angela146

Re: Concertina's post above...

Thanks, Concertina, very sincerely.

Answering your post (see below) has given me a lot of what I was looking for when I began the thread. In order to write this, I had to figure out why I didn't have feelings of self-sacrifice or a betrayal of trust. *That* lead me closer to how I *do* feel.

As I said in my original post, I didn't really understand the feeling, and I'm closer to understanding it now. You're giving me a little too much credit (not that I mind, thank you). There is a selfish side to what I did.

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I'd have to stop. Don't wanna delve into all my sexual baggage, but if what you described had occured between my husband and myself, and then he tells me it's the one of the best experiences of my life, I doubt I'd be able to be intimate with him for a very long time.

There's something very deeply intimate about it. It hurt but I felt good about it. There was a kind of fulfillment, that I was finally giving myself to him completely.

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I would find it hard to believe that something that was incredibly painful for me (safe word or no) would give him so much pleasure.

Hubby and I have talked about this since I read your post. He says that there is a part of him buried down deep that wants/needs to be violent and animalistic and not take "no" for an answer and that this is probably true for most men on some level.

They feel like they have to stay in denial, bury it and not let it out of it's cage for fear of what they might do. He seems to have satiated a once in a very long time kind of need to actually *do* something like this. On the other hand, he fantasizes about it every once in a while (sometimes with my help).

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I'd have major trust issues. Worth issues.

For me it was the other way around. I felt a sense of accomplishment that I really *could* do *anything* for him and that I wasn't just paying lip service. I also trust him more, knowing that he stopped short of permanent harm *and* that he hasn't tried to pressure me to do it again.

In other words, I know that the scary, violent part of him stays on it's leash.

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I'm all about the wayward side of sex. I enjoy a bit of anal play myself, amoung other things. But I've never gotten into the whole pain=pleasure side of things.

Yes. The fact that I am into mild/medium SM makes a big difference.

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That you did it for him, and you'd be willing to do it again speaks volumes of your love and trust for him. You're so much stronger than I could be.

I certainly can't deny being a strong woman, just ask any of the men I work with and I am hopelessly in love with him. Both of these things made it safer for me. I am/was able to handle handle it, in large part, because I didn't have to deal with the utlimate fear that he wouldn't stop.