of those were 11's and based on the welts and bruises rising on my bottom that was the hardest he would ever go.

The result? A bruised bottom (and a sore hand) a limit found, and another connection made between us.

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fallen_angel

I like everything jsut the whole choke me try to kill me thing. i do like it when he restrains me no matter how hard i fight

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Ladyhawke

I hate the rough stuff. Give me the nice long easy sex anyday

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sierra2774

I like the rough stuff, but only if it is followed by the nice long sensuous sex afterwards.

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raeanna74

I do like the rough stuff. Haven't really done a lot of it. Have gotten welts and bruises and lots of rough sex with Hubby.Have two other couples that we've gotten to know. I have sat and talked to the guys in person and in chat and we've discussed what goes and what doesn't. One of them has held me down, spanked me, and taken me hard. The other is "well endowed" and gets pretty deep - enough to be painful. I enjoy that. He has taken me on my stomach and gone long and hard to the point where I was asking him to stop but not saying the safe word. Another time he had me on my back, held me firm and did me hard and rough, slapping, biting and kissing hard. I ended up having multiple orgasms for about 10 minutes straight without a break that time. I was exhausted.

I think the matter of the pain mixed with pleasure just intensifies the whole thing for me. It's also a matter of pushing myself, seeing how far I can go without saying the safe word. It's a satisfing feeling to be able to do some thing for the man that many other women wouldn't/even couldn't do.

The pain, helplessnes and slight fear mixed with trust in him and a feeling of power over yourself makes for such an intense experience. I have enjoyed it and would like to do more.

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Vyxen

Once in a while I like it rough, but usually I'm yearning to have the guts to force him. (we talk about it, he wants it, i'm too nervous!). But, anyway, when I am in the mood to be his sex slave type of deal.. it's nothing extreme. Just the hair pulling, spanking, talking down to me, bondage type fun. =) I'd like to buy a paddle for his tooshy though. mmmm

However, like most ladies have said, I definately wouldn't do it unless I completely trusted the person and not without a safeword!

cruisergirl

Oddly enough, this was exactly the topic between me and my lover last night....He's been in a long, traumatic relationship, and has come away with some bad habits, like not being allowed to come or be dominant, or even to take initiative as far as sex goes. So we're trying to break some bad habits, and he had a hard time initially with me being so sexual and wanting it all the time. So we were discussing what exactly I would be willing to do, and I told him I love to be dominated, and held down, and "forced' if you will, and we all know how i feel about hair pulling I also love to be taken from behind with my arms held behind my back, and I fantasize about getting taken very roughly all the time. I do love anal, and that's not something he's ever done, but I trust him, because above anything that is a major trust issue there, and we're going to give it a shot. He's a very strong man, and very well endowed, so the thought of him holding me down and getting rough with me gets me so hot. I think if you love someone and trust them, you can discuss your boundries, and in time, maybe stretch those boundries to see how far you can go...

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BlueBongo

I suppose is the trust is there, that is important.

Unfortunately I have seen too many horrible images and know too many real stories of this subject gone wrong. I will see many more and I'm sure one will eventually hit home... Crime Scene Photography.. somebody's got to do it.

In my own life... I don't mind him being rough if it leaves me in a bit of pain. But I have not explored in quite as deeply as others.
I do trust my boyfriend, but I do not yet know how I feel about this until I have further explored it.

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Eowyn_Vala

As long as we are both comfortable I like trying lots of new things. As far as the roughness factor, every now and then I will tease him and play with him until he goes nuts and wants it right now, but he will always stop if I tell him no, even after I have pushed him that far. I've only done that once because he wanted anal that time and I wasn't comfortable or ready and it really hurt. He immediately stopped and then made up for it! But normally it is just playful biting and roughness. Nothing has ever happened with any kind of force. I couldn't do it and I know my SO couldn't either.

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cruisergirl

Hey there, just a little after-thought to my post. My lover and I did get a bit rough a few times since then, and I think the key here is a safe word. We decided to have one "just in case" because he is very strong and sometimes doesn't know his own strength, and we have yet to test my limits. We've both really enjoyed playing around, but he still has trouble beleiving I'm actually enjoying myself , but we're still working on it!

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ally

I enjoy feeling like I'm not in control, that I'm being "taken", but nothing like your ssaying I don't think I'll ever want to go that far. I can't see my bf ever wanting to do that either. he enjoys being very loving an gentle during sex.

la petite moi

If there is a mutual trust, and you both have a safe word....YUM YUM!

vveronica

I am very into bound sex and resisting. it is the helpless feeling of being bound unable to prevent him having me. It is so great helpless seeing him deciding how the play will go. the slow verbal intimidation with touch play or the rough dominating sex can be really fantastic

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Kyp's Girl

Me and my b/f havn't had much expereince with sex. The first time for both of us was with eachohter, and it hurt like hell, but he didn't get in all the way. He is so afraid of hurting me. We've tried talking about it, but well some things guys just don't understand. I want him to keep trying, but he watches me and knows when it hurts me, so he stops. I love how respective he is, but I want to know what it feels like. I don't want him to stop trying because I know that it's gonna hurt no matter how gentle or rough he is, I just want to experience it.

reesespiecespbc

If you (or anyone) likes it rough, hard, fast or painful...that's your perogative. If you are with someone that you can trust enough to let your inhibitions go...more power to you for finding that person.

One day my fiance, who was my boyfriend at the time, asked me if I would be open to him "choking" me during sex. At first, I thought that he was insane or had completley lost his mind.

But, after getting more info from him and talking about it in depth, I "gave in." The first time that we did it was over a year ago and I LOVE IT! I love feeling out of control, being controlled, thinking that my life is in his hands, etc. It's a HUGE turn on for me (and him) and makes me have orgasms like you wouldn't believe.

I've reccently found out that this is more normal than I had thought and they actually have a name for it.

Ladies, if you like something, want something or have fantasies...tell your partner and act them out and/or do them. Sex isn't just about men and what they want. It's about what BOTH parties want.

We've all had moments where our partner got us the wrong angle and it hurt and we just took it anyway, and saved the "complaining for afterwards." I would say that if this happens and you're willing to take the pain and crying again...you got enjoyment out of it to....and that's okay.

However, if you're going to get into dominating or painful situations, you need to have a code word or hand gesture that really means stop. When you pick a word, you'll want it to be something out of the ordinary so that you don't do it by accident during sex. Try the name of a fruit or flower. If you pick a had gester, try something like the hang loose or peace sign.

ShaniFaye

My safe word is Tony Stewart ahahahaha Dave knows Im serious than cause I cant stand that man (NASCAR driver)

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mixedmedia

heh...heh...heh...heh

I let him get as rough as he wants to. And I love every blessed moment of it. *swoon*

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snowy

Not rough enough to justify the use of a safe word--he's not really into that. But he does spank me (I love a good spanking), and to be sure, we like rough, hard sex, with occasional hair-pulling and biting.

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surferlove007

We haven't quite gotten to the rough stuff in our relationship yet...although when we do I'll comment.
The most we've done is to spank and bite a little. I like to bite...but not hard.