Calypso15

This is kinda embarrassing, but I'm curious if it's happened to anyone else. When my husband and I have sex he pumps me full of air. I can feel the air and pressure as he's pumping away. It's uncomfortable and embarrassing. He doesn't seem to notice it at all. I usually pretend like I'm having the time of my life so he'll finish up quickly. After he's done I expel the air. Yes, I queef or vart which is not sexy. I do that when he's cleaning up. This happens when we are in any position other than me riding him on top. He's very overweight and I'm average/athletic. When I was thin/athletic the air pumping fest was worse. So I'm thinking I'm creating some sort of cup between my legs and with his mass he's creating suction as he covers me pumping the air trapped in between us into me. He has pretty average man parts. Also, I think air embolism. He refuses to lose weight which is another story. Has this happened to anyone else? What are your thoughts?

Vaultboy

Nothing related to his weight, or your thighs. It simply happens because your vaginal opening gets stretched during sex and he pulls out completely between thrusts. Your vagina is then open, letting air in before every thrust. I'm surprised he doesn't notice it - normally a woman's vagina feel cavernous whenever I do this (by accident), so I normally make her queef to get nice and tight again.

__________________
"Failing tastes of bile and dog vomit. Pity any man that gets used to that taste."

Calypso15

Maybe he has no idea he's pulling out all the way. Sometimes when it's really bad I'll stop and say I have to go pee and release the air. Maybe that's why he doesn't notice. I know I do. Then again, maybe he doesn't care.

genuinegirly

First rule to a good sex life: don't fake it. By making it look like you're having a good time when this happens, you're encouraging him to do it. Sometimes men get off on their partners having a good time. This would explain why he "doesn't notice" that you're blowing up like a balloon. You should let him know next time, "let's try it a little different" or "I think it might be more pleasurable for me if you..." find a way to let him know tactfully, assuming you don't want to tell him you've been faking your pleasure.

It doesn't happen when you're riding him because you're in control. You know what makes you go wild. You should find a way to let him know, too.

__________________
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

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Calypso15

You're absolutely right. I don't tell him anything because he will loose his erection. He has difficulty getting one and sometimes maintaining it. He has a low libido and couple that with high blood pressure and obesity I don't want to further add to his problems. I should clarify...I don't fake orgasms. I fake the my enthusiasm. I'm worried about the air issue and his ability to maintain an erection that it's hard to be fully involved. When I am on top I am in control so the air issue isn't a problem. I miss the days when missionary was easy for him. It takes a lot out of both of us but he does not care to lose weight.

Cynthetiq

you can have sex under water that solves it!

be you, and work through it with communication.

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Plan9

I have nothing remotely useful to add but I saw the title of this thread and immediately thought: Forced Air Infucktion.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Calypso15

That sounds like something involving a machine, a vagina or anus...and lots of pain! Then again the first thing that popped into my head was, Air Force One. Don't know why. ::shrugs::

Starkizzer

If you are worried about him losing his erection during sex, bring it up and talk to him about it during a non-sexual time. Just tell him it is something that happens and ask if the two of you could work on figuring out better positions so it doesn't happen.

What man wouldn't like his wife asking to have more sex to experiment with positions?

I, for one, can't handle how it feels when air gets in. It just hurts to me. For us it usually happens when I am on my knees or we change positions in the middle of a romp. If he is pulling out all the way and really isn't noticing, it may be as simple as you changing the angle of your hips.

__________________
Frivolity, at the edge of a Moral Swamp, hears Hymn-Singing in the Distance and dons the Galoshes of Remorse. ~Edward Gorey

purplelirpa

The air is uncomfortable, but I think it's funny when it comes out. Maybe you could ask him if it's ok if he pulls out so you can get the air out. Then you can both laugh about it. "haha vaginas are funny," etc.

No one has addressed this yet, but there's some underlying frustration on your end about his weight and general attitude. Do you think this could be contributing to your negative sexual experience? Maybe the air wouldn't bother you so much if you felt like you could be more open without the fear of him losing his erection. Seems like there's some pressure surrounding that. Do you feel like you can talk to him about these issues openly?

Vaultboy

I saw that too, but decided to just debunk it w.r.t this specific issue. I figure its too early in the new year to raise weighty issues (pun intended).

__________________
"Failing tastes of bile and dog vomit. Pity any man that gets used to that taste."

Calypso15

That's what makes these forums so interesting. Reading tone on text is very difficult. Very observant.

This is really another thread topic. I've never really heard a woman complain of her overweight husband/significant other being sexually unappealing. Men on the other hand are more verbal about having a wife/significant other gain tremendous amounts of weight. I could be wrong here but I'm interested in what y'all have to say.

His weight frustrates me to no end. However he has no intention of making changes. He is happy as he is and feels I should be happy with him too. (He has told me so) He outweighs me by more than 100 lbs. He wasn't always been overweight and was in very good shape. As the years progressed he steadily gained weight. He continues to do so. I've never seen him as big as he is now. He is so big that he struggles to lift his leg to put his shoes on. He's developed hypertension but has no other medical problems. The weight gain is from overeating.

With the weight gain also brought the sex decline. For quiet sometime he couldn't have an erection. Lots of patience on my behalf and resentment building up over the years. The more I wanted to have sex the less he did. He told me that marriages aren't just about the sex. There is love and that he shows me his love in other ways. He started his blood pressure medication and things improved slightly. So I deal with whatever sex I get and make the most of it.

The air pumping didn't start until he passed the 250 mark. He pumps air into me because he can't always penetrate fully. That is why I get on top. Being on top is frustrating as well because he is wide. He gets winded rather easily as well. I maintained a weight of about 120 lbs but put on 10 lbs to see if it would help. It has made me sturdier.

When I posted this thread I really should've written something about his weight. Do women who have sex with overweight guys get pumped full of air like I do? Or does this happen anyway? It didn't happen before. What kind of positions do they use to avoid it? How can you make sex more pleasurable when one partner is large and the other is small? Are there any large men out there who have anything to add to this? Do they have a healthy libido?

What are your thoughts?

P.S. He's always trying to fatten me up.

purplelirpa

It's frustrating to watch a significant other put on that much weight when it's causing health problems and other inconveniences. Doubly so if you aren't gaining weight or dealing with your own declining health. It's similar to watching a loved one being diagnosed with an illness caused by an intake of toxins, like in the cases of smoking or alcoholism. It's easy to blame it on their behaviors, especially when they don't seem to care about the outcome.

Physical attraction is a big deal. Sex is a big deal. Evolutionarily, we are programmed for this to be so. It's difficult to fight genetics, but if you have an open and willing partner, you can try to reach some compromises and be more understanding in regards to each others' needs ("you" in the dual form).

I dated a guy who gained about 80 lbs over the course of the 3 years we were together. He was naturally built to be a big guy--slow metabolism, stocky frame. When we met, he was working hard to be lean and muscular, but he put on a lot fat in the midst of dealing with serious health problems and spiraling depression. His body shape changed, the shape of his face changed, a lot of things were very different.

There were times when I was genuinely disgusted by his attitude and his appearance. That affected my sexual attraction to him, and we just stopped having sex altogether. I picked on a lot of little issues as being the reason, not wanting to admit that I had lost my attraction to him (things like his sweating too much when he weighed more, or smelling different). For a while, I even thought it was something physically wrong with me that was keeping me from being turned on, but the spark that once was there had gone.

As for your original question about air--I've always had air enter my vagina when I am in certain positions, regardless of whether anything is inside of me or not. This was very embarrassing during some of the inverted positions in yoga or gym class in high school! It only happens during sex when I am in the doggy style position, with any size partner.

The man I dated who was overweight was also very strong. He could hold himself up and not crush me with his weight when he was on top, he could also thrust easily, going all the way in and out. What is keeping your husband from entering you completely? Is that due to his erection issues or does he have trouble holding himself up when he is on top?

Ask your husband what makes him comfortable, what positions other than you on top are easy for him? If he doesn't have bad knees, doggy style might help him to not have to put so much pressure on his arms. Also, exercise is great for many reasons, but it certainly helps sexually.

You guys are going to need to really work on figuring out how to please each other. This might require couples counseling to help you listen to each other more. When he tries to tell you that sex isn't important in a relationship, he's discounting your feelings (probably to try to make himself feel less guilty about letting you down). If you love him and want to stay with him, you will need to find ways to accept his weight, not just make allowances for it. It sounds to me like his attitude is a bigger issue than his weight for you, that you've tried to be accommodating with his body changes.

Finally, and I probably should've mentioned this up top somewhere: Have his testosterone levels been checked recently? My ex who had weight gain issues like this also had low testosterone. When he took testosterone shots, his libido went through the roof! Low testosterone can cause a lowered libido and extra body fat. It can be easily fixed with shots, creams, pills--each have their drawbacks and benefits.

Calypso15

You hit the nail on the head. Physical attraction is a huge deal! Sex is an even bigger deal! For some reason he doesn't seem to think so. It's all in the heart according to him.

He had a physical this year we both went. His lab was fine. His only problem is HTN. Otherwise he just finds food more appealing. He refuses counseling. He certainly discounts my feelings and I'm not cool with that. However he does have a knack for making me feel like a horny bitch for wanting sex. Manipulative behavior on his part. It's all in the heart.

He can fully penetrate it just feels like a freight train being rammed between my legs. So I climb on top. Sadly I don't orgasm from doggy but I do love it. It's like a tasty treat.

When I think about how candid you are there are several things you mentioned but the one that stands out is how you felt emotionally. You thought there was something you did at some point. I have thought the same. You felt disgust. I currently feel this way. He smells differently. He breathes differently. He snorts and wheezes. He sweats easily and is greasy. Watching him eat makes me sick. Damn - you know what I need counseling. He's not going to do it... I should. We've been there a long time ago. He stopped going because he felt the therapist was siding with me. He sticks to his guns. It's all in the heart.

I've got some thoughts that I'd like to elaborate on but gotta go run an errand. What made you decide to leave finally?

TheCrimsonGhost

It happens. Thought not as often as for you, but meh, I don't have any advice to give you cause I'm a guy, but I have noticed it many times. usually when I pull my cock out and a strong breeze follows.

MSD

Take a step back. I read your questions, I read the responses, and there's a much more pressing issue than air in your vagina.

You are married to ...
a fat, stubborn, selfish, asshole ...
... who is trying to convince you to make lifestyle choices that significantly increase your chance of serious health issues or death for one or more of the following reasons

-to fit the aesthetic he finds pleasing
-to make him feel better about himself in comparison
-to make you less attractive to other men so there's less chance that you'll leave him for someone else
and you are not only accommodating him, you're compromising your own enjoyment for the sake of his.

This is not a healthy relationship. Not only are you not satisfied, you are unhappy in large part because you are being emotionally abused by a fat, stubborn, selfish asshole who doesn't even pretend to give a shit about how you feel. He needs professional mental and physical help and you need to get him out of your life.

The most you should be giving him is an ultimatum that if he doesn't try to make his own life better and treat you as an equal in your relationship, you're going to divorce his ass and find someone you can enjoy life with while he wallows in his misery until one day he has a heart attack and the paramedics have to wait for the fire department to cut open a wall because he can't fit through the door. But that shouldn't be your problem, and in the unlikely case that he does get his life back on track and manages to become the person you fell in love with, you can always try again and sell the movie rights to Lifetime.

Calypso15

You're absolutely right, we met when I was young. He is 2 years younger than I am though. We have been with each other since high school graduation. Now in our mid thirties things just aren't the same. People do grow apart. We have two kids one will be leaving the nest this May. Our baby will leave the nest in about 6 years. Our problems have been ongoing and have only gotten worse because of his ability to stick with it.

We are on our last leg here. I brought up the vaginal air because it's just one more thing I would like to avoid when having sex since it's embarrassing. It wasn't a problem prior to his weight gain and only got worse as he gained weight.

I agree with you on the fact that he likely wants me to be a fatty so I will be less attractive to the opposite sex and will increase the probability of me sticking around. I've stuck it out for 13 years. I'm not sure why it's taken me so long to realize it but if he is looking out for his needs...and willing to discount me this is absolutely not healthy.

One last note, I spoke with him about our issues and asked him for a separation. He didn't agree, but said, "If we divorce at least it will be amicable." I gave him until the end of the month to leave, and he's making no effort. He is making very subtle efforts to show me he is interested in me. At this point I just think he's disgusting in appearance. He is just not attractive to me anymore. That makes me shallow oh well. It's better he move on to make a choice to improve his health or continue on the path of destruction.

Thanks for your input!

MSD

Ah, you caught my post before I cut the speculation about you meeting while young and inexperienced, good to see my spidey senses are still on target.
You're not shallow, you're just human. He has made himself physically and emotionally unattractive to you. It doesn't sound like there's any love left on your part, but I'll still tell you what I say to anyone who's being abused in a relationship: It's not love, it's Stockholm Syndrome.
That's great. It'll be easier on the kids, you can still get along like civilized adults, and he just gave you even more proof that he's a an abusive scumbag. "But it sounds like he's trying to be mature about it," you might say? He's not.

Abuse, verbal, physical, or emotional, is about control. He's the abuser. you're the victim. Him saying "we can still be friends" is about making you look like the bad guy if you don't want to stay on good terms; it's his last ditch attempt to maintain some control over you after you leave him. Don't give him the satisfaction of maintaining any control over you.

If the kids are minors, fight for custody and explain the situation to them honestly. If they stay with him, he will do everything he can to poison their opinion of you and make you the bad guy because that's what controlling people do when they lose control. Don't try to make him the bad guy in their minds, but give them honest answers if they ask.

edit: more thing going back to the original question - if you can't laugh at a queef during sex, you and your partner aren't having enough fun. Go find someone you can enjoy sex with enough that you can laugh and carry on if it happens.