I didn't ever think about how I felt about femininity until I was about 30, when someone mentioned to me how he loved the way I jumped on the bed, how feminine it was. I was shocked to hear that, thinking of myself at the time as awkward and clumsy. It changed the way I looked at myself at the time; I always had a difficult time with people's perception of me versus my own perception of myself. But I did accept what he said and became more aware of what I perceived to be feminine or not.
After that marriage ended and I had to figure out things for myself, I didn't feel feminine at all. I thought of life as a choice of being helpless and female, or figuring things out which meant that I was
butch and made men feel useless, so I was less of a woman by overcoming fears and surpassing my own boundaries. (Women are helpless creatures that need men and this is what keeps them feminine. Hopefully, I'm getting the mindset across .. ?)
It took me a while, but now I feel amazingly feminine. I finally realize it has nothing to do with having a man or making a man feel he's less of a man. It's nothing to do with the fact that I can dig in the dirt, mow the lawn or drill a hole in concrete. It's not wearing pink or lacy girly things. It's a state of mind. What l'il tippler said about acting feminine or not and feeling asexual: state of mind. Temporary. Based on hormone levels. At least that's what I think. We fluctuate.
But for something that lasts a little longer, I think a lot of it's social conditioning. Since my oldest daughter's probably your (most of you ladies) age, I'd wonder if that has changed much. For me, I grew up when it was the man's job to take out the trash and do the grilling. A woman never picked up a tool. She could drive the car, but only when her man's at work.
Women's lib was a big buzzword when I was in my teens, which was code for wink-wink you can become President of the USA if you really want to. I think a lot of feminine self-doubt is a result of some of the backlash that occurred as the initial result of men questioning how to handle some of these
liberated women.
Since I'm not trying to emasculate or belittle anyone and I'm an emotional, soft curvy creature that loves men but can handle raising children solo AND wants to learn to handle that drill the right way and build furniture, I am so full of my feminine self.
Ain't it great to be a woman?