Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community  

Go Back   Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community > The Academy > Tilted Sexuality


 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 04-07-2004, 10:50 PM   #1 (permalink)
Upright
 
Another quandary to split your heads over

Hi all. Another new guy here.

I'm sorry in advance if this has been done a million times before but I really feel the need to get it off my chest. I've also seen some of the great advice thats been given out and hope to recieve the same here.

I'm in a bit of a predicament. You see, I met this girl a year ago and we just sort of clicked. At least I believe we did. We did just about everything together and I felt like I could tell her anything about myself. A feeling I was just really new to. I know I loved her and I know she loved me. I honestly believe that our feelings for each other are true. It may sound silly... but I do believe that she's the one. I thought things were going great until she told me she needed some time to work on herself. I wish I could say I was supportive of her decision but I was just so afraid of losing her to someone else so.. I kept pushing for something more. Something I regret to this day. She later told me that she didn't feel the same way about me anymore(because of all the pushing) and that all she wanted now was to be friends, something I didn't take very well. We remained friends but it was really awkward for me because I still felt the same way about her. And so months passed.

She recently revealed that she never really stopped loving me and the reason why she said she didn't love me was because she just wanted to do what she thought was right for me. Did I mention that she also fell in love with someone else during the months? She thinks that it was a bad idea to tell me about it but I'm sort of glad she did. You can't leave anything to chance, right?She still loves him and remains to be in that relationship and I think she still loves me( she won't really tell me if she does or not anymore because of the whole it was bad to tell you how I feel part). I'm not exactly sure where I stand with her now. I'm pretty much at a loss here. I still love her more than anything and she means the world to me but if she doesn't feel the same way then what am I supposed to do?

thoughts? advice? questions?

p.s. im sorry if im not making much sense. i blame sleep deprivation
tarman is offline  
Old 04-08-2004, 02:15 AM   #2 (permalink)
Addict
 
Location: In the id
Are you a writer? Anyone else think what he wrote flowed well?

Back on subject. She was probley messing around with the other guy when you two was twogetter. Now she finds out the grass wasn't greener and wants to come back. Just a guess.
iamnormal is offline  
Old 04-08-2004, 03:41 AM   #3 (permalink)
Insane
 
Curious if you've seen anyone since she left or hadn't really pursued anyone due to stil having strong feelings for her? My suggestion would be to let it go and move on. Coming to you saying she still loves you, but I also still loves the guy she's with and that she has no plans to end that relationship seems to me more of a mind game to keep you at arms reach when it doesnt work out because you're safe so to speak.

Don't get me wrong, you should be there for her but as a friend. If she keeps on with the "I still love you.." stuff, myself i'd have to say something about it and if she continued then really i'd have to go my seperate way after awhile. Makes it hard for you to move on and in the end could end the friendship.

Who knows down the road you guys may hook back up if it's meant to be, but i'd suggest time for you to clear your head of her. Different experiences & relationships you have throughout life only help you to bring more to the table and make it that much better when you do finally find the right one.
Roark is offline  
Old 04-08-2004, 04:59 AM   #4 (permalink)
Upright
 
Quote:
Originally posted by iamnormal
Are you a writer? Anyone else think what he wrote flowed well?

Back on subject. She was probley messing around with the other guy when you two was twogetter. Now she finds out the grass wasn't greener and wants to come back. Just a guess.
Do I sense sarcasm?

Also, I know for sure that she wouldn't do that.

Quote:
Originally posted by Roark
Curious if you've seen anyone since she left or hadn't really pursued anyone due to stil having strong feelings for her?
I haven't seen anyone since then even though I've had a chance to a few times. You're dead on with the strong feelings. I just feel like I can't see anyone else because it just wouldn't be the same.
tarman is offline  
Old 04-08-2004, 06:29 AM   #5 (permalink)
Registered User
 
skysooner's Avatar
 
Location: Oklahoma
Speaking from long experience here.

It is time to move on for at least a little while. Don't do it looking backwards (towards your relationship with her) either. Much of life not only has to do with feelings but timing. Her "time off" to work on herself is a bit suspicious to me. It sounds like she was having some thoughts about the relationship and wanted to date around. Relationships are not only built on your feelings for each other but communication and the maturity to handle it. It sounds to me like you guys aren't quite at the great communication stage yet (maybe due to her maturity or both of yours). This could work itself out over time. The best thing to do is just let her go and do her own thing. If it so happens that circumstances allow you to get back together later, great, but the danger in this is that you guys already have an established pattern in your relationship. It is awfully difficult to break the mold and learn new behaviors. It is possible, but you both must work at it or it will fail.

From my own experience, going back to an old relationship just never worked. However we both made the mistakes I mentioned above. In my own long marriage now, we have had parts where we both wanted out (early on) since we weren't communicating as well as we should. However, in a marriage, it just isn't as easy to "leave" and we both always really loved each other. We worked it out and developed new patterns of communication that have served us well over the last 8 years or so.
skysooner is offline  
Old 04-08-2004, 07:54 AM   #6 (permalink)
TFP Mad Scientist
 
doncalypso's Avatar
 
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Quote:
Originally posted by tarman
...I thought things were going great until she told me she needed some time to work on herself. I wish I could say I was supportive of her decision but I was just so afraid of losing her to someone else so.. I kept pushing for something more....

...Did I mention that she also fell in love with someone else during the months?...

...I'm not exactly sure where I stand with her now...
No offense intended, son, but I think she played you.

That whole bullshit about her needing time to "work on herself" was a lame excuse for her to tell you to take a hike. And your persistance in trying to get something more out of it only served to make matters worse.

That woman never loved you... she only said so to feed your ego and lull you into a false sense of security. Trust me, son... you're much better off without her, so do yourself a favor and keep her out of your mind.

I apologize if I sound too harsh and cruel, but the truth is that you weren't enough of a challenge to her, and women are turned off by men who don't offer a challenge.
__________________
Doncalypso... the one and only Haitian Sensation
doncalypso is offline  
Old 04-08-2004, 09:26 AM   #7 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Eclipse26's Avatar
 
Location: My own private world
Quote:
Originally posted by doncalypso
That whole bullshit about her needing time to "work on herself" was a lame excuse for her to tell you to take a hike.
I'm not sure how fair that is to say when we don't have her side as well.

I know that I did this myself not long ago because I just had too much on my plate. I was undergoing counseling for some trauma and it felt like there was way too much pressure coming from the person I was with. Pressure for more than I could give at the time. He couldn't deal well with the emotional ups and downs I was having and I eventually broke things off with that exact premise. I needed to work on myself and get it together before I could add value to any relationship.

So...I dunno. Do you think she played you...or did she have genuine stuff going on?
__________________
What the damn
Eclipse26 is offline  
Old 04-08-2004, 09:35 AM   #8 (permalink)
Upright
 
I think the take a hike part rings true but I'm not so sure about needing time to work on herself being bullshit. She really had a few things going on and I just wasn't being very supportive of her.

Seeing as how you were in a similar situation you might be able to help me some. Do you think things could have worked out had they just talked about it or would they have gone south anyway? Do you still love him? And finally, where is he now?

Last edited by tarman; 04-08-2004 at 10:05 AM..
tarman is offline  
Old 04-08-2004, 12:40 PM   #9 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Eclipse26's Avatar
 
Location: My own private world
Quote:
Originally posted by tarman
Seeing as how you were in a similar situation you might be able to help me some. Do you think things could have worked out had they just talked about it or would they have gone south anyway? Do you still love him? And finally, where is he now?
I think that over time things would have eventually gone south regardless. I had too much to deal with and wasn't focusing on a relationship with him in the same way he was with me.

I still have feelings for him, but that doesn't mean we should be together. It hurts me sometimes because I really do care, but I realize that you can love someone and not be with them simply because it wouldn't work.

He's still around and someone I consider a very good friend. I feel bad that I hurt him and after reading what you've said...I realize I must exercise caution with him. I'm with someone else now and I know that has to be painful for him, but I think he understands that I'm just trying to find happiness...the same as everyone else.
__________________
What the damn
Eclipse26 is offline  
Old 04-08-2004, 12:59 PM   #10 (permalink)
Pissing in the cornflakes
 
Ustwo's Avatar
 
Quote:
Originally posted by doncalypso
No offense intended, son, but I think she played you.

Trust me, son... you're much better off without her, so do yourself a favor and keep her out of your mind.

I apologize if I sound too harsh and cruel, but the truth is that you weren't enough of a challenge to her, and women are turned off by men who don't offer a challenge.
Ding, ding, ding, my thoughts exactly on all points.
__________________
Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host

Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.
Ustwo is offline  
Old 04-08-2004, 01:43 PM   #11 (permalink)
Condition: Stable and Improving
 
Skettios's Avatar
 
Location: Finger on the little red button.
Whenever I read something like this, where I hear about a relationship, but I don't hear about anything physical, I wonder what kind of relationship it was to begin with.

Son, were you gettin any? Not to be crass, but it changes the whole dynamic of the relationship. By gettin any, I mean, anything past making out. Cuddling doesn't count.

No matter what you need to get over your 'one-itis'. She's not the only girl in the world, and your relationship will be much healthier if you keep that in mind.

If this girl can keep your attention, and spend time with the other guy, she's going to. Don't get made the fool by some girl, it's not worth it.
__________________
Convictions are more dangerous enemies of truth than lies.

Frederich Nietzsche

Skettios is offline  
Old 04-08-2004, 03:38 PM   #12 (permalink)
:::OshnSoul:::
Guest
 
If you love them, respect them, let them go. If it's meant to be, it will work out. All things happen for a reason. You did what you did with purpose, don't regret it or beat yourself over it. Move on.
 
Old 04-12-2004, 07:18 AM   #13 (permalink)
Upright
 
So I've been talking to her in the past few days and I'm pretty sure that whatever she was feeling about me has dwindled to nothing. Don't really know how I feel about anything right now. I understand that she may not be the only girl in the world, but I'm quite certain that she's the only one I will feel that way for. I don't know how to explain it because it certainly doesn't sound logical. I'd really like to stay her friend but then I know as long as I feel this way I'm not sure if thats possible. I just wish there was some way I could show her how much I truly do love her. Would that change anything? Probably not. I'm certainly not making things easy on her. I'm in a constant state of turmoil and pretty much hassling her to do something. What it is I'm hassling her to do even I don't know. She loves him more. And thats all she wrote. Life goes on.

I really appreciate the feedback I've gotten so far and ask that if you have any more words to add, please do so.

[/ramblings of a madman]
tarman is offline  
Old 04-12-2004, 08:13 AM   #14 (permalink)
Addict
 
Location: In the id
I wasn't being sarcastic. I like how you write but I am messed up in the head.
iamnormal is offline  
Old 04-12-2004, 08:23 AM   #15 (permalink)
Upright
 
I'm just highly cynical. No offense intended.

Quote:
Originally posted by iamnormal
..but I am messed up in the head.
Who isn't?
tarman is offline  
Old 04-12-2004, 11:34 PM   #16 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: Sydney, Australia
Quote:
but I'm quite certain that she's the only one I will feel that way for.
Nothings certain but death and taxes. The population of the world, as at 5:35pm Australian Eastern Standard Time was: 6,360,103,309. Surely you can find someone else.

If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, then it was meant to be. Otherwise, meh. Move on, or you will ruin the rest of your life moping. My $0.02
__________________
People who have no faults are terrible!

Last edited by End User; 04-12-2004 at 11:36 PM..
End User is offline  
Old 04-13-2004, 11:19 AM   #17 (permalink)
Upright
 
I had a two year relationship with my ex and it ended with her deciding that she needed time to find herself. She wanted me to remain as a friend and I did. For the first few months I tryed continously to get back with her. She told me she still loved me. Wondering why we couldn't work with whatever she was going through together. It did nothing but annoyed her, for I believe she felt that I was not respecting her wishes. I tried to remain her friend, hoping for the day that she'll return to me...but it was just too painful, the most pain I had ever felt in my entire life. It went on for awhile until I could no longer bare it, I silently went away without saying goodbye and never contacted her again. It was by far very difficult to get over her and it has been a year now and I'm unsure if I see her again now would I still have feelings. I try to put the situation in a different perspective, if it really was meant to be then perhaps in the future it might happen. I'm not throwing the love i have for her away, simply setting it aside because the timing is not right.

I understand that it is very hard for you especially since she did say that she still loved you, something that prevents closure. Give yourself some time, it'll heal..that's my promise to you. When you break up with someone you have great feelings for, you usually dont want anyone else but really there will be other girls out there for you. Relationships are just apart of the experiences we get in life.

If you need something to get your mind off, I can suggest weightlifting. It'll rebuild your confidence and it is a great antidepressant. I hope you feel better and wish you the best.
destinedone is offline  
Old 04-13-2004, 11:43 AM   #18 (permalink)
face f$cker
 
Location: canada
let me guess....you are either in highschool or early college??? This sounds like the first true love...that goes bad......and leaves one person a torn mess. Move on dude.....it's tough......go rent the movie 'swingers' and watch it like 4 times....you'll get it..... And if you are worried that she was the only one or true love....just wait and see what comes along next...it will only be better!!!
hossified is offline  
Old 04-13-2004, 11:53 AM   #19 (permalink)
Upright
 
She comes and says "I love you and do really have feelings for you....I'm going out with Brett now though, call me later."

Shes just keeping you around as an ego boost and as a backup if and when things go south for her relationship, or when she needs something done that her current BF won't do for her (moving, shopping, whatever)

Move on, dude. Take some "me" time and forget about her. Don't fall for any tricks when she realizes you're not wrapped around her pinky anymore
wraith41 is offline  
Old 04-13-2004, 12:58 PM   #20 (permalink)
Here
 
World's King's Avatar
 
Location: Denver City Denver
Okay... my girl (pictured to the left) said the same thing to me. "I just can't do this right now. I'm very busy with my own life and I don't have time for you and it's not fair for me to drag you through all this."

I flipped shit. It's not an easy thing to go through. Goin' from the most important person or thing in someone's life to a pile of shit that they toss aside.

All I can say is... If you have the will power you need to run away. Anyone that needs to "take a break" was never there in the first place. See, I don't have the will power so I'm still pushing. Don't be like me. Find someone better.
__________________
heavy is the head that wears the crown
World's King is offline  
Old 04-13-2004, 02:05 PM   #21 (permalink)
Fly em straight!
 
water_boy1999's Avatar
 
Location: Above and Beyond
I feel your pain. I have had the same "i'm so busy", "I need time to work on myself", "I still love only you" excuses too many times. I used to not take the hint. Now I do. They are trying to save you the emotional trauma by letting you off easy. It never works that way. If she truly loved you and wanted to see things through with you, she would find a way to make it work.

My last girlfriend I was truly head over heals in love with. She was also going to law school. A few months of hot and heavy soon dwindles to those same excuses aforementioned. She told me that "when I do have time to date, I ONLY want to date you." Yet, she found tme on weekends to go wakeboarding with other guys on their boats, go on weekend ski trips with her girlfriends, and out almost every night of the week she wasn't studying. To top it off, we were still sleeping with each other for a few months after she broke it off...I thought I was still in her life but I wasn't. She was fucking someone else as well and wasn't being straightforward with me.

I say move on. It hurts bro, but you are better than that.
__________________
Doh!!!!


-Homer Simpson
water_boy1999 is offline  
Old 04-14-2004, 03:51 PM   #22 (permalink)
Upright
 
Quote:
Originally posted by The Original King
Goin' from the most important person or thing in someone's life to a pile of shit that they toss aside.
I am gonna say that that is the worst feeling in the world. It's right up there with getting your testicles gnawed off by a tiger.

Last edited by tarman; 04-14-2004 at 06:40 PM..
tarman is offline  
Old 04-14-2004, 04:09 PM   #23 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: Flying over your house
Quote:
getting your testicles gnawed of by a tiger.

lmao
__________________
I can't believe I ate the whole thing!
tkkfan is offline  
Old 04-14-2004, 09:19 PM   #24 (permalink)
lost and found
 
Johnny Rotten's Avatar
 
Location: Berkeley
Pacing is everything. If you go too slow, things can get stuck in a rut of casualness and never get out. Try to go to too fast, and you can turn her off.
And sometimes a girl needs a nudge or gentle push to get on the dance floor in the first place. If you don't ask her to dance, she's not likely to walk over and ask you first. Very rarely do people go from hugging to kissing without someone making the first move. So I think she liked you, but never got asked onto the dance floor, and got asked by someone else. Unlike the dancing analogy, you usually don't get more than one chance, or two chances close together, to make that nudge. And the longer you wait, the less interested she gets. Next time, make the move.

Sometimes you really won't know if it's the right time or place, and then she'll surprise you with some steamy, lip-locking goodness. Speaking from recent experience, too.
__________________
"The idea that money doesn't buy you happiness is a lie put about by the rich, to stop the poor from killing them." -- Michael Caine
Johnny Rotten is offline  
Old 04-15-2004, 11:29 AM   #25 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: Atlanta, GA
I agree with a few of the posts here so far.

First, she probably played you, yeah. Similar thing happened to me about two months ago.

Though a similar thing also happened to me about a year ago, and that was a little different. Figured out that she was trying to use me as a backup and kept urging me on to keep me hanging while she figured out whether or not her current relationship was a dead stick.

Either way, I'd get out. Stop talking to her and move on.

Oh, and King's exactly right - going from everything to nothing in a couple second's time has a crushing effect. My last one sent me into a lovely little depression that has now left me trying to fix everything that I let go wrong while I was in it.

Love's a wonderful thing.

(Actually, I'd say that I'm just a lucky guy to have dated these bitches. Love, when you find it, is really quite incredible.)
teph is offline  
 

Tags
heads, quandary, split

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 02:11 AM.

Tilted Forum Project

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
© 2002-2012 Tilted Forum Project

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360