little_tippler

Ok, that's a charged question, I know.

Feminine, what is that anyway? Feminine to you is probably different from feminine to me.

according to the Merriam-Webster Online dictionary, femininity is:
"the embodiment or conception of a timeless or idealized feminine nature."
So when we feel feminine, does it mean we feel more ideal in other peoples' eyes (or even our own)?

So what do you think makes you feel feminine, or not?

I'm actually not sure what makes me feel that way. I know what superficial things make me feel feminine. Is that all it is? Wearing a pretty dress, high heels, make up, showing off your body? What psychological manifestations exist that could make women feel more feminine?

And back to the original question - on any given day, how feminine do you feel?

For me, I do generally feel feminine, but there was a time when I didn't feel feminine at all. To this day, that feeling still follows me a lot of the time. Like I'm a fraud really. Or I'm not myself. I'm not sure you will understand.

I know how to act feminine. I know that sometimes it feels real. But then a lot of the time I feel like I'm role-playing. I don't know why it doesn't come naturally to me. Though I'm happy that it seems to have improved with age and I feel like I'm more confident that, yes, that is a real part of me. It's a lot to do with confidence.

On some days, I feel asexual. Like just a body and mind, with no assigned gender. Existing. Yeah I get weird sometimes. Heh.

Do you think that in recent times a lot of women have forgotten or don't know how to be "girly", or "feminine? It could be because our mothers no longer teach us the things they used to. I mean I like to be on almost equal ground to men, but then I keep thinking I'd love to exude femininity and still have that, but it doesn't feel possible.

Is this all just social conditioning? I suspect as much.

__________________
Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

Impetuous1

I understand precisely what you mean. I often don't feel very feminine unless I'm putting on "girly" clothes and makeup. Then, I feel somewhat artificial. Like I'm playing dress up and pretending to be another person. At other times, I'll be reminded that I'm female by a male's reaction to me. But most times, I don't think of myself as a woman first. Most times, I think of myself as a person and as a woman second. I don't think the way I feel is necessarily social conditioning, because if that were the case, I'd be a lot more talkative and flirty. I think it's just a result of being who I am. I've grown up seeing strong women and have come to see women as equal to men. So, I guess in general, I don't think of most people as men and women, just people. Not to say that I don't notice genders, I just mean that I don't like to put people in a pre-defined box.

mixedsubstance

I think it's a mood thing...but even though I've had the tomboy in me, I think the only thing that makes me feel feminine is feeling fresh, clean, good-hair day, no pimples, and cute outfit...but my mood is the main factor. But I tend to have the less-feminine conversations with other women too. I can't stand girl talk. I'd rather talk about important things. So even though I try to doll myself up, I still fall into my comfort zone of just being me- sexy heels and dress or not.

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Well, isn't that just kick-you-in-the-crotch, spit-on-your-neck fantastic?!?

*Without energy, there would be nothing.*

*Nikki*

I don't wear dresses and rarely ever make-up.

I feel feminine though because I know I have those "charms".

Soft skin, delicate gestures, slight frame, shapely figure, all the things that are a woman's body.

dd3953

LOL. I have this group I go to twice a week. There are two lesbians in this group (me and T) and my friend, T, was giving away some old rings and stuff she didn't wear anymore. Someone said something about me talking one of bracelets and it was kind of "girly" (another word not all that easy to define) and one of the guys there said something about it not being taken by me. I replied with "I've even less of a girl than [T] is." Everyone there agreed with me, a little faster than I thought that would.

A little later (on the ride home) one of my straight female friends said that I am always a man, at least T switches back and forth. But she can always count on me to always be a "man" about it.

Mind you, I don't feel too "feminine" for the most part. But I never really thought about it til Friday. That's why my first word for this reply is LOL. And honestly, I think she might be right. (And I'm cool with that.)

My mom even told me I walk like a man who's dick is too big. So outside of my body (38DDD, nice size, long enough hair) there's not too much about me that would say "feminine." But what makes it so chill is that I know one other female who is pretty much in the same boat and she is straight.

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[Technically, I'm not possible, I'm made of exceptions. ]

jewels

I didn't ever think about how I felt about femininity until I was about 30, when someone mentioned to me how he loved the way I jumped on the bed, how feminine it was. I was shocked to hear that, thinking of myself at the time as awkward and clumsy. It changed the way I looked at myself at the time; I always had a difficult time with people's perception of me versus my own perception of myself. But I did accept what he said and became more aware of what I perceived to be feminine or not.

After that marriage ended and I had to figure out things for myself, I didn't feel feminine at all. I thought of life as a choice of being helpless and female, or figuring things out which meant that I was butch and made men feel useless, so I was less of a woman by overcoming fears and surpassing my own boundaries. (Women are helpless creatures that need men and this is what keeps them feminine. Hopefully, I'm getting the mindset across .. ?)

It took me a while, but now I feel amazingly feminine. I finally realize it has nothing to do with having a man or making a man feel he's less of a man. It's nothing to do with the fact that I can dig in the dirt, mow the lawn or drill a hole in concrete. It's not wearing pink or lacy girly things. It's a state of mind. What l'il tippler said about acting feminine or not and feeling asexual: state of mind. Temporary. Based on hormone levels. At least that's what I think. We fluctuate.

But for something that lasts a little longer, I think a lot of it's social conditioning. Since my oldest daughter's probably your (most of you ladies) age, I'd wonder if that has changed much. For me, I grew up when it was the man's job to take out the trash and do the grilling. A woman never picked up a tool. She could drive the car, but only when her man's at work. Women's lib was a big buzzword when I was in my teens, which was code for wink-wink you can become President of the USA if you really want to. I think a lot of feminine self-doubt is a result of some of the backlash that occurred as the initial result of men questioning how to handle some of these liberated women.

Since I'm not trying to emasculate or belittle anyone and I'm an emotional, soft curvy creature that loves men but can handle raising children solo AND wants to learn to handle that drill the right way and build furniture, I am so full of my feminine self. Ain't it great to be a woman?

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We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
Mark Twain

abaya

Honestly, I really don't know what it means to be feminine. I've often wondered what I'll do if I end up having daughters, because I won't have the slightest idea of how to raise them as "women"--I was always a tomboy, hated all the usual female things as a child, and my dad was more of a role model than my mother ever was. So I'll raise both sons and daughters as people, not genders--because I don't know how to do that, and I don't want to do it, anyway. I'll teach them to do all the things that I know how to do (including take care of car and house fixing), and hope that ktspktsp will also teach them what he knows how to do (including cooking).

The two times where I feel that I have really been "feminine" were my high school prom and my wedding day. The two times where I really WANTED to wear a big poofy dress and look like a "woman," and put real effort into it. But otherwise, I don't really think about it, and I don't think it's very relevant to my day-to-day life. I have to make sure that I wear earrings every day and put on a little bit of make-up, because I feel like I appear too masculine (to others) without those things--but if it were up to me, I wouldn't change anything about my appearance on a daily basis, just as men don't.

I know that my husband likes it when I dress and look a little more feminine--and sometimes I do it, but it's not a standard for me. The times when I recognize my womanhood the most are when I'm naked, and I can really appreciate my body for what it is, and I know how well it compliments a man's naked body. But otherwise, I just don't really think of myself as "female"--more like asexual, as Little Tippler said.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Starkizzer

I love feeling feminine, but sadly it does seem like I need to put a lot of effort into it. Wearing a skirt, a top that accentuates the girls, painting my toes....yada yada yada.

And yet at other times all it takes is a nice bra and panties under a tank top and jeans to make me feel ultra feminine and yet like I can still keep up with any man. My dad taught me to be tough and never feel weak, in many ways thats when I feel my sexiest.

I'm sad to admit though that I never felt feminine until I met im2smrt4u, it was like finally a guy was paying attention to me for my curves and beauty and not just because I could kick their ass.

When I'm feeling unfeminine all I have to do is look down at my breasts and be reminded of just how much of a woman I am. I believe that the definition the the dictionary gives is purposefully vague because what is feminine not only changes from person to person but also culture to culture and even from one time period to the next. Now-a-days, women can be feminine with the big drill in their hand, a kid on their hip and a look that could kill in her eye. Its all a state of mind, and if one were to read the post from the ladies of tilted versus the men intellectually they may be the same but sometimes there is just a difference. Its hard to put your finger on but its there. More heart and passion maybe.

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Frivolity, at the edge of a Moral Swamp, hears Hymn-Singing in the Distance and dons the Galoshes of Remorse. ~Edward Gorey

ChillyWilly

When I was younger I thought that in order to be feminine you had to wear fancy clothes and makeup. I have learned in recent years that the previous is not necessarily true. I have always been considered one of the guys since I was raised by my Dad, and with my cousins who are all men. This makes it hard to get past the tom boy in me since I had to rely on it so much when I was younger and even now, at times. With the help of my friends, this includes Starkizzer, I have learned that I am capable of relying on my femininity when needed.

Hyacinthe

I think you're confusing femininity with submission to stereotype, a feminine woman is not necessarily demure and delicate and girly, screw that for a joke. Look at the Amazons, Venus, Hera, Athena, Bastest, Brigit, Ceridwen, Freya the list goes on, all of them beautiful feminine Goddesses worshipped by cultures for thousand of years no matter their role in the pantheon. They didn't care about being 'girly'.

The same holds true in the animal kingdom, female animals are usually the most deadly. This doesn't decrease their desirability in any way shape of form, if anything it makes them better mothers. providers and mates.

I consider myself to be quite feminine, has nothing to do with what I wear or what I'm doing but it's the simply fact that I'm at ease with myself. I find that self confidence is what I find most feminine, if you can close your eyes and go back to one moment when you felt gorgeous, truly beautiful, you'll get a little smile and your eyes will darken, you might blush a little and that's what I find for me sums up feminimity. Those small gestures, the placement of a hand the carrying of a heavy box balaced against one hip small almost un-noticeable things.

That to me is femininity, not a pretty dress or long hair but being totally at ease with the fact that you're a woman and KNOWING that doesn't make you any different as an individual then if you were male.

__________________
"I want to be remembered as the girl who always smiles even when her heart is broken... and the one that could brighten up your day even if she couldnt brighten her own"

"Her emotions were clear waters. You could see the scarring and pockmarks at the bottom of the pool, but it was just a part of her landscape – the consequences of others’ actions in which she claimed no part."

girldetective

Yes, I suspect that femininity is social conditioning too and i dont think it is necessarily static. I think it does mean something more ideal, probably in our own eyes, but still what makes me feel feminine is that conditioning by my partner. Tpop is excellent at this so i feel feminine most all the time, and I like it very much. Its new for me as Ive spent most of my life in different circumstances where femininity was not valued so its easy to contrast. Its a relief, almost like coming home. I feel natural and its easier to breathe. Who knew?!

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As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons...be cheerful; strive for happiness - Desiderata

Kaimi

I would have to say that the only time that I do not feel overly feminine is when I am ill. Otherwise I get up each day as though I am going somewhere. On the weekend(plans or not) I have a ritual long baths, afterward I sit in a towel or robe, tending to myself. Whether it is just applying lotion, doing my nails or brushing my hair. It sounds ridiculous really, but it does keep me in tune with my femininity and also gives me some valued "me time."

mixedmedia

I always feel feminine. Whether I'm dressed up or in t-shirt in jeans.

__________________
Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus
PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

snowy

This is a great post, Hyacinthe, and it pretty much sums up how I feel about the issue.

My mother taught me that being feminine is about being strong, having the strength to do what needs to be done, having the mental fortitude to get through it. She says I am stronger than she will ever be, and that I have a spine of steel, but unlike her, my spine is relatively untested. But it is that inner female strength that makes me feel feminine.

She taught me that it is perfectly acceptable to wear make-up when I feel like it, and to go without it when I don't. I grew up playing with Barbies one minute and running outside to build tree forts with my friends the next--most of which were boys. All of these things are irrelevant to what I am inside, really. And I am a woman.

We like to think that femininity is expressed in trappings, in nail polish, in hairspray, and in lip gloss. But femininity is something inside yourself--not something you do to your outside. It doesn't matter if you wear high heels or combat boots--you can still be feminine, regardless.

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If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Ayashe

I had always felt quite feminine though lately, after an awful breakup I have to say that I have not felt so womanly lately. Longterm relationship gone sour over another woman..it is very much unlike me, but true.

genuinegirly

How I define feminine:

- high pain tolerance
- cognizant of others' emotions
- patient
- nurturing
- careful
- altruist
- attentive
- even-tempered
- helpful, picking up on a need before it is voiced
- driven to make a clean/tidy environment
- financially responsible
- graceful movement
- clean, fresh, flowery and fruity scents
- light or bright colors, such as baby blue, royal blue, fuchsia, pink, kelly green, lemon yellow, violet.
- gardens
- curves (curvy paths, roads, streams, and human body)
- walking for sport
- constant desire to learn
- communicating without words
- finding comfort from within and spreading it outward
- seeing beauty in the everyday
- working until the body breaks from exhaustion

How feminine do I feel?
Getting there.

__________________
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

abaya

I'm genuinely curious (genuinegirly, hehe) where/how you developed this definition of femininity... since my definition is quite different, and many of the things that you name, I expect no less of from the "masculine" side as well. But I was raised a tomboy--with a pretty bad example of "femininity" as what *not* to do--so that flavors my definition quite strongly.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

genuinegirly

I was also raised a tomboy. My mother didn't appear feminine. My father was my role model. As I matured, I began to see the behaviors I picked up from him, that I cherished, as feminine. He taught me to manicure my nails, to clean and repair the dirtiest, grimiest seemingly inutile household items. He taught me to hug, to love, to giggle. He taught me what it meant to be a good helper in a workshop and around the house. He taught me his feminine ideal - everything he knew that my mother could not teach me. As I began to see my father in a feminine light, I was able to see tidbits of my mother as feminine - in counterpoint to my father's few vestiges of masculinity.

I am female. By my definition, every trait that appeals to me as the epitome of an exalted female form is feminine.

__________________
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

HedwigStrange

Funny... I feel like I couldn't stop being feminine if I wanted to. I look like the Victorian stereotype "woman" - very petite, very soft, hour-glass body, round face. It's very hard to make my body look manly or childish - it is very womanly, so I usually feel very feminine. I also have hip-length hair, which always makes me feel like a fairy-tale princess. I look so girly that usually I am treated as a girl - men don't treat me like I'm helpless (usually), but they don't treat me like one of the guys either. Make-up and toe-nail polish don't matter so much in my conception of femininity.. it has more to do with the way I act and the things I like to do. I love to shop, I love to bake and cook in general, draw, read, garden, crochet, embroider, and can jams and jellies. I like to do many other things, of course, but I genuinely like doing some of the traditional women's activities, which makes me feel like a lady.
The only time I don't feel feminine is when men ignore me (sad, isn't it?). Mostly when I'm around other girls and the guys sort of pass me over and talk to all the other girls but me, or talk about some chick they want to screw when I'm right next to them. Guys usually aren't dumb enough to say that around other girls, as girls often let each other know when guys are plotting stuff like that. When I get ignored that way, it's pretty brutal for me. I feel like an a-sexual bean then, robbed of any gender.

djamel

Just what genuingirly posted I agree with her... just getting there.

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KinkyLair