Originally Posted by purplelirpa

It's frustrating to watch a significant other put on that much weight when it's causing health problems and other inconveniences. Doubly so if you aren't gaining weight or dealing with your own declining health. It's similar to watching a loved one being diagnosed with an illness caused by an intake of toxins, like in the cases of smoking or alcoholism. It's easy to blame it on their behaviors, especially when they don't seem to care about the outcome.

Physical attraction is a big deal. Sex is a big deal. Evolutionarily, we are programmed for this to be so. It's difficult to fight genetics, but if you have an open and willing partner, you can try to reach some compromises and be more understanding in regards to each others' needs ("you" in the dual form).

I dated a guy who gained about 80 lbs over the course of the 3 years we were together. He was naturally built to be a big guy--slow metabolism, stocky frame. When we met, he was working hard to be lean and muscular, but he put on a lot fat in the midst of dealing with serious health problems and spiraling depression. His body shape changed, the shape of his face changed, a lot of things were very different.

There were times when I was genuinely disgusted by his attitude and his appearance. That affected my sexual attraction to him, and we just stopped having sex altogether. I picked on a lot of little issues as being the reason, not wanting to admit that I had lost my attraction to him (things like his sweating too much when he weighed more, or smelling different). For a while, I even thought it was something physically wrong with me that was keeping me from being turned on, but the spark that once was there had gone.

As for your original question about air--I've always had air enter my vagina when I am in certain positions, regardless of whether anything is inside of me or not. This was very embarrassing during some of the inverted positions in yoga or gym class in high school! It only happens during sex when I am in the doggy style position, with any size partner.

The man I dated who was overweight was also very strong. He could hold himself up and not crush me with his weight when he was on top, he could also thrust easily, going all the way in and out. What is keeping your husband from entering you completely? Is that due to his erection issues or does he have trouble holding himself up when he is on top?

Ask your husband what makes him comfortable, what positions other than you on top are easy for him? If he doesn't have bad knees, doggy style might help him to not have to put so much pressure on his arms. Also, exercise is great for many reasons, but it certainly helps sexually.

You guys are going to need to really work on figuring out how to please each other. This might require couples counseling to help you listen to each other more. When he tries to tell you that sex isn't important in a relationship, he's discounting your feelings (probably to try to make himself feel less guilty about letting you down). If you love him and want to stay with him, you will need to find ways to accept his weight, not just make allowances for it. It sounds to me like his attitude is a bigger issue than his weight for you, that you've tried to be accommodating with his body changes.

Finally, and I probably should've mentioned this up top somewhere: Have his testosterone levels been checked recently? My ex who had weight gain issues like this also had low testosterone. When he took testosterone shots, his libido went through the roof! Low testosterone can cause a lowered libido and extra body fat. It can be easily fixed with shots, creams, pills--each have their drawbacks and benefits.