Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community  

Go Back   Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community > The Academy > Tilted Sexuality


 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 01-05-2011, 12:37 PM   #1 (permalink)
Upright
 
Is There Still Sex After 55?

My wife is 56 and still stunning. I've seen her turn the heads of guys half her age. During our years of marriage I would be hard put to hallucinate a sex act or sexual activity we didn't engage in multiple times. We kept trying to outdo our imaginations.

However, over the course of the last year and a half our sex has dropped off to zero and I mean nothing. My wife is healthy, physically active, not depressed and can still pass for 35. When I ask her what the problem is she says that we've run out of sex acts. I asked her if that was code for "I want a divorce" and she said absolutely not and hugged me like I was disappearing for the last time.

Finally, I asked if she would mind if I looked up some of the women we used to group with to see if they might be interested in a quick roll in the hay with no intention of divorce. She is adamantly opposed to that.

So, what's a guy to do? We went from 25 years of kink to monasticism in 18 months and she wants both of us to simply give up sex altogether. I would appreciate any thoughts on this.
samuel333 is offline  
Old 01-05-2011, 12:39 PM   #2 (permalink)
Drifting
 
amonkie's Avatar
 
Administrator
Location: Windy City
Is she going through menopause? That has the ability to severely affect her hormones and sex drives, though how much varies from woman to woman.
__________________
Calling from deep in the heart, from where the eyes can't see and the ears can't hear, from where the mountain trails end and only love can go... ~~~ Three Rivers Hare Krishna
amonkie is offline  
Old 01-05-2011, 01:57 PM   #3 (permalink)
MSD
The sky calls to us ...
 
MSD's Avatar
 
Super Moderator
Location: CT
You have a sex drive, it's part of being human. If you can't have the sex you want with your wife, your choices are either to be miserable or to have it with someone else. Dan Savage gave some advice to a guy in a similar but not quite so dire situation in podcast 219, it was either the last caller or the second-to-last.
MSD is offline  
Old 01-05-2011, 02:07 PM   #4 (permalink)
Upright
 
amonkie

Thanks for the response. I should have mentioned the subject of menopause. She began it when she was 48 or 49. If anything, it was her most sexually deviant time. Even on hormones she was almost sexually manic and that's saying something for her. Her gynecologist took off the hormones a couple years ago (?) and she seemed fine for a while.

---------- Post added at 05:07 PM ---------- Previous post was at 04:58 PM ----------

Thanks, but in spite of all the sexual activities we engaged in with other people it was always open and above board. It looks like misery may be on the horizon.
samuel333 is offline  
Old 01-05-2011, 03:17 PM   #5 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Well, I'm only 35, but wanted to drop you a note saying I wish you both the best. I'm in a similar situation right now and it's extremely stressful for the both of us. I hope things balance out soon.
ellie is offline  
Old 01-05-2011, 06:15 PM   #6 (permalink)
Junkie
 
james t kirk's Avatar
 
Location: Toronto
So, your wife has lost her sex drive and she expects you to forgo yours? That's not very nice. I find your post somewhat distressing because I don't want to end up in a situation where my sex drive dries up, or my partner's sex drive dries up. Not good.

A couple of things come to mind.

1. Do you think she could be having an affair? Usually one of the dead give-aways to an affair are sudden changes in behaviour. As much as you might poo-poo the idea of your wife having an affair, I can assure you that it is more common than uncommon. You know the old expression, "I was the last to know." Doing a little detective work may be required.

2. There is something medical going on. Upstairs or down.


You need to discuss your frustration with your wife and tell her that although her sex drive has vanished, yours has not and it's not reasonable or fair for her to expect you to give it up.

If the problem persists and sex is very important to you, well, you then have to make some decisions.

1. Is sex important to you? So important that you can not fathom giving it up? If your answer is you could give it up - problem solved. However, if you can't give it up......

1. Split up. As impossible as this might seem, you need to consider the possibility.

2. Subcontract out that portion of the work. (If you want to stay married, I would recommend the services of a professional and keeping it to yourself - depending on where you live of course.) Discrete subcontracting out of that portion of the work allows you the release you need and keeps your marriage intact. Oh, I'm sure that there are those here who will jump all over me, but I'm just being realistic and being realistic can be a bitch sometimes.

Last edited by james t kirk; 01-05-2011 at 06:19 PM..
james t kirk is offline  
Old 01-05-2011, 06:36 PM   #7 (permalink)
Junkie
 
SirLance's Avatar
 
Location: In the middle of the desert.
I think you should see a marriage counselor to find out what's behind her reluctance to be intimate with you. Complete changes like that can be a sign of other problems, perhaps something medical. I don't want to worry you, I just think you should get professional help, and I don't mean the kind that James_T refers to...
__________________
DEMOCRACY is where your vote counts, FEUDALISM is where your count votes.
SirLance is offline  
 

Tags
sex

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 10:08 AM.

Tilted Forum Project

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
© 2002-2012 Tilted Forum Project

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360