visotech

My girlfriend is a bit overweight...The only reason I say that is because she tells me this.

My girlfriend is around 5'6 and 155-160...When we first got togather a year and a half ago she was more like 145 - but at the time she was comming out of a "depressed-like" stage. She attributes some of the wieght gain due to starting to take birth control. Now don't get me wrong, I love her, think shes hot, and have no problem with her reguardless of her size. Every time we go shopping she complains that she can't find anything in her size because all the cute stuff dosen't fit her, then she starts talking about wanting to start jogging and loose a few pounds. Here is where I come in, how do I encourage her? Every month this topic arises again - every month the last whole year, and she says shell make time for it and all, but she ends up flaking on herself...Is it my territory to help her reach her goals, or should I step back and let her handle it? If I am supposed to encourage her, how do I do it without commenting on her weight? In addition to this she has like the worst diet ever, no balanced meals, fast food, and lots of soda. How do I show her my support, and encourage her?

Honestly speaking, I love her if she was 100 pounds or even if she was 200 pounds....but I would rather see her at a more healthy weight.

Lebell

First, be sure about that very last bit...that you would still love her at 200lbs, because it could happen and if you're gonna bail on her, do it now before you form more emotional attachments.

That being said, you can do/say a couple of things.

Mainly, that if she wants to lose weight, that you support her and will help her AS asked, that you will exercise/walk/whatever with her, but that in the end, your love for her won't change with the addition or subtraction of a few pounds.

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visotech

I can only provide so much support because we are in a long distance realtionship and see eachother every 3-4weeks. But I plan on being fully committed for when I spend the summer with her - Im willing to exercise with her as well.

liquidlight

If it were me, and by that meaning that I need to lose a few pounds myself, I'd take another angle and start to diet/exercise for myself and just happen to invite her along. That way there's less likelyhood that she'd feel inadequate and then you both have more reason to keep with it.

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visotech

Pretty much my plan for this summer...I want to get us both to start exercising, and if not both then atleast just me. Ive sat around on my ass for the first 2 years of college now, hopefully I can make up for some of that during the summer. Im 5'8ish, 140-145, I wouldn't mind to start running and loose my mini-gut.

visotech

In addition to the initial post....

My gf says shes too busy to exercise or walk, that shes to tired when she gets home. I don't blame her, but her schedual is not going to get any easyer anytime soon, its pretty much on her to do it if she really wants to. Also she has this thing about "running/jogging is bad for you" she says its bad for your knees, so she says she'd rather walk - Ive read that walking = running in terms of calories, is this true?

Ace_O_Spades

Losing weight is about calories in/calories out... period.

Walking doesn't equal jogging over equal distances, but if you walk more it will make up for it. Someone correct me if I'm wrong

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visotech

I found this link:
http://answers.google.com/answers/threadview?id=6381

Martel

If she doesn't want to run, look into a gym for elliptical machines. If you guys are in school there's probably some you could use for free, otherwise local gyms are always running super promotional cheap stuff.

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Mr_Tickles

those elliptical machines are a god-send... the difficulty i always found (in being a chubby chappy) was that my knees would start hurting after running for a while. Those elliptical machines are a great non-impact form of excercise.

Now if I could only get back to that gym...

cowgirl02

Starting the birth control probably was a big factor in the weight gain i know when i statred birth control i did gain about 10-15 lbs. But as someone else has already said you start exercising and dieting FIRST then ask her if she would like to join you that way she does not think that you are just trying to say "hey you need to be on a diet and you need to exercise"

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Apache

I have to say that this sounds so much like me and my husband. I was 120 pounds when my husband and i met. Loved the way i looked, then the birth control pills happened. I went from a size 6 to a now size 12. I get so down on myself, I hate to see pictures of myself, and im the same way as your girl when it comes to shopping. My husband loves the way i look regardless and he wants me to wear cute clothes (like i used to)instead of just jeans and a t-shirt. BUt when we go into a store it seems that everything cute ends at about size 6/7, then that just upsets me more. I too always get on a kick about losing weight, but can't stay motivated enough to do it.
I think your doing your best. I know that even though I don't feel it and don't understand where he sees it, it always makes me feel better when he tells me how beautiful i am. I think all you can do for her is just be there. Keep telling her you love her no matter what, and maybe you could start working out with her, support her in that way as well. Now that i just had a baby Im finally serious about working out, and it's something we're going to start doing together. I think having someone do it with me rather than setting back telling me how i need to do it will help me to stay comitted this time.

Sage

I think your girl has more issues with herself than with her weight-

Has her libido decreased any? Some of her negative self-image can come from the way the hormones fuck with your head.

That said, has she ever taken a health and wellness class? she can exercise all she wants but if her eating habits dont' change she's not going to lose weight. Look for a good getting started with exercising book and perhaps give it to her as a gift of encouragement, telling her that you support her and want to do all you can to help her stick to her committment.

Women are beautiful at any size- it's a shame that more women don't realize this!

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SparklingDot

Does she have a friend at home that would be willing to walk with her? If you turn exercise into a social activity, it goes by faster and is more enjoyable. Going for an after dinner stoll is great. What if you two took a cooking class when you're together this summer? If you learn to cook / eat well, not only is it valuable couple time, but it is a great skill to have. Or even just buy a cookbook and take turns making dinners. And as far as soda goes, less is more. Why not try turning her on to tea or something without so many empty calories. The more educated she is about what she puts into her body, the better.

I know that weight is a touchy subject, so tell her that you are interested in getting healthy too. Not so much to lose weight, but to have a better quality of life. Its for both of you.

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Sweetpea

She's either going to lose the extra weight or not . . . that's up to her and it's a personal choice . . . no one can motivate a person to get fit and stay fit except themselves . . .

You can help encourage her by taking walks with her and being more active, that would be a good supportive thing to do.

But honestly, just enjoy her as she is

Sweetpea

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visotech

Yeah decreased libido - I'd attribute that to bc.

And yes she did take a nutrition class, but I think she was so self concious of her bad diet that for class exercises when you calculate your calories and things, she just made them up instead of using her real statistics.....I was like

thalakos315

if she really wants to lose weight, help her anyway you can.

personally, i'd suggest going to the gym yourself (excercise is never bad regardless of what shape your in) ask her if she wants to get a membership and go with you. if your doing it for you, she'll most likely be more motivated as it would be supportive to you. also, cook for her not only does this earn you points, but it makes it a lot easier to monitor what exactly your putting in your body.

exercise is good for the mind as well as the body. it can keep a person from becoming depressed, and will help ensure self confidence. its one of those things that once you've started, its easy to keep it up.

little_tippler

I think your girlfriend is feeling sorry for herself and making excuses. She wants to loose weight, but is talking herself out of it. If she doesn't have the energy, it's probably because she isn't more active. Active people have more energy generally than people who are not. She has to put in the effort...it's not ever going to be a piece of cake. I know, I'm trying to do exercise regularly and sometimes I just want to stay in bed and not go to the gym. But when I do I really feel better about myself. At the end of the day it's up to her...suggest she tries an activity she enjoys, not jogging. If she doesn't like it she'll just give up. Swimming is my choice, great all round exercise and it doesn't cost so much to go to your local pool.

As for you broaching the subject with her...try to bring it up in a camouflaged manner, like when she mentions exercise or food, whatever. Just never be blunt about it. Maybe if you go with her it'll give her the incentive she needs, company is great for distracting you from how self-conscious you might feel to start with.

One more thing...what's with the totally unhealthy diet? I know you want to be nice, but if she only eats junk, refuses to exercise, and then brings up dieting and that she wants to loose weight...uuuh she can't really talk before she's even trying at all. One healthy meal a day to start, come on. How hard can it be? Baby steps. Good luck to you.

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StarCrossed

Take it slow; start with healthier eating. I'd have to say thats easier than "feeling the burn". Then after that, get into the physical aspects of getting fit. And if you ever bring up the excercising thing to her, and she snaps off, talking about, "why, you think i'm fat"? Tell her it was her idea, and your not the one that cares about that issue.

actinic

Since the birth of our son, she's about 30lbs heavier than before she was pregnant. I absolutely still find her damn sexy as ever. She can't get out to the gym or do the typical excersize routine as my work has gotten busy and she's basically at home.

Anyhoo, to the point. After breakfast, lunch and dinner, we go for a 15-30 min walk around the neighborhood. As spring is here, were getting some ideas of for her/our gardening projects. Kinda difficult in your case Vis as you are no close to your beloved. When you do go to see her, go for that walk after a meal or snack. We have found that our energy levels have increased and overall less stressed over our day to day stuff.

Just another idea to add to the others.

visotech

Thanks for the advice guys/gals, I think your right, it is a lack of motivation, and It would probably help motivate her if I start doing these things myself and try to bring her into it.

cellophanedeity

I'm pretty much the same as your girlfriend in this situation.

We started dating, and then I put on weight. For me it had little to do with birthcontrol, as I've been on it for acne since I was fourteen.

There's a line in a Barenaked Ladies song that goes "She's like a baby, I'm like a cat. When we are happy we both get fat" I've noticed that a lot (not all of course) of the very comfortable people in relationships put on a bit of weight. Not nearly as much as either your ex or I did, but still some.

It's difficult to get motivated. I don't know about your girlfriend, but going to the gym makes me feel even worse about myself, and then I eat more. Walking tends to be my only exercize, and now after a year or so of being overweight, I've decided to do something about it.

It's hard for us. Be patient.

n0b0dy

I am in the very same boat with my GF, and she knows i would love her if she did weigh 200 lbs. But what I do is I try and help her decide what to eat, and I ask her alot if she wants to go jogging or swimming. Keeping active and eating right is key. Plus if you both do it you will be spending more time together and starting a common intrest.

Plus this also means she builds up a bit more stamina in bed =]

Cimarron29414

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alec

I think someone said 'Women are beautiful at every size'. But unfortunately, women are not healthy at every size. A 15 pound fluctuation over a year isn't bad though, but there are two main reasons this could be occuring.

1) Diet
2) Lack of exercise

Regarding the first, do you go grocery shopping with her? Do you eat healthy as well? What kind of foods does she typically consume? Does she typically eat out? It only takes a couple of questions and realizations to figure out what could be sufficating her diet and causing her to gain weight.

On the second, it is understandable that people may not have time during the week. But there are always little things. Like walking up stairs instead of taking elevators, if you're in a city, walking places instead of driving. On the weekends, finding somewhere nice to jog or walk for an hour instead of watching TV.

I had a similar situation to yours where my girlfriend was not very healthy. She was typically southern and loved fried food and disliked exercising. It's just a matter of being there and putting the right ideas into a positive light.

alec

I completely agree. People much rather eat their excuses than swallow the facts about how they came to be a certain way.

I have been with a few girls who constantly complain about their weight and size, but this person doesn't seem to be one. But if does get to that point, you really don't have a choice. One of my rather more honest ex's said to me 'if I ever start to add weight, just tell me. I may get angry at you for a while, but in the end I'll appreciate it and I'll look better.' So that's pretty much my philosophy, but that may not work with everyone.

irseg

You should do things like riding bikes or taking long walks. Basically things that are reasonably fun, involve spending time together, and will get her some exercise too.

And next time she brings up how she's overweight, you should mention her diet and help her change that. Look at healthy eating forums online with her, go grocery shopping together and help her pick out healthy foods that are easy to make, and so on. Personally I used to live off fast food and TV dinners. I of course realized that they weren't the healthiest things to eat, but when I noticed I was starting to get kind of hefty I began comparing their nutrition info with that of healthier foods. That was a hell of an eye-opener! I lost about 15 pounds when I cut that crap out of my diet.

visotech

As an update, we talked about it a few weeks ago, and she said "when i get settled into this quarter i will start walking everyday"....Its the end of the fourth week of this quarter, no progress. If I bring it up she is going to complain about how busy she is at work - but when she gets home shes not on work time...bah. Its hard for me to even encourage her and say "hey lets go take a walk" because im 400 miles away.

Disk_Pusher

If it's a long distance relationship, that can be difficult. I know when I was around 170 I whinned to a friend, and they asked me to join the beginner lacrosse team. Lost about 20 pounds just getting in good enough shape to run the field.

Working out, imho, sucks. It's borring and long. Doing an activity really helped, because it wasn't work, it was play. That and I found myself thinking more about the game and less about how hot, sweaty, and miserable I was.

My other sugestion would be power yoga. When I moved back to California, I couldn't find many people in my area (Victorville) to play with. Ok, couldn't find any. :-P I started doing power yoga and an hour and a half of that when you wake up or when you come home from work is simply divine. Combined with some basic stuff (pushups, squats, calf raises) it worked some minor miracles. Still, nothing beats running.

Siege

if you know any of her friends, you can encourage them to work out together!

working out is so much better (at least for me) when i'm working out with someone i know because: a) it allows us to alternate sets b) we can talk about random stuff and it helps distract you (only on treadmills! not for weights!) c) they can help push you to go that extra 5 min on the tread or lift that extra rep

jRuntlets

I'm 5'9" (was 150), and I found the quickest way to hurt myself from losing in weight was to say I'm going to diet and exersize to lose weight.... NO NO NO! Instead of doing it that way you (and your g/f) should think of something you really want to do but aren't in shape for... a big rock climb, a big hike... something like that.

Once I thought of the whole activity of losing weight in another light, called getting in shape I felt better. I'm actually only down to 145-148, but guess what? I've dropped some pants sizes and my body LOOKS fantastic! Why did I do it? Because I have a young horse who really has more stamina than I do, so I decided I needed to hit the gym and build up my stamina and strengthen my muscles for those long wild rides. Once it wasn't about the weight it was easy to kick it in high gear, now I can ride my horse longer and better.

Muscle weighs more than fat you know!

I second everyone who has said that you should talk about starting a program for yourself, invite her to join. Look it as an aspect of removing junk food from your diet and adding fruits, veggies and lean meats and then hitting the gym to increase stamina and strength.

The more people tend to fixate on not being fat, the more then tend to get anxious and give up too easily!

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phathom

ok, first off I would absofuckinglutely love it if my gf was 5'6 and 150-160 pounds, shit my gf is more like 5'9 and closer to 300. SHIT! I would love it if I were in your shoes just physically. If your gf is complaining about that, she has it wrong, there are thousands of girls who would die to be what she is, mine included. Don't get me wrong she has everything else going for her, but that frame is nothing to be ashamed about. Good for her to want change for the better, but for a lot of people that is the better.

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Carno

Ugh... women and their weight. They love to bitch about it, but not many actually do anything about it. You're probably not going to push someone into losing weight, they have to want to do it for themselves. If your girlfriend continually makes excuses or keeps putting off working out, she's not serious about losing weight. At all. And you're probably not going to be able to motivate her.

If I were you, I'd start working out, and just hope she joins you. But if she's content to eat shit food and be lazy, there is not much you can do.

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Craven Morehead

^ Its not just women, everyone bitches about their weight but few actually will do the right things to lose it.

She's going to have to want to do this or it will never work. And she doesn't sound like she wants to.

Toaster126

Quoted for truth.

It's pretty simple. You lose weight by modifying diet and exercise. She doesn't seem willing to do that because it is too much work. Instead, she wants to complain that she isn't happy with her weight. I would expect her to continue to gain weight. The catch-22 of the situation is that as she gets bigger, it will be harder to get back into shape, resulting in even less motivation to drop pounds.

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Jinn

You mean I can't just wear one of those 'electic belts' that shocks my abs into a six pack in just 30 minutes a day? Sonovabitch..

It's actually amazing how many people don't put together these three thoughts.

I want to lose weight.
To lose weight, I need to eat less and exercise more.
Since I want to lose weight, I will eat less and exercise more.

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Sho Nuff

Tread very carefully. You are more likely to offend her and make her self concious than have any positive motivational effect. Been there.

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Suave

You don't even need the east less. Just exercise more. Eating less can (unless you specifically have an overeating problem) lead to malnutrition. I'd venture to say that most slightly overweight people do not have an eating problem; they have a moving problem.

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