Willravel

Exercise and diet with her, you're inviting her to do something that you both will learn to enjoy.

genuinegirly

Horrible eating habits, eh?

In this day and age, people either care about their physical fitness or they don't.
Sounds like she fits into the second category and the only reason she wants to lose weight is because society tells her she should be 115lbs.

If she is truly interested in shedding pounds, eating right is a place to start. Does she know how? Does she know just what is in each soda, each hamburger? When you are with her, rather than eating out, try making her breakfasts, lunches, and/or dinners that are balanced. Offer to go walking/running/jogging/biking with her in the mornings or evenings. Keep an open dialogue about your workout regime and healthy eating habits, then encourage her to develop her own.

Something about that message caught my eye: Once a month every month for the last year. There is a time in my cycle that I just feel bloated and fat. It's like this for a lot of women. She may be complaining about this aspect of womanhood rather than her actual physical fitness.

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noodle

I agree with what appears to be the general consensus... unless she feels motivated and wants to get healthier, she won't. To address the diet issues, shop together in the fresh food stores, take a cooking class. To make it fun, cook the healthy meals nekkid (or in sexy undergarments/pj's if she's uncomfortable). It eventually leads to wanting to make healthy meals. But don't cook anything that splatters As for exercise, I heartily agree setting a fun vacation or outing that you're not in shape for now and work towards it while dropping the spare change in a jar. Then you don't get the money before you meet your health goals. Sometimes you just have to do your own thing, though. My ex encouraged me all of the time and only ended up with me feeling miserable and persecuted. It took him dumping my fat behind and me getting angry enough with myself to join a gym and burn off my frustration productively. I've lost 5 sizes and 60 lbs since we broke up the first time. I love watching his jaw drop and we're good friends now. But it was something I had to do for myself, alone. That's just me.

But, no matter how great I feel that I look now, every time my cycle rolls around I feel disgusting and bloated. I switched my b/c to one where I can cycle 4x a year instead of 12x. Which greatly decreased my side effects and those awful times where all I can do is cry and feel self-conscious about everything. Many, many fewer hormonal issues and weight fluctuations.

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Sultana

This is the best advice EVAR!

Don't do "boring" exercise, do something active that you both will enjoy!

And yes, she will be tired after work or school because she's not moving. Just Do It Anyway. <--directed at her, not you.

Cimarron, will you go to swing dance classes with me?

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"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath.
At night, the ice weasels come." -

Matt Groening

My goal? To fulfill my potential.

abaya

Gee, I do this once a WEEK. Sorry to interrupt the thread, but Fredweena what b/c are you on?

By the way, whoever said that "all women complain about their weight and never get off their ass"... yeah, I'd have to say I've seen my share of out of shape, lazy men, too. I do think it really helps when both people in a relationship are working out regularly... one can encourage the other, in a form of accountability. Ktspktsp and I have been working out at the same time every MWF since the summer (we are 3 hours apart) and somehow I feel closer to him when I know we are doing those things "together."

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

noodle

Yasmin. It rocks. I actually lost weight and had a rather um... large increase in libido. Heh.

end threadjack... sorry guys!

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Shadefire

My problem is, I have to get up at 6:15 am to go to work in the first place. If I want to exersize I need to get up at around 5:30. I know I have to do it, I just can't make myself set the alarm for that early

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Derwood

actual weight is very misleading. My wife is about 5' 7" and weighs around 180. But to look at her, you'd guess 15-20 lbs less. She can wear size 10 or 12 clothes. So is she just muscular? Dense bones? We watched this season of The Biggest Loser, and some of those women were only 20 or 30 lbs heavier than her, but were eaily twice as big around

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"You can't shoot a country until it becomes a democracy." - Willravel

thespian86

I have the same problem with my girlfriend only the reverse. We grew up together and were always in theatre together; she is a competitive dancer so she is not only naturally beautiful but unbelievably toned and in amazing shape, she's also a musical theatre student with me, but I'm no toned, ballet, light on his feet theatre boy. I'm 6'3, 224 (thats after losing a lot of weight post football) and I'm more of a strong vocalist, not so much the dancing. I always have a hard time with my body when she tells me that I'm handsome or that she is attracted to me. My advice is be persistant about loving herself but I don't see anything wrong with encouraging a healthy lifestyle, over weight or not. Skinny doesn't mean healthy; if she is flaking then I suggest you start with her, begin and encourage her to come along if it's becoming such a large problem... there are lots of solutions... none of them are her just deciding she's pretty because I was always an overwieght kid growing up and we all know it doesn't work that way.

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Rubyee

I don't think she needs your help as much as you think she does. If she really wants to do this, she will do it with or without you.

You can help her mentally, though. I am going through what she is, and I know that I need the mental help. Here is what I mean.

If you go shopping with her and she complains about nothing fitting her, try helping her pick something out. She can find clothes that hide her weight. This is where you come in- be honest with her. Telling her that something looks better on her, and meaning it, will help. It will boost her self esteem and get her in a better mood.

Call her bluff- when she says I am going to diet and excersize, goad her on. Go to the grocery store and buy some health food. Tell her to get outside and walk around the block. If she knows that you are going to call her bluff, she will either stop saying it or start doing it.

Ask her about her progress. Ask her what she ate that day, how much activity she got in, and so on.

Have things ready for her. When she gets off work, have some work out clothes set aside and be ready to go for a bike ride with her or for a walk with her.

Reward her when she does accomplish something. Tell her that when she loses ten pounds, the two of you will go out and get matching tats, or bracelets, or something else that she might like.

If she sees that you aren't just going to sit back and wait for her to lose the weight, but really push her mentally to do so, she will be more apt to do this.

But remember to do all of these things without making it seem like YOU want her to lose the weight. Let her know that you are only trying to make her happy and make things easier on her.

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You don't know from fun.

xrayvision2

i would buy her a treadmill, and keep her away from fast food.

Derwood

That's the real trick though, right? Because OF COURSE a guy would be happier if his SO was in great shape. Of course, if she whips out this argument, it's a surefirer sign that she isn't serious about losing the weight.

On another note, the "target weights" given by the medical field seem awfully thin to me. My wife has lamented more than a few times that the "ideal" weight for someone 5'7" is 135 lbs. That's a lot of pressure coming from a source that's not Cosmo

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"You can't shoot a country until it becomes a democracy." - Willravel

trache

My girlfriend was in a situation similar to this one about 2 years ago. She knew she had a problem, and wanted to fix it. Nothing she did seemed to work and then one day she ordered Dr. Phil's Ultimate Weight Solution book.

It was like a light went off in her head. I honestly don't know what is in that book, but she started to notice changes in her behaviour, eating and excercise habits right away.

Since then she has lost approximately 18 kilograms and has managed to keep it all off in two years. She is eating better than I am (that's the topic of another thread!) and she is a lot happier with herself and in her relationship with everyone else (I can't thank Dr. Phil enough!).

I would wholeheartedly recommend this book to anyone looking to lose weight or get fit. The first step is realizing you may have an issue and also a desire to actively combat it. If your girlfriend doesn't keep up with it, it will be a losing battle. It was hard for my girlfriend. Although she told me every day how she was doing (and I actively asked her and tried to push her gently), I can only imagine what was going on inside her mind. The problem is much more psychological than it is anything else, remember that.

Whatever her plan, tell her to always have people, things, and activities that play a positive role.

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Plaid13

If its long distance and you cant spend alot of time with her theres not much you can do except just encourage her to eat a more balanced diet. if she does she will start feeling better and getting more energy to be able to work out more. Once you two are together you can work out together and maybe you should cook for her and get her eating better. Just changing from fast food and lots of soda to something more healthy would get her weight down to something she would be happy with and she would feel better if she ate better. At least i know i started feeling alot better when i stopped drinking sodas and eating fast food. and the huge weight loss was a nice bonus.

Most people that drink alot of sodas dont keep track of how much they drink or just how unhealthy it is. i found myself drinking like 8 cans of iced tea or coke a day 150 or so calories each adds up fast. just changing from that to water or some health drink is one hell of a nice cutback in calorie intake.

Mostly just cook for her when you two are together instead of going out to eat some greasy burger or something.

HalcyonDaze

I think diet is the first big step. Even if she doesn't have time to work out, if she changes what she eats (tons of fast food and stuff) she'll see a big improvement. And it doesn't take any more time to eat something healthy than it does a burger.

Maybe you should show her Supersize Me. That really shocked me.

As for exercise, you have to make it an activity. I can not motivate myself to go running or lift weights, but I have no problem getting out to play volleyball three times per week, tennis once and basketball a few times per month. Whatever she's into. The key is to make it fun, or competitive, or whatever does it for her. If she's not sporty, something like swing dancing lessons is a fantastic idea.

Finally, I just had to comment on this:

Dude, I'm 5'9" and 148, and everybody says I'm the skinniest person they know. Unless you're missing one of your arms, there's no way you have a mini-gut.

Sultana

It doesn't take any more time to eat it, but it takes *a lot* more time to plan and prepare fresh, healthy meals.

__________________
"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath.
At night, the ice weasels come." -

Matt Groening

My goal? To fulfill my potential.

Ustwo

Well first off Supersize me is BS.

Secondly, I eat at McD's quite often with work and have lost weight. Just count the handy calories they put on their website and BINGO, you get thin.

Or is there something unhealthy about grilled chicken?

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Willravel

Oh no you didn't.
No, grilled chicken breast is quite healthy, and I'd reccomend anyone who isn't vegetarian or vegan to eat it. Of course, the mayo and katsup all over it, the 38 gallon drum of coka-cola, the massve amounts of fries (dripping in trans and saturated fats, sodium, and maybe theres an ounce of potato in there somewhere), and apple pie will hurt.

spindles

I just want to add a simple point. I hear the word "diet" (in terms of weight loss) and the connotation is that you will eat something different while you lose the weight, then go back to being "normal". All this tends to do is create a situation where the person's weight fluctuates dramamtically.

Deciding to eat healthier is a life decision, not a 3 month quick fix.

Is it time consuming to cook your own food? yes. Is it really an unmanageable large effort? no way.

Also, people seem to think dieting is a strict regime. Maybe it is, but you should not spend your life eating something tasteless for a healthier lifestyle - you do have to eat, so you may as well cook things you enjoy eating. And as far as I'm concerned, you can still have treats as long as you have control, or you don't overdo it.

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CityOfAngels

Only bring it up if she brings it up. As much as you love her, "encouragement" is often construed as nagging, and can negatively affect her self-esteem. Because of this, make it seem like you're only interested in her losing weight because SHE's interested in losing weight. Recommend she see a nutritionist. I'll tell you right now the nutritionist will tell her to completely stop drinking soda, and if she HAS to drink soda, drink diet soda. The reason being is liquids don't get you full like solids, so you can drink to your heart's content and still be hungry. But one can of soda has slightly less calories than a donut. If she's drinking lots of sodas (out of the 2-liter; lots of refills in restaurants, etc.), she's pretty much eating lots of donuts as far as calories go.

I, personally, switched to diet soda this year after seeing a nutritionist. I don't know how much weight I've lost, but it is a considerable amount; and that's on my temporary hiatus from playing basketball. I can only imagine how much weight I'd be losing if I was still playing basketball every day.

One other thing the nutritionist told me that comes to mind is to make sure that half of all of your meals are vegetables.

Just make sure you give her advice in a loving, caring, and understanding way; and make sure she knows that it's not something you're dwelling on, but rather something you've noticed is bothering HER, and that you love her so much you want to help her be happy with herself, any way you can.

Edit: Oh yeah one more thing that is kinda obvious but the nutritionist told me anyways: Drink lots of water. Lay off ANY liquids with calories; not just soda. That means juice must be had in moderation, too.

HalcyonDaze

Granted, they played it off a lot more dramatically than it probably really was. But I think the basic point of it is pretty true.

The original poster said this about his girl's diet: "She has like the worst diet ever, no balanced meals, fast food, and lots of soda."

Somehow I don't think she's going into McDonald's and ordering the grilled chicken, a fruit cup, and water. I didn't tell him that she has to stop eating at McDonald's, I said she had to eat better.

Poppinjay

If you think Supersize Me is BS, and you still want to eat at McD's, read "Fast Food Nation".

Thumbs. Insect bits. Cartilage.

Now I know why they kept sauce secret.

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I think the Apocalypse is happening all around us. We go on eating desserts and watching TV. I know I do. I wish we were more capable of sustained passion and sustained resistance. We should be screaming and what we do is gossip. -Lydia Millet

Ustwo

The amusing thing about dieting is that its idiot simple.

EAT LESS CALOIRES THAN YOU BURN AND YOU WILL LOSE WEIGHT.

Its that simple. It doesn't matter if you eat steamed broccoli or a bucket of lard, your body can't violate the laws of physics.

Now eating healthy is a whole different issue, and takes more work, but again....

EAT LESS CALORIES THAN YOU BURN AND YOU WILL LOSE WEIGHT.

I am not sure why this concept is so difficult for people to grasp.

Lets take for example a McD's number 6 grilled ranch blt, with a coke.

Thats

Sandwhich: 490
Fries: 350
Coke: 210

Total = 1050

Now for my size and exercise level my 'break even' calories was calculated at 2600 a day.

I now have 1550 to play with if I want to maintain my weight.

Eat less than that I should lose weight, more I should gain.

When I was in weight loss mode I would just have the sandwhich, which despite the bacon and mayo, is 490 caloires, and it worked just fine.

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Poppinjay

Yes. That is true. However, you also have to take into account that a healthy diet makes your body much more complaisant about excercise.

Eat 500 calories worth of McD's, burn 600, a net loss.

Eat 500 calories worth of greens and grains, burn 600, a net loss, and your arteries are happy, and you feel better as you walk/run/swing dance.

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I think the Apocalypse is happening all around us. We go on eating desserts and watching TV. I know I do. I wish we were more capable of sustained passion and sustained resistance. We should be screaming and what we do is gossip. -Lydia Millet

Ustwo

True, but both I would argue are better than being over weight.

I much prefer salads (though I like protein in there as well) but I've yet to find a fast food place that makes a good salad and it becomes a matter of convenience. If your diet is too much work, I'd argue it has a better chance to fail, so while eating 100% healthy would be great, eating less is a very good start.

I also don't think there is anything inherently unhealthy about McD's. I don't think a little mayo is going to kill you can you can order it without. Its quite possible to get a chicken sandwich with just tomato and lettuce, which I would call healthy. Bland but healthy.

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Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host

Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.

Willravel

Yes, the bottom line is that one should regularly burn off an equal or greater amount of calories than one ingests. But McDonalds? (According to information gathered from the McDonald's Australia website) The Roast Chicken Salad derives 27.58% of its kJ from fat. 28% of your calories from fat in a salad seems a bit ridiculous. The Caesar salad with Chicken Premiere has 18.4 grams of fat.

My point is...how hard is it to go to a supermarket and buy an apple? How hard is it to grab one of those bags of spinach and mixed greens? The supermarket is just as fast as most fast food places around here. I can get a damn healthy salad at Trader Joe's for lunch, and not have to worry about cardiovascular problems or liver damage. McDonalds and other fast food places are not your only option when you're on the run. I've avoided fast food for years now, and I've not lost any time.

Poppinjay

I went to Trader Joe's for lunch today and was accosted by charity ne'er do wells. they put on the most aggressive pitch I've ever heard. Buy a crappy mug for $10, or a VHS copy of "Arthur" for $5, and money helps fingerprint children so we can recognize their remains.

The problem, by buying the mug or the VHS copy of "Arthur" (perhaps the most worthless piece of carbon in the DC area) I lose the donation tax credit.

If I had known, I would have gone to McDonalds and had a McKidlet sandwish with extra DNA samples.

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I think the Apocalypse is happening all around us. We go on eating desserts and watching TV. I know I do. I wish we were more capable of sustained passion and sustained resistance. We should be screaming and what we do is gossip. -Lydia Millet

Willravel

ouch

Safeway sounds safe, if by name only. I usually go to Trader Joe's because they tend to have less processed foods. Their juice is second to none, their selection is great for a store so centered on health. They are a rally point for the crazies of my political party, though. Watch out, or they'll get ya!

Ustwo

I don't see fat in the diet as a problem in itself, and where I can, I lower carbohydrates rather than fat. We evolved for a high fat diet, not a high carbohydrate diet.

That being said I'd rather have fish and a veggie, but it IS quite difficult at times, and it is just easier to drive through. When doing so I just lower my intake. Lost 30 lbs since last year, feel great, look great, kept it off, and the wife has returned to being a hottie after having a baby (guess now that makes her a true MILF). More than once in this time we found it easier to drive through and get a sandwich.

I think the key here is not making every meal at McD's, but you don't have to feel bad about it either.

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Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host

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Willravel

Humans have been eating fruit and vegetables for just as long as we've been eating meat. Those are quite high in carbohydrates, as well as vitamins and minerals that are wonderful for any humans diet. I still say that a diet should be 1/3 protien, 1/3 fat, and 1/3 carbohydrates, most, if not all, from natural sources.
Congrats on the healthy lifestyle. Fish is kinda difficlut to do on the run. I'm not suggesting that one should completly abstain from McDonalds, just eat it sparingly. I'd say don't do anything fast food more than maybe once or twice a week, and make sure you actually get up and exercise. Even with a completly healthy diet, you can still manage to be unhealthy if you don't get off the couch every once in a while and go for a walk or play some basketball or something.

bloodychill

More cushion for the pushin, I say.

motdakasha

I wouldn't say it's your sole responsibility, but if she's willing to accept your aid, then it doesn't hurt to nudge her in the right direction. I think the least offensive and most supportive way to go about this would be to do it together. Or rather, choose to be healthy and invite her along.

I'm not reading everyone's suggestions, but I'm sure they are probably in the same vein...

1) Don't make it about losing weight. We know that's what she wants, but to get there she need to be healthy. Make it about choosing a healthier lifestyle.

2) You say she eats junk food. Make a date with her and cook a meal. If she asks what type of fast food tonight, offer to shop together at the grocery store. Experimenting with recipes could be a bonding experience. (The thing about recipes is that they tell you what to do, so you don't really need to know how to cook to cook because it's all there. If you are unfamiliar with a cooking technique like how to make a roux... that's what Google is for. Everyone can cook, no excuses.)

If she is hestitant, discuss with her the financial benefits of homecooking. Chronic fast food eating is a lot like smoking: an unhealthy and expensive habit. Not to mention saving your tastebuds.

Dieting makes up 15%, at most, of weight loss, everything else is exercise. Please note, a diet is a permanent lifestyle choice, not a temporary weight loss binge. Calorie counting is the best form of dieting for the purpose of losing weight, but it's very tedious and requires commitment. It's much easier to just aim for small to medium sized well-rounded meals, three times a day or more. Small healthy snacks in between to stifle hunger. You could get together to decide on recipes or meals for the week ahead so there is less fumbling about when it's lunch or dinner time. And don't forget the vegetables!

3) Walking. Buy two cheap odometers (you can buy them for less than 5$) and compete with each other who can get the most steps in a day, week, or month. A healthy person squeezes in about 8,000-10,000 steps in a day (5+ miles). It doesn't have to be all at once and having the meter there makes you conscious of when you could sneak in a few more steps. Taking the stairs instead of the elevator, parking at the far end of a lot, getting up from the computer every 30 minutes to stretch as recommended to save your back, and taking a casual walk around the block after dinner to digest are all ways to sneak in a few steps. You could even gift her a journal so she can keep track. Or if she's geeky, set up an Excel sheet that calculates averages and totals for the week, month, or whathaveyou.

4) Offer to sign up with her for some beginner yoga classes. Or rent some instructional videos if you both don't have any known injuries and are generally speaking healthy individuals. Just 20 minutes a day, every day, of yoga or stretching can get you into shape. Try making it a morning or evening routine. Not only is this healthy but could add a little spice in bed. (Kama Sutra anyone?)

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dangel

Your girlfriend sounds like mine: started dating, went on the pill, having a good time and eating and drinking too much. After a year of this, she had gained 40 pounds. She too was bummed about it and started diets that would last a week or two, but by year 3 she was 70 pounds heavier. I didn't care and since we've gotten married she totally quit trying to lose weight and has gained a lot more.

In my case I don't mind, I like her the way she is now, but if you don't want your girlfriend to keep gaining I would say something now because it's a slippery slope. Fat Girlfriends

doncalypso

My ex had started to let herself go... Good thing my current girlfriend definitely does a good job at keeping herself fit and looking sexy.

Hell.... now I feel like I need to do a better job at keeping myself fit.

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Delivery Girl

You know... being fit is definately something to shoot for but when "encouraging" someone along you have to be gentle and cautious. My "soon-to-be" ex-husband was very frustrated with me after I had our two children. I am 5'10" and around 190.. I've never been slight framed...I mean in high school I was 155-145(at my VERY lightest) and could bench near my weight...almost 145. I am very athletic and from what people tell me, I'm still hot...even 35-40lbs over weight. My youngest daughter is 22 months and my husband started in on my for not dropping the weight when she was 4 months old! He'd say things like "we're you going to work ou?" "you know if you don't use the gym its a waste of money...if you don't want to loose the weight and just look like THAT, I guess that's your choice...BUT...I don't know if I can handle it." "why are you eating that...have some self control" These may not sound too bad but believe me, everything he said had a severe negative spin on it.
And, I believe you need to give a woman support in a POSITIVE WAY! Reward her...buy her flowers when she reaches a goal she set by herself...DON'T PUSH HER! Let her cry when she's frustrated...and most importantly be involved. When you set a diet together, don't bring things into the house you know is not on your diet. After all, you can only benefit by eating better. Packing her lunch before work is also a great way to support your partner. It's convenient for them because they don't have to think of what might be good later and it gives you an opportunity to write her an encouraging little note an surprise her at lunch. This will also eliminate her need to hit the fast food!
At any rate, nothing will change until she's ready in her own mind to make the shift. I am finally stable in my heart/mind and am fed up with feeling unhealthy and have decided to join 2 exercise classes and better myself...and this time it's NOT to make my husband happy, it's to feel good in my own skin!

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Delivery Girl